Author Archives: SuzyKnew!

About SuzyKnew!

SuzyKnew! is dedicated to improving the sexual and reproductive health and sexual pleasure of women of color.

What Does RBG’s Death Mean For Black Women And Other Women Of Color?

 

Friday evening’s news that our sister Ruth Bader Ginsburg passed was not surprising – but it sure was shocking.

Where were you when you heard the news? I was actually watching my favorite news show The Reid Out when suddenly, Joy Reid cut off her guest and said, “Just a second, I’m going to have to take this breaking news…”

When I saw Joy’s face I knew what it was.

Then, Joy said it, “Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg has passed.”

I swear two seconds hadn’t gone by when all my Sista’ friends started texting and calling me announcing the news.

Yas – the Sista’ Network is not only real – but it is fast!

And, ladies, we gotta be fast in how we respond to this. RBG’s passing is no joke.  We are in danger. Under more threat than we usually are when we walk our sexy selves out the door and do our stuff.

Sad, but not, surprising 24 hours hadn’t passed after RBG’s death when The Donald said it’s his “obligation” to fill the vacancy “without a delay.” Oh Pluh-lease…

What is at stake? Below is just a sample. But, things could get really wild and the Court could start questioning the validity of Brown vs The Board of Education. Have you ever read what Justice Clarence Thomas believes?  He doesn’t believe in legal precedent.  The man believes in redoing everything. Yes – legally segregated schools could be in your family’s future.

  • Healthcare. The Supreme Court will be voting on Obamacare/Affordable Care Act this upcoming session (November 10). A death nail could be put in Obamacare and this would affect access to all insurance and healthcare. And forget about covering pre-existing conditions. And we’re the ones most like to get COVID, have diabetes, high blood pressures. I don’t have to share SuzyKnew! or other articles for you to know how access to healthcare is a life and death issue for us.
  • More specifically… abortion rights. RBG’s death is what conservatives (who refuse to wear a mask against Coronavirus which could literally result in killing people but are so worried about a woman having an abortion) have been waiting for: to put an anti-choice conservative on the court for years.  Black, Latina and other women of color are especially vulnerable to cuts in access to abortion. Overturning Roe v Wade would result in more maternal mortality and morbidity among women of color. It will put more pressure on our ability to live fully  – or just survive.
  • DACA – In June, the Supreme Court knocked down the Trump’s administration’s attempt to kill the Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals, or DACA. But, new applications aren’t being accepted. And the future will be determined by the next president and most likely the Supreme Court.
  • Affirmative Action and Civil Rights. Yes. I don’t care what kind of Black or woman of color you are. This impacts you and your future and that of your children.

What can you do?

  • Vote early – in person. Don’t sit around and wait until the last minute. Grab your mask and go down to early voting. Your voting place may have changed, you may face other challenges you don’t know so go take care of it now. I will be voting the first day early voting opens in North Carolina: October 15.
  • Talk loudly among friends and family about voting and take time to engage with people who say they don’t think voting is worth it. Take those people to the polls. Making voting a Sista’ party!
  • Call the offices of vulnerable Republican Senators who would suffer if they would vote to confirm a nominee before the upcoming election or Inauguration including: Susan Collins (R-Maine her recent statement leaves wiggle room for her to vote), Lisa Murkowski (R-Alaska), Thom Tillis (R-NC), Cory Garner (R-Colorado) and others like Utah’s Mitt Romney who may be open to waiting for the election.

Ladies, we can’t take this sitting down. Our lives are on the line. Hear AOC’s take on what we can do:

 

WAP – Cardi B And Me

Ladies – do you have some WAP – like Cardi B? Yes. Wet Ass Pussy. If you’ve got it. Flaunt it.

Get a mop and a bucket: female lubrication is sexy and hot.  And, everybody is talking about it.  WAP showcases Black women demanding pleasure and explaining how they want it, standing in stark contrast to the scenario of women being made to feel embarrassed by having so much natural lubricant or ejaculate.  Remember “The Flood” monologue in the The Vagina Monologues?  An older woman who came of age during the 1950’s shares how when she went on a drive in high school with a handsome suitor,  she got so aroused that a gush of female fluid or ejaculate rushed out of her, staining the car seat and her dress. The large volume of love juice disgusted her guy and humiliated her.  After that, the woman, who had never experienced such strong sexual arousal before, said she was so mortified she shut her vagina off from all contact. She told the interviewer that if her vagina wore a sign, it would say “Closed. Due to flooding.” 

