Tag Archives: love

“Honestly, Mom… Chances Are He Won’t Stay With You”: NYC’s Controversial Teenage Pregnancy Prevention Campaign

Opinion 2 Comments

Love – and lust – can lead us to do some unexpected things.  Like get pregnant! Surprise!

We’re especially vulnerable when we’re young.

So, to wipe out that pesky teenage pregnancy problem, the city of New York has blasted its streets with a new campaign designed to highlight the true costs of getting pregnant while you’re still a minor.   Using billboards and subway ads with bright banners stretched across mournful toddlers, the messages claim “Honestly, Mom… Chances Are He Won’t Stay With You. What Happens To Me?” or “Dad, You’ll Be Paying To Support Me For The Next 20 Years” and my personal fav “I’m Twice As Likely Not To Graduate From High School Because You Had Me When I Was A Teen.”

The effort is giving New Yorkers something to think about. It’s also giving the blog sphere and social media something to blog about. Commentaries are coming in like crazy with critics saying “shaming” pregnant teens and their partners doesn’t work while supporters state a comprehensive teen prevention program, which includes increasing access to contraception,  does work. Interestingly, because NYC has seen a reduction in teen pregnancy after providing contraception, especially emergency contraception, in schools, critics and supporters of NY’s new campaign are from both the political right and left.

The idea behind the campaign is while many teens know getting pregnant before graduating high school and getting a job can mess up your life, many think it won’t happen to them. So, providing some in-your-face sobering numbers can help teens take different actions.  

But, we hope this sobering article still keeps you lusting for love… (despite all the numbers)

while still keeping your GOOD sense!

SuzyKnew

Keep Your Relationship Hot Like The Obamas: ASK JANICE INAUGURATION SPECIAL

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Michelle Receives Kiss from Barack

While the whole world will be focused on the US President during the Inauguration, women everywhere will be watching how he interacts with the brilliant and beautiful Mrs. Michelle Obama.  Our eyes will be watching for those meaningful glances that often pass between the First Couple, those secret smiles they share, the way he holds her hand.  We will sigh and swoon as we watch how she watches him lovingly as he gives speech after speech.  And we will imagine ourselves in his strong, capable arms as he twirls his woman around the dance floor at the Inaugural Ball.  Single or married, in a relationship or alone, all women long for what the Obamas seem to have: an almost perfect, fairy tale romance.

And on Tuesday morning, when the alarm clock goes off and we have to return to work after a long weekend, we will roll over and look at our partners lying there, snoring beside us.  And, turning away from their acrid morning breath, we will wonder how we can have that amazing Obama love in our own lives.  We will continue to ponder this as we go about our day, drinking our coffee, styling our hair, putting on our make-up.  Maybe we’ll even get a kiss good-bye from our partner before we begin our work day.  Or maybe not.  Either way, we’ll still be longing for that spark the Obamas have.

Well, ladies, I have some good news for you and some bad news for you.  You want the bad news first?  Okay, here it is: NO relationship is perfect, not even the Obama’s!  No matter how great they look twirling around the dance floor together; no matter how sweet he looks when he pulls her into his strong arms for one of their signature hugs; no matter how cool and connected they appear as they fist bump their way through another four years in the White House … they are not perfect!  Guess what, ladies … Mr. Barack Hussein Obama has morning breath, too!  Yep, that’s right.  That tall, suave, romantic hero who willingly carries the weight of the world on his capable shoulders has stanky breath in the morning just like YOUR man does!  And he forgets important dates just like your man (only he has secretaries to remind him).  After all, he IS the leader of the free world!  You think he has time to remember every little minute detail about their relationship?  And he probably leaves the toilet seat up, too (although I think they have separate bathrooms at the White House)!  Or, if he is one of the rare men who does remember to put the seat down, I’m sure his “aim” is just as faulty as your man’s.  The only difference is that living in the White House, Mrs. Obama isn’t the one on her hands and knees, scrubbing his pee off the floor.  Some poor maid is.

My point is that, despite being one of the most intelligent, accomplished men to ever hold the Office of the Presidency, Mr. Barack Obama is still just a man.  And as such, he is not perfect.

That’s the bad news.  Now, here’s the good news: with a little extra effort on your part, you CAN have the kind of strong, loving relationship the Obamas have, especially if it something that you BOTH want.  Here are a few tips, culled from recent interviews with the Obamas themselves as well as based on distant observations of their dynamics that will help you achieve that amazing togetherness the Firsts Couple has.

