Author Archives: Janice Fuller-Roberts

UPLIFT by Sophia Ned-James (Week of 2/22/21)

Congratulations! You’ve made it! Despite everything you’ve endured, you’re still here. I hope you appreciate just how amazing you are, especially after the year we’ve had. Despite a global pandemic, economic upheaval, social and civic unrest, and increasingly dangerous weather events thanks to climate change, YOU ARE STILL HERE! Go ahead and celebrate this win, Sis. You deserve it.

I know it doesn’t feel like it, but you’re actually doing better than you think. You may not have hit your goal weight, but you’re still trying, right? You may not have gotten your dream job yet, but you’re still working towards it, aren’t you? Stop focusing on what you haven’t done or achieved, and congratulate yourself for still being in the game! If you haven’t given up, you’re still in a position to win.

Listen. Life is hard. Really hard. And even though your peers seem to have it all together on social media, they’re struggling just as much as you are. Sure, some have it better than you. But others don’t. And they don’t matter, anyway. Because you’ve got your own journey to travel, and your own victories to claim. Like the elders say, “comparison is the thief of joy”. So stop worrying about what everyone else is doing, and focus on your own dreams and aspirations.

More importantly, give yourself a break. Show yourself some grace. Recognize that you manage to live a pretty decent life under some very extraordinary circumstances. Give yourself credit for doing what you do every single day. After all, not everyone can do what you do. You need to appreciate yourself more. Because you are incredible!

Do me a favor. When you’re done reading this, make a list of 15 things you love about yourself. I got this idea from a YouTuber who is less than half my age, and it changed my entire outlook on life! Like you, I spend too much time berating myself for everything I haven’t done or accomplished. I’m also really hard on myself, so I know how hard this will be for you to do. Honestly? It took me three whole days to finish my list. So I get your hesitancy.

But trust me, Sis. Make the list. Think of 15 things you love about YOU and write them down. You can include physical characteristics, personality traits, anything you want! Go ahead and be conceited. Compliment yourself and gas yourself up! Write down all of those beautiful things you know to be true about yourself, but are often too modest to admit to anyone else. Be as vain as you want, since you’re the only person who will see this list.

If you love more than 15 things about yourself, great! Make your list as long as you’d like. Just don’t go below 15. Don’t stop at 5. When you hit 10, keep going. It may take a while, but don’t stop until you list at least 15 things.

Why 15, you ask? Well, anyone can make a Top 10 List. But you’re better than that. You deserve more. So keep going until you hit 15.

When you’ve finished your list, read it out loud to yourself. But when you do, start each statement with “I love that I …”. For example, one thing I love about myself is that I’m a good friend. So I would say “I love that I am a good friend”. This part is important because you’re telling yourself why you love yourself. And how we talk to ourselves has a huge impact on not only our mood, but our self-esteem, too. Saying each thing out loud, declaratively and with purpose, forces you to speak kindly to yourself, and changes the narrative in your head.

Think about it. Don’t you love it when someone you love tells you why they love you? I mean, hearing “I love you” is always grand. But hearing specifically why someone loves you just feels extra special. Shouldn’t the person you hear this from most often be yourself? Makes sense, right?

Start making a habit of reading your list out loud to yourself on a regular basis. You can do it after your morning prayers and meditation to kickstart your day. Of you can read it every Monday morning to start your week off on a positive note. Whenever you choose to read your list aloud is fine, as long as you regularly do it.

Do it even when (especially when) you feel your worst. Read that again.

Let the wonderful words you’ve written about yourself replace those negative, self-hating words in your head. Let the sound of your voice singing your own praises become your own personal anthem. We all need regular reminders of our greatness, if only to give us the fuel to keep going when times are hard like now. And who better to remind you of your awesomeness than the woman who knows you best: you?

Sis, we live in a world that under-values US. We spend every single day justifying our existence, proving our worth, and fighting to be seen and heard against the backdrop of systemic racism and virulent misogynoir. That’s why we MUST fight for and protect our happiness and emotional well-being.  Let your own words of affirmation and self-praise be another weapon in your fight. Because you and I both know, we may not ever hear such kind words from anyone else. So we better learn how to speak them to ourselves.

We often remind each other to “speak life” to our children and loved ones. Let’s not forget to speak life to ourselves. Make the list and read it out loud. Then go on out there and continue to shine!

