By Sophia Ned-James
Let’s be honest, ladies. Not every encounter with a coveted “crush” ends well. Sometimes we build these guys up in our minds into the men of our childhood fairytales: a dashing Prince Charming with whom we’ll live happily ever after with just one kiss. Our expectations are often ridiculously high – too high for any mortal man to reach. And that’s why sometimes, it’s best if we just let our “crushes” remain just what they are: figments of our over-active imaginations.
Because often, even when we’re lucky enough to “get” our crushes, we end up disappointed. How could we not be? No one could possibly live up to the impossibly high standards we’ve set in our own minds. And even when it isn’t a matter of expectation vs. reality, sometimes the guy just doesn’t measure up to even the most basic standards.
Has that ever happened to you? You’ve been lusting after a guy because he seems perfect for you. But you only know him from a distance or as a friend, so you can’t really get a read on how he’ll be romantically. So you fantasize about him, creating different scenarios where you end up together, dreaming about what your kids will look like. At the very least, you spend way too much time picturing all kinds of steamy, sexy encounters where he ravishes you with his enormous … um, equipment!
And then somehow … maybe by luck or some superior maneuvering on your part … you get your shot with him. And you’re totally devastated to learn that he’s a horrible kisser with slimy hands and a teeny weeny … weeny! Or he’s an immature jerk, or emotionally unavailable … you can pretty much insert any disappointing scenario, here.
Ugh! What a letdown, right? All that wasted time and energy, all those long nights fantasizing about him, and for what? A great big nothing! And you promise yourself that you’ll never get carried away with a crush again.
But here’s why we still pursue our crushes and remain hopeful, daydreaming and doodling his name like some besotted schoolgirl: sometimes, albeit rarely, a crush does turn into Prince Charming. (Okay, maybe not Prince Charming, per se. But you get what I mean.) Sometimes the fantasy becomes the reality!
I was still in college and I’d had a crush on Simon* for about a year. I never acted on my growing feelings for him because honestly, I thought he was out of my league. Over the course of that year, we’d gotten to know each other pretty well. In fact, he often turned to me for advice about his different girlfriends. I was a good friend and always advised him according to what I believed were his best interests. It wasn’t easy, though. Watching him date other women while my feelings for him grew was more than a little painful. But since I didn’t think I had a shot with him, I dealt with it.
I had my own share of dates and flings, so it wasn’t as if I were sitting at home pining for him. But I’d be lying if I said I didn’t compare every guy I encountered to Simon. And every single one of them fell short.
Anyway, after a year of lusting and fantasizing, I finally had my chance with my crush. At the time, we were both between relationships and found ourselves alone in his apartment one Saturday night. After a few drinks, I was thrilled to learn that Simon had been crushing on me for about as long as I’d been crushing on him! I was on top of the world!
Then came that moment of truth: do we risk our great rapport by crossing the line from friendship to relationship? What if we tried and it turned out horribly? Or even if “we” worked for a while, what if we broke up later and ended up hating each other?
In the end, curiosity, lust and a little too much beer won out over caution, and we agreed to share our first kiss. The sparks flew from the moment our lips met! It’s many years later and I can honestly say that was the best first kiss I’ve ever shared with a man. It was perfect … kissing Simon felt like home.
But should we go further, we breathlessly asked each other? Yes, those first kisses were spectacular. But maybe we should quit while we were ahead. At that point both of us could have walked away unscathed and our friendship would remain unchanged.
I don’t know whose idea it was, but we decided to go into his bedroom. “Let’s just lie next to each other on the bed and let whatever happens happen,” we said. Ha! I don’t think we were in his room for more than one full minute before we were both naked and going at it like rabbits!
If our first kiss generated sparks, our first sex-capades were positively nuclear! I mean, we went at it all night long! (Ah, youth! What I wouldn’t give for that kind of stamina now!)
But it wasn’t just the fact that we did any and everything to and for each other. Fuelled by youth, beer and pent up lust, we were like circus acrobats! It was so much more than that, though. In fact, it was honestly one of the most sexually pleasurable experiences I’ve ever had.
I think our strong friendship made it easier for us to tune into each other’s desires and responses. We could reach other’s bodies well. And because of our genuine respect for each other, we eagerly did what we could to please. It was a truly unforgettable night that was the first of many unforgettable nights.
So that’s my story of a crush that had a happy ending. Simon and I aren’t together today, but we are still friends. Our relationship only ended because our lives after college took us in different directions emotionally, professionally and geographically. It’s all good, though. Like I said, we’re still friends.
And that’s why I still believe in crushes. Yeah, a lot of them turn out to be huge disappointments. But every once in a while, you encounter a crush like Simon …
*Nope, Simon isn’t even close to his real name. You know the rules: I always change the name and a few details to protect the not-so-innocent!