Author Archives: SuzyKnew!

About SuzyKnew!

SuzyKnew! is dedicated to improving the sexual and reproductive health and sexual pleasure of women of color.

A Sista’s Guide To A Thankful Thanksgiving During COVID

Thanksgiving Day is tomorrow, and many of us (hopefully most of us) won’t be gathering with large numbers of family and friends, but spending the day with just a few close people – or maybe even alone.  Many people are lamenting the strict CDC guidance that encourages us not to get together with people outside our immediate circles to avoid spreading the infection.  But, ladies, let’s look at some of the benefits of this new way of doing Thanksgiving. Having a small, quiet Thanksgiving can a be a true blessing. You can indeed be thankful for many reasons:

You can eat the Thanksgiving food you want to eat instead of what is served. Okay, maybe you will miss your grandmother’s sweet potato pie or your sister’s macaroni and cheese. But, just think: You won’t have to pretend that you love that soggy green bean casserole your aunt rolls out every year. You can also eat your favorite part of the turkey and not worry your little cousins will eat it up before you get to the table. How many times did I miss getting the turkey wing because someone knabbed it before I did.  This year I will only eat turkey wings.

And maybe you don’t like turkey. This Thanksgiving you can have whatever you want to eat. The way you want it. You can even stick to the diet you’ve been doing so well on these last few weeks.  This Thanksgiving you don’t have to blow it. Halleluiah.

You don’t have to worry your family will judge you for what you wear or how you look.  Ladies. No need to plan out a special Thanksgiving outfit. Keep your money and just pull on something comfy.  You won’t need to worry that your family will notice you’ve put on a little weight since last year or since you started that new job or graduate program. The fact you didn’t have the money or the time to get your hair done will not a problem this year.  This year – come to Thanksgiving as you are au naturel, and be blessed.

Family won’t get together and whisper about the man you’re dating, your recent divorce or the fact you don’t have a man, and never do! Thanksgiving is definitely the time to catch up with what your bit and little cousins are doing with their love lives.  And it’s a time when your intimate life gets way too much scrutiny.   But, this year – no worries.  No one needs to know that Charles left you a month ago and you’re about to lose your mind. They don’t need to know what you and Squeaky are doing because you know you just cannot bring Squeaky around your family.  This year you can reflect on your own if cupid is doing you wrong or not and just reach out to a few select family members to help you think it all through.

Use Zoom to stage your Thanksgiving to your advantage.  Many families (including my own) will spend part or all of their Thanksgiving on Zoom. Use this to your advantage. Hop on and off the Zoom call as the spirit moves you. Set up the view to show off what’s working for you right now like trendy top or new earrings. Don’t worry about your PJ bottoms if no one can see them. Show off new furniture pieces but hide dirty dishes and laundry.  You get the picture.

Now that I’ve got your juices flowing, I’m sure you can think of lots of reasons to be thankful this year.  This is a very short list.  Of course being separated from family can be sad. But, be creative and positive and spend Thanksgiving in a way you ordinarily wouldn’t be able to and most of all… be thankful. out

 

 

Fertility Friday: Did You Know You Can’t Use Oil With Condoms?

Is it alright if we talk about condoms for a moment? This Friday we share Fertility Friday’s talk on condoms:

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We know that everyone doesn’t love condoms. You may not like how they feel and prefer birth control options that don’t involve a physical barrier between you and your partner, but regardless, we still need to talk about it!

Condoms can be a fantastic method of birth control because they are up to 98% effective in preventing pregnancy when used correctly.

And the good news, is that they aren’t difficult to use perfectly as I often say.

Perfect use is another way of saying that you are using your chosen birth control method correctly each time.
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A brief overview of the benefits of using condoms:

  •  Condoms are one of the few birth control options that also protect against STIs (sexually transmitted infections)
  • Condoms invite men into the conversation about birth control and allow them to share the responsibility (instead of it being assumed that “you’ll just take care of it”)
  • Condoms are non-hormonal and allow you to continue cycling naturally and enjoying the health benefits of your main ovarian hormones (estrogen, progesterone, and testosterone), while preserving your future fertility
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    But in case you didn’t know this …. you can’t use oil-based lubricants with condoms!
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    Oil destroys both latex and non-latex condoms! That includes olive oil, coconut oil, vaseline, and any other oil-based lubricant you can think of.
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    When you use oil-based lubricants with latex condoms the oil rapidly disintegrates the condom, and the condom will eventually break.

