Author Archives: SuzyKnew!

About SuzyKnew!

SuzyKnew! is dedicated to improving the sexual and reproductive health and sexual pleasure of women of color.

Awaken – SIZZLE WITH SOPHIA

Love and Sex Sizzle With Sophia No Comments

By Sophia Ned-James

Now that I’ve written about it a few times, my guy has decided to wake me up using some form of sex on a semi-regular basis.  Not that I’m complaining, mind you.  I love it!  But every once in a while, I’d like to return the favor, you know?

Anyway, here’s what happened this morning …

I slowly pulled myself out of a deep sleep and realized that the intense pleasure I felt wasn’t a dream.  It was Royce* moving gently inside me.  He moved deliberately, careful not to rest his full weight on my body.  Even though his head was turned so that I couldn’t see his face, I could feel him straining to be quiet.

It didn’t work, though.  I heard his soft moans and knew he needed release.

I gently reached up and pulled him closer to me, as I matched his thrusts with my own.   Royce turned his head and looked at me with such raw lust, it shocked me.  Clearly he’d been at this for a while because he was closer to the edge than I thought.

Reaching down, I grabbed his firm ass and pulled him into me harder.  “Take it, baby” I whispered, holding his gaze.  “Take your pussy.  Cum for me!”

And so he took me with abandon, putting both my legs around his shoulders which allowed him to go even deeper.  It felt incredible!  And watching him completely let go as he finally came had my heart racing.  His eyes never left mine as he rode out his orgasm.  Then, he collapsed on top me, in a sweaty, exhausted heap.

I let him catch his breath before I started moving beneath him.  He was still inside me, though no longer hard.  He wasn’t completely limp, but he wasn’t hard enough for me to really get off.  I was too aroused to stay still, though.

Royce knew exactly what to do.  Reaching down, he gently took hold of my throbbing clit.  Then, he began to slowly massage it as I rocked my hips against him harder.

Soon, I could feel his manhood start to swell inside me until he was hard enough to fill me up again.  Removing his hand, he started thrusting into me again, following the pace I set with my hips.

“Can you cum again, baby?”  I asked, getting closer and closer to the edge.

Shaking his head, he answered “Uh-uh.  This is all you this time.”

“But you’re so hard!”

“I know,” he grunted, picking up his pace.  “But this is for you.  It’s your turn.”

He kept talking.  Grinding his hips even harder, he grunted “This is my pussy, isn’t it?  I want to feel my pussy cum!”

As the first wave of orgasm began its slow ascent up my spine, I quickened my pace.  Knowing I was getting close, Royce urged me on.  “That’s it, Baby.  Come on and cum for me.  I love watching you cum!  You’re so sexy!”

My eyes involuntarily began to close as I gave in to his sexy demands.  But, he wasn’t having it.  “Uh-uh.  Keep those eyes open.  I want you to look at me when you cum!”

Seeing him watch me with such intensity was exciting and erotic.  And his voice, so deep and commanding, pushed me right to the edge.  But it was this one move he did that finally sent me flying.  Somehow, by shifting his weight just a little, he started hitting my spot.  He knew it, too because he was relentless, hitting that exact spot over and over until I completely lost control.  When I came, I screamed and shuddered, feeling full, happy and sated.

I have to admit he’s got me spoiled.  Waking up to my annoyingly loud alarm clock just isn’t the same.  Now, if I can just figure out a way to wake up before him so that I can return the favor …

*Royce is my Boo’s online name.  I keep his government name a secret out of respect.  Anyway, I always change the names and a few details to protect the no-so-innocent!

Can RePhresh Vaginal Gel Cure My BV In 2015? ASK AN OBGYN

Ask an OBGYN No Comments

Dear SuzyKnew!,

I keep getting bad vaginal odor due to BV- three times in six months- and in between I get a whopping yeast infection. I have a new partner (and no, we are not using protection). There also seems to be some link with the bouts of BV and my period. A friend told me about a gel that is supposed to correct my pH, and I’d like to start 2015 right! 

Should a Sista’ give this RePhresh product a try?

****

Dear SuzyKnew! Reader,

BV (bacterial vaginosis) is the most common cause of vaginal complaints, and it is seen all over the world. BV occurs when there is an imbalance in the ecosystem of the vagina- simply put, when there is less protective stuff and more harmful stuff.

The vagina is a complex and dynamic ecosystem, and the acid-base (pH) balance is part of that. Have you heard of the Micro-biome? Well this is it. There are billions of cells working together in our bodies. In the vagina, estrogen (hormones), glycogen (glucose) and lactobacilli (good bacteria) are just some of the actors at play keeping our lady parts functioning well. The vagina is an acidic environment, which keeps bacterial growth in check. It does this on its own, with no help needed from us. Dr Oz famously called the vagina “a self cleaning oven”.   You can unintentionally change your vaginal pH by douching or doing internal cleanses. Douching = bad idea!  Any disruption in this ecosystem can result in an overgrowth of the bad stuff- which is associated with a higher pH that’s when BV can set in.

