Question:

My man and I have a decent sex life but it lacks sizzle. My man treats me like a porcelain doll … sometimes he’s just too gentle! His gentle manner was what first attracted me to him, and I appreciate that he’s so considerate of me. But every once in a while, I’d like him to just ravage me! How can I add some sizzle to our sex life without insulting my gentle man?

Answer:

Girl, who doesn’t want sizzle? Every now and then it’s nice to be ravaged … to be taken! I’m not talking about rape fantasies here (that’s a topic for another day). I’m talking hot, sweaty, head-banging sex; the kind where you’re too embarrassed to meet his eye after because of all the nasty things you said and did!

We all love to make love. You know that mushy, sweet, staring-into-each-other’s-eyes kind of lovemaking, where sweet nothings are whispered and your souls become one. That’s all well and good. But sometimes (probably more times than we’d care to admit), we all want our hair pulled and our asses slapped as we are thoroughly and (a little) roughly f@#$ed out of our minds.

There’s nothing like it, is there? You scratch your nails down his back and beg him for more. He flips you like a pancake and whispers into your ear all the dirty things he’s going to do to you. You both yell and scream; you let yourselves go as unbridled passion consumes you. And when it’s over, you are a sweaty, panting, hair-all-over-your-head, thoroughly satisfied mess.

I’ve got news for you. Men like and need this, too! I guarantee that your nice, mild-mannered man would love to feel your nails rake down his back as he wildly hammers you. He’s probably just worried that you’ll be turned off by any show of aggression in the bed.

So, here’s what you do: the next time he’s making that nice, sweet love to you, nudge him the dark side with little suggestions like “harder” or “faster” or even “take me”. You’ll find that he’ll be more than willing to comply. Then, as things heat up, continue to encourage him verbally and compliment him on his skills, his anatomy. Be vocal about your pleasure and get him to express his. Get him to talk to you. Ask him if he likes it, how he likes it, and how he wants it.

Not all men are “talkers”, but even a little verbal exchange can change the tone of your lovemaking. And once he knows that you are open to getting a little wilder in bed, he will be bolder with you. You have to let him know that you’re not going to break or be offended by a walk on the wild side. You just need to create a space comfortable enough for both of you to really let go and unleash your inner freaks! Enjoy!