Tag Archives: Lillian Ogbogoh

Why Giving Things Up, Is Not Just For Lent – Lillian Ogbogoh

Opinion 1 Comment

Lent, the period of 40 days that precedes the celebration of Easter, with its origin in the early days of the Christianity. It is considered the way for all Christians to recall and renew the commitment of their baptism. This year instead of giving up my indulgences and so-called vices, just for 40 days I have chosen to do things a little different this year.

Instead of chocolate, my heel wearing ways, or indulging in my favorite past times for the next 40 days, this year I am working on a 300 days give up program!

Starting with negative self-talk, I would treat myself with love and gentleness, no more speaking to me, like I am the enemy. This lent I am giving up on the idea that I am not enough and somehow lacking, it is funny we sometimes hold on to harmful toxic thoughts that flow from the negative self-talk that we indulge in… There have been times that I have looked around in my world while comparing myself to others and felt that I have fallen short of who I needed to be and berated myself for this and this translated into more negative self-talk and more opportunity to beat up on myself. Can you see a pattern forming here one feeds the other?

Instead of giving up my heels for flats this year, I have given up on trying attaining my goals alone, for the next 300 days I am going to connect with and build an incredible network of people that we can help each other to attain our goals collectively. Not just speaking about the concept of being collaborative but really walking my talk and creating from a place of connection to go further and faster with others that share the same vision.

And finally this year I will be giving up fear, fear of being myself the one that truly honors her needs and what she truly desires, the fear of speaking my truth, no matter how uncomfortable it may make someone else or even me.

I will be giving up the fear of failure and try something bigger and brand new, I am going to stop being afraid of what could happen and jump in with both feet, so what if I get wet and end up in the deep end? Well, I can swim or learn to ask for help. I won’t let fear tell me that I don’t know what I’m doing or have me playing keep away from what I really want. So I am giving up on the fear standing in my way of showing up as the woman I truly am. I am giving up on relationships that do not serve my highest good, this means saying goodbye to people in my life who are not adding to my life as friends and they seem to be there just to fill in the numbers, if you are adding no value to my life and I am not adding to yours it is time to call it a day. In fact in the words of Queen Elsa “I am letting it all go”

A lot of people let things go in the observation of Lent and once it’s done slip right back into the things they gave up, 40 days is not enough time to build, hone and own a new habit, I have decided to see what would happen if I choose to do something different and work on a new habit for 300 days instead of 40? Also this is not about what stripping away what gives us pleasure rather a conscious giving up on the things that no longer honors the divine within all of us and I believe that this is more in keeping with what Christ would want to see rather than a cranky, chocolate free version of you that is afraid to own her destiny…. Ladies and gents it is time to give up for the next 300 days the things and habits in your world that no longer honors the divine version of you. So what are you choosing to give up for the remaining of the year?

www.lillianogbogoh.com

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Sensuality Without Sex! – Lillian Ogbogoh

Love and Sex Religion No Comments

Most of the time, when we hear the words sensuous and sensual, there is an immediate assumption to it meaning sexual.  Most people can’t be blamed for this line of thinking. Merriam-Webster defines sensuality as “Relating to or consisting in the gratification of the senses or the indulgence of appetite.” While Oxford defines it as “Of or arousing gratification of the senses and physical, especially sexual, pleasure.”

Sensuality is a state of being where you live from your awaken senses. You can make the mundane & ordinary sensual without the act of sexuality being involved. As a woman who is celibate, sensuality is not off limits to you. In fact, it is your birthright and a divine act of self-love and cannot be taken from you nor does it require another person to activate it in your life.

This assumption that sensuality and sexuality mean the same thing has caused a lot of women, especially faith based women to shy away from their own sensuality fearing it to be lascivious and carnal. Fearing that being a sensuous woman is just one step away from being a Scarlet woman. This could not be further from the truth; as in the true definition of sensuality is about living from your fully awakened senses as a way of being while sexuality is the physical act of sex.

So how can you be sensual and celibate?  First, you need to change your mindset; stop thinking about sensuality in terms of sexuality and sex.  Yes, sensuality can make your sex life more pleasurable, however let’s shed some light on this. Sensuality is about living from your senses that are your taste, sight, smell, feeling and hearing. There are so many activities in life that are sensual that have absolutely nothing to do with sex. Like the simple pleasures of, indulging in a great massage, eating a tasty meal, feeling the touch of silk brushing against your skin, dipping strawberries in chocolate, or even turning up your favorite song thus allowing the music to fully move you and just dance. Enjoy the day you’re in and look around you. Get out into the park, and walk among the roses, take pleasure in the ordinary from sharing that giggly chat with your friends, reading that book, indulging in that delicious cup of coffee. Take the time notice the world around you learning to live in the moment allows you to take full sensory notice of the world around you.

