Introducing Sex Toys? ASK A SEX THERAPIST

How can I bring up the idea of using sex toys with my partner?

It’s important to extend empathy to your partner, understanding that hearing your partner wants to incorporate sex toys may be a blow to their ego. However, if you focus on what you already enjoy about your joint sexual experiences and introduce the idea as a way to enhance something you already find fulfilling, it may be more reassuring. Explain that sex toys are not a substitute for emotional intimacy, but an opportunity to explore different sensations that you both may enjoy.

What can I say/do if my partner feels threatened by incorporating sex toys into our sex life (like they think it means they’re not doing a good job or can’t give me what I need/want)?

A common fear some have is that sex toys will replace them or that their partner is only interested in sex toys because they’re not sexually fulfilled. However, you can have an open and honest conversation with your partner about exploring different sensations and how incorporating toys isn’t seeking to replace them, but enhance your sexual experiences.

Read more articles by ASK A SEX THERAPIST – “Prince: Christian and Sex Positive,”  “To Grapefruit Or Not To Grapefruit” “What Does ‘Formation’ Say About Black Women’s Sex Lives?”

De-Andrea Blaylock-Johnson is a licensed clinical social worker and sex therapist in private practice at Sankofa Sex Therapy, LLC. She’s on the Executive Board of the Women of Color Sexual Health Network and has been featured as a sexpert on,, and She recently appeared in “Antigone” a play about the events in Ferguson, MO. Check out her YouTube show, Ask A Sex Therapist, where she answers your questions related to sex and sexuality and visit her website,