Author Archives: SuzyKnew!

About SuzyKnew!

SuzyKnew! is dedicated to improving the sexual and reproductive health and sexual pleasure of women of color.

Important Obgyn Misoprostol Drugs Approved In East Africa

Reproductive Health No Comments

As ladies, we know pregnancy happens. And, sometimes pregnancies don’t go as planned.

Labor can be difficult. Postpartum bleeding can happen: postpartum hemorrhage (PPH) is the number one cause of maternal mortality in many African countries. Also, we can lose the baby through a miscarriage or spontaneous abortion. Or, we may terminate the pregnancy – have an abortion – for many reasons.

Many things can happen when you’re pregnant. But, medical advances – especially affordable ones that can be used in low-income settings – haven’t been common.

Enter misoprostol. Misoprostol was developed in the 1980’s as a stomach ulcer drug and was not prescribed for pregnant women because it could cause miscarriage. As medical providers began to understand the effect misoprostol had on the cervix and uterus, they began to use it “off label” to induce labor, medically manage miscarriages and for medical abortion.

Many African countries are leading the way in registering misprostol officially for obygn and reproductive health uses. The drug can be administered orally, under the tongue, vaginally or in the rectum. Smaller doses are used for “cervical ripening” to induce labor or prepare for uterine surgical procedures. Larger doses are used for the medical management of miscarriage and abortion with or without mifepristone.The big news is that the East African Community (EAC), including Tanzania, Uganda and Rwanda, just approved Indian drug maker Cipla’s misprostol. A press release on the topic came out in June. Cipla registered two dosages under the brand names Misoprost 200 and Pill 72.

For more information about misoprostol and its various obgyn usages, see a review on the journal Obstetrics and Gynecology and the Gynuity website.

What Birth Control Should I Take If I’m Pre-Diabetic? ASK AN OBGYN

Ask an OBGYN No Comments

Dear SuzyKnew!

I’m 29 years old and was recently been told by my doctor that I’m pre-Diabetic. I’m learning about my condition and read that women with Diabetes need special care during pregnancy.  I am not ready to have a baby just yet. Do I need to make any changes with my birth control?  Help a Sista out!

****

Dear Reader, You are correct. Whether you have a “touch of sugar” or are a type 2 or type 1 Diabetic, routine monitoring of your blood sugar level and regular visits to your doctor are key to maintaining good health. If you don’t want to start or add to your family, preventing pregnancy is a MUST.  However, an unplanned pregnancy is nothing you want to mess with, and can result in some serious health consequences.

Managing Diabetes is tricky business, especially for newly diagnosed patients.  You have your hands full now with diet, exercise, and glycemic control.  For most women in your position, they want a reliable birth control method and want to avoid pregnancy.

There are some methods that are better than others for a woman newly diagnosed with Diabeties:

Not so great: I wouldn’t advocate a natural family planning method, in which women predict ovulation and avoid intercourse during fertile times.  This is generally not a reliable method and carries a high risk of unplanned pregnancy.  I also would caution against using a barrier method alone (meaning just a condom and not in combination with a more reliable method).

Better: Methods that do not require frequent administration are great for Diabetics.  You need to focus on diet, exercise, glycemic control, and let’s not forget about dental care, right?  Adding another daily routine just opens the door to human error.   Many hormonal products have been developed with convenience in mind, such as the ring, patch, intrauterine devices, and contraceptive injections.  These tend to work well for busy women whether they are Diabetic or not.

Here is a word of caution about the use of hormonal contraceptives from the American Diabetes Association.- many birth control methods work by altering hormone concentrations. Hormonal birth control methods (patch, ring, IUD, pills, injections, implants) can affect your blood glucose levels.  So what should you do?  Here’s some advice:

 Have your A1C, blood pressure, and cholesterol checked 3 months after you start any hormonal birth control method (pill, patch, IUD, injection, ring)

 – Check your blood glucose levels frequently when you start any new method.

 –Keep accurate daily records of your blood glucose levels and insulin usage. Bring these to your doctor’s appointment.

 Best:  The most reliable method is a tubal ligation.  This is an option if you know for sure that childbearing is not in your future.  Since most 29-year-old women are not prepared to make such a permanent change, your best option may be barrier methods used in combination with a method with higher reliability, such as a intrauterine device, injection or patch.  Then you get the best of both worlds- protection from both STDs and pregnancy!