In society, Black women have been depicted as either very religious and prude or hyper sexual, like an animal.  But, in music, such as Hip Hop,  Black women have taken control over nasty name-calling and relish in their own our sexuality.   The chanting WAP chorus in the background There’s some whores in the House. There’s some whores in the House, sounds more like a religious affirmation than judgmental scolding

We, Sista’s have been bragging, showing off our stuff and putting it out there for years.  Taking our sexual power back from men. Remember L’il Kim and “Suck My D*ck?”  Like L’il Kim, Cardi B is deciding how to use sexual language to her benefit and power.  And don’t forget Foxy Brown,  Missy Elliott and more.

Male rappers tell us about their junk. And, we don’t let them outdo us.

Today, a lotta women want to squirt and gush but this sexual power is relatively new and not everyone embraces it. There are books and online articles helping women to gush their juice at orgasm and teach men how to make their women’s juices flow. But, ladies, it’s not about about the gush but pleasure.  Right?

Of course, there has been some shock over the lyrics and dance in Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion’s latest song (particularly from conservative men). But, the song has gone viral and now tops many charts. It’s number one on the most important Hot 100.  Seven days after being made available, WAP is the best-selling song in the U.S. Plus – everyone is trying to do the dance.  Tiktok has even launched a WAP dance context.

Ladies, show them some WAP!

SuzyKnew!

Keep it healthy!

Keep it sexy!

 

 

Fertility Friday: Conceiving In The Midst Of A Pandemic

Lisa Hendrickson Jack

Lisa Hendrickson Jack

This Friday we share Fertility Friday’s powerful and important podcast episode focusing on conception in the midst of chaos.

With the increasingly restrictive measures that have been imposed on us, and growing uncertainty about when we’ll emerge from it all, where does that leave your plans to grow your family?

If you’ve wondered whether this is the “right” time to conceive, you’ll appreciate today’s episode. Find out why Pritam feels that the current state of affairs presents an incredible opportunity to bring children into the world. We delve into the topic of stress and explore how to cultivate your thoughts and emotions to foster an incredible, life-giving environment for your unborn child — regardless of what’s happening in the outside world.

Topics discussed in today’s episode include:

  • Why it’s important to look at the spiritual side of childbirth
  • How women can heal from trauma from childbirth
  • Pritam’s belief that conciseness begins when a child is born
  • How women can amplify their environment to create a healthy embryo
  • Women should actively be creating a healthy living environment before becoming pregnant
  • How women gain their power back
  • Connection between preparation and how it may help improve fertility

Click here for the podcast

Be Yourself. Be Unapologetically You. SWJ

Ladies, SWJ.

Serena Williams Jewelry.

We’re lovin’ it over here at SuzyKnew!

This is not a sponsored post. We just came across this new collection while clicking through the internet and thought “Y-a-s…”

A lot of what this collection expresses reflects SuzyKnew! values. Like proclaiming your self-love, strength and success. You can proclaim this by buying yourself pure gold and silver jewelry with bold affirming statements.  You don’t need to wait for the “Little Blue Box,” a.k.a jewelry from Tiffany’s.  You don’t have to wait for someone to buy you diamonds or to tell you you’re a success; you don’t have to settle for blood diamonds either.

Wearing SWJ jewelry shows you know your worth and know how treat yourself. It’s well… from one Sista’ to another.

Serena expresses the sentiment well by explaining on her site:

“The collection is a beautiful celebration of the strong women in my life and around the world. My designs inspire people to love themselves, believe in themselves, and, of course, treat themselves.”

Of course, this is jewelry can be offered as a gift from a parent, sibling, friend or lover,   But, we like the fact that this jewelry encourages us to love ourselves and treat ourselves well. It is jewelry for us – and by us!

