I know it’s been a minute, y’all.  I’m taking a brief break from writing to focus on a few personal issues.  Not to worry, though.  I dug up a fun piece I wrote back in late 2014 about an attempt to add a little “juiciness” to my sex game.  I hope you enjoy it!

There are lots of reasons I love the internet: this blog, Facebook, Twitter, and the ability to research any topic from the comfort of my home.  Yeah, it has its flaws.  But if used correctly, the internet can be a vast ocean of information and ideas.

Despite my erotic posts, I’m not an official sex expert.  I don’t know everything there is to know about sexual pleasure, so I’m always open to learning new things.  And now that I’m booed up, I have a vested interest in finding new ways to keep things exciting in the bedroom.

So when some friends suggested a certain YouTube video about a new blow job technique involving grapefruit, I was all over it.  Not only do I trust these women to give sage advice, but I also love any excuse to learn something new about sex.  Besides, every woman needs to up her BJ game every now and again, right?

Have y’all ever watched any of Auntie Angel’s YouTube videos?  I hadn’t.  So, I wasn’t quite sure what to expect.  But I was told that this new grapefruit technique was sure to have my man climbing the walls, so I watched.  And then I watched it again.  And then I went to the grocery store.

Let me pause here to tell you a few things.  First of all, the video is just over 3 ½ minutes long, so it won’t take much of your time.  And Auntie Angel is clear and succinct.  She’s not pornographic or nasty, either.  It’s just a straightforward, instructional video on how to use a grapefruit as another tool to please your man.

I wasn’t prepared for the sound effects, though.  That’s why I had to watch it twice.  I don’t want to ruin it for you, but after the first time, I wondered “am I supposed to sound like that when I suck dick?”  Trust me, I’m not a silent sucker, but damn!  I wasn’t ready for all that!

Anyway, the bottom line is that you cut off the ends of the grapefruit (preferably a pink or ruby red one), then cut a hole in the middle of it approximately the size of your guy’s dick.  Then, while sucking his head, you use your hand to slide the grapefruit up and down his shaft, twisting and turning it as you go.

Oh yeah.  I almost forgot:  you’re supposed to blindfold your guy first.  I mean, what man is going to just let you come put a grapefruit on his dick, right?  And you’re also supposed to warm the grapefruit up in warm water before you begin.  I forgot that last step.  But, I’m getting ahead of myself.

I watched the video twice and decided that this was a fairly easy trick I could try with my Boo.  Since he always goes out of his way to please me sexually, I thought I’d treat him to something new.  So before he was scheduled to come over, I ran to the grocery store to pick up some ruby red grapefruits.

That’s where I encountered my first problem.  At my favorite market, all of the grapefruits were huge!  I’m talking really big, like the size of a baby’s head!  They were way too big for my hands.

I started to panic, digging through the pile of grapefruits like a madwoman.  And y’all know how delicately fruit is stacked at the store, right?  If you pull one from the near the bottom of the pile, the whole thing comes tumbling down.

So here I am, squeezing one giant, obviously genetically enhanced grapefruit after another, trying to use my entire body to block them from spilling all over the floor.  A few escaped, so now I’m chasing these big ol’, rolling grapefruits up and down the fruit aisle.  I’m cursing and mumbling and sweating … and to make matters worse, I damn near knocked over a sweet old lady shopping for lemons!

Did I mention that I got to the store about ten minutes before it closed?  And that Boo was due at my place within about a half hour?  So going to another store was out of the question.

I was just about to give up, thinking I never should have waited until the last minute to do this when I remembered something Auntie said in the video.  She said if you can’t use a grapefruit, a large navel orange would work.  I looked to my left and there they were: bright, beautiful navel oranges that were just the right size.  They could easily accommodate my man’s girth and yet were small enough for me to squeeze with confidence.  I bought three.

Getting the Boo to allow me to blindfold him was even more challenging than the trip to the store.  He’s pretty open to new things, so when I broke out one of my scarves, I was shocked that he hesitated.  I really had to talk him into it.  This threw me off my game which is why I forgot to warm the orange up before slicing it.

Had I really been thinking (and not so hurried), I would’ve had the orange soaking in warm water before he even got there.  But, hindsight is 20/20, right?

Anyway, by the time I convinced him to let me blindfold him, I was nervous and felt even more rushed.  So I quickly cut the ends of the orange, made the hole and joined him on the bed.  And then I started.

Thankfully, despite all the mishaps, it was a success.  It wasn’t the mind-blowing success I’d anticipated, but he liked the way it felt … a lot.  I think he would’ve enjoyed it even more if he hadn’t kept asking “What is that?  What are you doing?”  I finally let him remove the blindfold and he relaxed.  We went on to have some pretty amazing sex afterwards.

Word of warning, though: if you’re in a stable relationship where you don’t use condoms, be sure to rinse him thoroughly before he penetrates you after the grapefruit or orange.  Raw citrus burns!  And keep plenty of towels handy because you’re both going to get sticky.

Overall, I’d recommend this technique as a fun way to “juice” things up in the bedroom.  Check out the video and decide for yourself if this is something you’d like to try.  Just Google Auntie Angel and grapefruit and you’ll find it.  Shout out to my friends who recommended it to me.  I ended up having a great night and the Boo is even open to letting me blindfold him again!