Tag Archives: loving two men

Help! I’m Involved With Two Men: ASK JANICE

I'm Involved With Two Men

Dear Janice:

I’m involved with two men: one gives me the attention I crave but can be too weak and needy. The other is handy, better looking and more charming.  But, he is painfully aloof.  I’d like to have just one man in my life.  Should I choose one over the other, start over, or accept that I need two men to fulfill my needs?

Involved With Two Men


Dear Involved:

Ah, you lucky, greedy girl!  I wish I had your problems!  As the song says, “I’ve got 99 problems, but too many men ain’t one”!

Well, my dear, the way I see it, you only have one choice: keep ‘em both!

Listen, the first thing you need to realize is that no one, single man can fulfill ALL your needs!  And he’s not supposed to!  That’s why we have girlfriends, hobbies, kids … if we depended on just one man (or just one person, for that matter) to meet all of our needs, not only would we never be satisfied, but the object of all that “affection” would buckle under the weight of so much pressure!  Can you imagine being anyone’s EVERYTHING?  Phew!  Nobody has time for all that!

Having said that, though, your man should at least fill some of your basic needs: companionship, sexual, emotional (some of them, though … not ALL of them) and even friendship.  As for the rest … well, it’s like I said.  You’ve got your girls, your church, your hobbies, your career, even your kids, if that’s part of your life plan.

And if one man isn’t meeting even those very basic needs, then maybe you do need to get you one or two more.  As long as you’re not married or breaking any promises, there is nothing wrong with dating more than one guy.

Now, as far as your specific men, I would say that your real problem isn’t that neither one meets your needs.  No, the problem with these guys is that you need to train them a little better.  I’m not saying you have the power to change a man.  No woman can really do that.  But, any woman worth her salt knows how to “help” a man modify his behavior to better meet her needs.  Tell Mr. Needy when he’s being too clingy … be honest and open about how incredibly annoying that is, and how he could lose you if he doesn’t chill with that mess.  I never could tolerate an overly clingy guy who wanted to be up under me all the time.  Ugh!

And Mr. Aloof?  Shoot, all he needs is a few instances of you not being available for him when he wants to be with you.  Don’t answer his every call.  Don’t always be free on the nights he wants to hang out.  Give him a taste of his own medicine and one of two things will happen:  he’ll either get the message be more available to you; or he’ll move on to someone else who will put up with his randomness.  If the latter happens, then good riddance!  Your problem is solved for you.

I suspect that this “problem” will soon resolve itself, though.  One of the guys will take himself out of the equation either by messing up so badly, that you kick him to the curb, or by finally getting on your last nerve to the point where you … that’s right: kick him to the curb.

In the meantime, enjoy your abundance of men, girlfriend! And keep us posted! Those of us who are single and can’t even find one half-way decent guy can just live vicariously through you.  Get the most you can out of both of them while you can!  Just remember not to practice deceit, because a betrayed man is an angry man … and an angry man can be dangerous.  And of course, practice safe sex … always.  Enjoy!