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Keep Your Relationship Hot Like The Obamas: ASK JANICE INAUGURATION SPECIAL

Michelle Receives Kiss from Barack

While the whole world will be focused on the US President during the Inauguration, women everywhere will be watching how he interacts with the brilliant and beautiful Mrs. Michelle Obama.  Our eyes will be watching for those meaningful glances that often pass between the First Couple, those secret smiles they share, the way he holds her hand.  We will sigh and swoon as we watch how she watches him lovingly as he gives speech after speech.  And we will imagine ourselves in his strong, capable arms as he twirls his woman around the dance floor at the Inaugural Ball.  Single or married, in a relationship or alone, all women long for what the Obamas seem to have: an almost perfect, fairy tale romance.

And on Tuesday morning, when the alarm clock goes off and we have to return to work after a long weekend, we will roll over and look at our partners lying there, snoring beside us.  And, turning away from their acrid morning breath, we will wonder how we can have that amazing Obama love in our own lives.  We will continue to ponder this as we go about our day, drinking our coffee, styling our hair, putting on our make-up.  Maybe we’ll even get a kiss good-bye from our partner before we begin our work day.  Or maybe not.  Either way, we’ll still be longing for that spark the Obamas have.

Well, ladies, I have some good news for you and some bad news for you.  You want the bad news first?  Okay, here it is: NO relationship is perfect, not even the Obama’s!  No matter how great they look twirling around the dance floor together; no matter how sweet he looks when he pulls her into his strong arms for one of their signature hugs; no matter how cool and connected they appear as they fist bump their way through another four years in the White House … they are not perfect!  Guess what, ladies … Mr. Barack Hussein Obama has morning breath, too!  Yep, that’s right.  That tall, suave, romantic hero who willingly carries the weight of the world on his capable shoulders has stanky breath in the morning just like YOUR man does!  And he forgets important dates just like your man (only he has secretaries to remind him).  After all, he IS the leader of the free world!  You think he has time to remember every little minute detail about their relationship?  And he probably leaves the toilet seat up, too (although I think they have separate bathrooms at the White House)!  Or, if he is one of the rare men who does remember to put the seat down, I’m sure his “aim” is just as faulty as your man’s.  The only difference is that living in the White House, Mrs. Obama isn’t the one on her hands and knees, scrubbing his pee off the floor.  Some poor maid is.

My point is that, despite being one of the most intelligent, accomplished men to ever hold the Office of the Presidency, Mr. Barack Obama is still just a man.  And as such, he is not perfect.

That’s the bad news.  Now, here’s the good news: with a little extra effort on your part, you CAN have the kind of strong, loving relationship the Obamas have, especially if it something that you BOTH want.  Here are a few tips, culled from recent interviews with the Obamas themselves as well as based on distant observations of their dynamics that will help you achieve that amazing togetherness the Firsts Couple has.

Be his “ride or die” chick.  Obviously this only applies if your man is out there doing positive things to make a better life for you both.  In other words, if he is out there doing dirt or living on the wrong side of the law, then this rule doesn’t apply to you.  However, if your man is out there every day, doing his best to improve your lives and leave the world better than how he found it, then you need to be that ride or die girl.  In the face of Mr. Obama’s opposition, whether we’re talking Al Qaeda, the Recession or a Republican Congress, Mrs. Obama has her man’s back at all times.  Even though your man doesn’t have to face down opponents like Osama Bin Laden or even John Boehner, he may encounter opposition just as vicious on a daily basis at his job.  It could be a boss out to keep him down, a colleague trying to sabotage his work, or even a job that saps his soul.  Whatever his opposition, he needs you to be his rock, his haven, his light at the end of the tunnel.  That means that no matter how rotten your day was, you may need to hold your complaints and give him a chance to vent about his day first.  And when he does, really LISTEN to him … maintain eye contact with him, gently rub his arm or leg as he rants, don’t interrupt him and just be there for him.  If he needs you to pick up his dry cleaning so that he can be ready for that big presentation, OFFER to do it before he asks.  In being there for him … being totally present for him when he needs it, you are sending him the message that you have his back.