Taking the time to be present is another sure fire way to kick start your sensuality without sexuality. What do I mean when I write be present? Simply put, this means being able to be in the moment. I apologize for how cliché that sounds. Being present calls for you to enjoy the moment and day you are in, in fact it calls for you to be where you are. Stop listening to the noise in your head or checking off your mental checklist. Make a priority to be present with the people you are with, as well as being present with yourself, this calls for you to listen to what you desire and want. Being fulfilled is the mark of a sensual woman. There are various ways to awaken your sensuous nature; your surrounding can be a sensual haven for you. Create a sensual haven for yourself. This is such a simple way to fully awaken your sensuous nature. Throw out those old sheets and towels. Instead buy ones that feel indulgently grand to use against your skin. Redecorate your sanctuary using colors that bring you pleasure. To make you feel amazing, get a nice shag pile rug that feels luscious to walk on. Create yourself a sanctuary, a haven to retreat to.

Turn inward! It is time to form a deep intimate relationship with your amazing body. It is not being sexual in any way. It is about loving the body you are in. This is about taking full ownership of your body and being comfortable in your own skin.  Have you seen those women that just look comfortable at home in their bodies?  There is a joy that can be seen by others. Her sensuality is something evident from the way she moves, to how takes care of her body like it is scared even down to how she dresses and feeds herself.

As you can see being a celibate woman does not exclude from the sensual woman club, your sensuality is who you are not what you do. Sex is invariably linked to sensuality however sensuality can exist with sexuality.

I’m Lillian Ogbogoh, as the Sensuality Discovery Specialist I help women to break up with the mind-sets and thoughts that keeps them feeling unfulfilled and invisible in their own lives. Teaching them how to take center stage in their own lives to attract the amazing life they desire.

 

www.lillianogbogoh.com

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The Habit Of Self-Doubt Eroding Your Natural Confidence – Lillian Ogbogoh

Opinion 5 Comments

There is nothing more awe-inspiring to witness like a woman rocking her natural confidence; it’s a heady mix of alluring, powerful, inspiring and mesmerizing. Just look at Jill Scott when she takes the stage, Michelle Obama, Sheryl Sandberg all these women are almost electrifying to watch. Now this natural confidence is not only for a select few but most of us have allowed nasty little habits to erode our confidence.

There are a few things in life that are truly “sad to see”:

A gloomy, grey Saturday,

A baby crying,

Ugly architecture,

The most important one is a woman minus her vivaciousness because all her confidence has been sucked out of her by this nasty habit called self-doubt.

No matter what she wears and regardless of the makeup she puts on, she can’t hide the fact that her confidence has gone on a sabbatical and it hangs about like that gloomy grey day or a bad stench.

Eau de self-doubt is not a nice smell; I’ve had to wear it on a few occasions so I know how it feels and it can linger. Self-doubt is really a one way street to giving up and giving away your most glorious self. It dulls your shine as you end up blending into the background hoping no one will see you.

Self-doubt robs you of being in your own power, as you second and third guess yourself through life. In some cases, I’ve found myself fourth and fifth guessing myself. The habit of self-doubt creeps up from time to time; it takes our lives hostage and slowly sucks the joy and vivaciousness out of us.

The major way the self-doubt habit shows up is by us looking through the not enoughness mirror

This is when you see yourself through a screwy mirror where all you see is what you don’t have, along with what you should have and should have done and why you are not enough. You even hide the mountain of vast experiences and numerous skills that you have acquired on your life journey.

This habit is like having a mean and cruel version of the enchanted mirror from Snow White, so instead of revealing the fairest in the land, it’s showing you as the ugly step-sister who smells and pulls the wings off butterflies. This screwy mirror reflects your flaws and insecurities around who you feel you are when you show up in the world.

When you look at yourself all you see is the you who is not enough. The you, that you feel is lacking in some way. The you who is incapable and that feeling sends you running from pillar to post looking for something, anything to make that feeling go away, to make that hole that only you can see go away.

For some it’s chasing qualification after qualification, to validate your knowledge and sense of worth, so you feel like you are worth the money you are paid by your employer or clients. For others, it’s looking for someone to validate who they are so their sense of worth is determined by how others see them and they will do anything to maintain their fix of validation feeding the not enoughness.

In the same way the step-mother from Snow White constantly asks the mirror “Who’s the fairest in the land?” to cover up feeling inadequate, we constantly question who we are and whether we are good enough. Oh this sin is high up there among the cardinal sins of self-doubt as it’s self-inflicted and the only cure lies within, but this can’t be done with a faulty lens on as all you see is the not enoughness, in the same way a person with anorexia sees themselves as fat. This, not enoughness causes you to look at others in your business environment and see what they have done or haven’t done, which again leads you to an inadequate and a diminished version of yourself. And don’t get me started on the personal arena, as we compare our lives with theirs and their lives become a yardstick for measuring our lives without knowing their back story.

Giving up on the habit of not enoughness comes in two parts. The first part requires you to change the looking glass. We are so programmed to look at the gaps and void within us rather than the greatness of us. So it’s time for an amazing self-audit for the next week; take one day to list three things about you that is totally amazing. You can do this in the morning or evening. If you are finding it hard to list three things, get a trusted friend or someone in your family to help see you for the amazing human being that you are.