Vaginal pH changes during each menstrual cycle (in the presence of blood). So, yes, it is possible that you a tipping the balance around the time of your period. It is curious that you are seeing a connection with your BV and your new partner. Sperm also has a high pH and it is possible that your partner’s sperm could cause a pH imbalance. It is common for female-female partners to pass BV back and forth, less common with male-female partners, but possible. You may be unknowingly re-infecting each other. I would encourage you to use a barrier method, and make sure you both get evaluated by a doctor.

BV can be hard to kick, Even with powerful antibiotics and it has a high reoccurrence rate.  Many women – including us Sistas!- get the double whammy of treating BV with antibiotics, just to end up with a yeast infection, then take antifungal yeast treatments that can further upset the vaginal ecosystem. For someone battling this cycle, it’s necessary to replace the good stuff.   The simplest, healthiest (and most economical) thing to do is eat yogurt, drink keiffer or visit your health foods store for a probiotic supplement.   This helps restore the good bacteria in your whole body, including your vagina.

You asked about a pH balancing gel. The RePhresh line of products is actively marketing to our vaginas and promises to correct vaginal pH and to replace the good bacteria. RePhresh vaginal gel is a polymer gel.   There are just three studies on its effectiveness, and these show that after many weeks of using the gel, (between 6-12 weeks) that it can correct vaginal pH. It is expensive (a 12 day supply sell for $20.00). This product may help certain women if you have a pattern of BV and have tried everything else.  The company also has a probiotic pill called Rephresh Pro-B which is a basic probiotic supplement targeted for an audience that is concerned about vaginal health.  Probiotics are very helpful, particularly after you have taken a course of antibiotics. However, you do not need one specifically marketed for your vagina.

My advice- even though you can get these products over the counter, or on the internet, I recommend that you do this only in consultation with your doctor.   Certain medications or serious disease process can bring on a change in pH and vaginal irritation. You do not want to treat a symptom without understanding the underlying cause.

Take Care

Shouldn’t Your Contraceptive Make You Feel Beautiful?

Contraceptives Opinion Reproductive Health No Comments

2015 is coming up. Does your contraceptive make you feel beautiful? If not, why not? I mean menstruation can be a bear. Why should your contraceptive make you feel miserable, too?

We know “the pill” can clear up acne. Make your periods more regular. That will make a Sista’ feel beautiful, right? But, the pill can also cause you to gain weight and make your breasts swell up so bad you look like a chocolate Dolly Parton. And, we don’t have to mention the risks of the pill if you’re over 35 years old and a heavy smoker. Can you say: walking stroke?

According to the CDC, 30% of US women will try FIVE – yes, you heard me right FIVE – contraceptive methods.  Obviously, finding a contraceptive that is effective and makes you feel good is a challenge for a lot of ladies out there. Some women think menstruation and child bearing are supposed to be painful as a part of being a woman –  and using some pharmaceutical to interrupt this, just isn’t right.

But, many women in the US – as well as in the Caribbean and Africa – are interested in finding a contraceptive that has fewer side effects. Many want a non-hormonal option. SuzyKnew! hears that. We have posts by Sistas’ using natural birth control or FAM. There are posts on IUDs – a method women stay with longer than other methods and offer a non-hormonal, copper T version (which can still have side effects but most don’t last long). And, now we’re advocating for major disruption in birth control. Like – Sistas’ need to take this matter into our own hands and out of the hands of big business and big government.

And if we did take the matter into our own hands, wouldn’t we make something that would make us feel beautiful? Something that would manage that “time of the month” and allow us to avoid pregnancy (and get pregnant) when we wanted to. SuzyKnew! writers – like Lillian Ogbogoh and supporters like Abiola Abrams – promote female empowerment and link confidence with feeling beautiful. Why shouldn’t you?

In 2015, make a vow to find a contraceptive method that makes you feel beautiful – or join the SuzyKnew! movement to discover a new one.

Dear Santa: All I Want For Christmas Is… SIZZLE WITH SOPHIA

Love and Sex Sizzle With Sophia No Comments

Dear Santa,

What’s up, Big Guy?  It’s me, Sophia Ned-James, from Detroit!  I hope this letter finds you, Mrs. C and all your elves happy and well.  Are you staying warm up there in the North Pole?

Santa, I’ve been a very good girl this year.  No, I haven’t always been on my best behavior, but even when I’m bad, you know I’m good, right?  After all, I did narrow my boyfriend list down to one (1) this year.  And as promised, I’ve stayed far away from those swingers’ clubs.  No really!  I haven’t been to a single one all year!

So, do I finally qualify for your “Nice” list this year?

Who am I kidding?