#SpeakLife #SophiaNedJames #UpliftWithSophia #SophiasUplift #Uplift #UpliftBlackWomen #SuzyKnew #SubscribeNow #BlackWomen

ASK JANICE SPECIAL: Happy Valentine’s Day 2021!

Happy Valentine’s Day, Readers of SuzyKnew! I hope this message finds you wrapped up in all kinds of glorious LOVE today!

I know it’s been a rough year since our last Valentine’s Day. Sadly, many romantic relationships didn’t survive COVID-19, the subsequent lockdowns, the tanking economy, or even the crazy-ass election cycle. If your romantic relationship was a casualty of 2021 and you haven’t had any luck finding new love in the Time of Corona, you’re certainly not alone. I did a really quick Google search about the impact of the pandemic on romantic relationships in all I can say is “WOW”! Weddings are down, divorce filings are up, and everywhere you look, people claim to be lonelier than ever.

So, if you’re “alone” (as in, you aren’t in a romantic relationship of any kind), well … you’re literally not alone.

Even though the romance landscape is bleaker than usual this Valentine’s Day, that doesn’t mean we can’t celebrate love! Whether you’re romantically linked or not, I guarantee you’ve got love in your life to celebrate today. You’ve got platonic love, friendship love, and familial love. And let’s not forget the most important love of all: self-love!

(Before you lecture me, I already know that God’s love is first and foremost. But we celebrate that every day, right? Especially as we approach the Lenten season, right? So we’re good, right? Kthanx!)

Now more than ever, we need to appreciate and celebrate EVERYONE we love. If this pandemic has taught us nothing else, it’s shown us the fragility of life. None of us are promised tomorrow, so we’d better live for today. And that means we need to love up on everyone in our lives as hard as we possibly can!

So join me in celebrating ALL the love in our lives, today. Hop on a quick Zoom call with your family and love on them boldly. Reach out to your friends and have actual conversations with them instead of texting. Make time to tell the people in your life that you love them, and that they’re important to you. Now’s not the time to be coy or hold back. Valentine’s Day is the perfect excuse to get sappy with it. So go ahead and lay it on thick. Trust me, no one ever regrets showing their friends and family too much love.

You may find yourself “Single AF” this Valentine’s Day, but I know you have some big love in your life to celebrate. So stop moping about the sad state of your love life because again, you’re not alone. Stop stalking your ex’s social media, turn off that Hallmark Movie that only makes you feel lonely, pick up the phone and start speaking love to all those wonderful people in your life.

And of course, make sure you show yourself some love today, too. Pamper yourself. Treat yourself. Be extra kind and generous with yourself. After all, no one should show you more love than you show yourself … even on Valentine’s Day!

Have a Safe and Happy Valentine’s Day!

ASK JANICE SPECIAL: We Have A Black-Asian VEEP, And She’s A Woman!

Vice President Kamala D. Harris. Writing and saying those words will never get old.

On Wednesday, January 20, 2021, the United States of America swore in former Senator Kamala Harris as the 49th Vice President. For the first time in its 245 year history, the nation known as the world’s greatest democracy has its first woman seated just a heartbeat away from the presidency. And not just any woman: a Black and Asian woman!

This. Is. HUGE!

First of all, Vice President Harris had to resign her position as U.S. Senator to step into her new role. Remember, she’s only the 2nd Black woman in history to be elected to the Senate. With her ascension to the vice presidency, there are now ZERO Black women serving in the United States Senate.

But here’s the thing: as Vice President, she’s now the president of the Senate. That’s right. She will now PRESIDE over that body’s daily proceedings. And all the Senators now have to call her “Madam President” while she does! Even that cruel seditionist Mitch McConnell has to address her as such. In other words, Sis got a double promotion: 2nd in command of the country and president over her former Senate colleagues. #BossMove

Of course that Vice President Kamala Harris is the first WOMAN to hold so high an elected office is also a VERY BIG DEAL. It’s been over 100 years since the 19th Amendment gave (some) women the right to vote in this country.  Over 100 years and we FINALLY have a female Vice President. It’s kind of wild to consider that, in the Great American Melting Pot that is the United States of America, every single one of the previous 48 VEEPs were white men. That’s because the framers of our republic never envisioned an America where women would have a say in our government, much less hold public office. Back then, women couldn’t vote, own property, or do much of anything without the consent of men.

Nor did the framers imagine an America where Black people would have equal rights under the law. After all, these were the men who, after much argument, decided that Black people weren’t even whole humans! Back then we were only considered 3/5 of a person for the census. Not to mention most of us were enslaved.

