Tag Archives: Lillian Ogbogoh

Your Perfection Is Not Required: Lillian Ogbogoh

Opinion No Comments

It’s funny how we think we need to be an expert at everything we do in our lives – that if we’re not absolutely perfect at everything we do, then we have somehow failed ourselves. I am not sure who to hold responsible for this insidious notion but this idea alone has kept many of us from showing up in our own lives, waiting for the illusionary perfect time, perfect weight, perfect skills before being and doing what we want. I recently was in a Pilates class and the instructor said something that made me smile, she said I do not expect you to be perfect, I expect you to be here and improving. I am not sure who told us that we have to work at expert level in our lives, life is meant to be a series of learning moments that we move up a level and learn something else even Tony Hawks had to wipe out multiple times before he became the legend that he is.

How many times have you said you were going to try something new before your gremlins piped up and reminded you that you will look foolish that you didn’t know the steps to be good enough to take the salsa class? Is that just me, I know there is more of us out there that take ourselves out of the running before the game even starts… Okay let’s get it out there, yes you will look foolish, you may crush a few toes and look like a baby hippo trying to pirouette and so flaming what! No one ever died of embarrassment last time I checked.

You are not meant to be at expert level and no one except you are expecting you to be perfect, so cut yourself some slack and show up because that is the only way to go from a newbie to Tony Hawk. Apply for that new role that stretches your abilities and forces you to learn new skills, take on new responsibilities that you will fail fast in and learn how not to do it and move forward. Dare yourself this summer to become a newbie again, go to that class be it Pilates or the French class be willing to fail, you may discover something really awesome about you.

The problem with perfection is that it an insidious little monster, it masquerades like it is your friend asking for the best of the best from you but what it is really doing is getting in the way of you showing up. People, have you ever done something, created something but never shared it with anyone? Because you feel it is not your best offering it has to be perfect, you have to be perfect before you do X, Y, and Z. Before you know it your sweet perfection friend has taken over and keeps you spinning your wheels waiting for that perfect time to do and try something new. Heck, it might not even be doing something new, it may be something as simple as telling someone in your life, what you think or feel. However, you are waiting for that one perfect moment and the situation continues to fester till it blows up like a small volcano.

It is time to know that, no one expects you to be perfect, what is expected is that you show up and learn and participate, life is waiting for you to show up and play. Experience a few wipe outs and get moving again, just remember whenever your perfection monster starts squealing, just remind it that your perfection is not required.

 

First published July 3, 2016

Lillian Ogbogoh’s Podcast With Co-Founder Of The WombRoom

Fertility Awareness Reproductive Health No Comments

Sistas’!  How do we keep our “woman card,” if we can’t or don’t want to have babies?!

Guest Blogger Lillian Ogbogoh “goes there” on her new weekly podcast “Shine Out Loud” in her interview with the co-founder of The WombRoom, Saschan Fearon-Josephs.

Click the link below to hear Saschan recount her story about how complications with a contraceptive method exposed the lack of medical and mental health support women receive when confronting reproductive health crises  and how she copes with losing her fertility after reproductive health medical complications.

Saschan has a vision of ensuring women – especially young women – have the knowledge and confidence to have healthy reproductive lives at all ages.

 

Saschan Fearon-Josephs Speaking for the womb

 

 

Make Room For Your Inner Diva – By Lillian Ogbogoh

Opinion No Comments

Sometimes we find ourselves being the bigger woman, the one who is agreeable, reasonable and compassionate to everyone she encounters. We notice that our default answer is yes to almost every request. Willing to help and being supportive to everyone in our circle and beyond. Now there is nothing wrong with this default mode. I have been there, as well as many other amazing women before and after me. The sticky point with this situation is that we risk not having our own needs met. We are so busy being of service to everyone we put our own priorities on the back burner – in another kitchen!

You want to be the agreeable one, who does not want to rock that proverbial boat, as you watch as that colleague (let’s call him Brad), whose work you cover most of the time, be promoted above you for the second time after taking credit for your work. Now the Brad issue is hypothetical. However, a variant of this plays out daily in the workplace all over the western hemisphere. Do you remember when the award-winning actress discovered that her male counterparts were on a 9% deal while she was on 7% for the same movie and she said in her own words that she did not want to appear spoilt or demanding. Now it is all good and well wearing the “nice one” badge, but not if the price you are paying for that badge is driving you to feel like your desires are not important and inconsequential.