Sure I’ve improved (as we all do with age).  But the truth is I’ve been a very naughty girl!  In fact, I probably need to be spanked!  But we’ll discuss my “punishment” when you get here Christmas Eve.  (Side note: you left your handcuffs here last year.  And I think I left my leopard-print bra in your sleigh.)

And don’t worry.  There’ll be more than milk and cookies waiting for you at the bottom of my chimney … cuz you and I both know you WILL be stopping by this year!

Anyway, if I HAD made it onto your “Nice” list, here are a few things I’d ask for this Christmas:

  1. For ALL women to experience all the joy that having a clitoris brings: orgasms, multiple orgasms and more orgasms! And did I mention ORGASMS?!?  (I mean, really – you’d think that with more than 8,000 nerve endings, everyone would be having fun with this thing, right?)
  2. For ALL (hetero) men to learn their partners’ bodies; to really understand what makes her writhe with pleasure; and then to use that knowledge to keep her happy.
  3. For ALL couples to learn how to communicate with each other, so that each partner learns the love language of the other.
  4. For safe, protected and CONSENTUAL sex to be the norm EVERYWHERE.
  5. A world that’s safe for women sexually, where we can be free to embrace our sexuality without shame, fear or repercussions.
  6. A world without rape, sexual assault of any kind, sexual exploitation or abuse.
  7. For little girls to be taught to love every inch of their bodies, even the private parts. Especially the private parts, because “private” does not equal “bad” or “shameful” or something that needs to be masked or disguised.
  8. A world where little girls can remain children for as long as possible, protected and loved by the adults around them, and not exploited or hurt.
  9. A world where ALL women have and maintain total control over their bodies and their lives.
  10. For LOVE to be the driving force behind all our actions.

Santa, I know it’s a daunting list.  But hey, at least I didn’t ask for jewelry or lingerie this time, right?  And anyway, I’ll make it worth your while, I promise.  And sure, Mrs. C can join us this time.

See you soon!

Love Your Naughty Friend,

Sophia

Is FAM Really Effective? Natural Womanhood Founder Discusses The Controversy

Fertility Awareness No Comments

Which birth control method is the best? Depends on what you’re looking for and what works for you and your body.  Over the last couple of years, SuzyKnew! has brought you articles on Fertility Awareness Methods (FAM) – also called natural birth control, including the column The Roses Of Fertility Awareness.

But, how effective is this method? Whose opinion should you trust?

Below George Midegon, Founder of Natural Womanhood writes about the issue of FAM effectiveness in his blog “Who tells the truth about the effectiveness of fertility awareness methods.”

*****

Who tells the truth about the effectiveness of fertility awareness methods?

posted on December 15, 2014 by Gerard Migeon, Founder & CEO Gerard Migeon

It’s been interesting to see articles popping up more and more frequently with accounts of the problems with contraceptives, from Vanity Fair making public the scandal of the Nuvaring to Cosmopolitan discussing how the Pill affects women’s libido. At the same time, the mainstream media is attempting to correct all these “misperceptions” about contraceptives and doing its best to rehabilitate them with their audience. One of their strategies is to set up Fertility Awareness Methods (FAMs) as a straw man by acknowledging it but subtly or not so subtly discounting its effectiveness, a tried and true marketing strategy.

Meet William Sacs and Kati Bicknell, the two young entrepreneurs who founded the company behind the fertility tracking app Kindara. Since its launch in mid-2012 it has been downloaded in 134 countries and has helped over 25,000 women conceive, and certainly many more than that avoid pregnancy. Will and Kati are more than excellent business people. They’re passionate evangelists about Fertility Awareness; they get how it can change the world. In her bio, Kati writes: “Kindara was born out of my love for humanity, and frustration with conventional birth control methods.”

Kindara founders Will Sacs and Kati Bicknell on The Doctors show

A couple weeks ago they were guests on the popular CBS show “The Doctors.” You would think it was a good step toward more transparency and honesty about Fertility Awareness. You’re wrong. It turned out more like a public chastising and questioning. As Kati was explaining how they had been using a Fertility Awareness Method and successfully avoiding pregnancy for five years, Dr. Jennifer Ashton quickly felt the need to say:

“As an ob-gyn I have to jump in there,” the doctor interjects. “You are in a monogamous, committed relationship, but what I tell couples who are not using either a barrier or a hormonal form of contraception is the stats are clear on this. Within a year 85% of couples will have a pregnancy, so the fact you haven’t had one is great for you, but that doesn’t mean you won’t have one in the future.”

Jennifer Ashton MD

Essentially, her message was: using FAM is just like using nothing at all to avoid pregnancy, showing either obvious ignorance or ill will toward the change.

Before the interview, a short video introduction to the show makes some false statements, stating that “FAM focuses on daily cervix touching,” which can even ” cause infections,” and that FAM are “controversial self-exams” and have a 25% failure rate.