SWJ diamonds are affordable. Getting a diamond necklace, an ethicially-mined diamond necklace, for as little as $600 is a real deal. We’re really lovin’ the “Unstoppable” collection, which frankly is more affordable than other pieces in SWJ, launched last year.  This collection was released in the face of the Coronavirus pandemic.  People of color are disproportionately affected by the virus physically and economically. The message “Unstoppable” reminds us and tells the world we will not be defeated.

For more on SWJ jewelry click here and for more SuzyKnew! articles on Serena Williams see: Will Obamacare Be Gutted? Even With Insurance And Education Our Chances Of Dying In Childbirth Are High

Photos: Courtsey of Serena Williams Jewelry

 

ASK A SEX THERAPIST: Will My Boyfriend’s ‘Size’ Affect My Ability To Get Pregnant?

My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years and we tried to have a baby. I’m starting to think that it won’t happen because though size doesn’t matter it does when you’re trying to reproduce. My boyfriend’s penis sometimes penetrates me and sometimes it doesn’t. Sex with him has always been frustrating because I’m his first and he has a tendency to climax rather quickly. I feel like it’s my fault because I have more experience and I just don’t know how to help him. What should I do?

Thanks for your question. Below are some articles that may help:

https://www.motherandbaby.co.uk/trying-for-a-baby/pregnancy-planning/ttc-sex-and-your-relationship/best-sex-positions-to-get-pregnant#gallery-7917

https://www.refinery29.com/small-penis-sex-positions

If rapid/premature ejaculation continues to be an issue for him, it may be helpful for him to work with a sex therapist to learn various techniques. Also, if you’ve been trying to get pregnant for a while, it may be helpful to speak with your physicians to see if there may be other issues at play impeding the process.

******

 

 

Read more articles by ASK A SEX THERAPIST – “Prince: Christian and Sex Positive,” “To Grapefruit Or Not To Grapefruit” “What Does ‘Formation’ Say About Black Women’s Sex Lives?”

De-Andrea Blaylock-Johnson is a licensed clinical social worker and sex therapist in private practice at Sankofa Sex Therapy, LLC. She’s on the Executive Board of the Women of Color Sexual Health Network and has been featured as a sexpert on Ebony.com, Shape.com, and WomensHealthMag.com. She recently appeared in “Antigone” a play about the events in Ferguson, MO. Check out her YouTube show, Ask A Sex Therapist, where she answers your questions related to sex and sexuality and visit her website, SankofaSexTherapy.com

Fertility Friday: Male Factor Infertility

This weekend we share Fertility Friday’s podcast on men’s sperm.

Did you know the majority of men’s sperm are abnormal? Even the healthiest man alive? Fortunately, mother nature is infinitely wiser than we are! Your cervical fluid filters abnormally shaped sperm (and sperm with poor mobility), allowing only normal and healthy sperm to pass through the cervix and move on to fertilize an egg.

This Friday, Fertility Friday released a new podcast interview with Dr. Thinus Kruger, a South African medical doctor whose work changed the way sperm is classified and analyzed. If your partner’s sperm has ever been tested, and you’ve seen the “strict morphology” numbers on his lab test — Dr. Kruger developed and standardized the “Kruger Strict” method.

Topics discussed in today’s episode:
– What brought Professor Kruger to focus on fertility challenges and more specifically, challenges in sperm morphology
– Professor Kruger’s analyzation of sperm and that certain sperm shapes have a connection with pregnancy rates
– What is morphology?
– What the impact of male infertility can have on a couple trying to conceive naturally
– What women should know about morphology
– Professor Kruger’s perspective on the decline in male sperm count and quality

Tune into Fertility Friday’s interview to discover how why it’s important to have your partner’s sperm analyzed, what he can do to improve sperm quality, and why Dr. Kruger recommends against jumping strait to artificial reproductive technology when you encounter fertility challenges.