And don’t forget Emergency Contraception (EC).   Let’s face it, mistakes happen.  Diabetics should have a prescription or better yet, a supply of EC in the bathroom cabinet.

What About That Future Baby You May Have In Mind? Most women who have Diabetes can have healthy pregnancies under the close care of their doctor.   Women with Diabetes should their doctor before they become pregnant for preconception counseling.  And during your pregnancy, it is very important to have a doctor that will closely monitor your condition. Pregnancy can but a high level of stress on multiple organ systems including your kidneys, eyes and vascular system.  These are systems that are already stressed in a Diabetic.  High levels of glucose can cause serious health effects such as a miscarriage or birth defects in a developing fetus.

Millions of Diabetic women give birth to healthy babies each year.  Just make sure you are one of them, when your time is right.

Take care.

 

 

 

God, Guilt, And Sexual Pleasure: The Black Woman’s Dilemma

Religion 1 Comment

How many times have you been in bed with your partner—doing some kinky awesome ish, floating on a sea of sensation and totally lost in the sauce—when you suddenly felt like your (grand)mother/ mentor/ Sunday school teacher was somewhere looking down at you and shaking their head in disapproval? Did the realization kill your ladyboner fast? Did you freeze up and suddenly feel awful in some type of way?

I bet you did.

A friend of mine told me, once, she was on her knees handling her man’s business orally when it suddenly dawned on her that OMG this was the position she had assumed to say her prayers every day since she was a kid. That dick fell out of her mouth like it was a hot potato and after that she could never fully relax during sex with the dude. Needless to say, the relationship didn’t last. And though I wish I could say that friend was the exception, the more I talk to my sistercircle of women the more I hear stories of ambivalence about sex and an inability to let go during times of sexual pleasure.

Regardless of what part of the Americas, Africa or the Caribbean we come from, most black women are raised in communities where God is ubiquitous. We are surrounded by ideas that sex is dangerous (mentally, physically, emotionally) and can only be a source of excitement, fulfillment and personal growth if we are doing it within the sanctity of heterosexual marriage. So every time we fuck, we come to the activity with all this psychological baggage and latent guilt.

Our cultural messaging that sex is dirty and shameful and filled only with furtive moments of stolen pleasure that should leave us awash in guilt causes us to settle for mediocre, unfulfilling and emotionally barren nookie because we feel so guilty about the whole affair anyway not speaking up for ourselves seems like a lesser sin; it minimizes our involvement somehow. Having sad, bad, sex where we give the barest of ourselves and get back the barest of our partners in return seems like a safer alternative. Nah, girl. It isn’t.

I have come to realize that having good sex, sex that is consensual, communicative and fair, sex that leaves us with our toes curled and our weaves/naps sweated out, is fighting the power  (yes it is, raise your fist) because as black women we get a triangulation of problematic messaging. First there’s the “God might not like this” aspect. Then there is the twisted Victorian notion of morality, where human bodies are shameful, filthy and unfit for public consumption, that we got from our colonizers and slavemasters. To top off the turd sundae we add on respectability politics—the messages we imbibe from the cradle that constantly whisper into our psyches “Folks already think blacks are oversexed, dirty, immoral, Jezebels. Don’t prove em right by doing something nasty.”

We need to toss that mess in the trash and find something better to munch on. Good sex, sex that lets us figure out who we are  and what we like to do in the bedroom, allows us to discover our truest, most open and most honest selves. Good sex teaches us about trust and generosity and patience. It affirms our desire to be our own advocates, to insist and assert and to demand and compromise till things are exactly as we like them. And when we’re doing it and doing it and doing it well, sometimes good sex even makes us see God and gives us earth-shattering orgasms of Biblical proportions.

Amen.

F.N. is a thirty something free-lance writer from Ghana. Currently, she is trying out a new life in Washington, DC

Guest Blogger Lillian Ogbogoh: Getting The Passionate Relationship You Really Want

Opinion No Comments

I bet pounds for dollars you are thinking the “who” are getting in the way of your happiness and you would be correct. My mother, who I love dearly, is in a constant battle with the unconscious collective, what I like to call “the invisible they”.  Whenever she is searching for anything from her keys to jewellery the “they” have taken it and whenever I ask who the “they” are, I get the side eye and whatever she was searching for always ends up being in the same place—one of her handbags.

