Congratulations!  You made it through another Valentine’s Day as a single woman in one piece!  Never mind the fact that you ate way too much half-priced chocolate after February 15th.  After all, it’s almost a crime to pass up such a good bargain, right?

The bottom line is that despite a few extra pounds (or fifteen) and that one zit that just won’t let you be great, you’re still here: relatively happy, whole and none the worse for the wear.  And now that the commercials with obnoxiously happy couples have come and gone, you’re finally able to think about embarking on a love adventure of your own.

Here’s the thing, though.  You’ve been single for so long, you’ve forgotten what it’s like to even be in a relationship.  In fact, you’ve gotten used to the lack of drama and relationship hijinks.  You’ve come to enjoy those quiet evenings alone, watching whatever you want on TV without having to share the remote.

But as cuddly as your cat is, he’s really no substitute for human companionship.  Besides, he’s prone to scratching when he doesn’t get his way.  What you want is a man so that you can share your life with someone who walks on two legs and doesn’t use a litter box.  In other words, you’re finally ready for love.

So what do you do?  What steps can you take so that you’ll be spending next Valentine’s Day with your boo?

Before you do anything, you’ve got to get your mind right!  You may THINK you’re ready for love; your body may tell you you’re ready for love (as may your copious use of batteries); and your heart may even feel ready for love … but until you get your MIND right, you ain’t really ready.

But I can help you.  Simply follow Sophia’s Tips to Get Your Mind Right and you’ll be ready for love in no time!

  1. Love Yourself as You Are: We’re all works in progress.  Most of us have an idea of who our optimal selves are: thinner, wealthier, etc.  And that’s great!  It’s important to have goals and to always strive to be better.  However, it’s also important that we love ourselves as we are RIGHT NOW.  You need to accept and love the body you currently have, not just the one you’re working towards.  So remove your makeup, get off the treadmill, put the books away and take a long, hard look in the mirror.  Don’t just look at the flaws, though.  Don’t focus on what you need to change.  Instead, look at that magnificent woman you’ve become and love HER.  Love every extra pound, every scar, and every blemish.  Know her.  Accept her.  And most importantly, love her.  After all, you can’t expect anyone to love you if you don’t love yourself first.  (NOTE: This step will take some time.  We’re so used to being critical of ourselves, we often forget how great we are TODAY.  So please, take this step seriously.)
  2. Involve Your Higher Power: In other words, pray on it.  Even if you don’t believe in God, Jehovah, Allah, or the blue-eyed, blonde-haired baby Jesus, you probably have some higher authority whch guides your life.  Even if your higher power is more of a concept than a being, like truth or justice or love, you have some guiding principle by which you live.  It’s imperative that you involve your higher authority in your quest for love.  If that means praying, then pray.  It that means spending some time each day in deep meditation, then cross those legs and meditate.  Whatever it is, just do it.  I won’t get all preachy on you.  But when you spend time in prayer or meditation, it becomes easier to center your thoughts and focus your energy.  This rids your mind of the negative energies that would sabotage your peace and happiness.
  3. Be Open to “Something New”: Everyone has a “type” when it comes to men, and so do you.  But going for that same “type” of guy hasn’t worked or you wouldn’t be reading this list.  It’s time to be open to something different from what you usually want.  This could mean being open to a different race or physical type.  Or it could mean being willing to date someone who doesn’t have the same educational background as you.  The point is you need to be willing to think outside of your usual parameters and consider something different.  This not only opens your dating pool, thereby giving you more choices, it broadens your horizons in general.
  4. Be Ready To Do The Work: Face it, ladies.  You aren’t going to meet your new love sitting on your couch binge watching Empire!  Finding a new love is going to take some effort on your part..  This requires a shift in your thinking about meeting someone new.  In the past, having your friends introduce you to a “nice guy” was a practical, reliable way to meet men.  But we live in a fast-paced, digital age where that just doesn’t happen, anymore.  That means you’ve got to take a more active role in your search for love, be it embracing the notion of online dating, seeking the help of a professional match-maker, or making the first move when you see someone you like.  Anything worth having takes effort, so you need to be ready to do the work.

Once you get your mind right, there will be no stopping you!  I’m not saying it’s easy to find love, because it isn’t.  But with the right frame of mind, anything is possible.  Good luck!

4 responses on “Get Your Mind Right! SIZZLE WITH SOPHIA

  1. Yara

    Thanks for this! This should be posted monthly! It’s so hard to remember self love! Vday should be about all love: self love, familial love, friendship, romance. There are so many people & relationships to nurture but we can’t if we don’t love ourselves first. Great words, as always, Sophia!

    1. Sophia

      Thanks for your kind words, Tara! And you are so right. It is very hard to remember self love. Let’s try to remind each other of this whenever we can! Thanks for your support!

  2. April

    Amen to that! It’s so important to figure out who you are and love yourself. Know your God and follow His will for your life. The right person will come when you’re open to God and love. Leave the past behind, tomorrow is gone, learn from yesterday but don’t let it hinder you from moving forward and allowing special people in your life. Great article!