How Can A Man Help A Woman Ejaculate? ASK JANICE

Istock photo

Dear Janice,

I am a heterosexual male who has experienced female ejaculation from two sexual partners over the years.  That is to say two where I’ve been able to recognize that a female ejaculation has occurred. After love making in the missionary position with the first partner, I would many times have a slick wet spot on the left side of my pelvis. I had no idea it was the result of female ejaculation until one day I actually heard it squirting out onto me.

I casually mentioned to my lover that she could ejaculate, but she gave little verbal response or acknowledgement about it. About five years later another lover would catch me off guard with a gushing female ejaculation as I was pleasing her orally. I wasn’t sure what to do so I swallowed most of it.  I later experienced that this lover would have as many as three gushing female ejaculations in less than an hour.  Like my previous lover she didn’t say much about it, even when asked.  I wanted to know if the experience was a greater level of pleasure than orgasm without female ejaculation.  Was it a greater enhanced experienced, or just a different pleasure experience? Does it feel really good? Those were my questions.

As a male lover who is committed to giving his lover every level of pleasure, should I encourage my lover to seek the experience of female ejaculation?  I recently read an article that said many women hold back and don’t push forward because the sensations prior to ejaculation feel the same as when they have to pee.  So they hold it thinking they don’t want to pee on a lover and be embarrassed. I also learned that not every female has the ability to ejaculate.

Janice, how do you think this willing male should approach the subject of female ejaculation?  Please help me answer my questions.

Thank you,

Dave in Michigan 


Dear Dave from the Mitten State,

First of all, on behalf of women everywhere, thank you for being such an attentive lover!  It truly is a beautiful thing to encounter a man so committed to giving his lovers pleasure.  I wish we could clone you and replace all of those insensitive clowns out there who are only in it for themselves!  And can I say that I’m so pleased to hear about your partner who had three ejaculations in one hour!  Bravo!  You obviously know what you’re doing!

I also want to thank you for not reacting negatively towards those of your lovers who do ejaculate heavily.  Some men would be put off by that, and you seemed to handle those situations with grace and sensitivity.  Again, bravo!

I don’t know a lot about female ejaculation the way you describe it.  I don’t know how common or rare it is.  I suspect that it’s largely involuntary, and really has no bearing on the level of sexual pleasure experienced.  That is to say that I don’t think a woman who doesn’t ejaculate upon orgasm experiences any less pleasure than a woman who does.

All women are different, especially when it comes to sex.  Some women get so wet during sexual arousal that they drench the sheets, their lover and anything else in the near vicinity.  Other women require artificial lubricant just to get going.  And don’t get me started on how a woman’s hormones can affect all this, including where a woman is in her cycle, how close she is to menopause … there are so many variables here.

So, rather than encouraging ejaculation per se, you should continue to encourage your partners to just let go and enjoy as many orgasms as you can give them.  Some will squirt, others won’t.  As long as you reassure the squirters that they have nothing to be ashamed about, then you’re fine.   And as long as you don’t assume that the non-squirters aren’t enjoying themselves, then you’re fine.

You just keep pleasing the ladies and being the sensitive lover you are.  And hey, maybe you could even teach of your male cohorts some of your tricks.  Believe me, there are a lot of guys out there who don’t have a clue!

Thanks for writing, Dave.  And keep up the good work!


Ask Janice your intimate question about love and relationships at

2 responses on “How Can A Man Help A Woman Ejaculate? ASK JANICE

  1. LavandarGirl

    I think I learned something new today. I didn’t realize that urge to pee during sex was an ejaculation waiting to come out. I’ve held back a couple of times thinking I was going to urinate on the bed and my poor boyfriend. Certainly it’s not typical just as Janice mentioned. There are times when lubrication is needed (often that happens when the man hasn’t given his woman time to get aroused and wet down there), then there are times when a woman is wet before anything started!