It got me thinking how we all have these unquantified group ideas on people so I termed it the unconscious collective who are standing in the way of us being gloriously happy. What are the unconscious collective? They are generalized ideas that have filtered through and become accepted as the truth; it’s the generalized conversations that keep the embers of gender wars burning which keeps the “us vs. them” thinking firmly in place.  Have you ever been with your girls or the bros and a conversation runs like this:

“Oh my God, can you believe Tina/Michael, he/she said and did x, y and z?”

As you go over what Tina/Michael said and did, someone jumps in saying, “Well that is typical. All men/women are________________” —you get to fill in the blanks— or, “You know what Jim, all women do________ or act like _______________________”

These generalized collective views may be what are standing in the way of what you desire most, that passionate intimate relationship that you really want. Is the unconscious collective becoming clear yet? How about the stories you have adopted and are currently telling yourself?

Like all men cheat, men just want sex, all men lie, women are difficult to deal with, all women are emotional and needy and the best story is it’s a battle of the sexes. These adopted stories are almost universal and generational. Think about it this way, how can you have that juicy, passionate, honest relationship when you hold these viewpoints? When you are thinking that the person you are with will eventually screw up, it’s not an if, it’s a when they screw up.

Are you ready to give up the unconscious collective that keeps you from truly having what you want? The first thing that needs to be done is to change the stories you are telling. The stories we tell consciously and unconsciously color the way we see the world. Never mind what happened to Uncle Fred, Cousin Bob and Grandma Sue in their relationships, you can have and choose something different when it comes to your relationships. Start by cleaning out the old stories to create space for brand new ones; the easiest way to plant new stories is to use declarations, affirmations—whatever you choose to call them—to help lock in your brand new story.

“I have a happy fulfilling relationship”; “The men I meet are open and honest”; “I attract to me women who are whole and happy in the world”; “I am in a relationship with a fantastic guy/girl”.

Feel free to create real juicy ones that resonate with you, only writing things you want in the positive and as if they have already happened—this is the number one trick to keeping the gremlins at bay.

The next way is to be willing to have brand new stories and for that to happen you need to take brand new actions.  Firstly, stop sitting in on the old story session, avoid them like the plague or something worse. If you are somewhere where they are indulging in the old stories, politely ask them to quit it, be it your friends, Cousin Jill or Grandma Sue. It is all too easy to get sucked back into that vortex of old stories.

The next action step is to uplevel your game! If you are saying that all the men you are meeting are_____________ then it’s time to uplevel the type of people you go for,  so if your stories all revolve around the type of men you are meeting it is time to revamp the type of men you are meeting.

The next action step is that you have to be willing to be kind and forgiving to yourself. With this step you have to be willing to forgive yourself for playing with the unconscious collective, forgive yourself for your past choices, be willing to uplevel your game, to close the door on your past firmly once and for all. To say you want and choose a different path for your relationship and be truly open and willing to receive it.  By how you start acting, the choices you make, the stories you hold and tell. Finally, you just have to choose to kiss the unconscious collective goodbye once and for all.

Are you ready to feel totally irresistible and magnetic and to rev up your va va voom! Click here to download “The 10 Secret Codes To Be Instantly Magnetic & Irresistible! E-book

Can I Get Ebola From Sex Or Kissing? ASK AN OBGYN

Ask an OBGYN 1 Comment

Dear SuzyKnew!, Can I get Ebola from sex or intimate contact with an infected person that does not have symptoms? What if I kissed someone at a club and then he or she come down with Ebola a week later? Would I get it?  BTW- this didn’t happen, I’m just wondering if it could happen.

****

Dear Reader,

There is a lot we don’t know about Ebola, mostly because it has not been studied in a controlled environment with enough cases.   What we do know is scary for a lot of people.

Ebola is most frequently transmitted through the feces, blood or vomit of a person who is very sick, exhibiting high fever and other intense symptoms such as diarrhea and vomiting.   The CDC guidance says that a person is only infectious once they exhibit symptoms.  That is why the infections we have seen outside of the affected countries in West Africa are among healthcare workers or travelers from endemic areas who have taken care of very sick individuals as they are dying.

One thing that we do not know is how long the Ebola virus remains in the body if or when a person survives the infection.   There simply have not been enough studies to answer this.  There are several studies that have shown that Ebola virus can persist in semen for longer than in blood or other body fluids (the estimate is up to 100 days).  However, according to the CDC, sexual transmission of Ebola has not been definitively established.  But, to be on the safe side, the CDC has recommended that patients that recover from Ebola abstain from sex (including oral sex) for 3 months.

