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What are some good types of toys for beginners to use during partnered sex?
Bullets are small vibrators that can be easily incorporated in partnered sex. It can be used for direct clitoral stimulation or can be placed on a scrotum for a different sensation. However, if you’re interested in anal play, be sure to only use toys with a flared base. There are lots of vibrating anal toys available if that’s a sensation you’d like to explore. Also, there are some toys that are marketed specifically for partnered sex that may be fun to explore.

Do you recommend people use a new toy by themselves first, before using it with a partner?
It might be a good idea to familiarize yourself with the toy, just so you know how it operates. However, it could be fun to experiment with your partner for a fresh-out-the-box experience. It’s all about your preferences.

Anything else you think people should know about incorporating sex toys into partnered sex?
When approaching this conversation, be open to your partner’s concerns and explain that sex toys can benefit you both.

De-Andrea Blaylock-Johnson is a licensed clinical social worker and sex therapist in private practice at Sankofa Sex Therapy, LLC. She’s on the Executive Board of the Women of Color Sexual Health Network and has been featured as a sexpert on,, and She recently appeared in “Antigone” a play about the events in Ferguson, MO. Check out her YouTube show, Ask A Sex Therapist, where she answers your questions related to sex and sexuality and visit her website,