1. Keep the home fires burning.  I mean this literally.  I have a friend who has been married for over two decades.  Despite having advanced degrees and having had a successful (albeit brief) career in politics herself, she now spends a considerable amount of time making sure her household is running smoothly.  She figures that if her husband doesn’t have to sweat the small stuff like making sure the bills get paid on time, keeping their schedules organized and coordinated, keeping the fridge full, etc., then he will have more time to spoil her.  And he does.  He loves not having to worry about details like that.  “Men are more into the big picture, anyway,” he recently said.  So he spends his extra time finding ways to make more money so that he can take his wife on at least two nice vacations every year.  She gets flowers every week just because and he’s happy to do it.  He’s always bragging about his wife to his friends.  And most importantly, he races home to her every day just because he wants nothing more than to spend his time with her.  And he says it’s because she’s made it easy for him to do so by taking care of the home front.

2. Make “Date Nights” more than just a cliché.  I’ve heard President and Mrs. Obama both talk about how they carve time out of their busy schedules to spend quality time with each other alone.  Whether it’s taking in a movie or having a quiet, candlelit dinner at least once a week, they make being alone together a priority in their lives.  And hey, if the Leader of the Free World can find time to watch a chick flick with his wife, then surely your man can do the same with you.  But … you’re probably going to have to be the one to plan it.  Again, don’t expect him to be able and willing to focus on details like that every week.  Doing so is just setting him up for failure and you for disappointment.  Just accept that this is your job and do it.  He’ll appreciate your efforts, you’ll be happy and your relationship will grow stronger.

3. Keep yourself up (also known as don’t let yourself go).  I know we can’t all have Michelle Obama’s long, lithe, athletic body (although I’d kill for her arms).  And most of us probably can’t afford to have a personal stylist to ensure that our hair and wardrobe are always top of the line, either.  But, Michelle’s beauty goes way deeper than clothes, anyway.  I mean, Nancy Reagan had a fabulous wardrobe but even on a good day, she looked like a crone (okay, I’ll admit I’m not exactly a fan of the former First Lady).  Michelle Obama’s beauty radiates from the inside.  And let’s face it.  She’d look good in a potato sack.  You can achieve that same inner glow on your budget with a little effort, though.  Move more and eat less.  Make healthy choices.  Spend a little more time in the mirror and accentuate your best features.  Has your man always complimented you on your legs?  Well, keep them looking good by taking the stairs instead of riding the elevator.  Does he go crazy when you show a little cleavage?  Invest in a few good bras and keep those girls on display for him.  Is he a butt man?  Add a few more squats to your workout routine.  Be the best you and you’ll both benefit from it.

4. Finally, to quote the Queen of Soul, it’s all about R-E-S-P-E-C-T.  President Obama respects his wife, first and foremost.  He was raised by his single mother and his grandmother, both of whom were strong, hard working women of integrity, who pushed him to be his best.  It’s no wonder then that he chose a strong, brilliant, hard working woman of integrity to be his wife.  And so, he respects her.  If your man does not respect you, there is nothing you can do to save your relationship, and you shouldn’t even want to.  Demand his respect.  Expect his respect.  And more importantly, BE the type of woman he can respect.  If he respects you, he will applaud your efforts to strengthen your relationship and will definitely meet you half way.

No relationship is perfect because human beings are flawed.  However, it is in striving for perfection that we find our best selves.  Let’s keep working at it and one day, we’ll get there.  Enjoy.



Photo: Photo by Joe Raedle/Getty Images (The Griot, Oct, 23 2012)


Do You Have The Wrong Information About Oral Contraceptives?

Passion in bed

A lot of times we think we know it all.

But, we don’t.

This is especially true when it comes to contraception. We think what we learned from that Glamour or Essence magazine article back in 1998 is  still keeping us up to date on contraception. Or, we believe what a good friend, who has been right about everything, told us about which contraceptive methods are good and which ones are bad.

This is particularly true about the  pill – as oral contraceptives are affectionately called, which has been around for over 50 years. Does the pill really make you gain weight?  Will you have a stroke or blood clot if take the pill when you’re over 35 years old and smoke a lot? And, what about all those lawsuit ads about Yaz and Yasmin?