If you’ve been getting away with it for awhile, that’s great, but you’re skating on thin ice!
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If you want to see for yourself, go to YouTube and search “oil and latex condoms”. You’ll find plenty of demonstrations. Or you can try it yourself. Place a latex condom over your hand and rub it with your oil of choice until it falls apart (it will, trust me … just give it a few minutes).
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Last week Fertility Friday shared an important (and much requested) podcast episode all about using non-hormonal methods correctly. Lisa, the host, went through condoms in more detail, but also the diaphragm, cervical cap, withdrawal, and fertility awareness!

Though some non-hormonal methods aren’t always as effective as hormonal methods, they can be combined and used together to increase overall effectiveness.

Click here for the non-hormonal contraceptive podcast

Where’s Melania?

WASHINGTON, DC – SEPTEMBER 11: U.S. President Donald Trump and first lady Melania Trump walk to the White House residence. (Photo by Drew Angerer/Getty Images)

Ever since Melania came down with a mild case of The Rona, she’s been MIA from the campaign trail. A no show.

Ladies. That’s embarrassing.

Yeah… yeah… she still has a lingering cough from COVID. Just like she had to take time to recover from that… what was it? Kidney surgery? I don’t want to pooh pooh real health issues because, as a Sista’ I know you can’t take your health for granted.  But we’re not buyin’ it.  Even the boring middle-of-the-road USA Today puts “lingering cough” in quotation marks when explaining why Melania ditched her husband campaigning after he got back on the campaign trail like the  “superman” we know he is (not).

Now, you know neither you nor I could pull a stunt like that.  We’d be labeled “difficult” or “angry.”  As in “Angry Black Woman.” And why wouldn’t you want to support your man, if he just recovered from a life-threatening illness? Unless your marriage -isn’t really a marriage…?  And you’re not about serving the American people. You’re just out there for you.

Melania did have the common sense and decency to show up for the October 22nd debate.  She even put on a mask. And you know that was a big effort for her.  But, walking off stage after the debates, Melania appears to yank her hand away from The Donald and then he appears to push her off the stage. Watch the video clip below and decide for yourself.

Since Trump hit the campaign trail hard again post debate hitting 2, 3 or more battleground cities a day, Melania hasn’t shown up. It’s clear she’s not having it.  It’s a transactional marriage gone wrong.  “She does what she wants, when she wants … She can be a contrarian,” a former White House staffer said, according to CNN.

Melania’s bad behavior is unprecedented. No modern First Lady has been absent from the campaign reelection trail.   Melania, of course, is needed on the campaign trail to appeal to suburban (white) women. So much for that…

My question is if The Donald is such the “tough, macho man,” he says he is, who can kick everyone’s behind, why can’t he control his woman?  This should give all his Alpha male supporters pause before voting.

Photo credit Express.uk

 

 

World Contraception Day And International Safe Abortion Day 2020

Ladies, it’s October. September is over. But, SuzyKnew! wants to make sure you don’t miss a few take-aways from World Contraception Day, which was celebrated September 26 and International Safe Abortion Day, celebrated September 28. Hmm… celebrated two days later… that doesn’t look good. Evidence shows that access to contraception reduces the incidence of abortion. Access to both are necessary for quality sexual and reproductive health.

World Contraception Day is all about education and learning about the different contraceptive methods out there and which ones are right for you. The day is supported by non-governmental organizations and scientific and medical groups.

Below are a few fun facts from a supporting site.

  • Most women between the ages of 15 and 44 years in the US use contraception.
  • The pill remains to be a popular choice of birth control among many women, but its usage decreases as women age.
  • Tubal ligation (or getting the tubes tied) is another popular form of contraception among women in the US.
  • Contraceptive patches and rings are more convenient than pills as a patch and ring need to be changed weekly and monthly respectively, whereas the pill needs to be taken daily. It can be hard for a woman to remember to take the pill daily.
  • Contraceptive methods such as implants and IUDs are considered to be the most effective as their failure rate is below 1 per cent.