That’s not the only place where you’ll see this sort of manipulation of the facts. If you Google “effectiveness of fertility awareness method,” you’re likely to see the websites of Planned Parenthood and Bedsider show up on the top of the list. So let’s look at what they have to say.

Both list fertility awareness as a legitimate method among other methods, which is huge progress, one would think. Planned Parenthood does a fairly good job at explaining the science behind the methods. Bedsider is less specific, but still lists the types of methods available. So far so good.  Or is it?

In reality, they both find ways to discourage anyone who is really serious about postponing a pregnancy. Planned Parenthood writes: “Do not depend on tracking your fertility if you have irregular periods.”  This will surely stop a large number of women seeing as how regular periods in this stressed out world are rather rare. But it’s false information: modern techniques of FAM allow women who have irregular periods to know just as accurately as those with regular periods when they’re ovulating. It’s not a guessing game, because the bio-signs don’t lie.

Bedsider, an unabashed promoter of contraceptives, more directly writes, “Failure rates are kinda high if not used correctly—so if getting pregnant would be disastrous for you, choose another method.” Pretty direct turn off I would imagine. When they compare it with other methods for effectiveness, they claim that “fertility awareness methods aren’t among the most effective—even when practiced perfectly,” and rank them on par with the condom, and much lower than the Pill.

If you are among those who are not sure about using FAM for family planning, I imagine that these reports are a big turn off. But they’re not the truth. In reality, FAM methods have been used and tested over the past thirty years with thousands and women and thousands of cycles, using legitimate scientific research methodologies. They are proven very effective.

When I speak about effectiveness, I like to refer to an article that was published in the Osteopathic Journal of Medicine, a peer reviewed medical journal, in May 2013. The authors, two medical doctors and two PhDs, reviewed all the studies available since 1980 on a number of FAMs. They first used a technique adopted by medical journals to “assess the quality of individual studies and overall strength of a body of evidence.” They eliminated a number of the studies and retained the ones that passed the test.

Collectively, these studies reflect use of FAMs by 8,200 women in over 107,000 cycles. Overall they report that when used correctly, FAM’s effectiveness is greater than 95%. With typical use, effectiveness is still higher than 86%. However, some methods are much more effective than others, according to this article. The Sympto-Thermal Method achieves a record 99.4% effectiveness for correct use and 98% for typical use. Due to differences in study interpretation, Creighton only shows a correct use measure, which is a 99.5% effectiveness. Marquette is at 98% and 86%. Billings is 97% and 78-90% in typical use. In comparison, the Pill’s correct use is 99.7% and typical use is 92%. Condoms are 98% and 85%.

There is no question that these methods present a learning curve. It may take a few weeks for women to be 100% confident with their ability to accurately read the signs of fertility. But once they do, these methods always beat the Pill. The question is no longer whether the method works or not, it’s whether you can have intercourse or should wait. And when in doubt, when the couple is resolutely determined to avoid pregnancy, a non-physical way to make love always works!

The media and promoters of contraceptives should stop treating women like idiots. They can only postpone the truth of Fertility Awareness from reaching the public; they can’t stop the movement that’s already started and spreading like wild fire online.

We can rest on these facts and share the good news about Fertility Awareness with confidence.

Be well,

Gerard Migeon

 For more on natural womanhood see https://www.naturalwomanhood.org.

Holiday Blues And Relationship Re-Dos: How A Single Lady Survives The Holidays

Love and Sex Opinion No Comments

Okay, so it’s Christmas.The lights are soft, sparkly and twinkling. The snowflakes are fluttering to the ground. The fireplace is warm and inviting. The scent of pine, eggnog and fruitcake fills the room. Every commercial, every song, every single social message, is talking about love and family and togetherness and belonging. Being single can feel positively shitty at a time like this.

The holidays seem to conspire to remind you of your aloneness. You think of the family you’re going to see, the questions they will ask about whether you’re seeing anyone and the comments they will make in their heads or to your face when you say you’re not. You think of the office Christmas party and how lame it will be to go to it alone again and you think of the New Year’s countdown and how it will be just you and your girls in the silly hats holding up glasses of champagne.

So, what do you do? You start going through the mental Rolodex of all the guys (or girls) you’ve ever dated. The ones who worked out, the ones who didn’t, the ones who could have if only the timing was right, and before you know it you’ve picked out a name, done some reminiscing, engaged in some historical rewriting of events, and reached out through Facebook, Twitter, the phone or smoke signal to rekindle something that was dead for a reason. It’s basically a relationship redo, a sexual relapse, brought on by the stigma of being single and the gloominess that the prospect of going through the holidays without that someone special brings on. I’m not judging it. I’ve been there. But here’s the thing: Whatever legitimate reasons there were why things didn’t work out before are probably still there, right?