More from SuzyKnew! on male sperm: African Men May Have Higher Sperm Count Than African-American Men

When An African Aunty Calls You Under The Karité Tree – By Expatise

A friend is a hand that is always holding yours, no matter how close or far apart you may be. A friend is someone who is always there and will always, always care. A friend is a feeling of forever in the heart. – African Proverb

He who learns, teaches. ~ Ethiopian proverb

An essential foundation of African culture is the vital role of aunties (mums, spiritual mothers, and older close friends). Under normal circumstances, an aunty will never try to replace a young girl’s mother or grandmother. However, her role as an aunty is significant all the same. Aunties can sometimes be pointedly outspoken when it comes to matters of the heart, relationships, your future, and the all too familiar fashion advice. “You should always dress for your shape and never show too much of your body in public,” our younger selves never wanted to hear. Aunties often speak about traditional and religious values, morals and principles, respect for elders, education, your role as a wife and mother, and of course, men. And they provide much-needed cooking lessons. They tend to mitigate the problems one faces in life. They quietly encourage positive behavior graceful movements, and to speak in soft tones around men. But sternly instruct us to work hard, complete our education, save our money, build/buy a house or two, and to love, pray, and care for our children. These, most often unsolicited, but well-meaning discussions/life lessons usually take place under a Karité Tree (aka, tree of life).

Hold a true friend with both hands. ~ Nigerian proverb

Being independent and on my own, since I was 18 years old, I was known for being idealistic. However, I would say I was cavalier in my pursuit of adventure, happiness, and professional success. For a 20-something, I also would like to believe I was a good decision-maker. Mainly since I somehow avoided many distressful situations young women experience in their 20s and 30s, in their pursuit of happiness and success. However, after moving 9,000 miles away from the comforts of family, friends, and the familiarity, God knew I needed a support system in Africa since I NEVER planned on returning to America, other than for short visits, of course. So He brought several aunties in my life. My aunties who accepted me without conditions and each held me with both hands to help navigate me on a steadier path. Especially since life became less idealistic and more realistic – in other words, tougher. From time to time, unsteady footing solicited my aunties calling me under the Karité Tree to speak about the meaning of events and uncomfortable circumstances, to help me clarify my ideas and actions, and what the consequences of my decisions would be. Although some of my aunties are no longer with us, or they are far away from me now, I will always remember them and be grateful for their friendship, love, and support they gave to me while living and raising young Adeleke, my Yoruba prince in Africa.

If anyone finds themselves making a similar move to the Continent, I highly recommend making a connection with aunties and uncles. They can be your moral compass and help you avoid pitfalls, and stay on track to living your best life in Africa.

Let me introduce you to my Pillars of Strength:

Aunty Yemi, our Peace Corps nurse from Nigeria, was gentle and kind. Aunty Yemi, the Caregiver, was skilled at calming volunteers when we would overreact whenever we experienced an unknown ailment. She always cared for us back to good health. Aunty Yemi was also a woman of faith, who loved her family. I will never forget her as being a good listener who had an exceptional skill at allowing me to find my solutions to my problems.

Aunty Rebecca Muluhya, Strength of Faith. My loving, humble, nurturing, generous, and faithful spiritual mother, who never tired of not only praying for her amazing daughters Sally and Edith and husband baba Sally, she never hesitated to pray for others, including me. It seemed aunty Rebecca’s line to God was more direct than the rest of ours. Rebecca’s line to God was most beneficial for me when I had emergency back surgery in Nairobi. Although I didn’t know aunty very well at the time, she knew I was in Kenya all alone, and she and her youngest daughter Edith came to visit me at Aga Khan Hospital. Their visit was unexpected, and their prayers were comforting. From that moment, aunty Rebecca always had time for me. She never hesitated to pray for me or invite me into her homes in Kigali, Arusha, Nairobi, and Kakamega, where after retirement from the United Nations, she continues to serve God by helping orphans and widowers (Founder of the Rescue An Orphan Trust, in Kakamega, Kenya). Aunty Rebecca is loving and kind-hearted. I saw first-hand how meaningful and impactful her work for the empowerment of orphans and widowers are. I am so grateful for aunty Rebecca’s patience with me. Best believe, when there was a need, aunty Rebecca never hesitated to call me under the Karité Tree.

