Tag Archives: singles’ Valentine’s Day

Single and Happy, Except on Valentine’s Day? ASK JANICE

I totally understand why single people dread Valentine’s Day. I get it, I do. But, as I like to remind myself, it’s not as though you aren’t single on February 13th or 15th, too. So why is it so hard being single on February 14th?

Just because greeting card companies, jewelers, florists, and chocolatiers have convinced us it’s a “holiday” for romantic love? So they can pressure us into wasting our hard-earned cash on cards and flowers that’ll end up in the garbage in a couple days? Or on jewelry we can’t afford and fancy chocolate we’re supposed to be avoiding if we want to stick to our New Year’s resolution to lose weight? The resolution that’s barely a month and a half old?

If Valentine’s Day is just the commercialized tool designed to bust our waistlines and break our wallets to enrich the corporations who prey on our need for inclusion that we say it is, then why do so many single people still dread February 14th like it’s different from any other day?

I’ll tell you why.

It’s because no matter how independently, successfully, and happily single you are during the rest of the year, you’ve been programmed by our commercialized cultural to believe that being uncoupled on Valentine’s Day is like being a second-class citizen. You’ve been brainwashed, that’s why!

Think about it. In the midst of all the sappy, over-the-top advertising promoting happy coupledom as the preferred status, marketing towards singles is framed as a second-rate, consolation prize. It’s like someone is out there saying, “We know you’d rather have romantic love and celebrate like the rest of us, but since you’re single, you can’t. Poor you! Here’s an article on ways to make you feel better for being a loser and not having a Valentine’s Day date.”

Right now you can go to Google and start typing “S-I-N-G-L”, and before you even get to the last letter, you’ll see “Single on Valentine’s Day”, or “How to Survive Valentine’s Day Single”. If you click on any one of these, what will follow is a comprehensive, yet sad, list of articles, blog posts, think pieces, and videos all striving to console us poor, miserably single people for being (gasp!) ALONE!

I know what I’m talking about, y’all. I’ve written those same types of pieces myself for this very blog.  

And we buy right into it, don’t we? We actually believe the hype and get all sad, when the reality is, we’re perfectly fine being single on any other day of the year! How crazy is that?

Now, I know that some of us really are lonely and legitimately looking for a real romantic relationship with someone. And yes, we do feel sad and lonely on days other than Valentine’s Day, no matter how brave a face we put on. I know this. I’ve been there.

But not all uncoupled people are sad and lonely. In fact, most of us are out here living out best lives without romantic love. We love being uncoupled and embrace our independence … except on February 14th! Because that’s when we’re programmed to think of singlehood as a bad thing.

We gotta stop this, y’all. We gotta stop letting this ONE day get to us like that. I say, from now on, we ignore the usual signals and marketing efforts to make us feel bad on Valentine’s Day. Let the happy couples celebrate their love to their hearts’ content. They don’t have to bother us.

Instead of us singles feeling disappointed or unloved, let us embrace our singleness on the 14th as stridently as we do on the 13th or 15th or any other day! Let us go about our normal, daily routines, secure in the knowledge that even though we don’t have romantic love in our lives at this time, we’re still lovable, valuable, and worthy!

I realize that I just turned this whole piece into a rallying cry for embracing singlehood on Valentine’s Day, which actually feeds into the whole system that I’m railing against. But that’s ok, though. Y’all know what I mean.

Happy Valentine’s Day!


Valentine’s Day For One – Guest Blogger Lillian Ogbogoh

February 14th is the day that most single women have been taught the dread and fear! The usual plan is to create a bunker and hide away from it all, after all it’s only 24 hours of couples going totally overboard with their public displays of affections. Well, who said that being single on the 14 of February should be the equivalent of the pirate’s black mark?

Yes – you are single!

Yes – it is meant to be the most romantic day of the year!

These two facts we can’t change in the time we have left. What we can change is the idea you have to miss out because you are fabulous and single.  So how do you spend valentine day for one?  I have 4 awesome tips to shower you with love on the 14th of February.

1) Make yourself your object of affection:

The objective of Valentine’s Day seems to be focused on love and spoiling and pampering your object of affection, so if you are flying solo you get the chance to shower some love and affection on you! It is time to indulge yourself, take yourself off on a spa date followed up with anything you really really want to do. This is the major benefit of being solo you get the deciding vote on what you want to do, you could choose to discover  something new or choose to settle in for indulgent take with a binge watching of your favorite show on Netflix…..

2) Create a Love Board:

This Valentine day instead of hiding away and making sad faces in the mirror, you could use your solo time to prepare yourself for what you want from your next relationship. It’s time to get crafty, make yourself a love goal board, take some time to write down what you want to feel in your next relationship, pin these key phrases to signify how you want your next relationship to show up, how you want to be treated; it’s about making love goals that you want for next relationship. Regardless if you want to remain single for now or you are ready to jump back into the dating game getting clear about what you want makes it easier to recognize it.

3) Invite your girls/guys over:

You may forget that you are not the only single person on Valentine’s Day, call up your single friends and have an impromptu party. Each person should bring a little something throw on some music and have some fun! It’s not an anti-Valentine function but the coming together of friends to have an incredible time.

4)  Spring Clean:

Keeping in line with preparing for a brand new relationship, it is time to extend that to your physical surroundings. It is time to rid yourself of the physical reminders of your last relationships, the stuffed animals, his shirt, and the old cards from your birthday and last valentine… You get the picture you want to start this year on a clean slate, nothing to remind of him and take you back to reminiscing.  Send the stuffed toys to the nearest charities and give his old clothes to a clothes bank.  How you choose to dispose of the stuff is up to you, you could have a burning party  again invite your girls rounds and burn the cards and old letters, but please do it safely as you are not trying to burn your home down…

Whatever you choose to do just don’t hide your fantastic fabulous self at home feeling sorry for yourself, just remind yourself that you are worthy of love and don’t feel like you need to apologize for this.