International Safe Abortion Day started in 1990, as a day of action for decriminalization of abortion in Latin America and the Caribbean in 1990. The day aims to highlight access to legal and safe abortion as fundamental to quality sexual and reproductive health.

Safe and legal abortion is a challenge for many women around the world and could be soon a major challenge for US women.  Below is a short video about what happens to women who are unable to access safe abortion.

 

Fertility Friday: Parasites, Mold, Infections, Hidden Pathogens … And Your Fertility

Today, we share Fertility Friday’s podcast interview with Dr. Jessica Peatross on how parasites, mold, infections and hidden pathogens impact your health and fertility.

Hidden pathogens don’t always show up consistently on tests, and can be notoriously difficult to treat. Many women have struggled to successfully get rid of persistent, underlying infections, and Dr. Peatross tells all about getting the support you need, and ultimately getting to the root of the issue.

Topics discussed in today’s episode:
  • What drew Dr. Peatross to medicine and prompted her to shift her focus on medicine
  • How some of these hidden illnesses can present themselves and how they can be missed by our traditional medical system
  • Where would someone get mold exposure and how to detect it in your body
  • What are the common symptoms of mold and how it can affect your health
  • Is there anything that a person can do to minimize the effect of mold
  • How to determine if your house is safe of mold
  • How individuals think they are immune from hidden pathogens, viruses and infections
  • Why some people get sick and some people do not when exposed to the same thing
  • How underlying infections and parasites can reap havoc on our health

 Follow this link to tune in.

What Does RBG’s Death Mean For Black Women And Other Women Of Color?

 

Friday evening’s news that our sister Ruth Bader Ginsburg passed was not surprising – but it sure was shocking.

Where were you when you heard the news? I was actually watching my favorite news show The Reid Out when suddenly, Joy Reid cut off her guest and said, “Just a second, I’m going to have to take this breaking news…”

When I saw Joy’s face I knew what it was.

Then, Joy said it, “Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg has passed.”

I swear two seconds hadn’t gone by when all my Sista’ friends started texting and calling me announcing the news.

Yas – the Sista’ Network is not only real – but it is fast!

And, ladies, we gotta be fast in how we respond to this. RBG’s passing is no joke.  We are in danger. Under more threat than we usually are when we walk our sexy selves out the door and do our stuff.

Sad, but not, surprising 24 hours hadn’t passed after RBG’s death when The Donald said it’s his “obligation” to fill the vacancy “without a delay.” Oh Pluh-lease…

What is at stake? Below is just a sample. But, things could get really wild and the Court could start questioning the validity of Brown vs The Board of Education. Have you ever read what Justice Clarence Thomas believes?  He doesn’t believe in legal precedent.  The man believes in redoing everything. Yes – legally segregated schools could be in your family’s future.

  • Healthcare. The Supreme Court will be voting on Obamacare/Affordable Care Act this upcoming session (November 10). A death nail could be put in Obamacare and this would affect access to all insurance and healthcare. And forget about covering pre-existing conditions. And we’re the ones most like to get COVID, have diabetes, high blood pressures. I don’t have to share SuzyKnew! or other articles for you to know how access to healthcare is a life and death issue for us.
  • More specifically… abortion rights. RBG’s death is what conservatives (who refuse to wear a mask against Coronavirus which could literally result in killing people but are so worried about a woman having an abortion) have been waiting for: to put an anti-choice conservative on the court for years.  Black, Latina and other women of color are especially vulnerable to cuts in access to abortion. Overturning Roe v Wade would result in more maternal mortality and morbidity among women of color. It will put more pressure on our ability to live fully  – or just survive.
  • DACA – In June, the Supreme Court knocked down the Trump’s administration’s attempt to kill the Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals, or DACA. But, new applications aren’t being accepted. And the future will be determined by the next president and most likely the Supreme Court.
  • Affirmative Action and Civil Rights. Yes. I don’t care what kind of Black or woman of color you are. This impacts you and your future and that of your children.

