I love your work!
I need your advice. I am in love with my boss! He’s attractive and a really good man. And even though he’s a little older than me, we have so much in common.
But there are differences, too. He’s white and I’m Black. Also, he comes from a completely different religious background than me. I’m not sure we could get past these obstacles.
Sometimes, I think he feels the same way I do. But, I’m not positive. All I know for sure is that I love him and I want to marry him and have his children.
Please help me. How can I get this man?
There’s nothing quite like a workplace crush, is there? They’re easy to fall into since you see the person every day. Your crush is your boss, though. So there are some important things to consider.
First of all, does your job allow workplace romances? You don’t want to embark upon a relationship that could get you (or him) fired. Some employers worry about sexual harassment lawsuits, the appearance of favoritism and the like. Often, they will have policies which prohibit workplace relationships. Be sure to review your employer’s policy carefully. These days, any legal and paying job is a good job, and I don’t want you to lose yours.
Even if your employer allows romantic relationships, they still may have prohibitions against supervisor/subordinate relationships. They can make for very tricky waters. So even if your workplace allows personal relationships between employees, they may draw the line at relationships where one person is in a position of authority of the other.
Now if your job prohibits boss/employee relationships, it could still work if one of you were to transfer to another position within the company. For example, if you transfer to a different department where you no longer report directly to him, it could work. But I’m getting way ahead of myself, here.
Racial and religious differences aside, you need to determine if you both want the same kind of relationship. He may be interested in you, but is he looking for a wife and mother for his children? It’s clear from your letter that you want to marry him. You need to find out the real nature of his “interest” in you. Is he only interested in friendship? Or if he’s attracted to you, is it just sexually? Does he see you as a potential life partner? If he isn’t interested in the same thing, then it isn’t worth your heart or your job to get involved with this man romantically.
I don’t know either of you well enough to say HOW you can find this out, at first. However, if he’s given you some indication he might be interested, then maybe you should just be bold and ask him. Just be prepared to really listen to his answer, though.
If asked, most men are honest about what they want from the relationship at the outset. The problem is that we women refuse to listen! He’ll say he isn’t looking for a commitment, but we’ll sleep with him anyway thinking he’ll “fall in love” and change his mind later. Then we end up heartbroken because we’ve spent however many months or years waiting for him to give us the relationship we want. And why? He said from the beginning that he wasn’t interested in a commitment.
It gets worse. The very same man will often turn around and marry someone else! You see, when he said he wasn’t looking for a commitment, he meant with you! So when he turns up married to some chick he’s only known 2 months and they live happily ever after, you’re left bitter and alone, wondering what the hell is wrong with you. The only thing wrong is that you didn’t hold out for what you wanted. You settled for less, and that’s what you ended up getting.
I’m not saying this will happen to you. BUT, you must be clear about what you want from the beginning and, (this is very important to remember) you must LISTEN to what he tells you he wants. Don’t just hear what you want to hear; hear what he actually says. And if he doesn’t want what you want (marriage, children) then you need to keep it moving. It’ll be hard to get over him since you see him every day, but you can do it.
If you can get past the romance in the workplace issues, and if he wants the same kind of relationship as you, then the racial and religious differences can be handled. Both of you must be honest and open with each other, though. And you have to be respectful of each other’s beliefs and practices. You have to present a united front with your friends and family so that they all understand that you are determined to work hard at making your cross-cultural, bi-racial, two-religion relationship a success. That may mean standing alone against opposition from your loved ones. None of this will be easy, but it isn’t insurmountable.
I hope this helps. Good luck to you on your quest for love. I hope this works out for you!