Be his “ride or die” chick.  Obviously this only applies if your man is out there doing positive things to make a better life for you both.  In other words, if he is out there doing dirt or living on the wrong side of the law, then this rule doesn’t apply to you.  However, if your man is out there every day, doing his best to improve your lives and leave the world better than how he found it, then you need to be that ride or die girl.  In the face of Mr. Obama’s opposition, whether we’re talking Al Qaeda, the Recession or a Republican Congress, Mrs. Obama has her man’s back at all times.  Even though your man doesn’t have to face down opponents like Osama Bin Laden or even John Boehner, he may encounter opposition just as vicious on a daily basis at his job.  It could be a boss out to keep him down, a colleague trying to sabotage his work, or even a job that saps his soul.  Whatever his opposition, he needs you to be his rock, his haven, his light at the end of the tunnel.  That means that no matter how rotten your day was, you may need to hold your complaints and give him a chance to vent about his day first.  And when he does, really LISTEN to him … maintain eye contact with him, gently rub his arm or leg as he rants, don’t interrupt him and just be there for him.  If he needs you to pick up his dry cleaning so that he can be ready for that big presentation, OFFER to do it before he asks.  In being there for him … being totally present for him when he needs it, you are sending him the message that you have his back.

1. Keep the home fires burning.  I mean this literally.  I have a friend who has been married for over two decades.  Despite having advanced degrees and having had a successful (albeit brief) career in politics herself, she now spends a considerable amount of time making sure her household is running smoothly.  She figures that if her husband doesn’t have to sweat the small stuff like making sure the bills get paid on time, keeping their schedules organized and coordinated, keeping the fridge full, etc., then he will have more time to spoil her.  And he does.  He loves not having to worry about details like that.  “Men are more into the big picture, anyway,” he recently said.  So he spends his extra time finding ways to make more money so that he can take his wife on at least two nice vacations every year.  She gets flowers every week just because and he’s happy to do it.  He’s always bragging about his wife to his friends.  And most importantly, he races home to her every day just because he wants nothing more than to spend his time with her.  And he says it’s because she’s made it easy for him to do so by taking care of the home front.

2. Make “Date Nights” more than just a cliché.  I’ve heard President and Mrs. Obama both talk about how they carve time out of their busy schedules to spend quality time with each other alone.  Whether it’s taking in a movie or having a quiet, candlelit dinner at least once a week, they make being alone together a priority in their lives.  And hey, if the Leader of the Free World can find time to watch a chick flick with his wife, then surely your man can do the same with you.  But … you’re probably going to have to be the one to plan it.  Again, don’t expect him to be able and willing to focus on details like that every week.  Doing so is just setting him up for failure and you for disappointment.  Just accept that this is your job and do it.  He’ll appreciate your efforts, you’ll be happy and your relationship will grow stronger.

3. Keep yourself up (also known as don’t let yourself go).  I know we can’t all have Michelle Obama’s long, lithe, athletic body (although I’d kill for her arms).  And most of us probably can’t afford to have a personal stylist to ensure that our hair and wardrobe are always top of the line, either.  But, Michelle’s beauty goes way deeper than clothes, anyway.  I mean, Nancy Reagan had a fabulous wardrobe but even on a good day, she looked like a crone (okay, I’ll admit I’m not exactly a fan of the former First Lady).  Michelle Obama’s beauty radiates from the inside.  And let’s face it.  She’d look good in a potato sack.  You can achieve that same inner glow on your budget with a little effort, though.  Move more and eat less.  Make healthy choices.  Spend a little more time in the mirror and accentuate your best features.  Has your man always complimented you on your legs?  Well, keep them looking good by taking the stairs instead of riding the elevator.  Does he go crazy when you show a little cleavage?  Invest in a few good bras and keep those girls on display for him.  Is he a butt man?  Add a few more squats to your workout routine.  Be the best you and you’ll both benefit from it.

4. Finally, to quote the Queen of Soul, it’s all about R-E-S-P-E-C-T.  President Obama respects his wife, first and foremost.  He was raised by his single mother and his grandmother, both of whom were strong, hard working women of integrity, who pushed him to be his best.  It’s no wonder then that he chose a strong, brilliant, hard working woman of integrity to be his wife.  And so, he respects her.  If your man does not respect you, there is nothing you can do to save your relationship, and you shouldn’t even want to.  Demand his respect.  Expect his respect.  And more importantly, BE the type of woman he can respect.  If he respects you, he will applaud your efforts to strengthen your relationship and will definitely meet you half way.