These issues didn’t just miraculously disappear because your selective memory chose not to bring them up. They’ll resurface, either during the holidays—leading to an unceremonious separation that might leave you feeling lonelier than before—or after the holidays—when you’re saddled with a relationship that doesn’t have what it takes to go the distance. The momentary discomfort of being alone might pale in comparison to the effort it takes to get rid of the Rent-A-Dude. Having sung carols or opened presents without someone to hold your hand might seem very bearable when you put it up against how crappy the entire short-lived relationship might be.

And what about the sex? Is having someone to tell Aunt Irma about, when she asks why you’re so independent you don’t think you need a man and what is going on with you, gal, why can’t you just be a little softer, really worth the backache and heartache of the bad sex? Is having someone to cuddle with near the fire and kiss under the mistletoe really worth the “clusterfuck” if you resurrect this relationship and the sex is great because it’s the only thing you and this person ever did well together and then you get “dickmotized” and can’t let go of someone who is terrible for you because you’re sprung? From where I’m sitting, it all ends badly.

I know it’s easier said than done but I’m starting to come to the conclusion that being alone shouldn’t be a source of discomfort. Enjoying the holidays and the chance to be with loved ones we’re not romantically involved with can be a wonderful thing—a fulfilling, stress-free, easier on our wallets, fiscally kinder activity. But only after we let go of the message that by ourselves we’re not enough and our not having a significant other isn’t some kind of commentary on our character or our worth. We need to extend some of that Christmas spirit of care, love and understanding to ourselves and just sit back, enjoy the holidays and give ourselves pats on the back for our good decision-making.

 

F.N. is a thirty something free-lance writer from Ghana. Currently, she is trying out a new life in Washington, DC

Meditation To Reconnect To Your Feminine Center By Guest Blogger Lillian Ogbogoh

Reproductive Health No Comments

It’s the week-end. It’s time to decompress. It’s time to meditate.

This week-end take time to do a special meditation by Lillian Ogbogoh – one to cleanse your feminine center. Your womb.

Lillian Ogbogoh
Lillian Ogbogoh

Over time we can store up horrible feelings about ourselves within. We may harbor anger, guilt,or self-hatred over failed or abusive relationships. We may feel bad about harsh arguments we’ve had whether we are to blame or not. All of this dirties our center – our womb.

To find peacefulness and a sense of warmth, find 20 minutes of quiet time and go through this meditation. You will reconnect to your beautiful feminine center.  You will feel free and refreshed to start the coming week.

 

 

 

Ambush SIZZLE WITH SOPHIA

Love and Sex Sizzle With Sophia No Comments

Ladies, if you’re lucky enough to have a highly skilled lover, then I’m sure you’ve been where I was last night: I had to take control in the bedroom to remind my Boo who’s boss!

Now before I start getting emails about a woman’s place, feminism and equality let me make it clear that I’m only speaking figuratively.  Like most couples, my relationship with Royce* is a balance of give and take, lead and follow and a whole lot of compromise.  So don’t worry, he’s not a henpecked loser and I’m not a doormat.

That said, I think my frequent sharing of our sexual adventures online has given Royce the big head.  Like most men with serious sexual skills, he knows he’s gifted and is proud of it.  And that’s fine.  ‘Cause there ain’t nothing hotter than a sexually confident man, right?

But I’m not gonna lie.  Royce has gotten pretty cocky lately (pun intended).  He knows my body well and plays me like a maestro.  And I must admit that he’s been hitting it out the park EVERY. SINGLE. TIME!  Please excuse the mixed metaphors, but you know what I mean.

Anyway, last night I needed to remind him that I have skills, too.  He ain’t the only one who can rock somebody’s world!  I can bring it in the bedroom just as well as he can.

So I ambushed him!

But first, I had to trick him.  When Royce got home from work, I was dressed in sweatpants and one of his T-shirts, hanging out on the couch in his living room.  This was usually a sign that we weren’t going to have sex that night.  I could tell he was disappointed, but he didn’t say anything.  He just gave me a quick kiss and headed to the shower.

That’s when I pulled the switch-a-roo on him.  When he walked out of the shower wearing only a towel, he found me reclining on his bed completely naked.  I’d also dimmed the lights, lit a couple of candles and turned on his favorite Latin Jazz station.

“What’s going on?” he asked, walking over to the bed.

“An ambush,” I answered.  And then I reached over, snatched off his towel and pulled him onto the bed.

“What the …”” he stumbled for words as got up on my knees and quickly took him into my mouth.

I love sucking Royce from soft to rock hard!  Feeling his dick grow inside my mouth is so erotic, just thinking about it gets me wet.  But I was on a mission.  As much as I love sucking my guy off, I also needed to prove a point.  So, I gave my man the kind of blow job that makes him shake, shiver and yell my name.

