by Sophia Ned-James

Happy June, SuzyKnew!

Let’s get right to it, shall we?  I make no secret of the fact that I enjoy good sex and the company of more than just one boyfriend.  Not every guy gets the goodies, but I’m not currently involved in a monogamous relationship, either.  But you know how I roll: I’m always safe and I’m always honest.

Anyway, lately I’ve been thinking about my last serious relationship.  It’s been a minute since it ended, but it was a loving, long-term, monogamous relationship that was wonderful … until it wasn’t.  Now that some time has passed, I can look back on it without wanting to slash his tires or scratch out his eyes.  And I can finally remember what was so wonderful about being with just one special guy.

When you’re deeply in love, sex is a beautiful thing, isn’t it?  Don’t get me wrong.  I don’t have to be in love to have really great sex.  Heck, I’ve had great sex with guys I didn’t even particularly like!

But unlike some women, I never confuse making love with having sex.  They’re two different things depending upon the nature of your relationship.  And trust me, men DEFINITELY know the difference.  That’s why more women end up heartbroken than men when they realize that the guy they were sexing wasn’t serious about the relationship.  So ladies, please be smart and never assume that just because you give up the goodies, the man will fall in love with you.

I know that many women don’t have sex unless they’re in love with the guy.  Casual sex just doesn’t work for them.  And that’s fine.  In fact, that’s great because that means they aren’t among the many women who claim to be “making love” (picture me doing air quotes here) with guys who won’t even call them the next day.

It’s obvious that making love is different from regular sex, even good sex.  Making love is deeper and more emotionally fulfilling.  It transcends the physical because it involves more than just your genitals and libido.  When your heart and even your soul are involved, it takes everything to a much deeper level.

My ex and I had an amazing sex life when things were good between us.  Our bodies were in synch, and with just a look he could get me from zero to sixty in three seconds flat.  Just the touch of his hand or feeling his breath on my neck would get me going, and I knew I had the same effect on him.

And man, could we bring the heat!  I remember this one time when we were supposed to go to a friend’s party one Friday evening.  My ex had to work late and wasn’t sure when he’d be free, so we agreed to meet at the party.

I arrived first, and was having a great time talking to friends.  But I knew, without looking, the exact moment my man arrived.  The air in the room changed.  It became denser.  All of my senses went on high alert and I was wet before I even laid eyes on him.

Our eyes met across the room, where he’d been standing at the door looking for me.  And I don’t think I’d ever wanted him more than at that very moment.  We didn’t break eye contact as we walked across the room towards each other.  As soon as we got close, I knew that within the next few minutes, we’d be in each other’s arms.

Without saying a word, we snuck off to our host’s guest bedroom.  My man had my panties off in seconds and it wasn’t until his face was buried deep between my legs that I realized we hadn’t even closed the door all the way.  Of course, that just made it hotter.

I have no idea if anyone saw our little mash-up that night, but I remember wondering if everyone we talked to afterwards could smell the “sex” on us.  Just the thought that everyone at the party knew what we did was both exciting.  Needless to say, we made an early night of it.

That’s just one example of our escapades.  We were a very sexually adventurous couple.  But it wasn’t just the risks we took or the strange places we did it that made it so special.  (Remind me to tell y’all about the time we did it on the very public pier of a well-known waterside park!)  It was the fact that we were truly in love that made every time seem like a trip to the moon.  Our love deepened our pleasure.

I enjoy a very healthy dating life right now.  And my sex life ain’t bad, either.  But I’d be lying if I said I didn’t long for another loving relationship.  Great casual sex between two consenting, safe and respectful adults can be awesome!  But there’s just nothing like making love, is there?