Ladies, I say it is time to awaken the inner diva! For some the mere mention of the word Diva is met with judgement, disparaging guffaws and out-loud eye rolls. Others run for the hills screaming I don’t want to be that type of woman, as if the Diva comes with its own scarlet branding.

So, let’s put this in context. When people normally talk about being a Diva, usually the image of an over the top, over demanding, over bearing actress or singer, who is asking for the outrageous to the ridiculous with high expectations she will receive it all. You see the negative Diva stereotypes play out via reality shows like Bridezilla or any of the housewives of God knows where, and we gasp that we do not want to be that type of woman. Sadly, if only most of us knew that Diva originally meant Divine one….

There is nothing wrong with taping into the inner Diva that lives within, find her, your inner alt-ego, that one who walks into any room as a dazzling light, who knows how to work a room and make her presence felt without diminishing anyone else in the room. In fact a true Diva knows how to cast a light on others in such a way that it makes her the central focus in a well-lit room…. We all have that friend who walks in the room with such energy and power that she shares this with everyone in the room without diminishing her own power…. When you shine, and show up you give others the permission to do the same.

Your inner Diva is highly intuitive. She knows when to extend a helping hand and when to say no because helping at that point would not be good for you. Your diva knows that her energy and needs are important. And, she also knows it is right sometimes to say I am sorry, I can’t do this for you today without feeling guilty because she knows that her needs are important too.

The funny thing all these reality shows have in common is very vocal women demanding the ridiculous and we are shocked when they get it. If we took a step back from the TV show, over the top antics and saw the common factor here is that being vocal pays off, speaking up and asking for what you want. If you are not asking for what you want in your career and personal life you can’t be upset when those needs are not met. It is on you for not speaking out against the hypothetical Brad and his credit stealing ways ….  Let’s put this in context, you are not being ask to turn into one of these Bridezilla’s rather, being able to vocalize what it is you need, when you need it without getting to the point of frustration and boiling point that you unleash the assassin within who slashes everyone in path with her words…

Your inner Diva accepts help from others as well. She knows that everything in life has an ebb and flow. She knows that to give to others, we have to be willing to accept help from others as a way to avoid burn out. She knows that running on fumes is a one-way trip to martyrdom, which is a trip no one wants. So, ladies are you ready to make room for your inner Diva?

Show creator and host:

Shine Out Loud Show

www.shineoutloud.tv

www.twitter.com/lillianogbogoh

www.twitter.com/shineoutshow

Instagram- Lillian Ogbogoh

 

Beware Of The Gaslighter! Guest Blogger Lillian Ogbogoh

Love and Sex No Comments

This is not the first time I have shared this piece on gaslighters but considering the times we find ourselves in, it is a good reminder for us all –  myself included.

The term “gaslighting” is defined by Wikipedia as “…a form of psychological abuse in which false information is presented with the intent of making a victim doubt his or her own memory and perception. It could look like harmless banter – but has aggressive undertones and insults. The perpetrator acts innocent and makes out to the public that he (or she) is clearly misunderstood and it was not their intention to do any harm…. Cue violins and angelic singing.

This concept came about from the Film Noir movie called “Gaslight.” The movie revolves around a conniving husband who wants to get rid of his wife and tries to make her think she is losing her mind by making subtle changes in her environment, including slowly and steadily dimming the flame of a gas lamp. This can happen in romantic relationships and even at work. You know that person who always wants to correct you, tell you that you are somehow wrong either in behavior or attitude. Then when you speak out about the behavior the person acts wounded and deeply hurt.

Gaslighting is a trick narcissists use to maintain control, to make another person feel off kilter. Constantly second-guessing yourself when an incident occurs with a gaslighter, thinking you are over reacting is a sign you might be a target of gaslighting. Robin Stern’s book, “The Gaslight Effect: How to Spot and Survive the Hidden Manipulation Others Use to Control Your Life” discusses the phenomenon.