Similarly, Ebola virus has been detected in breast milk, but that information is based on a single patient.  Therefore, there is not enough evidence to provide guidance to mothers on when they can safety resume breastfeeding.

You asked specifically about kissing.   Although there are very few studies on Ebola transmissions through other routes: sweat, semen, vaginal fluid, saliva, tears, breast milk, etc.., we do know for certain that Ebola can be spread through the saliva of an infected person.   So my message to you is: if someone appears sick- don’t get intimate with them.  It’s unlikely that they have Ebola, but they may have another virus that will make you ill.

This is a good time to check in on your health in general.   Practice healthy habits to keep your body strong, such as good diet, exercise, get your annual flu shot, and stay calm.

Take care.

SIZZLE WITH SOPHIA: Jawbreakers

Love and Sex Sizzle With Sophia No Comments

A good friend of mine recently asked if I had any tips for dealing with jawbreakers.  No, I’m not talking about that hard, round piece of candy that seems to last forever.  Remember those?

My friend was referring to her man’s penis.  Apparently it’s so thick that she actually has a hard time giving him satisfactory blow jobs.  Her jaws get tired quickly, and she usually has to give up before he’s done.

Poor thing (insert sarcasm and eye roll here).  Don’t get me wrong, though.  I understand my sista’s pain.  Who among us hasn’t experienced tired, achy jaws while orally pleasing a man?  And I’ll be honest.  I’ve been with guys who were just too big to really be effective with my mouth alone.

But to complain about a dick being too thick?  That just seems so wrong!  She should be thanking her lucky stars she didn’t get stuck with a teeny-weeny wienie, right?

Now, I know a lot of things about a lot of things.  But as good as I’ve been told I am at oral sex, I don’t claim to be an expert.  So, before I could give my “poor” friend an answer, I decided to do a little research.

Let me be clear, though.  This was not scientific research or even scholarly research.  This was me asking a few guys, surfing the ‘net and culling my memory for lessons I’ve been taught by very patient lovers from my past.  So I won’t be citing any sources and boring you with statistics.  Instead, these are just a few helpful hints I’ve picked up along the way.

That said, the best way to suck a thick dick without doing permanent damage to your jaws is to make sure it doesn’t last too long.  In other words, you want to make him cum relatively fast without that seeming to be your goal.

So, to that end, here are Sophia’s Tips for Handling Jawbreakers:

  1. It all starts with attitude, ladies.  I don’t care how horny your guy is, if you’re not into pleasing him orally, he won’t enjoy it as much.  In fact, your enthusiasm is a big part of his enjoyment!  So, talk it up like you can’t wait to take that big, thick cock into your mouth.  Tease and excite him by telling him how much you love sucking him.  And when you’re actually doing it, moan along with him.  Make it sound like you’re devouring your favorite meal.  Be careful of over-doing it, though.  No need to over act.  Just be genuinely thrilled to please your man.
  2. The coronal ridge. Located at the back of the head of his penis, this area is very sensitive.  Intense suction and moisture here, especially as he gets close to his climax, will give your jaws a break and send him to the moon.
  3. Balls! Don’t neglect the balls, ladies.  Again, to give your jaws a break, be sure to lick and suck his balls, too.  And even while you’re sucking, using your hands to gently manipulate his balls adds to his enjoyment.  Watch his responses, though.  Not all balls are created equal.  Some men like ball action more than others.  Get to know what your man likes and go from there.
  4. Don’t stop at the balls! Yes, I’m talking about that sensitive area between his scrotum and his anus.  Your man will deny this in public, but trust me.  Stimulating this area with your finger and/or tongue is an erotic winner!  And it’s also a nice way to give your jaws a break.
  5. Don’t stop there, either. I’m talking rim job, anus action … whatever you want to call it.  Again, you have to know your man.  Some men don’t want you anywhere near there.  Then again, some men do but are ashamed to admit it.  That’s okay.  It’s his call.  But if you’re brave and he’s open, a well-timed, well-lubricated finger in his anus while you’re sucking him hard can bring on an explosive climax.  Or, as another way to relax your jaws, use your tongue there.
  6. Introduce him to B.O.B.! That’s a Battery Operated Boyfriend, also known as vibrator.  Consider using a small vibrator to stimulate his prostate.  When you penetrate a man’s anus, especially during oral sex, the stimulation to his prostate is exciting.  If you and your man are daring enough, inserting a small vibrator into his anus as you vigorously suck his cock can work like magic.
  7. Deep throat isn’t just for the movies! This takes a lot of practice and can be challenging to do with a thicker cock.  The key is to concentrate on relaxing the muscles at the back of the throat.  Remember that your salivary fluids are thicker at the back of your mouth.  So to maximize his enjoyment, try to accommodate his sensitive head back there.  It does take practice, though.  And patience on his part.  But just think about how much he’ll appreciate you being willing to master this trick!
  8. You’ve got two hands, so use them! Dick cannot be sucked by mouth alone, especially a bigger one.  Using your hand along his shaft as your mouth stays near his head does a few things: it mimics a vagina, it allows for you to rest your jaws, and if done correctly, can hurry things along.  Be creative, too.  Don’t just limit yourself to up and down motions.  Twist your hand along his shaft (just be sure you’ve lubricated it with your saliva); remove your mouth altogether and use your hand alone; vary your speed according to his wishes and reactions.
  9. Communication! I know it’s a cliché, but communication really is the key.  Encourage your man to be open and specific about what he likes.  I, for one, love it when my man gives me instructions.  It turns me on to hear him say things like “Use your hand, baby” or “Suck a little harder”.  I encourage him to tell me what he wants by telling him to do so, especially during the foreplay leading up to the blow job.  By doing so, he feels more comfortable expressing his wishes, taking the guess work out of it for me.  This leads to faster, more intense orgasms on his part and more comfortable jaws on mine.

