Dear Janice,

I’m in a relationship with someone I’ve not had sex with. I’m still a virgin. We started dating about two months ago. But recently, when we’re kissing he asked me to touch his dick and suck. I touched it, but refused to suck it. I find it disgusting to suck his dick. But he said i will have to do that some other time. Please help me out what do i do. I love him so much and he loves me too.

Signed,

Help Me

***

Dear Help Me,

I’m glad you found someone to love and who loves you back.  Believe me, that’s not an easy thing to do.  Still, you should never do anything that makes you uncomfortable.  And anyone who really loves you wouldn’t expect you to.

Having sex, especially for the first time, is a VERY BIG DEAL.  So it’s important that when you choose to have sex, you’re absolutely ready.

This is true of oral sex, too.  When I was much younger and before I gave it a try, I thought oral sex was disgusting, too.  That’s because I was caught up in the many ways religion and society pressure women to suppress their sexuality.  You know, that whole good girl vs bad girl thing.  Plus, the thought of putting my mouth “down there” was just nasty.

But I was curious and open-minded, so my disgust didn’t last long.  Plus I got lucky and tried it for the first time with someone who was a patient instructor and, most importantly, someone who skillfully and generously reciprocated.  Reciprocity is a must in my book!

When done with the right person, oral sex is fun.  Sucking dick is fun.  It’s another form of intimacy, another way of communicating sexually that involves all the senses: touch, taste, smell, sound, sight … and when it’s shared mutually, it can bring you closer as a couple.

That said, you should NEVER, EVER do anything sexual you don’t want to do.  If, after doing a little research on your own with an open mind, you still don’t want to suck your boyfriend’s dick, then don’t.  If he dumps you over not getting his dick sucked, that says more about him than it says about you.  Because when you love someone, you respect their boundaries.  Period.

Otherwise, it isn’t love at all.

Good luck!

Photo courtesy of returnofkings.com