I took him as deep as I could, and only barely gagged when his thick head hit the back of my throat.  I sucked him deep and hard.  Using both my hands, I varied my pace based on his responses.  When my jaws got tired, I turned my attention to his balls and that delicious space beneath his scrotum.  Just when that got really good to him, I went back to sucking, this time with even more vigor and enthusiasm.  Then, when he began to tremble, I put his hand on the back of my head, encouraging him to guide me.  He really loves that!

It was one of the longest and best blow jobs I’ve ever given Royce and I had a blast.  But I didn’t let him cum, though.  I let him get close to the edge, and then I slowly released him from my mouth.

He sat up in protest.  “Why’d you stop?”

“Oh, I’m not done with you, yet,” I assured him.  “But I told you, this is an ambush.  Now shush and let me handle my business!”

I grabbed the condom I’d hidden under the pillow.  In record time, I had it out of the package on onto his throbbing dick.  Then using more force than he expected, I pushed him onto his back and climbed on top.  He was so aroused, he was shaking.  But he smiled and said, “Yes, Ma’am!”

I watched his face as I slowly lowered myself onto his thick cock.  His nostrils flared from his efforts to hold himself still.  Bracing my hands on his abs, I slowly let him fill me.  He moaned “My God!  You feel so damned good!”

“Better than my mouth?”  I teased.

“Don’t make me answer that,” he said as I finally started to move.

When I started in on my “long-stroke and squeeze” move (which I usually save for closer to the end), he hissed.  “How about now?”  I asked.  “Is it better than my mouth now?”

He didn’t (or couldn’t) answer.  And so, I kept riding him, teasing him with my inner muscles until I hit my stride.  He watched me with awe as I bounced on him hard, and I gave him quite a show.  I played with my breasts, added a little twist to my hips and begged him to slap my ass.  Finally unable to stop himself, he grabbed my hips in an effort to take control.

“Uh-uh,” I said, knocking his hands away and really going at it.  “Let me do this!”

“Damn, Sophia,” he breathed.  “I don’t know how much longer I can last!”

But he did last, and I made the most of my control over him.  I kept up a steady rhythm, but changed the pace just enough to keep him on edge.  Then I grabbed his hands and put them on my breasts.  He knew exactly what to do.

“You like when I squeeze ‘em don’t you?”  His voice was so deep and raspy with tension it made me grind on him even harder.

“Oh yes,” I moaned, watching the way his eyes flickered in the candlelight.  His nostrils flare again as I shifted my angle and leaned a little closer to him.

“Oh, Sophia,” he gasped through clenched teeth.  He arched his back and closed his eyes.

“Open your eyes,” I said enjoying the control I had over him.   “Look at me!  Watch me make you cum!”

He opened his eyes and they seared me with heat.  Releasing my breasts, he grabbed my hips and started thrusting into me so hard I almost fell off him.  This time I let him take control, even though I knew I was still in charge.

“That’s it,” I said, holding onto his forearms for balance.  “Take it!  Fuck me!”

“I’m about to cum!”  He groaned, biting his bottom lip.  “Fuck this feels so good!”

“Don’t cum until I tell you to,” I said.  I could barely talk myself, though.  He’d angled his hips just so and was hitting my spot with alarming precision.

“Can’t help it,” he said through clenched teeth.  “I can’t stop!”

I couldn’t either.  Giving in to my own orgasm, I threw my head back and rode wave after wave of pleasure.  In the middle of my bliss, Royce’s climax ripped through his body.  My vision was blurry, but I watched as he completely surrendered to his release.  Every muscle in his body tensed.  The cords in his neck looked like they’d burst wide open and his abs rippled with strain.

His explosion seemed to go on forever.

After a few seconds, Royce pulled me onto his chest in a tight embrace.  I could hear his heart racing even though he was panting, fighting to get air into his neglected lungs.  As I could feel him soften inside me, he moaned “Oh God, oh God, oh God,” over and over again.  Then he fell silent.

Royce didn’t say anything until after he’d removed and disposed of the condom, and pulled me back into his arms.  Then he kissed me lightly on my forehead and whispered “You are amazing, Sophia.”

I know, right?

*Royce isn’t his government name, of course.  I always change the name and a few details to protect the not-so-innocent.

Dr Drai Recaps The New Pap Smear Schedule

Ask an OBGYN 2 Comments

Now that Thanksgiving is behind us, the Christmas season is officially here. Time to focus on shopping for that special gift and getting all those kisses underneath the mistletoe. But, soon we’ll be rolling into the New Year, and well… ladies, what about preparing for our annual gynecological exam, which has always included a pap smear?  Recent studies show cervical cancer rates are higher in Black women and older women than in other women.

