Tag Archives: Christmas

Christmas Selfies Do’s And Don’ts From Melania Trump

Ladies, a few days ago Melania Trump posted a sexy Christmas selfie with a filter featuring a Santa hat and sparkling reindeer. The look on her face screams “Ooh! Your secret is out! All you want for Xmas is me… sexy Xmas vixen me..!”

Well… that’s how Suzy saw it.

Twitter trolls are having a feast.

Yes – an inappropriate FLOTUS selfie for the holiday. Is anyone surprised? Well… the Donald has been telling everyone thanks to him it is now “acceptable” to say Merry Christmas. Given this, you would have thought Melania would have posted a more respectable Christmas selfie, and not one that screams: Ho! Ho! Ho!

This got us thinking, Ladies. Melania isn’t alone. Many of us may make the mistake of posting an inappropriate, cheap selfie on social media over the holidays. Is there something we can all learn from this? Here are a few tips Melania’s selfie has taught us:

DON’T select an outfit with a tacky Santa, reindeer, Frosty the snowman, or Charlie Brown’s Christmas theme, etc. Many religious or more serious followers may find your apparel insulting – cheapening a sacred holiday. This may make it more difficult to win friends and influence people in the evangelical, religious or serious set.

DO keep your make-up light and bright. Avoid making up your eyes so they’re dark and sultry. Bedroom eyes are not what you want for your official Christmas selfie or photo shoot. (Of course, for your Match.com or BlackPeopleMeet page, this is fine.) The look you’re going for is more festive, wholesome, reverent or simply “FLOTUS professional.”

DON’T strike a pose or holiday expression that makes you look like you want to do Santa under the mistletoe.  Remember you’re a role model for somebody – your family, community, colleagues or beyond.  You want to inspire others to be more than a Santa mate. Looking beautiful, alluring, or sexy elegant are all appropriate and fine. Just keep it classy.

Take a lesson from FLOTUS #44.

or FLOTUS #43

Finally, DO ask a few frat brothers to take a look at the picture before posting your selfie.  Ask them if the photo makes them hot and bothered and steers their minds more towards the “nasty and naughty” rather than “nice.” If they’re too embarrassed to answer you, discard the selfie and try again.

For more lessons from Melania click here.

Merry Christmas, Ladies!


Dear Santa – All I Want For Christmas Is… SIZZLE WITH SOPHIA

Dear Santa,

What’s up, Big Guy?  It’s me, Sophia Ned-James, from Detroit!  I hope this letter finds you, Mrs. C and all your elves happy and well.  Are you staying warm up there in the North Pole?

Santa, I’ve been a very good girl this year.  No, I haven’t always been on my best behavior, but even when I’m bad, you know I’m good, right?  After all, I did narrow my boyfriend list down to one (1) this year.  And as promised, I’ve stayed far away from those swingers’ clubs.  No really!  I haven’t been to a single one all year!

So, do I finally qualify for your “Nice” list this year?

Who am I kidding?

Sure I’ve improved (as we all do with age).  But the truth is I’ve been a very naughty girl!  In fact, I probably need to be spanked!  But we’ll discuss my “punishment” when you get here Christmas Eve.  (Side note: you left your handcuffs here last year.  And I think I left my leopard-print bra in your sleigh.)

And don’t worry.  There’ll be more than milk and cookies waiting for you at the bottom of my chimney … cuz you and I both know you WILL be stopping by this year!

Anyway, if I HAD made it onto your “Nice” list, here are a few things I’d ask for this Christmas:

  1. For ALL women to experience all the joy that having a clitoris brings: orgasms, multiple orgasms and more orgasms! And did I mention ORGASMS?!?  (I mean, really – you’d think that with more than 8,000 nerve endings, everyone would be having fun with this thing, right?)
  2. For ALL (hetero) men to learn their partners’ bodies; to really understand what makes her writhe with pleasure; and then to use that knowledge to keep her happy.
  3. For ALL couples to learn how to communicate with each other, so that each partner learns the love language of the other.
  4. For safe, protected and CONSENTUAL sex to be the norm EVERYWHERE.
  5. A world that’s safe for women sexually, where we can be free to embrace our sexuality without shame, fear or repercussions.
  6. A world without rape, sexual assault of any kind, sexual exploitation or abuse.
  7. For little girls to be taught to love every inch of their bodies, even the private parts. Especially the private parts, because “private” does not equal “bad” or “shameful” or something that needs to be masked or disguised.
  8. A world where little girls can remain children for as long as possible, protected and loved by the adults around them, and not exploited or hurt.
  9. A world where ALL women have and maintain total control over their bodies and their lives.
  10. For LOVE to be the driving force behind all our actions.

Santa, I know it’s a daunting list.  But hey, at least I didn’t ask for jewelry or lingerie this time, right?  And anyway, I’ll make it worth your while, I promise.  And sure, Mrs. C can join us this time.

See you soon!

Love Your Naughty Friend,


Originally published in December 2012

How To Deal With A Trumped-Up Christmas – SIZZLE WITH SOPHIA

Happy Holidays, SuzyKnew! Readers!