So when we fast forward from our nation’s founding to January 2021, the fact that our Vice President is a Black and Asian woman is a VERY BIG DEAL, indeed. Because not only is our VEEP a Black and Asian woman, she’s also an HBCU graduate (Howard University), a Divine Nine member (Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority, Inc.), a former president of UC Hastings’ Black Law Students Association, and an honorary member of The Links, Inc. In other words, she’s Black af.

She’s our sister.

She’s us.

And she’s Asian, too. Specifically, her late mother was born in Tamil Nadu in India, though she came to the US when she was 19 years old. In fact, both of Vice President Harris’ parents emigrated to the United States, her father having come from Jamaica. Completing the near-perfect picture, America’s first Latina Supreme Court Justice (Justice Sotomayor) just swore this Black and Asian daughter of immigrants into the Vice Presidency, y’all! Talk about breaking barriers! Talk about HERstory!

Listen. No matter how you felt about then-Candidate Harris before the General Election, you’d have to be dead inside not to feel the immense gravity of her inauguration as Vice President. I’ll admit I voted for another candidate during the primaries. In fact, I didn’t vote for Biden, either back then.

But today, watching my sister place her hand on Thurgood Marshall’s Bible to take the oath of office, my heart filled and my tears flowed freely. No, really. I ugly cried. And I called out for my late mother, who never could have imagined that someone who looked like her could ascend to such heights in this country.

I thought about my Delta Sigma Theta soror, the late, great Shirley Chisolm, the first Black woman elected to Congress. Shirley Chisolm was the first Black woman to run for President in 1972. Her courageous run paved the way for a Kamala Harris Vice Presidency nearly half a century later. I know Soror Chisolm and all our mothers and grandmothers who fought for fairness and dignity are smiling after today.

Most significantly, I thought about my precocious four year old grand Goddaughter and what this all means for her. For one thing, it means that despite living in a country where nearly half of her neighbors consider her “less than” simply because of her race and gender, she can still aspire to and attain the loftiest of goals. Because there are more people in this country who understand that experience, knowledge, facts, decency, fairness, and honesty aren’t corny characteristics to be mocked, but are the basic tenets upon which any democracy must rest.

The road from our nation’s founding to today was a long and arduous one. Our republic has withstood foreign invasion, civil war, civil unrest, and presidential assassinations. We’ve survived Reconstruction, Jim Crow, two World Wars, and a long Cold War. Together, we’ve faced down foreign and domestic terrorism, endless wars, and recessions. Somehow we even managed to survive the most corrupt and dangerous president in our nation’s history. Actually, 400,000 of our fellow Americans didn’t survive, thanks to our former president’s gross mishandling of the global pandemic that still threatens us.

Even after everything that could and should have broken us, our republic still stands. Thanks to the boundless efforts of so many, Americans have shown the world that our democracy still works. The American people have spoken, and a new era has begun. Vice President Kamala D. Harris is a Black and Asian woman who now sits a heartbeat away from the most powerful office in the world.

And that is a VERY BIG DEAL, y’all.

#BidenHarris #VicePresidentKamalaHaris #KamalaHarris #VEEP

 

ASK JANICE SPECIAL: Ready For A Better 2021? Set Intentions, Not Resolutions!

Happy Holidays, SuzyKnew! Readers!

2020 has been BRUTAL, hasn’t it? COVID-19 proved to be a real game changer, and not in a good way. Here in the US, we also had to endure an especially gangrenous election season, a failing government and economy, and a whole heap of civil unrest as we Americans continue to grapple with our white supremacist origins.

In other words, 2020 sucked. Big time.

I know it’s tempting to hope that the new year will make all the bad stuff disappear, as though all our Fairy Godmothers will wave their magic wands at midnight on January 1st and make everything better. But, we all know that ain’t happenin’. Come 12:01 A.M. January 1st, we’ll still be in a pandemic, our economy will still be a mess, and the United States will still be a racist-ass country. At least we’ll have a new President on the 20th, though. Finally. Thank God.

Many folks, eager to put this awful year behind them, will rush to make New Year’s resolutions, setting lofty goals to ensure that 2021 is just … better. Sadly, “better” is a pretty low bar after this shitstorm of a year.

But what if things could be better than just “better”? What if, rather than making a bunch of resolutions that will be long forgotten by Valentine’s Day,  we all purposefully set intentions that more truly align with our core values? Wouldn’t it be great if, rather than set ourselves up for failure by trying to reach rigid and unrealistic goals, we actually took the time to figure out what truly brings us joy and contentment, and aimed for that, instead?