Guess what: OBGYNs have switched up the pap smear schedule on us. Figuring out how often we’re supposed to get a pap smear isn’t as easy and straight forward as it used to be.Below America’s favorite OBGYN, Dr. Drai, breaks it down for us, explaining how often we need one of these tests to screen for cervical cancer during our lifetime. For more on Dr. Drai see DrDrai.com.

DR DRAI  BREAKS IT DOWN:

  • Age 21: Ladies- It’s time to get your 1st PAP smear. MOMs- NO more making your daughter get a PAP smears when she becomes sexually active. 
  • Ages 21-29: Get your PAP smear every 3 years. If anything is Abnormal,  you have to get your PAP every year. It’s okay- you know you want to visit Dr. Drai anyways.
  • Ages 30-65: Get your PAP Smear every 3 years OR your DOC can order a PAP Smear + HPV (Human Papillavirus) testing every 5 years. If anything is Abnormal, you have to see Dr. Drai again in a year. 
  • Age > 65: Great news! No more PAP Smears IF you have had 3 normal smears within 10 years. YAY! 
  • #GYNEGirls who have had TOTAL (cervix was removed) hysterectomies for non-cancer: No more PAP smears for YOU.
  • #GYNEGirls who have had cervical cancer:  You have to get your PAP smears for at least 20 years. 

Abnormal PAP smear?  Don’t be SCARED. Let me explain myself. If your smear comes back Abnormal,  you have to get a colposcopy. It’s NO BIG DEAL! You come to the office and I look at your cervix through a microscope. I put vinegar on the cervix and look for changes. Abnormal cells turn white. If Dr. Drai sees something Abnormal on your cervix, you will have a biopsy done- a piece of the cervix is cut off. It’s a small piece. No worries. I send the biopsy away to that same DOC so she can tell me if cancer is there or not. Most likely not…

I have told you this ONE before. HPV causes cervical cancer. Therefore #GYNEGirls If you don’t have HPV, you are not likely to get cervical cancer. This is the reason why you don’t have to get a PAP smear yearly anymore. YAY! You will get use to it. Don’t worry. You still have to come in to see Dr. Drai every year anyway. Your DOC needs to check your breasts for lumps AND feel your ovaries to make sure they are normal in size. For me, I ALSO need to check on you to make sure your mind, body, and spirit is still in sync. Life can be hard. You always need a counselor to chat with.

*****

SuzyKnew! reports regularly on sexual and reproductive health issues important to Black women, and we want you to keep it sexy and healthy during the holiday season.

 

Sophia’s Grown & Sexy Thanksgiving 2014 – SIZZLE WITH SOPHIA

Love and Sex Sizzle With Sophia No Comments

Even though I try to practice gratitude year-round, I think it’s well and good that we take a special day every year to pause and give thanks for all the good in our lives.  That’s why I’m a huge fan of Thanksgiving!

But, as much as I love spending time with family and friends over a delicious meal, I’m also pretty thankful for sexual health and pleasure!  And y’all know me.  Ain’t no shame in my game!  That’s why I’ve put together Sophia’s Grown & Sexy Thanksgiving List for 2014!  Feel free to add to this in the comment section below.