No relationship is perfect because human beings are flawed.  However, it is in striving for perfection that we find our best selves.  Let’s keep working at it and one day, we’ll get there.  Enjoy.

 

 

Photo: Photo by Joe Raedle/Getty Images (The Griot, Oct, 23 2012)

 

Welcome to Cougar Town, Baby! ASK JANICE

Ask Janice Love and Sex 1 Comment
SmilingWoman

Dear Janice,

I’m 51 and have been dating men in my age group for many years. However in recent years I have not been satisfied with them because they can’t satisfy me sexually. Is it possible for me to meet a mature 20- or 30-something to have a long-term and fulfilling relationship with or should I just settle with being with men my own age?

Looking for Sexual Satisfaction in Michigan

*******

Dear Looking,

Cougar: a slang term referring to a woman who dates or is considered desirable among younger men.  Typically, the term refers to women at least 35 years old who pursue men more than seven years younger.

Welcome to Cougar Town, Baby!

Of course it is possible for you to meet a younger man and have a long-term and fulfilling relationship!  And I say, go for it!  But, before you go robbing any cradles (just kidding – it ain’t robbery if it’s given away willingly), you need to be sure about what you really want and adjust your expectations about what you’ll actually get.

The first and most obvious benefit of dating a much younger man is … the hot, steamy, all-night long, sweat your expensive hairstyle out, can’t walk the next day SEX!  Younger men have the benefit of high testosterone levels, healthy bodies and good old-fashioned stamina!    But be careful what you wish for, though!  While we all love a good all-night romp every once in a while, sometimes a girl just wants to watch Letterman and go to sleep!

Also, with a younger man you might get the staying power you need to ensure you’re satisfied, but you don’t always get the skill.  Just because he can keep it up all night doesn’t mean he’ll know what to do with it.  However, from what I hear (from both younger men and the older women they date), many younger men are often very willing to learn from an older woman.

In other words, if you’re patient, you should be able to raise his skill set to your desired level.  After all, younger men aren’t so set in their ways that you can actually teach them new tricks (something you apparently can’t do with older dogs, I mean, men)!  So, if you have the patience to give a few private lessons, a younger man just might be what you need to scratch that itch.

On the other hand, while a younger man may be able to satisfy you sexually, he may not be able to meet many of your other needs outside the bedroom.  For example, a man in his 20’s probably won’t be as financially stable as you are.  And that means, he may not be able to take you on two or three vacations a year, treat you to your favorite restaurants a couple of times a week or even take in a movie or a show.  Unless you’re willing to foot the bill for almost everything, you may have to lower your expectations about how the two of you are entertained (again, outside the bedroom, that is).

Heck, you may even have to lower your expectations about what kind of entertainment you actually enjoy, period!  A man in his 20’s may not be so interested in that Broadway show you’ve been dying to see.  He probably hasn’t heard of a lot of the musicians you’d want to see in concert.  And be honest, how many summer blockbuster movies with exploding cars or world-dominating robots can you sit through before you’d want to scratch your eyes out?

Even if you somehow managed to find some middle ground when it comes to something like music, you might get tired of explaining who your favorite groups are from your youth.  And even though a lot of entertainers from your “era” are still going strong, how can you really explain how awesome groups like the Rolling Stones, Aerosmith or even the Jacksons were before they looked like they needed to use wheelchairs on stage?  Trust me, you can’t.  I’ve tried.

You might also get tired of explaining to your young lover the significance of certain world-changing events that you actually witnessed, like the fall of the Berlin Wall, the Kennedy assassinations, the Tiananmen Square massacre, etc.  After all, these are events which he’s only read about in his history books in school.  Actually, with the way kids learn things now, he’s more likely to have Googled these events, watched a video about them on YouTube or learned about them on Wikipedia.

It goes both ways, too.  I mean, he might get tired of explaining the cultural importance of movies like “Jackass” to you.  And he’s likely going to tire of having to explain that while he didn’t call you when he said he would, he re-tweeted you about the text he sent after he IM’d you that he’d have to cancel your date.  That kind of miscommunication would irritate even the most dedicated of lovers.

And, what if he wants kids and you’re … well, let’s just say that ship has sailed for you…(?  That’s another whole ball of yarn you’ll have to unravel together.

