Dear Janice,

I’ve been with the same guy for five years.  Just recently, a co-worker asked me how I knew I was actually in love as opposed to just comfortable.  That got me thinking.  How can I tell if it’s really love?

Cynthia

Dear Cynthia,

Let’s talk about love!

First of all, congratulations on the longevity of your relationship!  These days, five years is like the new decade!  It’s a challenge to stay together … especially in the age of social media where old lovers can be found with a click of the mouse and every stupid thing you do can end up on YouTube.  So, the fact that you’ve hung in there says a lot.

Only you can determine if it’s real love, though.  I’m sure that after five years, you’ve already figured out the difference between that all-consuming romantic lust we have at the beginning of relationships and the real thing.  At first, it’s all flowers and moonlight, candles and hand-holding.  We can’t stand to be away from that person, even for the few hours we’re at work.  We talk constantly, whether by phone, text or Twitter.

And the sex?  Nothing and I mean nothing beats that beginning-of-the-relationship sex!  Both of you treat each encounter like a performance, pulling out all your best moves and your sexiest lingerie.  And you’re both insatiable … seeming to want and need it all the time.  You screw like rabbits and can’t get enough of each other.

But, after the honeymoon is over, all those quirky little things you thought were cute in the beginning are now annoying.  You don’t feel as obligated to laugh at all of his jokes and he no longer bothers to leave the room before he farts in front of you.  Conversations are brief, only occurring at your insistence or during half-time of the game.

As for sex, it’s still good, just not as frequent as before.  You’ve seen each other’s best moves and frankly, they just aren’t as impressive as before.  And you don’t mind so much if your panties and bras don’t match before you go to bed, either.  In fact, you don’t even give your pre-sex lingerie much thought anymore.  If it’s clean, you wear it!

And yet …

He’s still the first person you think of calling when you get good news at work.  He’s also the first person you call when you get bad news.  You don’t care if you laugh so hard you snort around him; and the fact that he can still make you laugh hard enough to make you snort speaks volumes.  You may hate it when he leaves the toilet seat up or his socks on the floor, but your heart still skips a beat when you hear his key in the door after a long day at work.  He’s still the last face you want to see when you go to sleep and the first voice you want to hear when you wake up.

You may not generate the heat and fireworks like you did when you first got together, but he’s still the only one who can make your temperature rise, even if it’s just a little bit.  He knows all your hot spots like the back of his hand, and yet he still goes just slow enough to send you to your bliss each and every time.

And even though you may bicker and fight like cats and dogs, you share a certain synchronicity that can’t be duplicated anywhere else.  It’s a rhythm, a harmonic beat that only the two of you can hear.  Most of the time you’re not even conscious of it … but it’s there.  It binds you together as you weather each storm, pulling you closer as each year passes.

Yeah, it’s comfortable, too.  Kind of like an old pair of slippers or that tee shirt you sleep in and just can’t get rid of.  But it’s also comforting, providing a safe harbor from the day-to-day trials of life.  And you share a deep respect for each other, so that no matter how angry or annoyed you get, you’ll only go so far with your insults and barbs.  You’ll never really set out to hurt each other.

And that’s just a little glimpse at what real love is … so enjoy!