Well, let’s do it, then! Let’s ditch the stale, old resolution game and get about the business of truly manifesting our hearts’ desires. Let’s set intentions instead of making resolutions!

Setting intentions makes sense if you really think about it. Resolutions are goals which, by their very nature, put a lot of pressure on us and don’t allow for errors or mistakes. But intentions align us with our true purpose. And unlike goals, intentions allow for missteps, pivots, and errors. Resolutions are often borne of lack or need. For example, your resolution may be to “lose 50 pounds by summer” because you want to look good for the beach. Which isn’t a bad goal to have, necessarily. Except that wanting to “look good for the beach” implies you don’t look good now.

On the other hand, intentions are more powerful because they come from a place of introspection and peace, where the objective is to live a more fulfilling life that matches your core values. Intentions are about being being in tune with the desires of your soul, and seeking contentment and wholeness. That’s way more appealing than simply setting goals, isn’t it?

We here at SuzyKnew! want you to have an AMAZING 2021! So, here are our Seven Steps for Setting Intentions for the New Year:

  1. Begin with Gratitude: This may seem like an obvious place to start, but we all need reminders to be grateful for all that is good in our lives. It’s also equally important to appreciate the bad times because that’s where the growth happens. Bad times forge our character and clarify our purpose. And hey, if you’re reading this, then you’ve survived every bad thing that’s ever happened to you. And after a year like 2020, that’s really saying something.
  2. Honestly Evaluate Your Failures: It’s important to take stock of where you fell short so that you can figure out why you fell short. As much as we hate to admit it, everything bad in our lives in 2020 wasn’t due to COVID. You need to own your part in what went wrong, so that you don’t go into the New Year with those habits and behaviors.
  3. Do Some Soul-Searching: Here’s where you need to dig deep, Sis. Only YOU can determine what it will mean for you to Live Your Best Life in 2021. You need to figure out what you need to be truly content. What inspires you and fills your soul with purpose? More importantly, what do you value? If our intentions are to help us align with our true purpose, we need to determine what that purpose is.
  4. Create the Vision: This is the fun part! Some people make vision boards, others make lists. Whatever you choose, create a physical representation of your intentions, something you can come back to, amend, and adjust as your needs change and your vision expands. Get creative, but keep referring back to step 3 to ensure the vision you create is truly aligned with where your soul wants you to go.
  5. Write it down: Write a brief paragraph about what you want to change in your day-to-day routine to make your life more fulfilling. You may even want to send your paragraph to a trusted friend who will gently hold you accountable. Either way, keep your paragraph handy so that you can refer back to it throughout the year.
  6. Create a Mantra: Carefully and intentionally select a word or phrase that sums up your intentions. Meditate on your mantra throughout each day, repeating it until it becomes a habit. Write it on sticky notes to place on your bathroom mirror, refrigerator, or any other place you’re likely to see it throughout the day. You can even take a picture of one of your sticky notes, and set that picture as the lock screen on your phone.
  7. Trust Yourself, God, and the Process: It may take more meditation and prayer, but you really need to get to a place where you trust yourself and your Higher Power to fulfill your intentions. Relax into it. Don’t get consumed with success vs. failure. Remember, these intentions come from your heart and soul, and are aligned with your core values. So let go and let God. Trust the process. Believe that you have the power to manifest your vision in 2021.

There you have it, Sis. Follow these steps and reach for a more fulfilled life in 2021. We may not be able to control the pandemic (except we can all stay home as much as possible and wear a damn mask), the economy, or the racists. But we can be more intentional about seeking peace and contentment.

I don’t know about you, but I’m trying to live my best life in 2021. I know that starts with me and my vision of what my best life looks like. So join me in ditching the resolutions for intentions. Let’s make 2021 our best year, yet!

Stay safe, wear a mask, and have a Happy and Healthy New Year!

#NewYear2021 #NewYear #IntentionsNotResolutions

ASK JANICE SPECIAL: Ready for a Black Woman VEEP?

Joe Biden will be the 46th President of the United States of America! That’s right, the Toddler-In-Chief currently occupying the White House, will be a one term president. The headline may be that Biden flipped five states to win 290 electoral college votes. And the subheading may be that he toppled the worst presidency in the history of the Republic with 51% of the popular vote (winning by nearly 6 million votes). But the real story, the juiciest part, is that he did it not only with unprecedented support from Black people, but with a Black woman ON THE TICKET!

