Sometimes we find ourselves being the bigger woman, the one who is agreeable, reasonable and compassionate to everyone she encounters. We notice that our default answer is yes to almost every request. Willing to help and being supportive to everyone in our circle and beyond. Now there is nothing wrong with this default mode. I have been there, as well as many other amazing women before and after me. The sticky point with this situation is that we risk not having our own needs met. We are so busy being of service to everyone we put our own priorities on the back burner – in another kitchen!
You want to be the agreeable one, who does not want to rock that proverbial boat, as you watch as that colleague (let’s call him Brad), whose work you cover most of the time, be promoted above you for the second time after taking credit for your work. Now the Brad issue is hypothetical. However, a variant of this plays out daily in the workplace all over the western hemisphere. Do you remember when the award-winning actress discovered that her male counterparts were on a 9% deal while she was on 7% for the same movie and she said in her own words that she did not want to appear spoilt or demanding. Now it is all good and well wearing the “nice one” badge, but not if the price you are paying for that badge is driving you to feel like your desires are not important and inconsequential.
Ladies, I say it is time to awaken the inner diva! For some the mere mention of the word Diva is met with judgement, disparaging guffaws and out-loud eye rolls. Others run for the hills screaming I don’t want to be that type of woman, as if the Diva comes with its own scarlet branding.
So, let’s put this in context. When people normally talk about being a Diva, usually the image of an over the top, over demanding, over bearing actress or singer, who is asking for the outrageous to the ridiculous with high expectations she will receive it all. You see the negative Diva stereotypes play out via reality shows like Bridezilla or any of the housewives of God knows where, and we gasp that we do not want to be that type of woman. Sadly, if only most of us knew that Diva originally meant Divine one….
There is nothing wrong with taping into the inner Diva that lives within, find her, your inner alt-ego, that one who walks into any room as a dazzling light, who knows how to work a room and make her presence felt without diminishing anyone else in the room. In fact a true Diva knows how to cast a light on others in such a way that it makes her the central focus in a well-lit room…. We all have that friend who walks in the room with such energy and power that she shares this with everyone in the room without diminishing her own power…. When you shine, and show up you give others the permission to do the same.
Your inner Diva is highly intuitive. She knows when to extend a helping hand and when to say no because helping at that point would not be good for you. Your diva knows that her energy and needs are important. And, she also knows it is right sometimes to say I am sorry, I can’t do this for you today without feeling guilty because she knows that her needs are important too.
The funny thing all these reality shows have in common is very vocal women demanding the ridiculous and we are shocked when they get it. If we took a step back from the TV show, over the top antics and saw the common factor here is that being vocal pays off, speaking up and asking for what you want. If you are not asking for what you want in your career and personal life you can’t be upset when those needs are not met. It is on you for not speaking out against the hypothetical Brad and his credit stealing ways …. Let’s put this in context, you are not being ask to turn into one of these Bridezilla’s rather, being able to vocalize what it is you need, when you need it without getting to the point of frustration and boiling point that you unleash the assassin within who slashes everyone in path with her words…
Your inner Diva accepts help from others as well. She knows that everything in life has an ebb and flow. She knows that to give to others, we have to be willing to accept help from others as a way to avoid burn out. She knows that running on fumes is a one-way trip to martyrdom, which is a trip no one wants. So, ladies are you ready to make room for your inner Diva?
Show creator and host:
Shine Out Loud Show