Changing the focus on what we normally shine the light on changes how you see yourself. The law of attraction states that what you focus on is what you will attract, so if you see yourself as not being enough you will attract more situations into your life that will reaffirm that opinion. In the words of Henry Ford, “The man who thinks he can and the man who thinks he can’t are both right”.

The next step is often an overlooked, undervalued action. I’m talking about celebrating you, the little things and the big things that make you a unique, amazing woman.

Some of you are so used to the self-flagellation approach to living, where you rip chunks out of yourself constantly with your beliefs that you are not enough. So take a deep breath in and say, “I am enough and amazing!” and celebrate that fact as often as possible.

 

www.lillianogbogoh.com

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Meditation To Reconnect To Your Feminine Center By Guest Blogger Lillian Ogbogoh

Reproductive Health No Comments

It’s the week-end. It’s time to decompress. It’s time to meditate.

This week-end take time to do a special meditation by Lillian Ogbogoh – one to cleanse your feminine center. Your womb.

Lillian Ogbogoh
Lillian Ogbogoh

Over time we can store up horrible feelings about ourselves within. We may harbor anger, guilt,or self-hatred over failed or abusive relationships. We may feel bad about harsh arguments we’ve had whether we are to blame or not. All of this dirties our center – our womb.

To find peacefulness and a sense of warmth, find 20 minutes of quiet time and go through this meditation. You will reconnect to your beautiful feminine center.  You will feel free and refreshed to start the coming week.

 

 

 

Guest Blogger Lillian Ogbogoh: Getting The Passionate Relationship You Really Want

Opinion No Comments

I bet pounds for dollars you are thinking the “who” are getting in the way of your happiness and you would be correct. My mother, who I love dearly, is in a constant battle with the unconscious collective, what I like to call “the invisible they”.  Whenever she is searching for anything from her keys to jewellery the “they” have taken it and whenever I ask who the “they” are, I get the side eye and whatever she was searching for always ends up being in the same place—one of her handbags.

It got me thinking how we all have these unquantified group ideas on people so I termed it the unconscious collective who are standing in the way of us being gloriously happy. What are the unconscious collective? They are generalized ideas that have filtered through and become accepted as the truth; it’s the generalized conversations that keep the embers of gender wars burning which keeps the “us vs. them” thinking firmly in place.  Have you ever been with your girls or the bros and a conversation runs like this:

“Oh my God, can you believe Tina/Michael, he/she said and did x, y and z?”

As you go over what Tina/Michael said and did, someone jumps in saying, “Well that is typical. All men/women are________________” —you get to fill in the blanks— or, “You know what Jim, all women do________ or act like _______________________”

These generalized collective views may be what are standing in the way of what you desire most, that passionate intimate relationship that you really want. Is the unconscious collective becoming clear yet? How about the stories you have adopted and are currently telling yourself?

Like all men cheat, men just want sex, all men lie, women are difficult to deal with, all women are emotional and needy and the best story is it’s a battle of the sexes. These adopted stories are almost universal and generational. Think about it this way, how can you have that juicy, passionate, honest relationship when you hold these viewpoints? When you are thinking that the person you are with will eventually screw up, it’s not an if, it’s a when they screw up.

Are you ready to give up the unconscious collective that keeps you from truly having what you want? The first thing that needs to be done is to change the stories you are telling. The stories we tell consciously and unconsciously color the way we see the world. Never mind what happened to Uncle Fred, Cousin Bob and Grandma Sue in their relationships, you can have and choose something different when it comes to your relationships. Start by cleaning out the old stories to create space for brand new ones; the easiest way to plant new stories is to use declarations, affirmations—whatever you choose to call them—to help lock in your brand new story.

“I have a happy fulfilling relationship”; “The men I meet are open and honest”; “I attract to me women who are whole and happy in the world”; “I am in a relationship with a fantastic guy/girl”.

Feel free to create real juicy ones that resonate with you, only writing things you want in the positive and as if they have already happened—this is the number one trick to keeping the gremlins at bay.

The next way is to be willing to have brand new stories and for that to happen you need to take brand new actions.  Firstly, stop sitting in on the old story session, avoid them like the plague or something worse. If you are somewhere where they are indulging in the old stories, politely ask them to quit it, be it your friends, Cousin Jill or Grandma Sue. It is all too easy to get sucked back into that vortex of old stories.

The next action step is to uplevel your game! If you are saying that all the men you are meeting are_____________ then it’s time to uplevel the type of people you go for,  so if your stories all revolve around the type of men you are meeting it is time to revamp the type of men you are meeting.

The next action step is that you have to be willing to be kind and forgiving to yourself. With this step you have to be willing to forgive yourself for playing with the unconscious collective, forgive yourself for your past choices, be willing to uplevel your game, to close the door on your past firmly once and for all. To say you want and choose a different path for your relationship and be truly open and willing to receive it.  By how you start acting, the choices you make, the stories you hold and tell. Finally, you just have to choose to kiss the unconscious collective goodbye once and for all.

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