Y’all, our next Vice President is a SISTA! Come January 20, 2021, the person a mere heartbeat away from the most powerful position in the world will be a BLACK WOMAN! The majority of Americans elected Senator Kamala Harris to be the new Vice President! She will be the first woman, the first Black person, and the first person of southeast Asian descent to EVER hold that office.

Wow. Just typing Vice President-Elect Kamala Harris feels sublime.

I’ll be the first to admit that I didn’t see the Biden/Harris ticket coming. Neither Biden nor Harris were my first choice at the start of the election season. In fact, after the first debate, I even posted (only kind of jokingly) “I’m gonna pissed if y’all make me vote for Biden in November”. Back then, I honestly couldn’t see Biden as the right choice to topple the Orange Menace.

Harris at least made my top three, but only barely. A deeper dive into her career in California politics did quell some of my initial reservations about her. But, I still liked other candidates better based on their platforms. You see, I’m what I call a “Primary Purist”, who ultimately “falls in line” when it comes to the General Election. In other words, I believe that you should vote for who you WANT to win during the Primary. But when it comes to the General, you vote for your party’s nominee. I never “throw away” my precious vote when my preferred candidate isn’t on the ballot.

But don’t get me wrong. I’ve been a Joe Biden enthusiast since his opposition to Robert Bork’s SCOTUS nomination in the 1980s. In hindsight, I hated his lack of support for Anita Hill during Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas’ confirmation hearings after she accused Thomas of sexual harassment. But honestly? At the time, I don’t think Biden’s failure to vigorously defend her really resonated with me. This was 1991, before the internet and 24-hour news cycles. So the nuances of what went on behind the scenes went over my head. Besides, he also co-sponsored and passed the landmark Violence Against Women Act (VAWA) in 1994.

Later, I loved him as former President Barack Obama’s Vice President. Although admittedly, I enjoyed him as VEEP as much for the optics of an older, white man playing “2nd fiddle” to the younger Black man as anything else. Remember all the funny “Uncle Joe” memes and jokes?

My point is, I wasn’t so much “anti-Biden” as I was just for other candidates. For me, his advanced age and firm position within the Democratic “establishment” meant he wasn’t progressive enough for me. But by the time he won the nomination, I enthusiastically supported him. Because even Biden’s old, white man centrism would be a huge improvement over the deadly debacle of 45’s administration. I would’ve voted for a dustpan to replace that dude!

Then Biden chose Senator Kamala Harris as his running mate. He selected a Black woman with an Asian background, who’d graduated from an HBCU (Howard University), and who is a member of the oldest Black sorority (Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority, Inc., founded in 1908). He chose a BLACK WOMAN! And despite my reservations about both candidates, I got very excited.

Now some folks out there like to think of themselves as the “Gatekeepers of Blackness”. You know the ones. They always sit in judgement of who is or isn’t “Black enough” in appearance, thought, and deed. I mean, I get it. Even I have some hard and fast Blackness boundaries (i.e. Rachel Dolezal and Shaun King are NOT Black, dammit). And while I admittedly hold some pretty strong opinions about Black Card revocation when someone actually works against Black people (like Breonna Taylor prosecutor, and coon extraordinaire, Daniel Cameron), I don’t usually challenge a person’s claimed Blackness.

So some folks say Kamala isn’t really a Black woman because of her Indian mother or her white husband. I say “haters gon’ hate”. Yes, I’m sure she’s benefitted, both personally and professionally, from her light skin. But Kamala Harris is, undeniably, a Black woman.

Given today’s climate, she’ll definitely be treated like a Black woman by the nearly 73 million Amerikkkans who voted for the racist rapist responsible for more than 245,000 COVID deaths.  I shudder to think about the hate and vitriol she’ll encounter from our racist countryfolk. But this is Amerikkka, so it’s not surprising.

But for now, rather than focus on all the ways this nation has failed to adequately address it’s white supremacy problem, I choose to focus on the fact that a Black woman has shattered another glass ceiling. Even though I’m bracing for the inevitable racist backlash Harris’ election portends, I choose to celebrate that a sista will soon ascend to the highest levels of our government.