Mum Olamide Adedeji was the epitome of an African woman. When she walked into a room, she commanded respect by her sheer presence. She had a solid spiritual foundation, was persuasive, elegant, graceful, nurturing, and resourceful. She was also a woman with class and style. Mum also had a ‘matter of fact’ quality about her when needed. I am sure this quality was helpful during her role as Head of Office for the UN Mission in DR Congo. When she had a meeting with Presidents Kabila (DRC), Museveni (Uganda), and Kamage (Rwanda) to encourage these three presidents to have meaningful dialogue that would help bring peace and stability to the Great Lakes Region.
Mum was a loving person who loved her family and friends with a passion. Dede, Lanre, and Ade (Gabriel) had an extraordinary place in her heart. I remember assisting mum when she was the Administrative Officer for the ICTR in Kigali. Every morning, after settling at her desk, she would call each of her children, no matter their time zone (8:30 AM in Kigali, meant 3:30 AM in London 😊), to pray and spend devotional time with them.

Having an exceptional quality about her, mum Adedeji embraced and ‘adopted’ other children, young and older, as her own. She mentored and motivated so many of us – giving us advice (and instructions), love, and support.

Known as mum’s American daughter, I will continue to hold precious memories of the times we spent together, whether we were in Kigali, Kinshasa, Kampala, Nigeria or the US, mum always invited me to spend time with her. And yes, for gentle correction and guidance, mum, too, called me under the Karité Tree now and again to help navigate me through some of life’s challenges or keep me from making more less-than-smart decisions.

Mamita Olga Simpson, Cultured and Educated, had a pure and kind heart. There was not a day that I remember ever seeing Mamita without a warm smile on her face. She was loving and patient and never hesitated to meet with anyone in need of non-judgemental ears. Another woman of incredible faith, Mamita was the mother of four beautiful and accomplished daughters – Fifi, Dupe, Bayode, and Finayon, and by the reflections in her eyes every time she spoke about them, we felt her love for her girls.

I am thankful for all the moments Mamita and I shared fasting and praying during the Lenten seasons. The social functions we attended together in Kigali and the US. The stories about Mamita’s childhood, her accomplished family, her love of art and culture, and African history she generously shared as we ate delicious West African meals together. My siblings and I will always be thankful for the friendship my mother Olivia and Mamita had, and the times they spent together in Kigali and the US. And I am happy that my aunts, cousins, and friends in the US had an opportunity to meet Mamita as well. There were times Mamita called me under the Karité Tree.

Aunty Binta Sall, the Madame! Tall, elegant, stylish, kind, and a straight-shooter – honest and forthright with a fun spirit that even has the younger generation laughing with her. Aunty Binta, a woman of faith who is thoughtful and always willing to share her culture, family, and enchanting stories about her upbringing with me. She often uses humorous anecdotes that make us break out in laughter. At the office, I recall watching aunty from a distance as she greeted others with animation and a bright smile. Aunty Binta is cultured, and an accommodating host with fantastic hospitality – my siblings and I will always be grateful for the kindness she showed my mom during mom’s time in Kigali as well. And I will never forget the fun time I had when she selflessly hosted me in Senegal – arranging an incredible itinerary and scrumptious thieboudienne – my favorite dish.

Dear aunties, how blessed I have been to have had you as encouraging Pillars of Strength. Your listening ears when life was unkind, your faith in me that I would be fruitful in the various career choices I pursued, and your friendships that supported me when I needed that extra boost to face realities of life. Thoughts of you all and the fun times we shared continue to bring warmth into my heart and a smile on my face. I am thankful for all the experiences and your light.

Love,
Alyson

Alyson is the creator and founder of Expatise.  Read more about Alyson’s personal story as an expat and desire to connect with like-minded people who share her love for Africa, passion for service, and need for travel escapes.

Fertility Friday: Fix Your Period!

This weekend we share Fertility Friday’s interview with Period Warrior Nicole Jardim. This podcast explains how periods don’t have to be painful, out of control heavy, crime scene worthy, unpredictable, or otherwise horrifying.

If you’ve experienced ridiculous mind-numbing pain with your periods, heavy flow that’s so much more problematic when you laugh or sneeze, irregular bleeding, or no bleeding (i.e. a missing period!) — Fertility Friday wants you to know that there’s hope!