I’m still not ready to concede that having a man with a thick dick is anything more than a blessing.  But blow jobs are called jobs for a reason.  They can be hard work.  And hard work plus substantial girth can lead to sore jaws.  Hopefully, these tips will help my friend and any other woman out there who needs it.

Oh yeah, I almost forgot.  One last piece of advice, ladies: practice, practice, practice!  And I’ll add this caveat: only be willing to work as hard to please him as he works to please you!  It’s all about reciprocity.  If you play your cards right, your enthusiasm for pleasing him orally will proportionally increase his enthusiasm for pleasing you in the same fashion.

Enjoy!

How I Failed At Using The Fertility Awareness Method (FAM)

Fertility Awareness 1 Comment

Until recently, I considered myself the poster child for great sexual decisions. I was responsible in my choices and a tireless advocate for my own pleasure and safety. So failing at the Fertility Awareness Method was a big shock for me, particularly when I realized I had failed at it not because it was difficult but because I did not properly follow the instructions.

Some background: My birth control method had always been condoms. I sincerely believed that until I was actively trying to get pregnant I would always wrap it up. This plan worked fine until I started dating K, a guy who made me feel things I didn’t have names for. Fucking him, I could feel my heart beating in places outside of my chest. It was that good. Make you slap your mama good. I was hypnotized by the dick: “dickmotized”. This is when my adventures in FAM began.

K was cooperative about condom use but also extremely well-hung. Something about how our bodies fit together, how long our marathon sessions went and how often I squirted, resulted in a bunch of ripped condoms. Neither of us could relax because we were preoccupied with the possibility of prophylactic malfunctions. We had “the talk” and weighed alternative means of birth control.

I didn’t want to get on the pill. Getting an IUD was complicated with my fibroids. Diaphragms seemed horribly outdated and a sure way to kill the spontaneity of our sex life. I consulted with my doctor, talked it over with my spirit and decided I was going to part ways with condoms and try FAM in tandem with pulling out. As a former condom advocate I had heard the jokes: “What do you call people who practice the pull-out method? Parents.” “What does FAM stand for? Frantic amateur mother.” But I had also seen the data—both had great success rates when practiced properly. I was certain I would be thoroughly impregnable.

My failure with FAM began with my taking the name way too literally. I monitored my menstrual periods and calculated when I was ovulating so I stayed aware of my fertility and minimized sexual activity during fertile periods. As far as I was concerned, it was simple math—on these days: we’re good to go, come inside me; on these other days: we’re not so good, come on my tits. Yet I was basically doing the absolute least.

