What’s up, Big Guy? It’s me, Sophia Ned-James, from Detroit! I hope this letter finds you, Mrs. C and all your elves happy and well. Are you staying warm up there in the North Pole?
Santa, I’ve been a very good girl this year. No, I haven’t always been on my best behavior, but even when I’m bad, you know I’m good, right? After all, I did narrow my boyfriend list down to one (1) this year. And as promised, I’ve stayed far away from those swingers’ clubs. No really! I haven’t been to a single one all year!
So, do I finally qualify for your “Nice” list this year?
Who am I kidding?
Sure I’ve improved (as we all do with age). But the truth is I’ve been a very naughty girl! In fact, I probably need to be spanked! But we’ll discuss my “punishment” when you get here Christmas Eve. (Side note: you left your handcuffs here last year. And I think I left my leopard-print bra in your sleigh.)
And don’t worry. There’ll be more than milk and cookies waiting for you at the bottom of my chimney … cuz you and I both know you WILL be stopping by this year!
Anyway, if I HAD made it onto your “Nice” list, here are a few things I’d ask for this Christmas:
- For ALL women to experience all the joy that having a clitoris brings: orgasms, multiple orgasms and more orgasms! And did I mention ORGASMS?!? (I mean, really – you’d think that with more than 8,000 nerve endings, everyone would be having fun with this thing, right?)
- For ALL (hetero) men to learn their partners’ bodies; to really understand what makes her writhe with pleasure; and then to use that knowledge to keep her happy.
- For ALL couples to learn how to communicate with each other, so that each partner learns the love language of the other.
- For safe, protected and CONSENTUAL sex to be the norm EVERYWHERE.
- A world that’s safe for women sexually, where we can be free to embrace our sexuality without shame, fear or repercussions.
- A world without rape, sexual assault of any kind, sexual exploitation or abuse.
- For little girls to be taught to love every inch of their bodies, even the private parts. Especially the private parts, because “private” does not equal “bad” or “shameful” or something that needs to be masked or disguised.
- A world where little girls can remain children for as long as possible, protected and loved by the adults around them, and not exploited or hurt.
- A world where ALL women have and maintain total control over their bodies and their lives.
- For LOVE to be the driving force behind all our actions.
Santa, I know it’s a daunting list. But hey, at least I didn’t ask for jewelry or lingerie this time, right? And anyway, I’ll make it worth your while, I promise. And sure, Mrs. C can join us this time.
See you soon!
Love Your Naughty Friend,
Originally published in December 2012