Janice, should I let him go down on me? All my friends tell me it’s wonderful, but I just can’t relax. Help! It’s beginning to ruin my relationship. My guy says that if I don’t let him, I’m not really giving myself fully to him. Is this true?
Cheryl in Detroit
Well, I don’t know about all that “not giving yourself fully to him” stuff. But I will say that you may be missing out on some serious blessings, girl. There are few things more delightful than the pleasure a well-laced tongue can bring. Anyone who has never experienced the soul-jarring orgasm that can result from having a man go down on you is truly missing out on one of life’s mores delicious pleasures (pun intended).
Look. Many men will lie and say that they either don’t do it, or don’t like doing it. But they are liars! And while there are a few selfish men out there who refuse to go “downtown” (unbelievable, I know), most men are willing to because it gives their partners pleasure, often deepening their feelings of intimacy. In fact, many men actually like pleasuring their women orally! So, consider yourself lucky that you’ve got one of the good guys: someone who is actually WILLING to go down on you.
Now, I will be the first to admit that not every man willing to take the trip downtown knows what he’s doing. And there are not a whole lot of things worse than someone being down there, fumbling around, hitting all the wrong spots and missing the right ones; putting too much pressure when a soft touch is required, or not enough pressure when you’re ready to do a little grinding. In fact, in my humble opinion, the only things worse than bad oral sex are nails on a chalkboard, people who cut me off in traffic, and telemarketers who call during dinner.
On the other hand, when it’s done well it is oh, so very good!
I am not sure why you are having trouble relaxing and letting your man pleasure you orally. However, I suspect you may have been brainwashed like so many women into thinking that our bodies (especially in THAT area) are undesirable, unlovable and worse, un-kissable. Such programming is often unintentional and subliminal. After all, we are taught by advertisers to camouflage our natural scent. There are sprays, inserts, wipes … and many of us remember seeing those hot water bottle douches hanging on the back of our grandmothers’ bathroom doors. Such images and messages can leave an indelible mark on a young girl’s mind, especially if she is naturally modest. Maybe you’ve internalized these messages and are now self-conscious about someone putting their face, mouth, tongue and yes … nose down there.
Well, it’s time to un-learn those self-disparaging messages and embrace your body … every single, creamy inch of it! Before you can ever really give yourself to anyone, you have to first accept yourself the way you are.
Trust me when I tell you that as long as you are clean, your man will love the smell of your essence. Rather than a pungent odor that must be sprayed with some artificial camouflage, think of your vag as the delightful flower that it is, offering up a heady, sensual scent which is unique to you and only you. Your scent is like your fingerprint: no one else’s is the same. Be proud of it, show it off, and let your man enjoy it to the very last drop!
Email Janice at AskJance@suzyknew.com with your intimate question.