But, I say all that and still I believe that older women can (and do) have successful, fulfilling relationships with much younger men.  Sure, you may have to do a little in-bed training … but, you’ve got all night for them to get it right (‘cuz they can go ALL NIGHT).  And you might have to adjust your expectations about who contributes what in the relationship, especially financially.  You’ll probably have to do a lot of compromising when it comes to finding entertainment options that you’ll both enjoy.  And he’s not always going to get all the cultural references you make during your conversations.

However, like with any relationship it all comes down to communication.  And I mean real communication … the kind that doesn’t take place in cyberspace.  You both have to be clear about what you want from the very beginning.  Then you’ll have to check in with each other periodically to ensure that you’re both still on the same page.

So yeah, it could work for you.  But, you have to be willing to put in the work it’s going to take to sustain such a relationship.  The women I know who have been most successful in their relationships with younger men are open-minded, very flexible and have the patience of a saint.

So, go for it, girlfriend!  Unleash your inner cougar and let me hear your roar!

Love Janice

 

Ask Janice your intimate love question by emailing ASKJANICE@suzyknew.com

Unsafe Sex Feels Like My Only Option For Love: ASK JANICE

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Big Girl

Dear Janice, I know all about protecting myself from HIV and pregnancy, but I find my options for men are really limited. I’m a big woman in her mid 30’s, and I feel that my options for love just aren’t the same as they are for other women. How can I find the strength to turn down men who refuse to use condoms or won’t get tested? I want to be loved…

******

Dear Big Girl:

Girl, please!  The average female orgasm lasts between 10 and 30 seconds.  That short-lived burst of pleasure is in no way worth your life!!!

Look.  I understand where you’re coming from.  I’m plus-sized gal, myself.  So I recognize that we live in a world in which a size 2 has a better chance of getting a date on a Friday night than a size 22.  I know what it’s like to be the wallflower in the dance of life where all your skinny friends are on the dance floor having a good time.  And I totally understand that no matter how brilliant and loving you are … no matter how great your personality is, most men are visual creatures and want a certain “type”.

I get it.  I feel your pain, Sistah.

But hear me when I say that I’d rather spend the rest of my Friday nights alone with my vibrator, than spend even 10 seconds in the arms of an idiot who is too dumb to protect himself and too uncaring to protect me!  I am far too precious to be bothered!

First of all, there are lots of men out there who prefer a woman with “meat on her bones”.  And I’m not just talking about those “chubby chaser” freaks who get off on fat girls.  (But, don’t hate on the “chubby chasers”!  After all, there is someone out there for everyone!)

No, I’m talking about real men who will find your curves comforting and a soft compliment to their male hardness.  I’m talking about men who’d love to grab ahold of every wiggly, jiggly inch of you and take you for the ride of your life!  Yes, Big Girls, these guys are out there.  You may just have to look a little harder to find them.

I know we’ve been cautioned about the dangers of internet dating.  But, one advantage to looking for love online is that there are sites for everyone … even for people who like dating larger women.  I can’t personally vouch for any of them, and I would advise you to proceed with caution.  But, if you’re willing to risk your life with a guy who wants to play in your rain tunnel without a rain coat, then you’ve got to at least be willing to give one of these sites a try.

In the meantime, remember this: no one will love you unless you love yourself.  Yes, there are some “Shallow Hal’s” out there.  But most people are attracted to confidence.  Trust me.  Wearing confidence and self-love is better than putting on make-up, wearing designer clothes, having a new hairstyle … heck it’s even better than Spanx (and I can’t think of too many things better than Spanx for a Big Girl)!  When you go out there fully armored with self-love and confidence, you’ll attract the guy you’re supposed to be with.

That’s not to say we can’t all stand to improve upon ourselves.  You know what you need to do to lose weight.  I don’t need to lecture you about the merits of exercising and eating right.  But do it for health reasons and to make yourself feel good. Hey, we’re all works in progress, right?

In the meantime, embrace your curves, Big Girl!  Think of yourself as Full-Bodied like a fine wine, rather than just plain old full-figured!  And if you value yourself as the beautiful work of art you are, then it will be easy for you to walk away from those fools who don’t think enough about themselves or you to use protection.

Who needs them, anyway?  You’ve got you … and until your Mr. Right comes along (loving every inch of you and with his own box of condoms, thank you very much), you’ll be just fine!

You can ASK JANICE your intimate love question by emailing ASKJANICE@suzyknew.com