Twelve years after electing our first Black President, the citizens of the United States have elected our first Black Vice President, and she’s a woman. The politically nerdy little girl inside me celebrates this moment with unbridled joy and unfettered hope. The idealist in me sees this triumph as a win for progress.  And the 35-year Delta girl (of Delta Sigma Theta Sorority, Inc., the 2nd oldest Black sorority) in me sees my sister-Greek’s win as a win for us all. As our deeply divided nation slowly and painfully inches towards that “more perfect union” the Framers set out to form, I know that Kamala Harris’ ascension to the 2nd highest seat in the land means that we are, indeed, ready for a Black woman to lead.

Go get ’em, sis. We got your back!

SOPHIA’S SUNDAY UPLIFT (Good for Every Day of the Week)

Sister, as you walk your fine ass into this coming week, I want you to OWN IT! Own every inch of space you occupy and every particle of air you breathe. Own it like Senator Kamala Harris owned that mediocre-white-maleness-on-a-stick, Mike Pence in last week’s debate. (When she smiled and said “I’m speaking,” I felt that in the depths of my soul, didn’t you?) I want you to own this week like it’s about to be your best week yet!

Listen. You already know that you’re gonna have to deal with some bullshit this week, right? I mean, it’s always something these days: an idiot boss, with a tenth of your brains and even less of your talent says something sideways; or a mask-less stranger gets a little too close in public. Whatever form it takes, you know some bullshit is coming your way this week, because it always does. Especially during these turbulent times.

But it’s how you deal with the bullshit that matters. So this is your reminder to own whatever comes your way this week, because you already have the power within you to get through ANYTHING. You already have what it takes to overcome any obstacles, roadblocks, or bullshit this week throws at you.

I promise: you got this!

Think about it, Sis. You’ve already survived 100% of the bad things that have happened to you, right? So I’d say the odds are definitely in your favor that you can handle whatever bullshit this week has in store. After all, you’re already a pro at getting through tough situations. You’ve been training for this your whole life.

My point is that you’ve already proven how strong and resilient you are by simply surviving what should have taken you out the game a long time ago. You’re still here, still getting shit done, and still looking damn good doing so. That tells me that you can certainly face this coming week like the Boss you are.

So get out there and OWN this week (and stay safe and healthy while you do)!

#WearAMask #OwnItSis #BlackGirlMagic #Vote2020

 

Sophia’s Sunday Uplift (Good for Every Day of the Week)

I know someone needs this message today.

Listen. You’re way too precious to beg for time and attention, Sis. Maybe you’ve simply forgotten your worth. Maybe you’ve been so caught up in “survival mode”, trying to keep your loved ones safe and healthy, that you’ve forgotten how wonderful you are. Is that why you’ve been accepting less than you deserve? Could that be the reason you’re letting someone get away with neglecting your needs? Have you forgotten that you’re lovable and deserve only the best?

Stop accepting scraps from people who don’t appreciate your value. Notice I didn’t say they don’t recognize your value. Because they do. They know full well how amazing you are. They’re just counting on the fact that YOU don’t. They only do the bare minimum for you, knowing that you’ll gratefully accept it from them. So, stop it.

No, really. STOP IT.

First of all, let me remind you that you are more than enough just as you are … flaws, and all. You’re more than enough even with those extra pounds you picked up during quarantine, and even before you’ve completed that degree. You’re enough even though you’ve been out of work for a while, and you’re still not back on your feet. YOU ARE ENOUGH! You’re worthy and deserve only the best: the best treatment, the best loving, the best of EVERYTHING! So stop settling for less, and stop putting up with the bullshit!

Secondly, you need to take responsibility for your own happiness, Sis. It isn’t up to him, her, or them to “make” you happy. That’s on YOU. You’re more in control of your life than you realize, even now, when the world is literally burning. Seize that control and create your own joy. And when you do, you’ll realize that you don’t really need approval from all those people who underestimate and undervalue you. And the people who truly appreciate you and all your magnificence will only enhance the joy you’ve created. Never, ever depend on someone else to make you happy.

Finally, you need to make your mental and physical health a higher priority. Not only do you need to protect yourself from the pandemic, but from all of the other illnesses and ailments that can affect your quality of life. If you lack insurance or are under insured (as so many of us are), get online and research what free or low-cost services are available to you in your state, county, or city. Network with your friends and family to see what resources they use. As Black people, we really need to stop keeping all this stuff so secret, and share what works so that we can all thrive and be healthy. So go ahead and start those conversations with your loved ones. You’ll be surprised how much you can learn from others who may be having the same hardships as you.