  1. Smart Men – Smart men are sexy! In my younger, wilder days, I could put up with dumb but cute guys.  Not anymore, though.  A cute smile, a stiff dick and a nice ass won’t get you very far these days.  I need some stimulating conversation and not just about sex.  If you can’t intelligently converse (not conversate, which is NOT a word) about current events, local politics or something deeper than the latest reality show drama, then I can’t be bothered.  You must be able to get into my head before you can get into my panties.  I am thankful for smart men.
  2. Hard Bodies – That said, I ain’t mad at the brothas who got it going on body-wise! We women are just as visual as men.  And I’m old-school.  I like a man’s hardness to compliment my soft curves.  (Shut up!  It’s not fat!  We’re calling it curves, all right?)  While we are visual, women tend to be more forgiving of men’s bodies.  And I think that’s a good thing.  We still find our Boo’s beer belly sexy and don’t mind when he’s put on a few pounds.  But we ain’t blind, either.  We can appreciate a six-pack, big biceps and thick, muscular thighs, too.  Phew!  My mouth is watering just thinking about it!  I am thankful for hard bodies!
  3. The Hooded Lady – Okay, that’s just a euphemism for our crown jewel, the clitoris! This fascinating part of the female’s anatomy has twice as many nerve endings as the penis (8,000+) and is only there for one purpose: sexual pleasure.  Unlike the penis, which also serves as a liquid waste portal and reproduction organ, our clitoris serves no other biological function than our pleasure.  How cool is that?  It’s like God, in his infinite wisdom, decided that since women have to endure menstruation, the pain of childbirth and 30% less pay, we deserve our very own personal pleasure center.  And so He gave each of us a clitoris.  I am thankful for the clitoris!
  4. The G Spot – For so many women, this much-hyped spot is an elusive, almost mythical body feature. Much scientific and sociological study has been made of the G Spot, yet many women have yet to experience its amazing power.  Keep looking, ladies.  It’s there, somewhere on the top wall of your va-jay-jay.  I suspect that it’s actually a continuation of the clitoris, which goes so much further than the little tip we see on the outside of our bodies (think of that visible part as just the tip of the iceberg).  At any rate, a properly stimulated G Spot will send you to the moon and have you speaking in tongues.  I am so thankful for the G Spot!
  5. Multiple Orgasms – Sure, there are some gifted men who experience multiple orgasms in quick succession. But they are few and far between, and are often experienced in some form of tantric sex.  Trust me, your average Joe ain’t nuttin’ three or four times in a row without some serious recovery time in between.  Multiple orgasms are another Godly gift to women.  I know that not every woman is multi-orgasmic.  But every woman has the potential to be.  And that’s the important part.  There are few things more beautifully spiritual than riding wave after wave of ecstasy without pause!  I am thankful for multiple orgasms.
  6. The One-Eyed Beast – Dick.  Peter.  Call it what you like.  As a devoutly hetero woman, I have a strong and deep appreciation for that glorious member attached to the male body: the penis.  Like the TLC song says, “Two inches or a yard, rock hard or if it’s sagging”, I love the penis in its many shapes, sizes and states.  And while no woman is exactly comfortable with really tiny ones or really big ones, most dicks are just the right size and perfectly made!  Honestly, give me a smaller guy with the right moves over an enormous one who just lies there any day!  Big, small, circumcised or uncut, I love ‘em all!  I am thankful for penises.  
  7. O.B. – As much as I love penises, I don’t always have access to one. Thank goodness for my B.O.B. (Battery Operated Boyfriend)!  Woman-centered sex toys have been around for thousands of years.  But these days, thanks to the internet and a growing demand among women, the sex toy industry has grown by leaps and bounds.  Now, there’s something for everyone out there and at reasonable prices, too.  And they’re not just for lonely, horny women anymore either!  More and more couples have discovered the joys of playing with toys together.  And I love it!  Every woman should have at least three or four reliable B.O.B.s in her nightstand drawer.  Oh and tons of batteries!  I am thankful for vibrators, dildos and other sex toys.
  8. Safe Sex – In the 30+ years since the AIDS epidemic began, condom use has dramatically increased in general. But current statistics are troubling: there has been a noticeable decline in condom use, especially among young people.  Too many women of color globally are being infected.  And women of the African diaspora are disproportionately more likely to become infected with HIV/AIDS, despite all efforts to the contrary.  Access to barrier methods and other forms of contraception varies worldwide.  In the United States, we have it pretty good.  However, the political tide has shifted and it’s getting harder for low-income women to have access.  Safe sex is necessary for both our health and our pleasure.  And ladies, in this area we cannot rely on men to protect us.  It’s on us.  Practice safe sex … ALWAYS!  Educate yourself.  Arm yourself.  Protect yourself.  Save yourself.  Love yourself.  I am so thankful for safe sex!
  9. Good Sex – Let’s face it: not all sex is created equal. It’s not always pretty and it certainly ain’t always good.  But I love good sex.  I appreciate good sex.  I want everyone to have good sex!  The necessary ingredients for good sex are self-love, self-respect, and a healthy relationship with your partner which includes respect, friendship and trust.  Our biggest and most important sex organ is our brain.  Women, especially, have to “get their minds right” to truly enjoy sex.  If you love and respect yourself, you won’t engage in any activity that will ultimately harm you.  That’s half the battle right there.  The other half is your partner.  If he doesn’t respect you, he won’t make any effort towards your enjoyment.  If you don’t trust him, you’ll never really let go and have fun.  And if, regardless of your “relationship status”, the two of you aren’t friends first, then it will be hard to reach the highest heights of ecstasy together.  But when all of the ingredients are in place, you can rest assured that it’ll be all good!  I am thankful for good sex.
  10. Head – Yep, I’m gonna wrap up my list with good, old-fashioned oral sex. I recently heard some great advice from a man. He said that the best way for women to ensure fantastic sex every time is to get the man to agree to one thing: if he ain’t strokin’, he needs to be lickin’!  Of course, this elicited cheers and whistles from all women present.  But, I think he might be on to something.  And I also believe the reverse is true.  I haven’t met a man yet who would turn down even a mediocre blow job.  It’s quite simple, really: we all like being on the receiving end of some good oral loving, right?  And for the most part, we all like pleasing our partners, right?  So it stands to reason that if everyone agrees up front to offer up a little mouth and tongue action to their partner, everyone will be happy.  It’s a win-win situation!  So embrace the joys of oral sex, both as a giver and a receiver!  I am so thankful for oral sex!

So there you have it: my list of things for which I am grateful.  Please feel free to add your list in the comments below.  In the meantime, have a safe and happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

~Sophia