It’s been a long year, hasn’t it?  While the Holidays are a great time to reflect on the year that’s passed, it’s more important than ever to prepare for the one that’s coming.

That Grinch, 2016, may have taken Prince, Phife Dawg, and Muhammad Ali.  And 2016 may have given us a rabid, immature, racist/sexist with tiny hands and bad hair as POETUS.  But what we not gon’ do is sit around and wallow in despair!

We need to turn our outrage into REAL activism, because if ever there was a time to put our Black Girl Magic to use, it’s now.  We’ve got work to do, y’all!

I’m not just talking about keyboard activism, either.  Not that there’s anything wrong with using social media to bring attention to the issues that impact our communities.  I respect the power of the keyboard.  I’ve seen how rousing, social justice reform manifestos born by the light of a laptop screen and fueled by too much caffeinated angst can be effective.

But we gotta do more, ladies!  Take that despair you felt when you woke up on November 9th and harness it into real, boots-on-the-ground action in 2017!  Let’s go!

I know what you’re thinking.  You already have so much to do, how can I possibly ask you to do more?  Especially when it’s not even our fault that fool got elected!

“Sophia,” you’re saying.  “94% of us (Black women) acted like we had some damn sense at the polls.  Go ask the 53% of white women or the 18% of Black men who voted for that orange buffoon to do the work!  Leave us alone!  We’re tired!”

I hear you, Sister.  I know you’ve got to focus on keeping your job cuz your snitch-ass co-worker is always clocking your breaks, and running to your asshole boss who’s way too stupid to be making THAT much more money than you.  I know you’ve got kids and family that need your undivided attention.  I know you’re already doing so much with your church or favorite charity.

But listen.  If we don’t make it our business to be heavily involved in shaping the opposition to the horrible changes that are sure to come, we’re all DOOMED!

Think about it.  No one else has OUR backs.  We can’t depend on white feminists because, to quote the late, great Bebe Moore Campbell, their blues ain’t like ours.  Sure, we can work together, but until they understand genuine intersectionality, we’re on our own.

I love my Brothas fiercely, but let’s be real.  They ain’t really been holding us down like we hold them down.  They’ll march, speechify, preach, and rally when the issue is centered on them.  But for issues that specifically affect US – crickets.  Black men, before y’all get in your feelings and listing all the good shit you do for your moms, wives, and daughters, look at the facts.  Y’all can write 2,000 word, thesis-quality think pieces on police violence against Black men or anything sports related, but when it comes to calling out toxic masculinity, rape culture, or domestic violence?  Suddenly you can’t even spell hashtag.  That may hurt to read, but it hurt even more to write.  Brothas, y’all got some work to do in 2017, too.

Ladies, clearly we have to look out for ourselves.  But where to start?  There are so many urgent issues, like rape/sexual assault, repro rights, voting rights, hunger/food insecurity, and health care, just to name a few.  These issues affect all Black people, but especially Black women.  They’re all urgent, so how do we prioritize?  Where does our 2017 activism begin?

I’ve got a list for you!  Here’s how you can prepare for the war years ahead, cuz make no mistake – we are at war:

  1. Focus: Pick one issue. You can’t do it all, so choose one issue where your particular skills set or experience can be of most use.  Yes, we need soldiers, but we need generals, too.  We need leaders and experts to demand a seat at the tables where these issues are addressed, and they need to be qualified.  If that’s you, go for it.  Unable to commit to leadership?  No problem.  We still need soldiers!
  2. Don’t Reinvent The Wheel: I’m not asking you to go start up a new Black Lives Matter Movement, or anything. We don’t want to compete with or draw precious resources away from organizations who are already doing good work.  Instead, research groups in your area that address the issue you chose, and join their efforts.  Go to meetings.  Volunteer for committees.  If there’s a vacuum in your area, then by all means, take whatever steps to fill it. But if the infrastructure is already in place, share your talents with them.
  3. Do The Research: You may have some expertise or experience working on your issue, but you don’t know everything. Take the time to get up-to-date on your issue.  Research local, state and national policy.  Learn new trends.  Investigate the latest scientific research.  Dig deeper than Wiki or mainstream media.  Keep learning.
  4. Donate Money: Money makes the world go ‘round! These organizations desperately need funds to operate and remain relevant.  Give what you can, as often as you can.  But do your research, though.  Make sure you give your dollars to legitimate organizations, only.
  5. Raise Awareness: Stay vocal about your issue! Issues that face Black women, in particular, are often ignored by mainstream media.  Utilize your social media platforms, leverage your network and connections, and do your part to spread the word.
  6. Re-activate Your Membership: You probably already belong (or used to belong) to an organization or group that’s doing good work. Maybe you got busy, had a kid, moved … whatever … you’re just not actively or financially involved anymore.  2017-2021 are not the years to sit on the sidelines, ladies.  Go pay those dues and re-activate your membership in whatever group you used to ride hard for, and get busy.  They need you.  They need your time, talents and your money.

Remember, even if you focus on one issue, you can and should still support the other issues that affect us.  Get busy, but don’t over-extend yourself.  The next four years are going to be a marathon, not a sprint.  Pace yourself.  Practice self-care.  And get to work!

