M is for ……………..!

Masturbation Yes I said it and what? Ladies, pull up a chair and get personal for 5 minutes. I have been banging my drums non stop about self-love and no pun intended, at least not intentionally.

So, since self-loving conjures up this idea, it seems that we are on topic and it was just the excuse I needed to bring it up. Now, growing up the M word was not used in the same sentence as women.  Unless you were speaking about a certain kind of woman, who was generally whispered about and followed by a resounding good women/girls don’t do that.  The Catholic church’s stand point on the subject of masturbation is, touch yourself, go blind and end up with hairy palms.  What a deterrent to keep us from exploring our bodies, the threat of blindness and hairy palms…….Lol! Whoever thought that up was a little twisted to be honest. Now, for boys, it seems the unspoken rule is its okay as long as you don’t get caught you. If you did there will be shaming involved, but in a nudge – nudge, kind of way.

Just in case you missed it, we are talking about Masturbation! Your solo love  session, clicking the mouse, whatever euphemism it goes by for you,  I will take it as a general consensus, the underlining  message most of us women were given, it’s a  no- no! Good girls don’t touch themselves and children were told off for their hands being anywhere near their genitals. Do you recognize this upbringing? So, now we have loads of grown women ashamed, frightened and even repulsed at the thought of masturbating. The ones that do, are too embarrassed to admit that they do, to their intimate partners. Worried that their partner will judge them based on these funky notions, this shame runs deeper than just admitting they touch themselves for pleasure. For some women, they have taken the ideas that their genitals are a no go zone to the nth degree. They act like it does not exist unless there is a doctor or lover present. But, I digress slightly, as I get off my love your vagina soapbox, as that is a story for another day.

So, back to the regular transmission, have you ever taken a journey to discover your body?  What gives you pleasure?  Are you still waiting for someone to be in charge of your pleasure, to give you the permission to experience pleasure?  You know what type of food you absolutely enjoy? That tastes totally divine to you. You know how you like your eggs? I’m going to take a big leap of faith and say yes! Yes, you do. How did you discover these things?  You did not have someone be in charge of your food did you? No, you tried it out and if it tasted like a disaster you let it go, never to cross your lips again. Right, so this is the kind of self-discovery that should apply to pleasure. You need to find out for yourself!

Yes, I’m outing myself here, but it’s just between you and I, right? I know what gives me pleasure and it makes it easier to share with my enjoyable other what pleases me. There is no need to play sexual charades with him in the bedroom and feel let down when he does not give me what I want. There is nothing wrong, evil, or anything, about coming to grips with your own pleasure and your body. How can you communicate to your Mr. or Ms. Dreamy how you loved to be pleased if you don’t know yourself? Your body, your terrain; it should be a known landscape for you……. Besides, there are many medical benefits to masturbation. Here comes the science bit.

Medically, it’s been proven that masturbation helps prevent cervical infections and can help relive urinary tract infections, according to Joann Ellison Rodgers. In her book, The History of Sex, she describes how the process of tenting stretches and pulls the mucous within the cervix, allowing for a rise in acidity in the cervical fluid. This increases “friendly” bacteria and allows more fluid to move from the cervix into the vagina. When “old” fluid moves from the tented cervix, it not only lubricates the vagina, but also flushes out unfriendly organisms that can cause infections. She goes on to say many women with urinary tract infections report the desire to masturbate when they feel a UTI coming on, and for a good reason. Masturbating helps relieve pain and it flushes the old bacteria from the cervix. It’s the body’s way of getting the bacteria out. Right there, that should be a good enough reason to masturbate.  Let’s add to the reasons why saying yes to you is highly beneficial for you……..

Masturbation is associated with improved cardiovascular health and lower risk of type-2 diabetes. Masturbation can help work against insomnia naturally, through hormonal and tension release. Orgasm increases pelvic floor strength. And ladies, if you don’t know why you need to strengthen your pelvic floor muscle, I suggest you Google it ASAP! It’s considered to be the safest form of sex.

Fine, you will never get a note from your doctor prescribing masturbation unless you lived in Victorian England. Women were treated for hysteria and melancholy. The doctors treated women by genital stimulation, to induce “hysterical paroxysm” or an orgasm. This hysteria was supposed to be a build-up of fluid in the woman’s womb and doctors assumed that since men ejaculated and felt better then it stood to reason …. I swear I am not making this up. Your body, your pleasure, it’s time to become the captain of your pleasure ship. It is time to discover, for you, what gives your body pleasure. No more seeking permission or fear of ending up with hairy palms. No more fearing being judged by your partner. Secretly he/she will thank you when you can guide him/her to the spots on your body that makes you melt with pleasure….

Lillian Ogbogoh is a London-based sensuality specialist and author. She has a passion for empowering women to redefine their relationships and reconnect them with their deeply sensual sides.