Tag Archives: Christianity

Prince: Christian And Sex-Positive – ASK A SEX THERAPIST

When I first heard there was a death at Paisley Park, my heart immediately sank. I instinctively knew it was Prince, but didn’t want to believe it. When it was confirmed that he had indeed passed away, I had to take a moment and attempt to let it sink in. It still hasn’t fully.

I grew up in a musical household. We were exposed to soul and jazz at an early age, learning to harmonize in the car because, sometimes, the radio was broken. As a child, I probably knew more about Phoebe Snow than other kids on the playground, but I was good with that. And then one day, my father brought home a record and showed it to my older sister. He told her to read the credits where she saw that The Artist, Prince, was responsible for playing each instrument and singing each lyric on the album. She was hooked. As a little sister, I was just excited to follow along in her new fondness.

I was first introduced to Prince through the movie, Purple Rain. I really didn’t know what was going on, but I knew that I liked the music scenes. I laughed at the antics of Morris and Jerome and loved to watch Prince. He was electric on stage. As kids, we’d reenact the concert scenes where I was Lisa, playing the ironing board as a keyboard, my sister was Wendy jamming on her broom/guitar, and my cousin (who’s really more like my big brother) was Prince, rocking out on the mop. We’d often just put on the record and jam, like we were really doing something, singing and “playing” away.

As I got older, I started to notice how Prince’s lyrics often had Christian themes. I Would Die 4 U literally blew my mind with how he talked about love and redemption. …but on the other side of the album was Darling Nikki which remains one of my karaoke standbys. But even right after Darling Nikki was the backwards song that talked about eschatology. As a kid, I was both confused and intrigued.

Prince was able to be openly Christian and sex positive. He often sang about sex and sexuality from a perspective of pleasure in a world where those two topics don’t often meet. Although I come from a family where we still have open conversations about sex and sexuality, I think Prince helped me realize that you don’t have to abandon religion to appreciate sex. Dare I say that Prince’s influence enabled me to be the “Christian Sex Maven”? I would have probably still become a sex therapist, but without Prince’s music, the process would not have been as fluid.

Prince made it cool for me to ascribe to Christian beliefs and be my flawed, dynamic, talented self. His influence on my work and approach is far-reaching. From my desire to play several instruments and score music in high school to my interest in sexuality, he opened my eyes to a new world where I as a black girl could defy the expectations of others and just be myself.

Since Prince transitioned, I decided to actively avoid the song, Sometimes It Snows in April. I knew that once I heard the first chord, tears would probably fall. However, I wasn’t expecting to cry when I heard Adore on April 22nd. It’s one of my favorite songs for many reasons and I think it made me realize how much Prince means to me. I grew up listening to his music and can mark different triumphs and tribulations in my life by Prince albums. And now, the fact that he’s gone from this plane makes me incredibly sad that we’re no longer breathing the same air or seeing the same sky. However, I’m eternally grateful for his influence on my life and work and will hope to live to see the dawn.

I’m A Single, Black Christian Woman. Will I Ever Get Married? If Not, Should I Plan A Life Without Sex? ASK JANICE

Black woman with Bible

Dear Janice,

I’m a professional, single Black Christian woman who was raised to believe that sexual relations should only take place within the confines of marriage.  But more than a decade after getting my Master’s, I’m still single – and we all know statistics say that the chances of Black women getting married are slim. So, while I want to enjoy a sexual relationship with a man, I just don’t feel comfortable doing so. But, the chances of my getting married are slim. Should I plan to live my entire life without sex?

Also, Janice, I just want to let you know that recently I received and accepted an exciting offer to become a part-time representative of a tasteful, online sex toy business started by a widely respected female entertainer. How do I share my news and excitement with my family and church?


Charlotte, NC



Dear Sierra,

I’m going to deal with the second question first.  Congratulations!  And can a sistah get a hook-up … a discount … a good deal?  Just kidding!

Seriously though, given your upbringing, it might not be a good idea to share all the details of your new part-time gig with everyone.  I’m not saying you should lie, mind you.  And I’m so glad you’re excited about what you’re doing!  I’m just saying that everybody doesn’t need to know all your business.  Maybe just say that you’ve accepted a part-time, online sales position and leave it at that.  These days everyone is selling something online, so making a little extra cheddar on the internet isn’t unusual and shouldn’t raise too many questions.  And trust me … I’d give you the exact same advice even if you weren’t involved in the church.  Our world is still too threatened by the idea of women owning and controlling their own sexual pleasure, and many will make assumptions about your character based on the products you represent.  I’m not saying it’s right … but it happens.

Now to the question of whether you should plan to live your entire life without sex.  My answer is a loud and resounding NO!  First of all, don’t give up on the idea of getting married!  I know so many women who have multiple degrees and are well-established in their careers who are finding life partners despite the depressing statistics.  Your future hubby may not have his Master’s like you do, and he may not even make as much money as you.  But, if he loves and respects you, shares your values and has the same goals in life as you, then he’s the one!

I’ll admit that finding Mr. Right ain’t easy these days.  I’m just saying don’t give up.  Keep your mind and your options open.  Consider thinking outside the box and try online dating or even a professional match-maker.  Just be proactive and open … and don’t buy into all the hype about there being no one for educated, Black women to marry.

In the meantime, I am not going to tell you to set aside your beliefs about sex outside of marriage.  However, from the tone of your question, I suspect you may be ready to do just that.  I would urge you to remember that one reason for keeping sex within marriage has historically been mostly about children.  I personally believe that if sex was only meant for procreation it wouldn’t feel so damned good!  But, that’s my opinion.  If you do decide to embark on a sexual relationship before you get married, I only hope you choose someone worthy of you.  He should respect you, honor you, care about you and be genuinely concerned with your pleasure.  Anyone who doesn’t do all of the above just isn’t worth your time.

Anyway, with the products you represent in your new part-time job, this may be a moot point anyway!  Yes, having a human sex partner is preferred … as long as he’s good and meets the above-mentioned qualifications.  But trust me when I say, ain’t nothing wrong with playing with toys!  They don’t talk back, fart in bed, hog the blankets, stain your sheets, snore or turn on Sports Center when you’re done.  And they never make promises they have no intention of keeping.

Now … about that discount?




You can ASK JANICE all your intimate love questions at ASKJANICE@suzyknew.com