It turns out there are a lot of steps involved in correctly practicing FAM. The most effective method is the symptothermal or combined method where you check your basal body temperature, cervical mucus, cervical positioning and monitor your hormones in addition to charting and calculating your fertile days. Just the Rhythm/Calendar Method (which was what I was doing) is far from sufficient because your periods are not always regular, your ovulation is not always in the middle of your cycle and your dude’s little swimmers can stay alive in your body for two days or more. Needless to say, K and I had an oopsie. It was a big eye-opener for me about the discipline and focus required to use natural birth control but this is no tale of woe, just one of caution. For FAM to work you can’t half-ass it. I would use it again, just do it better.

F.N. is a thirty something free-lance writer from Ghana. Currently, she is trying out a new life in Washington, DC

ASK JANICE: I Still Fantasize About Being In Bed With My Ex

Ask Janice 1 Comment
Woman in blue corset

Dear Janice,

I still fantasize about my ex – being in bed with him and all.  Even when I’m with my husband in our conjugal bed. This makes meeting my ex in public with my husband difficult.  Any suggestions on how to get over this?

******

Dear Friend,

I wish I had a little more information in order to help you.  For example, are you in love with your husband?  Do you have a good sex life with your husband?  Are you still in love with your ex, or do you just miss the sex with him?  How often do these fantasies occur?  Do you fantasize about your ex every time you make love to your husband?  And why is he your ex, anyway?

The answers to these questions and more will better lead you to an understanding and even a solution to your problem.  However, I’m going to give it my best shot anyway.

If you are genuinely and truly in love with your husband, and you two enjoy your sexual relationship, then you probably don’t have any reason to worry … especially if you only fantasize about your ex occasionally.  Many people believe (and I agree) that occasionally fantasizing about someone else while with your long-term partner is healthy.  Your husband doesn’t have to know that every once in a while you close your eyes and imagine he’s Channing Tatum, Boris Kodjoe or even your ex.  Trust and believe that he does the same thing sometimes.

If your ex was really good in bed, then having his image pop into your head every now and again can actually improve sex with hubby.  And hubby doesn’t need to know this.  All he has to know is that you’re into whatever he’s doing at that moment and you’re both happy.

Allowing yourself to fantasize helps you to grow sexually.  Fantasy is your own secret place where you can tap into your deepest yearnings.  It’s where you can be whomever you want and do whomever you want.

Fantasies also teach us about what we really desire.  The better you know your own desires, the easier it is to communicate them to your husband.  You also become a better lover when you know yourself sexually.  So fantasy is a good thing.

On the other hand, if you’re fantasizing about your ex to the point where it’s interfering with your marriage, then you really do have a problem.  And seeing your ex in public is the least of your worries.

Do you have some unresolved feelings for your ex?  Do you constantly compare your husband to your ex in other areas, too?  If so, does your ex always seem to come out on top?  This could be anything from a need for closure to a case of the grass being greener on the other side.  If it’s the latter, remember this: the grass is greener where you water it.

Remember, he’s your ex for a reason, and I suspect that you wouldn’t have married someone else if he were all that.  Just focus on all the reasons you and he aren’t together now.  He may have been good in bed, but you didn’t marry him.

Honestly, you need to take some time to really examine your feelings about your marriage.  Maybe all this fantasizing about your ex is merely a symptom of problems within your marriage that need your attention.  If this is the case, look deep within your heart to figure out what’s wrong.  And be brutally honest with yourself.  Now is not the time to sweep your feelings under the rug.

Finally, talk to your man.  If you’ve got problems, then you BOTH have problems.  That’s what marriage is: a partnership through the good and the bad.  Don’t bring up your fantasies about your ex, though.  They have nothing to do with your marital issues and would just hurt your husband unnecessarily.  But otherwise, be honest about how you feel.

The solution to your problem begins and ends with your own analysis of your marriage and your heart.  You need to get to the real reasons behind your fantasies.  If you married the right man, and I suspect you did, then work hard at fixing your marriage.  Once you begin to do the work, seeing your ex in public won’t be a big deal anymore because all your focus will be on the man who has your heart: your husband.

Good luck.

Guest Blogger Lillian Ogbogoh On Your Prescription For Masturbation

Love and Sex Opinion 2 Comments

M is for ……………..!

Masturbation Yes I said it and what? Ladies, pull up a chair and get personal for 5 minutes. I have been banging my drums non stop about self-love and no pun intended, at least not intentionally.