The book reads, “The Gaslight Effect results from a relationship between two people: a gaslighter, who needs to be right in order to preserve his own sense of self and his sense of having power in the world.”  Do you know that person who always wants to prove him or herself right at your expense? They seem to be adept at making you look like you are overreacting to a simple statement whilst going behind your back to curry favor and discussing you and the incident with a third party trying to get them on their side by altering the history of the interaction in their favor….

This is part of the tricks to make you look like you are the one with the issue, now this can happen between different genders. It’s not a male- female issue. It’s a narcissist’s method of power play regardless of their gender, and the intention could range from self-amusement to something more sinister.  There are several ways that gaslighting can be accomplished. Ever heard of the expression “making a mountain out of a molehill”? The gaslighter can pass comment or judgment on a situation with such conviction that the other person begins to doubt their own perspective. Let me a explain this one a little further. Imagine you are in a meeting or discussion and next thing you feel is that you are under fire but you’re not fully sure what you have done or what caused such a level of vitriol. When you confront the person’s behavior, you are met with denial coupled with a display of righteous indignation. Bringing up historical facts that seem largely accurate but contain minute, hard-to-prove distortions and using them to “prove” the correctness of one’s position is another method. Anything that aids in getting another person to doubt their judgment and backing down will work. The gaslighter has another tool in their bag of tricks and that is going around behind the back of the person they are gaslighting to get people on their side making it look like they are somehow the victim.

So beware of the gaslighter in your midst, the narcissists in sheep’s clothing who is trying to make life all about them and would do anything come out smelling like roses.

Show host: www.shineoutloud.tv

www.twitter.com/lillianogbogoh

www.twitter.com/shineoutshow

Instagram- Lillian Ogbogoh

 

Making 2017 Amazing For You – By Lillian Ogbogoh

Opinion 2 Comments

I know we are almost at the end of the first month of  2017, and most would think that this should have gone out at the start of the year from day 1.  I say Pish posh, we are at the start of the year and post-holiday the best thing would be to catch our breath and pause. So let’s recap, 2016 was an interesting year, yes we will use the word interesting shaking my head not really, we are in a world sans Prince, Bowie and George Michael…

Secondly, I was waiting to see if the world went up in smoke after the 20th of January, and I am happy to declare that there were no four horsemen of the apocalypse, making an appearance. Instead, women globally said no to business as usual, while  Michelle Obama’s face captured the emotion most of the world was feeling and almost broke the internet.

So what comes next? As we slip past the euphoria of New Year. The weird detox programs have started to lose its appeal, you feel at odds with the normal chants of hustle to you break.  And you have ditched the ideas that you most do it the way everyone is. You are now ready to get down to the business of making 2017 work for you.

A friend recently posted a video about minding your own business or as I love to call it minding your own lane, the first thing you have to ditch in 2017 is the idea that you are in competition with anyone, the only woman you have to be better than is the one you were yesterday. Leave the comparison sickness to a minimum by ditching the social media stalking, note all you are getting to see even if they are claiming unfiltered hashtags are their showreel, not the blood sweat and tears it took to get there.

Make goals that spark the very core of you,  not just focus on the business goals,  2017 is about having fun as well what have you secretly wanted to try? Is it that ariel yoga class or learning the tango or becoming a nude model for a still drawing class?

Your goals need to be personal to you, create a vision board that highlights every area of your life. Put your own personal picture in that vision board smack bang in the middle of that board. 2017 is about you taking center stage in your own time to be your own leading lady.

What does your leading lady need? Is it that weekend away, the time to take care of your body and soul, maybe it is you unplugging and spending time with people that celebrate all of you? To make this year rock, look at upgrading what you do and who you surround yourself with.

Get active in 2017 regardless on what side of the pond you are. Find a way to get involved. You may have participated in the women’s marches that happened around the world or you didn’t – you can still get involved in activities that would help other women around the world, like supporting and donating to programs and causes that help women make informed choices about their reproductive rights, like Suzyknew! for starts. Or, you could bring a bunch of friends together to collect sanitary products and donate them to women’s shelters and homeless women across your city.

2017 will be what you make of it, and you have the power to choose how your year will end.

