Dear Janice, I know all about protecting myself from HIV and pregnancy, but I find my options for men are really limited. I’m a big woman in her mid 30’s, and I feel that my options for love just aren’t the same as they are for other women. How can I find the strength to turn down men who refuse to use condoms or won’t get tested? I want to be loved…
Dear Big Girl:
Girl, please! The average female orgasm lasts between 10 and 30 seconds. That short-lived burst of pleasure is in no way worth your life!!!
Look. I understand where you’re coming from. I’m plus-sized gal, myself. So I recognize that we live in a world in which a size 2 has a better chance of getting a date on a Friday night than a size 22. I know what it’s like to be the wallflower in the dance of life where all your skinny friends are on the dance floor having a good time. And I totally understand that no matter how brilliant and loving you are … no matter how great your personality is, most men are visual creatures and want a certain “type”.
I get it. I feel your pain, Sistah.
But hear me when I say that I’d rather spend the rest of my Friday nights alone with my vibrator, than spend even 10 seconds in the arms of an idiot who is too dumb to protect himself and too uncaring to protect me! I am far too precious to be bothered!
First of all, there are lots of men out there who prefer a woman with “meat on her bones”. And I’m not just talking about those “chubby chaser” freaks who get off on fat girls. (But, don’t hate on the “chubby chasers”! After all, there is someone out there for everyone!)
No, I’m talking about real men who will find your curves comforting and a soft compliment to their male hardness. I’m talking about men who’d love to grab ahold of every wiggly, jiggly inch of you and take you for the ride of your life! Yes, Big Girls, these guys are out there. You may just have to look a little harder to find them.
I know we’ve been cautioned about the dangers of internet dating. But, one advantage to looking for love online is that there are sites for everyone … even for people who like dating larger women. I can’t personally vouch for any of them, and I would advise you to proceed with caution. But, if you’re willing to risk your life with a guy who wants to play in your rain tunnel without a rain coat, then you’ve got to at least be willing to give one of these sites a try.
In the meantime, remember this: no one will love you unless you love yourself. Yes, there are some “Shallow Hal’s” out there. But most people are attracted to confidence. Trust me. Wearing confidence and self-love is better than putting on make-up, wearing designer clothes, having a new hairstyle … heck it’s even better than Spanx (and I can’t think of too many things better than Spanx for a Big Girl)! When you go out there fully armored with self-love and confidence, you’ll attract the guy you’re supposed to be with.
That’s not to say we can’t all stand to improve upon ourselves. You know what you need to do to lose weight. I don’t need to lecture you about the merits of exercising and eating right. But do it for health reasons and to make yourself feel good. Hey, we’re all works in progress, right?
In the meantime, embrace your curves, Big Girl! Think of yourself as Full-Bodied like a fine wine, rather than just plain old full-figured! And if you value yourself as the beautiful work of art you are, then it will be easy for you to walk away from those fools who don’t think enough about themselves or you to use protection.
Who needs them, anyway? You’ve got you … and until your Mr. Right comes along (loving every inch of you and with his own box of condoms, thank you very much), you’ll be just fine!
You can ASK JANICE your intimate love question by emailing ASKJANICE@suzyknew.com