In the meantime, Happy Holidays!  Whomever, however and wherever you celebrate, I wish you love, peace, joy and lots of good sex (had to throw that in there)!


Photo Credit: fierceforBlackwomen.com


No Sorry Days These Holidays

       Okay, so here’s the deal. Thanksgiving is over and you feel like you’ve already gained five pounds. Christmas is here and you feel like you’re possibly going to up the ante to ten. You’re already kicking yourself for eating too much and you’re dreading what bae is going to think when you take off your clothes in January. You’re in a relative’s house, opening cheap gift after cheap gift, wondering how many Bath and Body Works handcreams you are going to have to pretend you love and you’ve bickered with your boo the night before because you didn’t want to have sex with him under Aunt Irma’s roof. You’re down on yourself and feel like your holidays should be infinitely better. Then what do you do? You go on Facebook.

There are fifty status updates from friends, acquaintances and even the odd frenemy. “Chilling in Ibiza,” says your new homegirl from work, with the requisite pictures of her dancing on tables with her boo. “Welcoming the New Year with my New Ring,” gloats your junior year roommate with the cloying engagement photoshoot, picture after picture filled with the up-close zoom-in on the ring, the bride-to-be looking effortlessly, heartbreakingly beautiful and the guy clasping her to his chest like she is what he found after a journey to the centre of the earth. “Winter Wonderland in Aspen,” smirks the ex who you know you should have blocked, the picture of him and his new fiance chilling next to a fire with white mugs of hot cocoa that say “I’m his” and “I’m hers” in some black curly font making you want to hurl your laptop across the room.

Like an idiot you switch to Instagram. There they are, image after image of other people’s happiness, evidence of their perfect relationships, their taut and toned bodies, their amazing winter wardrobes. Everyone seems to be having a better time than you and your boo. Everybody’s boo looks more romantic, more thoughtful and more in love with their girl than yours.

So what do you do? You say a terse “We need to talk.” You drag the man into the other room and tell him how much you don’t appreciate being bugged for a blowjob when you’re sleeping on a double bed in your cousin’s childhood bedroom and the room where your parents are sleeping is right down the hall. You glare at him and mutter under your breath that you guys should have been in Miami in the sun instead of wearing three pairs of socks in an old house in Detroit. The poor man doesn’t know what he did. He mutters he never knows what your problem is and you reply that he never knows anything, period, and before you know it you guys are at each other’s throats.

Now let’s say you’re single. It’s even worse. Every image feels like a scythe in your heart, reminding you of how alone and unlovable you are. You don’t have anyone to pull into the hallway and berate but you’ve probably blinked away tears and muttered the affirmation “I am happy. I am whole” “I am happy. I am whole” ten times in a row without feeling any better. You spend the rest of the day in a slump, promising yourself you’re going to save enough money to go on a Christmas trip with your girls next year and then biting your lip when you remember they’ll all be busy with their boos.

Social media can be great. It can be a great way to reconnect with friends, form new relationships, keep yourself in the loop about which one of your teenage cousins is being inappropriate and needs a talking to. But it can also be a source of great pain when not used correctly. It can bring up every feeling of inadequacy and regret and loneliness and make you feel like you’re in the third grade standing by yourself in the middle of the playground because no one picked you to be on their softball team. It can make you feel like shit, make every accomplishment you have celebrated and been proud of yourself for seem meaningless in the face of someone’s bigger, better life and it can make you look at the garden of awesomeness that is your life and see only a patch of weeds.

But you have to remember this: Everyone’s life on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Snapchat,Vine and whatever new-fangled platform the kids are using now is a simulation of their real life. It is a series of carefully curated things that people put up to show them in their best light. Putting your real life — and in most cases when we’re down the worst of your life — up against an animation of the best little portraits of someone else’s life isn’t logical. It isn’t fair. It isn’t smart.

So here’s my advice this holiday season. Remember everything you said you were grateful for at Thanksgiving? Write it down. Paste it somewhere you can see it when you wake up in the morning. If you have a boo write down everything about him that makes you feel loved and safe and beautiful and add it to the list. Then go and find him and wrap him in your arms and tell him how much you love him. If you are fabulously single write down everything that brings you joy and makes you realize what a badass you are. Look at it as often as you can. Wink at it every time you leave the room.

Go on social media if you have to but connect with people, don’t lurk just looking at pictures and reading updates. Go on people’s pages, say Merry Christmas and Happy New Year and wish them heartfelt, kind things, paste pictures of yourself and the good moments of your holiday season. Limit yourself to thirty minutes, no more. Don’t go on there more than twice a day. Take some time to look around you, at the people who love you and at the gifts the universe has blessed you with for one more year and bask in all that goodwill. If you have a man go to bed that night and put it on the dude like you got tired of carrying it. If you are single lie in a bath, light some candles, play some good music then curl up in bed with your vibe and rock your own world like the apocalypse is coming.

F.N. is a thirty something free-lance writer from Ghana. Currently, she is trying out a new life in Washington, DC