Show host: www.shineoutloud.tv

www.twitter.com/lillianogbogoh

Instagram- LillianOgbogoh

 

The GOOD, The BAD And The WHOLE Emotional State Of You – Lillian Ogbogoh

Opinion No Comments

We have been taught that as women it is unladylike to give into our baser emotions.  I am talking about emotions like jealousy, rage and anger are not something we should do while riding the positivity wave which requires that we wake up each day wanting to high five the sky. All this “positivity” constantly reminds us we are goddesses who make the world shine with rainbow-colored kisses. We should never pause to entertain a negative thought let alone feeling a negative emotion while riding our unicorns with stars in our hair and eating our non-dairy chia puddings… We are currently in a culture of 24/7, nonstop positivity which is being exacerbated by social media in my personal opinion. Pick any social media site, it is filled with one mantra or another for us to be positive or showing people living their best lives. Negative emotions are touted as a sign of weakness and inadequacy.

Goddess, newsflash! Even Aphrodite has off days. Forget off days. She experiences full on green-eyed monster moments. What do you think led to the Trojan war? If you remember the clash of the Titans *The original, not the remake, never the remake 🙂 *. Queen Cassiopeia compares Andromeda’s beauty to that of Goddess Thetis herself, and a full blown jealousy hissy fit takes place, bring the wrath of the Kraken. So, if the Goddesses of lore can experience these emotions, why do you think that you are exempt from these emotions?  Ladies, are we on the same page yet? We all feel these emotions, anger, fear, jealousy, sadness, pessimism, anxiety, guilt. You are not alone, and no, you are not weak or inadequate, you, my dear are just a whole being, we are not designed to be happy 24/7 just as we are not designed to be on the go all the time.  When we are tired, it is our body’s way of saying it needs to rest. When we experience any of these emotions instead of seeing them as negative, how about we look at them as indicators or our own GPS that is pointing us in the direction of what is going on for us and where we are selling ourselves short.

Are you ready for this to pull the covers back on what your internal GPS is telling you? Let’s look at jealousy. Someone once said that “Jealousy is the art of counting someone else’s blessings instead of your own.” ~Unknown… You know that feeling when you click through Instagram, Facebook or having that conversation with that friend who shares with you, her grand news, she is getting married, bought a new house, moving out of the country whatever the news may be, you suddenly feel this tinge within you, as you feel inadequate against her/his achievements.  Here is the truth, you are not alone, just google jealous and the number of blogs on managing jealousy is staggering. So, what is your internal GPS telling you?

Look within:

The issue with jealousy as an emotion is that you are so busy looking at how great others’ lives are going that you begin to discount what is good and wonderful about your world.  All of a sudden these other people are living the Sak’s 5th Avenue life while you have consigned yourself to Payless.  So where are you discounting your fantastic life? Even if it is work in progress, where are you making progress? Like the old adage about other people’s grass and all that jazz. Their grass might be greener because they are watering it. So the question here is where are you starving your god/goddess self of some watering? Where are you neglecting your own life?

Feel your feelings:

With any of these so called bad emotions, they are a barometer of things going on within you and the easiest way to deal with this is not to avoid or pretend like it does not matter because all it will do is fester into a nasty pus filled bag of worms.  🙁  See – not a pretty picture here. Now I am not asking you to wallow in the emotion, rather to consciously face the emotion you are feeling and discover the root of it, asking a few questions of yourself.

Are you that feeling?

Look at what triggered the feelings and ask did you respond with the right magnitude? Or did your Diva come out speaking for you?

Are you playing the victim? Looking to be rescued by that Prince/Princess

You are asking these questions to get clear with you about what you are feeling, as you would find that once you start really inspecting the feelings the root cause will present itself and you can deal with it.

Let it go:

If you are a parent, that phrase will fill you with dread. As you wait for the onset of the Disney song being played on a continuous loop. Aside from the song being used as a form of torture, Elsa has it right as she bursts into song, complete with the attitude the cold does not bother her a bit…. To let it go you are going to have to take some conscious steps here – as it is all too easy to say let it go when you are in the midst of a full-blown anger session and someone says to let it go you are more likely to get more incensed. Elsa’s words are for all of us because holding on to these emotions longer than they are useful for us, they start to consume us and rob us of our magnificence, our self- belief and then we find ourselves in a very vicious cycle of self-fulling negative prophecies.  There are precise actions to take to letting it go:  Change your physical state. When you find yourself in that funky emotional state, move! I’m not asking you to walk up a snow-filled mountain but if that is your thing, enjoy. Whatever moves you, you will find that just simply moving your body forces your brain into rewiring mode. Find something to make you laugh – be it giggling babies or odd cats or that friend you find yourself creating the most hilarious scenarios with. Hey! I’m talking to you! 🙂  Your brain can only actively hold one thought so when you’re focused on happy thoughts you cannot be upset.

