What Do Brothas’ Like When It Comes To Personal Grooming? ASK A SEX THERAPIST

We all have our favorites. From music to cologne, most people can easily name their preferences on what it is they like and don’t like.  However, there are some things that don’t come as easily. For me, I love pizza; thick crust, thin crust, veggie, loaded with meat, it doesn’t matter as long as the ingredients come together with sauce, cheese, and a crust. I’m not that picky. And I’m learning there are some other areas where people may not have clearly defined preferences. They just like what they like.

And so since I’m the curious type, I asked some of my guy friends about what kind of vulvas they preferred. Crickets. Ok, so I first asked them via Facebook messenger and only my big brother replied (‘preciate ya homie). But when we had a house party after a bomb concert, I was able to pick the brains of the brothers assembled, gay, straight, and along the continuum, and their answers may surprise you.

I simply asked them what kind of vulvas they preferred and took five pages of notes. Some of the answers were pretty funny while others were straightforward, but what it boils down to is that of the brothers I asked, they don’t have preferences as far as appearance is concerned. The only preference from one brother was that the vulva was connected to a melanated sister. Other than that, none of the men really cared about the position of inner or outer labia, which is pretty comforting in a world where labiaplasty is a thing. Preferences related to pubic hair were pretty flexible as well. Proper grooming seemed to be the main concern. “Is it shaved or lined up? Combed through?” One brother said, “I like grass on the field. Who likes to play in the dirt?” But he did say that it’s nice when the “grass is cut.” ….which then led us into a conversation about proper hygiene and how important it is to know how to properly clean and maintain a healthy vulva. Queen V was then likened to a self-cleaning oven by a sister who participated in the discourse. Freshness is also important, but one brother said that, “if it doesn’t smell like anything, I’d be worried.” Also, tightness was relative. We talked for a while about kegel exercises and how important they are for muscle tone and how they can lead a woman to be a “snapper” as a popular artist referenced on his Instagram page a little while ago.

Also, another brother mentioned how the vulva should match the woman’s personality, being a natural extension of who she is. We then expounded on the oft quoted hip hop line, “You ain’t got to lie to kick it,” explaining that being your natural self and comfortable in who you are is ultimately the most alluring.

We ultimately ended our lively meeting of the minds by understanding that the average brother may not have specific hang ups about vulvas and those concerns may be relegated to majority culture. Is she healthy? Is she confident? Is she a good lover? Those were the main themes that were discussed. Although it’s difficult to extrapolate data from a conversation with a few amazing brothers and apply that to the diaspora, I honestly think their opinions are representative of the average brother.