Christmas is here. Ho Ho Ho.
Is your sex life jolly?
Is the Santa in your life jingling your bells? Or, are you having too many Silent Nights?
Well, it’s time to get your ho, ho, ho on with SuzyKnew’s info on how to have the best sex ever this Christmas in 2012.
SuzyKnew‘s fav comes from AskMen, a site dedicated to helping men become better lovers. Right on! The site’s Christmas sex positions gives a list of ten positions and situations to have hot sex over the holidays.
Number 9 pushes men to use “Little Elves” to help them out instead of worrying whether their penis is too small to please their lady. Ladies, we all could use some extra help over the holidays, right?
Number 5 is called “Down The Chimney With Care.” Yep, that’s right. It’s the anal sex position, providing a fantasy of Mr. Claus giving Mrs. Claus anal sex. This is where the site kicks into high gear with education sending the reader to other site articles on first how to convince the lady to have anal sex and then how to give it to her so she’ll enjoy it. The simple step-by-step instructions are pretty nifty.
If you need some schooling in how to jingle his bells, you can take a look at Dr Pam’s Sex and Love Academy out of the UK. Dr. Pam promises to turn Christmas into Blissmas. Yeah, right. The picture is kind of cool but the article is just okay. And, if you’re trying to sneak and have sex while visiting relatives, Cosmopolitan helps you with this one. We especially liked their suggestion to have sex in shower and
Bend over, bracing your ankles for stability and have him enter you from behind. This lets you use your balance to make sure you don’t fall over… Got a detachable shower head? Position that baby right at your clitoris while he thrusts. Oh ye-ah…
But, the problem with Christmas sex is that it’s cold outside. So, if you’re worried about his yule log going cold, consider buying your man a Tuggie, a candy-cane striped sock for his manhood. The Tuggie is the first of many tasteless Christmas-themed sex toys featured on The Frisky, making you wonder why Christmas brings out the tackiness in so many companies.
But, we’re convinced that the best way to have the best Christmas ever – with or without sex – is to remember the true spirit and meaning of love during the season. That God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.” John 3:16-17
Wishing you peace, love, comfort and joy this Christmas!
Honey I can’t talk about details of what happens in darkness. My stuff is locked up until I get love and commitment. But if I did talk about such things…I would say Eeeeeewh to anal sex. So gross!!!
Keep it locked up, honey! Your Santa will come one day and when he puts a ring on it, your bells will be jingling and you might have a different take on the advice.