Tag Archives: friends or lovers?

Help! My Crush Only Wants To Be Friends ASK JANICE

Dear Janice,

I’m 19 and i have a crush on this guy. I like him a lot although we have really friend-zoned each other. Should i confess my feelings to him or just leave it? I’ve never liked any guy this much.


Dear Friend Zone,

Honestly, there’s really nothing more depressing than being in the friend zone of your crush!  But, don’t despair!  As his friend, you’re actually in the best position to get a real relationship out of this!  But, it’s gonna take a little patience and a little risk.

First of all, what you need to realize is that the best, long-lasting relationships are always based upon friendship.  Sure, there’s attraction, passion, sizzle and all of that.  But, without a real friendship, those relationships end quickly.  So, if you and this guy are really good friends, then you’ve already laid a great foundation for something that could really work for you.  You just need to get him on the same page as you.

And this is where you may need patience.  Guys tend to be a little slow when it comes to realizing their really feelings, especially when they involve women.  However, you can use this to your advantage.  While he’s slowly realizing how perfect you are for him, you need to be doing things to show him how perfect you are for him.  That means, you need to ramp your friendship game up even higher.  Become his main confidante.  Be there for him when he needs someone to talk to, to vent to, to just be with.  Become more than his friend, become his best friend.

And let him be those things to you, too.  Start confiding in him more.  Ask for his advice more often (men love to feel needed).  Try to spend more time with him.  But be careful!  You don’t want to come off as needy or stalker-ish!  There’s a very thin line between appreciating someone’s presence and a getting restraining order against them!

Anyway, once the two of you become even closer friends, you’ll be in a great position to turn things in a more romantic direction.  And this is where you’ll have to be direct.  Men, especially younger men, don’t really get subtlety.  Openly flirting with him probably won’t work.  You might have to beat him over the head with it (not literally, of course – there are laws against that).  But make it clear that you want to take your relationship to the next level.  Be honest about your feelings for him.  And if you play your cards just right, by now he’ll believe the whole thing was his idea, anyway.

But there are risks.  Even if he loves and needs you as his friend, he still may not ever feel for you the way you feel for him.  He may even be in love with someone else, leaving you in the friend zone forever.  And man, have I been there!  It hurts like mad, but you will get over it, eventually.  The problem is that if that happens, it’ll change your friendship.  He’ll probably act weird around you and things will be awkward for a while.  Hopefully, you’ll be able to move past it, though.

Or, things may work out and the two of you become romantic, and everything is great for a while.  But, if the relationship ends (especially if it ends badly), it could ruin your friendship forever.  Not only will you have lost a boyfriend, you will have lost a best friend, as well.

So be sure this is a risk you’re willing to take.  When you try to take a guy from the friend zone to the boyfriend zone, it could get messy and you could get hurt.  But, if you do it right … you could very well establish a great, long-lasting relationship.  You’ll need to be patient, but if it works out, it’ll be well worth the wait.

Good luck!