Tag Archives: love

Welcome to Cougar Town, Baby! ASK JANICE

SmilingWoman

Dear Janice,

I’m 51 and have been dating men in my age group for many years. However in recent years I have not been satisfied with them because they can’t satisfy me sexually. Is it possible for me to meet a mature 20- or 30-something to have a long-term and fulfilling relationship with or should I just settle with being with men my own age?

Looking for Sexual Satisfaction in Michigan

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Dear Looking,

Cougar: a slang term referring to a woman who dates or is considered desirable among younger men.  Typically, the term refers to women at least 35 years old who pursue men more than seven years younger.

Welcome to Cougar Town, Baby!

Of course it is possible for you to meet a younger man and have a long-term and fulfilling relationship!  And I say, go for it!  But, before you go robbing any cradles (just kidding – it ain’t robbery if it’s given away willingly), you need to be sure about what you really want and adjust your expectations about what you’ll actually get.

The first and most obvious benefit of dating a much younger man is … the hot, steamy, all-night long, sweat your expensive hairstyle out, can’t walk the next day SEX!  Younger men have the benefit of high testosterone levels, healthy bodies and good old-fashioned stamina!    But be careful what you wish for, though!  While we all love a good all-night romp every once in a while, sometimes a girl just wants to watch Letterman and go to sleep!

Also, with a younger man you might get the staying power you need to ensure you’re satisfied, but you don’t always get the skill.  Just because he can keep it up all night doesn’t mean he’ll know what to do with it.  However, from what I hear (from both younger men and the older women they date), many younger men are often very willing to learn from an older woman.

In other words, if you’re patient, you should be able to raise his skill set to your desired level.  After all, younger men aren’t so set in their ways that you can actually teach them new tricks (something you apparently can’t do with older dogs, I mean, men)!  So, if you have the patience to give a few private lessons, a younger man just might be what you need to scratch that itch.

On the other hand, while a younger man may be able to satisfy you sexually, he may not be able to meet many of your other needs outside the bedroom.  For example, a man in his 20’s probably won’t be as financially stable as you are.  And that means, he may not be able to take you on two or three vacations a year, treat you to your favorite restaurants a couple of times a week or even take in a movie or a show.  Unless you’re willing to foot the bill for almost everything, you may have to lower your expectations about how the two of you are entertained (again, outside the bedroom, that is).

Heck, you may even have to lower your expectations about what kind of entertainment you actually enjoy, period!  A man in his 20’s may not be so interested in that Broadway show you’ve been dying to see.  He probably hasn’t heard of a lot of the musicians you’d want to see in concert.  And be honest, how many summer blockbuster movies with exploding cars or world-dominating robots can you sit through before you’d want to scratch your eyes out?

Even if you somehow managed to find some middle ground when it comes to something like music, you might get tired of explaining who your favorite groups are from your youth.  And even though a lot of entertainers from your “era” are still going strong, how can you really explain how awesome groups like the Rolling Stones, Aerosmith or even the Jacksons were before they looked like they needed to use wheelchairs on stage?  Trust me, you can’t.  I’ve tried.

You might also get tired of explaining to your young lover the significance of certain world-changing events that you actually witnessed, like the fall of the Berlin Wall, the Kennedy assassinations, the Tiananmen Square massacre, etc.  After all, these are events which he’s only read about in his history books in school.  Actually, with the way kids learn things now, he’s more likely to have Googled these events, watched a video about them on YouTube or learned about them on Wikipedia.

It goes both ways, too.  I mean, he might get tired of explaining the cultural importance of movies like “Jackass” to you.  And he’s likely going to tire of having to explain that while he didn’t call you when he said he would, he re-tweeted you about the text he sent after he IM’d you that he’d have to cancel your date.  That kind of miscommunication would irritate even the most dedicated of lovers.

And, what if he wants kids and you’re … well, let’s just say that ship has sailed for you…(?  That’s another whole ball of yarn you’ll have to unravel together.

But, I say all that and still I believe that older women can (and do) have successful, fulfilling relationships with much younger men.  Sure, you may have to do a little in-bed training … but, you’ve got all night for them to get it right (‘cuz they can go ALL NIGHT).  And you might have to adjust your expectations about who contributes what in the relationship, especially financially.  You’ll probably have to do a lot of compromising when it comes to finding entertainment options that you’ll both enjoy.  And he’s not always going to get all the cultural references you make during your conversations.