The bottom line, Sis, is that you’re too precious to let anyone, even yourself, treat you any old kinda way. You, and you alone, have the power to create your own joy, and divest yourself from people and situations that don’t appreciate your value. Stop accepting bad or even mediocre treatment from the people in your life,  stop looking to others for your happiness, and prioritize your mental and physical health so that you can thrive and live the life you deserve. Now, straighten your crown, hold your head high, and get out there and walk in your purpose!

 

SOPHIA’S UPLIFT: Radical Self-Acceptance, Pandemic-Style

We talk and write a lot about how this current pandemic wreaks havoc on our mental and physical health. But have we really addressed how the isolation, stress, and uncertainty of these trying times affects how we feel about ourselves? I’m not just talking about how COVID-19 has affected depression, anxiety, and other disorders, either. I’m talking about how nearly SIX MONTHS of this mess has changed the way we see ourselves.

Maybe you’re one of the lucky ones who have used the lock-down to complete a gazillion household projects, learned a new language, or baked thousands of loaves of bread. Or you may be one of those enterprising entrepreneurs who parlayed their job uncertainty into a lucrative side hustle, making more money than ever. It’s quite possible that you eat healthier, exercise every day, lost 50 pounds, and can now bench press your living room couch. You may even be proud of everything you’ve accomplished since mid-March, and your self-esteem is better than ever.

If this is you, then congratulations! And I mean that sincerely.

But, if you’re like me and millions of others, you’re more stressed, significantly fatter, and maybe even a little disgusted with how little you’ve accomplished since binge-watching The Tiger King back in the early days of this never-ending pandemic. And if you’re like us, your self-esteem has taken a beating. That’s why we all need to get back to practicing radical self-acceptance and self-care.

Radical self-acceptance doesn’t mean that you stop trying to improve yourself. It simply means that you love yourself as you are, flaws and all. It means you stop beating yourself up over the 17.7 pounds you’ve gained, and start embracing the fullness of your body. You can love yourself deeply and accept every inch our yourself fully, and still work at getting, looking, and feeling better.

Radical self-acceptance means that you’ll strive to do better today than you did yesterday, but also that you’re still proud of the person you were yesterday. It means that you love yourself out loud, because you can recognize where you need to improve, and still adore who you are right this minute

Speak affirmations to yourself throughout the day. Take time to pat yourself on your back for the little things you accomplish, as well as the big things. If all you managed to do today was the bare minimum of what you need to do to survive, then allow yourself enough grace for that to be okay. Be kinder to yourself. Give yourself a break. You really are doing the best you can at any given moment during any given day. And sometimes, that has to be enough.

When you get back to deeply accepting and loving yourself, you’ll no longer accept the things that don’t serve you. You’ll disengage from disrespectful and harmful people, and you’ll only embrace those who truly love and honor you. Some people will accuse you of being selfish when you love yourself enough to make YOU a top priority. They’ll resent your self-acceptance and confidence. But that’s okay. Let ’em go, Sis. Your real friends and family will be proud of you and encourage your self-love.

The people in your life who truly have your best interests at heart will celebrate your happiness and progress, not be jealous of it. So let those others go. They weren’t for you, anyway. Putting yourself first is an important step towards radical self-acceptance. Anyone who begrudges you that isn’t good for you.

You may not be where you thought you’d be by now, but you’re still here. And that’s something, especially during a pandemic. You’re here and you’re beautiful, and smart, and at ALL times, more than enough. Whether you’ve mastered working from home or not; if you’ve lost 20 pounds or gained them; or if you parlayed your side hustle into a well-paying job or you’re trying to survive on unemployment; you’re still here and you are amazing exactly as you are in this moment.

Don’t let the fallout from this pandemic or any of the other craziness happening in the world rob you of your self-esteem. Put yourself first, love yourself deeply, and accept who you are, flaws and all.

Stay safe out there and wear a mask!

#SophiasUplift #Uplift #selflove #selfacceptance #upliftBlackwomen #Blackwomen #radicalselfacceptance #radicalselflove #loveyourselfdeeply

 

SOPHIA’S WEEKEND UPLIFT: How Ya Doin’, Sis?

Hey, Sis! How ya doin’? You good? I know it’s been a minute, but I just wanted to check in and see what’s what.

These are some crazy times, right? A pandemic, mass protests, political unrest … there’s so much going on, right now! The economy sucks, the current administration seems hell-bent on killing us and stealing the election, and we can’t even get together with our friends (in person) and commiserate! I know it can be overwhelming and scary, so I hope you’re taking good care of yourself.