So to wrap this all up, your emotions – good or bad –  are all yours in its glorious technicolor form,  and your job is to accept them,  feel them – every single one – to embrace your whole you.

www.twitter.com/lillianogbogoh

Instagram- LillianOgbogoh

 

Your Perfection Is Not Required – Guest Blogger Lillian Ogbogoh

Opinion 4 Comments

It’s funny how we think we need to be at expert level in our lives, that if we are not absolutely perfect at everything we do in our lives then we have somehow failed ourselves.  I am not sure who to hold responsible for this insidious notion but this idea alone has kept many of us from showing up in our own lives, waiting for the illusionary perfect time, perfect weight, perfect skills before being and doing what we want. I recently was in a Pilates class and the instructor said something that made me smile, she said I do not expect you to be perfect, I expect you to be here and improving. I am not sure who told us that we have to work at expert level in our lives, life is meant to be a series of learning moments that we move up a level and learn something else even Tony Hawks had to wipe out multiple times before he became the legend that he is.

How many times have you said you were going to try something new before your gremlins piped up and reminded you that you will look foolish that you didn’t know the steps to be good enough to take the salsa class? Is that just me, I know there is more of us out there that take ourselves out of the running before the game even starts… Okay let’s get it out there, yes you will look foolish, you may crush a few toes and look like a baby hippo trying to pirouette and so flaming what! No one ever died of embarrassment last time I checked.

You are not meant to be at expert level and no one except you are expecting you to be perfect, so cut yourself some slack and show up because that is the only way to go from a newbie to Tony Hawk. Apply for that new role that stretches your abilities and forces you to learn new skills, take on new responsibilities that you will fail fast in and learn how not to do it and move forward. Dare yourself this summer to become a newbie again, go to that class be it Pilates or the French class be willing to fail, you may discover something really awesome about you.

The problem with perfection is that it an insidious little monster, it masquerades like it is your friend asking for the best of the best from you but what it is really doing is getting in the way of you showing up. People, have you ever done something, created something but never shared it with anyone? Because you feel it is not your best offering it has to be perfect, you have to be perfect before you do X, Y, and Z. Before you know it your sweet perfection friend has taken over and keeps you spinning your wheels waiting for that perfect time to do and try something new. Heck, it might not even be doing something new, it may be something as simple as telling someone in your life, what you think or feel. However, you are waiting for that one perfect moment and the situation continues to fester till it blows up like a small volcano.

It is time to know that, no one expects you to be perfect, what is expected is that you show up and learn and participate, life is waiting for you to show up and play. Experience a few wipe outs and get moving again, just remember whenever your perfection monster starts squealing, just remind it that your perfection is not required.

 

Yes, I’m Fragile! Guest Blogger Lillian Ogbogoh

Opinion 2 Comments
Lillian Ogbogoh

Everywhere we turn as women today the virtues of the strong woman are being applauded. From social media memes celebrating the woman who wakes up and moves mountains, she has the eye of Tiger and you hear her roar. And if you know me I am the biggest fan of women owning their voice and carving out her queendom but what if you are feeling less than your wonder woman self?

What if your Tiger’s roar is more of a kitten’s purr? You have experienced some life battering that has left you feeling the F word…. I mean fragile! Shock horror that you actually acknowledge it let alone admit it.  In a daily newspaper in the UK, the illustrious actress Helena Bonham- Carter did just that. She admitted that her divorce left her feeling fragile and not herself, now this sparked off an amazing conversation with a dear friend who we shall call the Fabulous J. which dialed down to this we as women still struggle with the admission of feeling fragile or lost in our lives, there is some odd myth floating about that we are meant to just bounce back from whatever life throws at us while doing the dirt of our shoulder gesture from Jay-Z…… I wonder if he managed that after Lemonade came out but I digress.