So, since self-loving conjures up this idea, it seems that we are on topic and it was just the excuse I needed to bring it up. Now, growing up the M word was not used in the same sentence as women.  Unless you were speaking about a certain kind of woman, who was generally whispered about and followed by a resounding good women/girls don’t do that.  The Catholic church’s stand point on the subject of masturbation is, touch yourself, go blind and end up with hairy palms.  What a deterrent to keep us from exploring our bodies, the threat of blindness and hairy palms…….Lol! Whoever thought that up was a little twisted to be honest. Now, for boys, it seems the unspoken rule is its okay as long as you don’t get caught you. If you did there will be shaming involved, but in a nudge – nudge, kind of way.

Just in case you missed it, we are talking about Masturbation! Your solo love  session, clicking the mouse, whatever euphemism it goes by for you,  I will take it as a general consensus, the underlining  message most of us women were given, it’s a  no- no! Good girls don’t touch themselves and children were told off for their hands being anywhere near their genitals. Do you recognize this upbringing? So, now we have loads of grown women ashamed, frightened and even repulsed at the thought of masturbating. The ones that do, are too embarrassed to admit that they do, to their intimate partners. Worried that their partner will judge them based on these funky notions, this shame runs deeper than just admitting they touch themselves for pleasure. For some women, they have taken the ideas that their genitals are a no go zone to the nth degree. They act like it does not exist unless there is a doctor or lover present. But, I digress slightly, as I get off my love your vagina soapbox, as that is a story for another day.

So, back to the regular transmission, have you ever taken a journey to discover your body?  What gives you pleasure?  Are you still waiting for someone to be in charge of your pleasure, to give you the permission to experience pleasure?  You know what type of food you absolutely enjoy? That tastes totally divine to you. You know how you like your eggs? I’m going to take a big leap of faith and say yes! Yes, you do. How did you discover these things?  You did not have someone be in charge of your food did you? No, you tried it out and if it tasted like a disaster you let it go, never to cross your lips again. Right, so this is the kind of self-discovery that should apply to pleasure. You need to find out for yourself!

Yes, I’m outing myself here, but it’s just between you and I, right? I know what gives me pleasure and it makes it easier to share with my enjoyable other what pleases me. There is no need to play sexual charades with him in the bedroom and feel let down when he does not give me what I want. There is nothing wrong, evil, or anything, about coming to grips with your own pleasure and your body. How can you communicate to your Mr. or Ms. Dreamy how you loved to be pleased if you don’t know yourself? Your body, your terrain; it should be a known landscape for you……. Besides, there are many medical benefits to masturbation. Here comes the science bit.

Medically, it’s been proven that masturbation helps prevent cervical infections and can help relive urinary tract infections, according to Joann Ellison Rodgers. In her book, The History of Sex, she describes how the process of tenting stretches and pulls the mucous within the cervix, allowing for a rise in acidity in the cervical fluid. This increases “friendly” bacteria and allows more fluid to move from the cervix into the vagina. When “old” fluid moves from the tented cervix, it not only lubricates the vagina, but also flushes out unfriendly organisms that can cause infections. She goes on to say many women with urinary tract infections report the desire to masturbate when they feel a UTI coming on, and for a good reason. Masturbating helps relieve pain and it flushes the old bacteria from the cervix. It’s the body’s way of getting the bacteria out. Right there, that should be a good enough reason to masturbate.  Let’s add to the reasons why saying yes to you is highly beneficial for you……..

Masturbation is associated with improved cardiovascular health and lower risk of type-2 diabetes. Masturbation can help work against insomnia naturally, through hormonal and tension release. Orgasm increases pelvic floor strength. And ladies, if you don’t know why you need to strengthen your pelvic floor muscle, I suggest you Google it ASAP! It’s considered to be the safest form of sex.

Fine, you will never get a note from your doctor prescribing masturbation unless you lived in Victorian England. Women were treated for hysteria and melancholy. The doctors treated women by genital stimulation, to induce “hysterical paroxysm” or an orgasm. This hysteria was supposed to be a build-up of fluid in the woman’s womb and doctors assumed that since men ejaculated and felt better then it stood to reason …. I swear I am not making this up. Your body, your pleasure, it’s time to become the captain of your pleasure ship. It is time to discover, for you, what gives your body pleasure. No more seeking permission or fear of ending up with hairy palms. No more fearing being judged by your partner. Secretly he/she will thank you when you can guide him/her to the spots on your body that makes you melt with pleasure….

Lillian Ogbogoh is a London-based sensuality specialist and author. She has a passion for empowering women to redefine their relationships and reconnect them with their deeply sensual sides.