What can you do?

  • Vote early – in person. Don’t sit around and wait until the last minute. Grab your mask and go down to early voting. Your voting place may have changed, you may face other challenges you don’t know so go take care of it now. I will be voting the first day early voting opens in North Carolina: October 15.
  • Talk loudly among friends and family about voting and take time to engage with people who say they don’t think voting is worth it. Take those people to the polls. Making voting a Sista’ party!
  • Call the offices of vulnerable Republican Senators who would suffer if they would vote to confirm a nominee before the upcoming election or Inauguration including: Susan Collins (R-Maine her recent statement leaves wiggle room for her to vote), Lisa Murkowski (R-Alaska), Thom Tillis (R-NC), Cory Garner (R-Colorado) and others like Utah’s Mitt Romney who may be open to waiting for the election.

Ladies, we can’t take this sitting down. Our lives are on the line. Hear AOC’s take on what we can do:

 

WAP – Cardi B And Me

Ladies – do you have some WAP – like Cardi B? Yes. Wet Ass Pussy. If you’ve got it. Flaunt it.

Get a mop and a bucket: female lubrication is sexy and hot.  And, everybody is talking about it.  WAP showcases Black women demanding pleasure and explaining how they want it, standing in stark contrast to the scenario of women being made to feel embarrassed by having so much natural lubricant or ejaculate.  Remember “The Flood” monologue in the The Vagina Monologues?  An older woman who came of age during the 1950’s shares how when she went on a drive in high school with a handsome suitor,  she got so aroused that a gush of female fluid or ejaculate rushed out of her, staining the car seat and her dress. The large volume of love juice disgusted her guy and humiliated her.  After that, the woman, who had never experienced such strong sexual arousal before, said she was so mortified she shut her vagina off from all contact. She told the interviewer that if her vagina wore a sign, it would say “Closed. Due to flooding.” 

In society, Black women have been depicted as either very religious and prude or hyper sexual, like an animal.  But, in music, such as Hip Hop,  Black women have taken control over nasty name-calling and relish in their own our sexuality.   The chanting WAP chorus in the background There’s some whores in the House. There’s some whores in the House, sounds more like a religious affirmation than judgmental scolding

We, Sista’s have been bragging, showing off our stuff and putting it out there for years.  Taking our sexual power back from men. Remember L’il Kim and “Suck My D*ck?”  Like L’il Kim, Cardi B is deciding how to use sexual language to her benefit and power.  And don’t forget Foxy Brown,  Missy Elliott and more.

Male rappers tell us about their junk. And, we don’t let them outdo us.

Today, a lotta women want to squirt and gush but this sexual power is relatively new and not everyone embraces it. There are books and online articles helping women to gush their juice at orgasm and teach men how to make their women’s juices flow. But, ladies, it’s not about about the gush but pleasure.  Right?

Of course, there has been some shock over the lyrics and dance in Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion’s latest song (particularly from conservative men). But, the song has gone viral and now tops many charts. It’s number one on the most important Hot 100.  Seven days after being made available, WAP is the best-selling song in the U.S. Plus – everyone is trying to do the dance.  Tiktok has even launched a WAP dance context.

Ladies, show them some WAP!

SuzyKnew!

Keep it healthy!

Keep it sexy!

 

 

Fertility Friday: Conceiving In The Midst Of A Pandemic

Lisa Hendrickson Jack

Lisa Hendrickson Jack

This Friday we share Fertility Friday’s powerful and important podcast episode focusing on conception in the midst of chaos.

With the increasingly restrictive measures that have been imposed on us, and growing uncertainty about when we’ll emerge from it all, where does that leave your plans to grow your family?

If you’ve wondered whether this is the “right” time to conceive, you’ll appreciate today’s episode. Find out why Pritam feels that the current state of affairs presents an incredible opportunity to bring children into the world. We delve into the topic of stress and explore how to cultivate your thoughts and emotions to foster an incredible, life-giving environment for your unborn child — regardless of what’s happening in the outside world.