The interview delves deeply into the topic of histamine intolerance and how it can impact your cycle. If you’ve ever noticed that your allergies, sensitivities, and even your mood changes depending on where you are in your cycle, this episode will explain so much!

Topics discussed in today’s episode:Lisa Hendrickson Jack

  • Why it’s so important in understanding your bodies health cycle and realizing its less complicated and starts with the fundamental basics
  • Understanding the symptoms of histamine issues in the menstrual cycle and how they can change cyclically in your cycle
  • Why do some women struggle so much of producing extra histamines and some women do not produce and extra amount of histamines
  • What the first steps in determining if your histamines are affecting your menstrual cycle
  • How cutting out high histamine products from your lifestyle can help in finding out if it is effecting your menstrual cycle
  • What is the correlation between Gut Health and menstrual cycles issues and how GI issue play in with histamines

Click here for the podcast and more information.

Click here for Nicole Jardim’s book Fix Your Period.

Do You Fight To End Deaths Caused By Abortion, But Fight For Your Right To Cause Deaths By Not Wearing A Mask?

Ladies, it’s amazing how many people oppose a woman’s right to have an abortion because they believe it kills unborn babies but demand their right not to wear a mask which could kill numerous people through the spread of COVID-19.   But, this is where we are these days.

A woman who opts for an abortion is ending the life of one fetus. But, someone who decides not to wear a mask and who has the Coronavirus (knowingly or unknowingly) can end the life of a lot of people.  Unborn babies don’t have state-recognized names  or social security numbers not to mention a whole life that impacts so many. But, a person’s carelessness and callousness could kill and ruin perhaps hundreds or thousands of lives. This is a lot deadlier and more pernicious than an abortion. This is how we got from 1 death in the States in January to over 100,000 deaths in May. But you wouldn’t know it from some people’s reactions and how the media just doesn’t “go there.”

Such attitudes and actions about mask-wearing show a disregard for life and show a person for who he or she really is. You can’t call yourself “pro-life” and so concerned about “innocent lives” and then go out and risk killing people or making them morbidly ill because you don’t like wearing a mask.   Perhaps such people are fighting more for privilege – than for life.  They want the privilege to determine their own comfort over the risk of getting people sick or killing them. They don’t care about unborn babies as much as they care about their own discomfort over abortion.

Yes, ladies, I am a proud mask-wearer. And, I’m a proud “shamer.”   I will shame you, if you try standing too close to me.  You could be a family member, a close friend or someone I don’t know. It doesn’t matter. And, I have no shame in telling someone to put a mask on when I see them without one in a store.  And, yes, I cross the street when I’m out walking and people are walking towards me.

Ladies, I am not giving anyone the right – or privilege – to kill me.

Keep it healthy!

Keep is sexy!

Use Gwen Ifil Stamps To Show Your Determination

Perhaps you ladies are more in the know than I am, but yesterday I went to the U.S. Post Office and almost fell over when I saw stamps honoring Gwen Ifil, the groundbreaking African-American journalist, who died from breast and endometrial cancer in 2016.

Yes – Gwen graces the 43rd stamp in the Black Heritage® series. She was the first African-American woman to host a nationally televised public affairs program, PBS’s Washington Week in Review. She was the program’s longtime co-host from 1999 until her death in 2016.

Gwen was known for her intellectual rigor, tenacity and integrity as a journalist.  In 2008, she moderated the vice-presidential debate between Senator Joe Biden and the then Republican governor of Alaska, Sarah Palin, among many other achievements.

Gwen was a fighter all her life. Perhaps what put her on a trajectory to major success was when she made a bold move in her career by leaving the Washington Post after 7 years in 1991 when they told her they felt she wasn’t ready to cover Capitol Hill.   Proving them wrong, Gwen joined the New York Times where covered the White House from 1991 to 1994.

Gwen Ifil died young at 61 years of uterine cancer – a disease, which robs so many of us of our lives.

Ladies, put these stamps on your next correspondence to show your determination to make bold moves, lead with integrity and highlight the importance of improving Black women’s reproductive health.

For more SuzyKnew! articles on Gwen Ifil see: Uterine Cancer On The Rise