No, really. Are you taking care of yourself? Because I know you’re taking care of everyone else: your kids and family, your job and friends, your faith community, and all the other causes and organizations you give your time and talents to. But are you taking care of YOU?

I hope so! I know we talk about self-care a lot here at SuzyKnew! But the importance of self care can’t be overstated, especially now. Are you drinking enough water? Getting enough exercise? Enough rest? Please, Sis. Do whatever it is you need to do to take better care of you. Because we need you. The world needs you. Your loved ones need you.

We need you to not just survive, but to THRIVE! Listen. I know you’ve already been through a lot. You’ve endured so much during your short time on this planet, more than most people could ever bear. And your pain and struggles have shaped your strength and your beauty. Your survival is a testament to your fortitude.

But you’re more than just the sum total of your past pain and heartbreaks. You’re more than just a survivor and a “beater of the odds”. You are a fully-formed person, deserving of all the good things this life has to offer. Your dreams matter and you deserve to have them all come true. You’re not just here to make the world a more beautiful and loving place (though you do that so well), you’re also here to reap the benefits of that beauty and experience pure, unadulterated joy! You deserve this!

So go ahead and put yourself first for a while. Because it’s up to YOU to live a vibrant and meaningful life, filled with wonder and bliss. So use your time wisely, choose your friends carefully, and remember your dreams and your purpose. Hydrate your mind, your body, and your soul. Always be your most authentic self. And never settle for ANYTHING less than what you truly deserve.

Before I sign off, I want to talk a little bit about rest. Taking care of yourself means getting all the rest you need; not just exhausted sleep, but real, restorative REST. Your body needs rest. Your mind needs rest. And your spirit needs rest. If, in order for you to get the rest you need, you have to shut yourself off from the rest of the world for a bit, then do so. Even if it’s only for a few hours alone in your favorite room.

I know your family needs you. I know you can’t afford to miss work.  But you know what? I bet if you ask a trusted friend to watch the kids or take care of your mom for a day or so, they’d gladly step in and do it. I bet if you actually took the time off your job probably already owes you, the place will still be standing when you get back. You just have to ask: for help, time off, a break. So go ahead and ask. You deserve this.

I hope you take this advice in the loving spirit for which it’s intended. Because I do love you. You are me and I am you. And most of the time “we all we got”. I love you, Sis. So take care. Wear a mask. Wash your hands. And please … be well.

All My Love,

Sophia

#selfcare #selflove #upliftBlackwomen #Blackwomen

 

ASK JANICE PODCAST SPECIAL: Can We Talk About Mental Health?

July is BIPOC Mental Health Awareness Month, formerly known as Minority Mental Health Awareness Month! For those of us a little late to the party, BIPOC stands for Black, Indigenous, & People of Color.

As you know, here at SuzyKnew! we’re all about TOTAL health and wellness for Black women and women of color all over the world. Obviously, that includes mental health and wellness. A few weeks ago, I joined my dear friend, Monique Guest, on her awesome podcast, Be My Guest, to talk about it. To hear “A Conversation on Battling Mental Illness”, click on this link:

http://www.podbean.com/eu/pb-um5f3-dee3a1#.XyHNP_L5HlM.email

Go easy on me, y’all. It was my first time doing a podcast.

Black people and POC need to talk more openly about mental illness, especially these days with so much going on in the world. I don’t know about you, but between the pandemic, 45’s messy mishandling of the pandemic, as well as his minions’ refusal to follow the CDC’s basic guidelines to slow the spread of the virus, my meds have had to work overtime!

And I know I’m not alone. Months of isolation, fear, and uncertainty would adversely affect even the healthiest of people. But even without COVID-19 being a factor, far too many people suffer in silence because of the stigma associated with mental illness. We all know someone sick who refuses to get professional help or take medicine that could help them lead happier and more fulfilled lives.

Untreated or under-treated mental health issues account for so much of what is wrong in our communities, and result in so many unnecessary deaths. That’s why it’s so important to end the stigma surrounding mental illness. And that starts with having conversations … openly, freely, and without fear of shame. BIPOC Mental Health Awareness Month is as good a time as any to get those conversations started.

By the way, Monique and I go waaaay back (maybe one day I’ll tell y’all about a trip to Europe we took as teenagers) and I think she’s awesome. You should check out her other podcasts, which you can find on her website at  https://www.bemyguestllc.org/.

Photo Source: Pixabay