You know what it is okay to be fragile to take a moment to feel the loss, the pain, the anger, the grief whatever it is you are feeling in that moment because it is your god given right as an emotionally being to feel and experience your emotions and to deny them only sets you up for a bigger fall down the road. Because all you will be doing is distracting yourself by various means to deny what is going on inside of you and when you deny yourself the freedom to experience those less than stellar emotions, we rob ourselves of the ability to relish in joy, excitement, bliss and even love.

So sometimes it is absolutely necessary to take a moment to own 100% of what you are feeling and if you feel fragile and bruised because some life event left you feeling not yourself. It is unequivocally okay to take the time to heal, as that time allows for introspection and lessons learned making room for you to see the good that can come from that shattering experience.  So here are three tips to help you deal when the sign you are wearing reads “Fragile handle with care!”

                                                             Have the right people to pick up the pieces

During your fragile moments, you are going to need the right people in your corner, be it your blood family, your non-blood family, your BFF or that partner who will let you cry it out, talk it out, while being there for you without judgments and reminding you of who you really and reflecting back to you the magnificence that is you.

                                                            Apply Compassion liberally

Going through the fragile phase is really like the caterpillar going through its pupa stage on its journey to become a butterfly. It wraps its self in silk and, allows the transformation to happen- Imagine if you will that compassion is your silk. Use as directed by your physician, you are not feeling yourself, so what better time to treat yourself like you would your own bestie? This is not the time to berate oneself. Rather, a time to take ownership of one’s actions, feelings and accept them for what they are and let go.  When you find that you are going to that hard on yourself zone, just remember, to apply the soothing balm of compassion. And, if you feel especially cracked and fragile remember that the Japanese have an entire art form around the beauty from things that have been cracked known as Kintsugi. “Kintsugi uses lacquer resin mixed with powdered gold, silver, platinum, copper or bronze, resulting into something more beautiful than the original[1].”

                                                           Feel what you are feeling!

When we are feeling this sense or fragility and I do mean we, there is a feeling of unease. We feel vulnerable, exposed and like china breakable. For most of us, the normal reaction is to pretend the feeling is not there, to run and hide, deflect or distract. According to Brené Brown, these are called our vulnerable moments and, our jobs are to face and embrace the feeling without shifting or distracting. Because by doing we would allow ourselves to experience the joy on the other side of that fragile vulnerable feeling you may be struggling with at this point.

Just know you are not alone with the F feeling. There are people ready in your life for you to put up your hands and say enough, I need to build a pillow fort and hang up the sign that reads I am not myself today, I am fragile right now!

 

www.twitter.com/lillianogbogoh

www.bornforthisjourney.com

 

[1] Definition of Kintsugi http://www.amusingplanet.com/2014/05/kintsugi-japanese-art-of-fixing-broken.html

Why I Created A Book On Failure – Guest Blogger Lillian Ogbogoh

Opinion 1 Comment

On the 5th of March 2015, I launched my collaborative book project to the world. I had curated a project that brought together 26 other incredible people from across 5 continents and we were all speaking about one thing: How we had each failed or had failings that got in the way of us being the best versions of ourselves.

It’s funny that whenever I spoke about creating a book that not only looks at failure but holds it up as being pivotal to success, I got very puzzled expressions and worried filled questions. All echoing the sentiments of why not focus on something successful or have you considered writing on how to be better,  blah! Blah!

So let me get into the ‘why’ behind this book. I had been thinking about how we seem to be living in a time of instant success, instant fame, youtube famers and reality TV stars’ 24/7 revealing of their perfect lives, thanks to all forms of social media. I felt that this case of instantness  is creating a notion that failure is something to be ashamed of and hide. If you had less than ‘post worthy’ success the first time you attempted anything, you failed and sucked at life. To me, it seemed like the world we live in today would have us believe that failure is the antithesis to success.  Yet nothing could be further from the truth. Our failure – no matter where it is in our lives – is the precursor to success. It says to the world we, you, me are trying! We are getting into the mix of things and coming up dirty and yet we are still ready to jump back in and try again.