Topics discussed in today’s episode include:

  • Why it’s important to look at the spiritual side of childbirth
  • How women can heal from trauma from childbirth
  • Pritam’s belief that conciseness begins when a child is born
  • How women can amplify their environment to create a healthy embryo
  • Women should actively be creating a healthy living environment before becoming pregnant
  • How women gain their power back
  • Connection between preparation and how it may help improve fertility

Click here for the podcast

Be Yourself. Be Unapologetically You. SWJ

Ladies, SWJ.

Serena Williams Jewelry.

We’re lovin’ it over here at SuzyKnew!

This is not a sponsored post. We just came across this new collection while clicking through the internet and thought “Y-a-s…”

A lot of what this collection expresses reflects SuzyKnew! values. Like proclaiming your self-love, strength and success. You can proclaim this by buying yourself pure gold and silver jewelry with bold affirming statements.  You don’t need to wait for the “Little Blue Box,” a.k.a jewelry from Tiffany’s.  You don’t have to wait for someone to buy you diamonds or to tell you you’re a success; you don’t have to settle for blood diamonds either.

Wearing SWJ jewelry shows you know your worth and know how treat yourself. It’s well… from one Sista’ to another.

Serena expresses the sentiment well by explaining on her site:

“The collection is a beautiful celebration of the strong women in my life and around the world. My designs inspire people to love themselves, believe in themselves, and, of course, treat themselves.”

Of course, this is jewelry can be offered as a gift from a parent, sibling, friend or lover,   But, we like the fact that this jewelry encourages us to love ourselves and treat ourselves well. It is jewelry for us – and by us!

SWJ diamonds are affordable. Getting a diamond necklace, an ethicially-mined diamond necklace, for as little as $600 is a real deal. We’re really lovin’ the “Unstoppable” collection, which frankly is more affordable than other pieces in SWJ, launched last year.  This collection was released in the face of the Coronavirus pandemic.  People of color are disproportionately affected by the virus physically and economically. The message “Unstoppable” reminds us and tells the world we will not be defeated.

For more on SWJ jewelry click here and for more SuzyKnew! articles on Serena Williams see: Will Obamacare Be Gutted? Even With Insurance And Education Our Chances Of Dying In Childbirth Are High

Photos: Courtsey of Serena Williams Jewelry

 

ASK A SEX THERAPIST: Will My Boyfriend’s ‘Size’ Affect My Ability To Get Pregnant?

My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years and we tried to have a baby. I’m starting to think that it won’t happen because though size doesn’t matter it does when you’re trying to reproduce. My boyfriend’s penis sometimes penetrates me and sometimes it doesn’t. Sex with him has always been frustrating because I’m his first and he has a tendency to climax rather quickly. I feel like it’s my fault because I have more experience and I just don’t know how to help him. What should I do?

Thanks for your question. Below are some articles that may help:

https://www.motherandbaby.co.uk/trying-for-a-baby/pregnancy-planning/ttc-sex-and-your-relationship/best-sex-positions-to-get-pregnant#gallery-7917

https://www.refinery29.com/small-penis-sex-positions

If rapid/premature ejaculation continues to be an issue for him, it may be helpful for him to work with a sex therapist to learn various techniques. Also, if you’ve been trying to get pregnant for a while, it may be helpful to speak with your physicians to see if there may be other issues at play impeding the process.

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Read more articles by ASK A SEX THERAPIST – “Prince: Christian and Sex Positive,” “To Grapefruit Or Not To Grapefruit” “What Does ‘Formation’ Say About Black Women’s Sex Lives?”

De-Andrea Blaylock-Johnson is a licensed clinical social worker and sex therapist in private practice at Sankofa Sex Therapy, LLC. She’s on the Executive Board of the Women of Color Sexual Health Network and has been featured as a sexpert on Ebony.com, Shape.com, and WomensHealthMag.com. She recently appeared in “Antigone” a play about the events in Ferguson, MO. Check out her YouTube show, Ask A Sex Therapist, where she answers your questions related to sex and sexuality and visit her website, SankofaSexTherapy.com