However, like with any relationship it all comes down to communication.  And I mean real communication … the kind that doesn’t take place in cyberspace.  You both have to be clear about what you want from the very beginning.  Then you’ll have to check in with each other periodically to ensure that you’re both still on the same page.

So yeah, it could work for you.  But, you have to be willing to put in the work it’s going to take to sustain such a relationship.  The women I know who have been most successful in their relationships with younger men are open-minded, very flexible and have the patience of a saint.

So, go for it, girlfriend!  Unleash your inner cougar and let me hear your roar!

Love Janice

 

Ask Janice your intimate love question by emailing ASKJANICE@suzyknew.com

Unsafe Sex Feels Like My Only Option For Love: ASK JANICE

Big Girl

Dear Janice, I know all about protecting myself from HIV and pregnancy, but I find my options for men are really limited. I’m a big woman in her mid 30’s, and I feel that my options for love just aren’t the same as they are for other women. How can I find the strength to turn down men who refuse to use condoms or won’t get tested? I want to be loved…

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Dear Big Girl:

Girl, please!  The average female orgasm lasts between 10 and 30 seconds.  That short-lived burst of pleasure is in no way worth your life!!!

Look.  I understand where you’re coming from.  I’m plus-sized gal, myself.  So I recognize that we live in a world in which a size 2 has a better chance of getting a date on a Friday night than a size 22.  I know what it’s like to be the wallflower in the dance of life where all your skinny friends are on the dance floor having a good time.  And I totally understand that no matter how brilliant and loving you are … no matter how great your personality is, most men are visual creatures and want a certain “type”.

I get it.  I feel your pain, Sistah.

But hear me when I say that I’d rather spend the rest of my Friday nights alone with my vibrator, than spend even 10 seconds in the arms of an idiot who is too dumb to protect himself and too uncaring to protect me!  I am far too precious to be bothered!

First of all, there are lots of men out there who prefer a woman with “meat on her bones”.  And I’m not just talking about those “chubby chaser” freaks who get off on fat girls.  (But, don’t hate on the “chubby chasers”!  After all, there is someone out there for everyone!)

No, I’m talking about real men who will find your curves comforting and a soft compliment to their male hardness.  I’m talking about men who’d love to grab ahold of every wiggly, jiggly inch of you and take you for the ride of your life!  Yes, Big Girls, these guys are out there.  You may just have to look a little harder to find them.

I know we’ve been cautioned about the dangers of internet dating.  But, one advantage to looking for love online is that there are sites for everyone … even for people who like dating larger women.  I can’t personally vouch for any of them, and I would advise you to proceed with caution.  But, if you’re willing to risk your life with a guy who wants to play in your rain tunnel without a rain coat, then you’ve got to at least be willing to give one of these sites a try.

In the meantime, remember this: no one will love you unless you love yourself.  Yes, there are some “Shallow Hal’s” out there.  But most people are attracted to confidence.  Trust me.  Wearing confidence and self-love is better than putting on make-up, wearing designer clothes, having a new hairstyle … heck it’s even better than Spanx (and I can’t think of too many things better than Spanx for a Big Girl)!  When you go out there fully armored with self-love and confidence, you’ll attract the guy you’re supposed to be with.

That’s not to say we can’t all stand to improve upon ourselves.  You know what you need to do to lose weight.  I don’t need to lecture you about the merits of exercising and eating right.  But do it for health reasons and to make yourself feel good. Hey, we’re all works in progress, right?

In the meantime, embrace your curves, Big Girl!  Think of yourself as Full-Bodied like a fine wine, rather than just plain old full-figured!  And if you value yourself as the beautiful work of art you are, then it will be easy for you to walk away from those fools who don’t think enough about themselves or you to use protection.

Who needs them, anyway?  You’ve got you … and until your Mr. Right comes along (loving every inch of you and with his own box of condoms, thank you very much), you’ll be just fine!

You can ASK JANICE your intimate love question by emailing ASKJANICE@suzyknew.com