After a bad relationship you may want to swear off sex forever. Nonsexuality may seem attractive – like a pleasant state of bliss. And, if you’ve ever been in a very fulfilling relationship with someone with no libido, “frustration” may have been your middle name.
But, new thinking shows that dating or being an asexual or nonsexual person can be fulfilling. So, your intimacy or romantic life doesn’t necessarily have to suffer just because you or your partner find yourself in one of these categories.
Lots of people don’t have sex for religious, medical or psychological reasons – and, ladies, let’s call it like it is: We might not be having sex because it can be hard to find a good man or we’re simply tired of putting out! These people are nonsexual; they feel sexual attraction, but don’t act on it. Asexuality is different, going beyond not having sex to not feeling any sexual attraction to people of either gender.
In his recent All About Sex article in Psychology Today, Michael Castleman explains The Asexual Visibility and Education Network (AVEN) uses the terms and definitions for asexuality as follows:
• Asexual: someone who feels no sexual attraction to anyone. However, asexuals may experience other forms of interpersonal magnetism:
• Aesthetic attraction—feeling drawn to another based on appearance.
• Romantic attraction—a desire for love and intimacy apart from sex.
• Sensual attraction—a desire for affectionate touch but not erotic play.
• Gray-sexual. Someone who occupies the gray area between sexual and asexual. Gray-sexuals occasionally feel erotic attraction, but rarely.
• Demi-sexual. Someone who experiences sexual attraction only after a firm friendshipor romantic bond has been established.
Some say that chronic very low libido, once called “hypoactive sexual desire disorder” before the term stopped being used qualifies as asexuality. AVEN says people must decide for themselves if they are sexual, demi-sexual, gray-sexual, or asexu
Studies since the 1990’s indicate that less than 2% of people appear to be asexual and the majority of these people are single. However, depending on the study, 15 to 33 percent of asexuals living with someone, or married in straight or gay relationships s. As long as partners are attracted to each other based on beauty, romance or sensuality, AVEN says asexuals can have successful long-term relationships without sex.
Asexuals in relationships may have sex with their partner to satisfy their partner’s needs and/or to affirm the intimacy of the relationship while others may just go through the motions or really get into it even though they feel no sexual desire.
So, ladies, a satisfying relationship can be had by all… Don’t give up the pursuit.