Ok, that is enough of my soapbox moment. I came up with this book idea holding two intentions in place. One – to shine the light on the fact that  failure happens not just to a select few. No, it’s not just you. And, two – to show that failure leads to amazing discoveries that have the possibility to change our lives and the lives of others. I thought about people we call great and high achievers, people who we hold in high esteem of having  achieved great things. The one thing they all had in common regardless of who they are, their field of expertise or gender, race or age. They all belong to an exclusive club of spectacular  failures. They have all failed not once or twice and yet they got up and created immense success in their fields and for some in new fields, I am talking about Edison, Einstein, Jordan, Jobs, Winfrey, Vera Wang and Gates.  The book was to be a testimony to how the art of failing forward was coded into our DNA hence the cover of the book, showing that we naturally learn through the process of failure and recovery and while we were kids these attempts were celebrated and championed. I’ve never heard anyone saying to a child learning to walk. “ Hmm… you have tripped over your toes five times already, so I don’t think this walking lark is for you!”

No, the child is heralded as a champion for each step he or she takes, especially when they stumble and crash land on their tiny piney. So this was the raison d’etre for the book. This is my why behind bringing 26 other people across five continents to share their stories in a book entitled Born for this! The journey to success in life, love and business. To understand that failure happens, that we will do things in life that may not get us the result we first thought  but we do get an outcome. Secondly, failure is not the result but our reaction to it determines what we see…Oh… and this is the true essence of the book: Failure only happens when we quit!

Have I mastered the art of failing forward and landing on my feet? No, and I don’t think it is a case of mastery, more of a life long relationship of learning and growing and learning how to see the situation for what it is truly away from the ego’s whispering and comparison sickness. And truth be told , I did not feel very successful after launching the book, after the hive of cross continently activities. What most people did not know is that I was in tears as the day drew to a close. I was not celebrating that the high ranking the book had received in two separate categories on Amazon but I was mourning the fact that the book had not become a bestseller. By not reaching the bestseller mark, I had let myself as well as my co-authors down. I felt ashamed and embarrassed as well as the ‘not-good-enough’ feelings that were the essence of one of my chapters. I was plagued with all of these feelings and sensations again. I forgot the two basic recipes for beating back the failure feelings. Not comparing my unique offerings to the  world with that of someone else. Comparison disease is what stops us in our tracks and robs us of seeing the value of what we have done and who we are. I forgot to see the bigger picture that the book being published was a testament to the completion of the idea. The vision was now real, and I forgot to celebrate the many positives because I was focused on the wrong thing. So, if you want to discover stories about how people fail forward and the lessons they learned to change their lives and the lessons I am still using today take a look at www.bornforthisjourney.com

Lillian Ogbogoh

Giving Thanks: Guest Blogger Lillian Ogbogoh

Opinion No Comments

Can you imagine how awesome the world would be if we actually all gave thanks for the things that showed up in our lives? Yes. I know that there are days you just feel like you can’t catch a break, so stopping to be grateful you will rather look for bellybutton fluff  than give thanks or is that just me?

Giving thanks is really important not just as a reminder of all the amazing things that are showing up in your world but it is the best thing to chase away the oh woe is me blues.  Did you know that your brain as amazing as it is cannot hold two opposing thoughts? So when you are feeling a little blue, a quick counting of all things that you can be grateful for  does wonders to change your mood.

So I ask what are you giving thanks for? Sometimes we seem to only count the major things that show up in our lives but recently I have taken to counting everything. From getting a seat on my morning commute to waking up and feeling that I am contributing to others in my circle, I count the amazing friends I have in my corner who are always ready to support me or just be there while am working through a case of the grumps. Are you getting the picture? The things you can give thanks for are numerous and varied and they all go back to why it is great that you are alive and present in the world.

Okay so you are starting to look up from your belly button which is really cool J I am not going to tell you to keep a gratitude journal that you should grab first thing in the morning to list all the possible things you could give thanks for if you did that will be cool as that is an amazing way to keep track of all the amazing things that show up in your world. You could use your keep note option  on your phone to note down what you are giving thanks for.  And the awesome thing about giving thanks the more reason you would have to give thanks it seems to have a doubling effect.

So who and what are you giving thanks for in your life?

www.lillianogbogoh.com

www.twitter.com/LillianOgbogoh