Introduced in 1960, the oral contraceptive pill is one of the most studied medicines in US medical history. The contraceptive method is a lot safer than you think.  Take a look at this easy-to-read site from About.com/contraception and get your myths about the pill dispelled forever: Myths About The Pill.


How To Ruin Your Relationship By Anna Karenina and YourTango.com

Years ago when I read Tolstoy’s Anna Karenina – yes, all 300 or 400 some pages – I couldn’t figure out why Anna had decided to step out on her man and have an affair. Her husband had a good job, great social standing and was apparently quite handsome. Then I saw the movie Anna Karenina and realized how horribly boring Anna’s husband was and immediately understood everything. I would have left his dull behind, too.

Sure, back then in the late 1800’s marrying for love wasn’t the norm. And part of the whole plot is why falling for a man purely based on chemistry and having his love child while you’re married doesn’t usually lead to happiness but devastation. Tolstoy was trying to tell us intense love can drive you crazy. You just might commit suicide, like Anna did.  (Not to give away the story, but, I think everyone knows Anna goes mad from her love for Vronsky and jumps in front of a train.)

Women should strive to be “women of honor,” the movie points out. Well, I think of myself as “a woman of honor.”  But, who hasn’t thrown caution to the wind to chase after some seriously good looking man only to wake up a few months (or years) later to wonder “What in the world was I thinking about?” A man who is sexy and exciting today can become a real bore years later.

But, aside from the obvious points all of this indicates like love is patient, love is kind, and true love isn’t always wrapped up in a seriously, good-looking sexy man, it also tells us there things we do to ruin perfectly good relationships. I mean I know there weren’t any counselors and therapists back then. But couldn’t Anna have worked with her man Alexis and turned that dull marriage into a hot one?  Alexis Alexandrovich Karenin was a patient guy. He initially forgave Anna for her adulterous behavior and was willing to give her a second chance. But, he was just really weak in the emotion and seduction area.  He was clueless about what his wife was feeling.

Anna didn’t exactly share her feelings either and she expected Alexis to be “every man.”  – But, no man can fulfill everything we need as SuzyKnew’s very own Janice  pointed out  in ASK JANICE. Also, the lady also didn’t take responsibility for her own feelings and sense of security. She used Vronsky, her dashing military lover, to fill her emptiness. And once Anna hooked up with her cad of a lover, she spent her every waking moment thinking about him and doubting herself. Another good way to ruin things.  YourTango’s  A 7-Step Guide To Ruining Your Relationship gives you blow by blow the ways you can mess up a good thing you may have.

It’s hard enough to get into a decent relationship or marriage. Once we’re in one we have to address our own insecurities and try not to ruin things  without realizing what we’re doing.



5 New Year’s Resolutions For Great Love In 2013

Istock photo

Hey SuzyKnew Reader!

We all need love.

But, how do we get great love?  Make these 5 key resolutions in 2013, and you’ll be on your way to great love in 2013:

1. Vow to put 2012 behind you. This isn’t easy. And, we aren’t saying it is. But, even if it takes a few good self help books or time with a therapist, put 2012 in the past. This means resolving your feelings and forgiving the man who broke your heart in 2012 or back in 2002. It also means giving up the resentment you’re holding against your boyfriend, best friend, or sister for what they did to you in the past. Talk it through and work it out. Keep it moving in 2013.

2. Be true to yourself. Know who you are and what’s important to you. Sometimes, it’s hard to admit we aren’t who we wish we were. We’re less generous with our time and money than we let on. Our credit card debit is higher and our credit score lower than what we share with close friends, and our housekeeping skills are far from perfect. So, we shouldn’t try to convince ourselves that we would be happy with a social activist or a man with impeccable finances, let alone a man who follows Martha Stewart’s every tip.  But, settling in with a man who shares our passion for good conversation, our commitment to family, and common values will put us on the path for great love in 2013.

3. Forgive others and forgive yourself. We all make mistakes in love or get our hearts broken. But, if we don’t let it go – and we mean really let it go – finding great love will be impossible. And, sometimes, we’re harder on ourselves than we are on others. So, when we’re in the process of forgiving our partner and our friends and family, let’s not forget to forgive ourselves. Only, then can we engage ourselves completely in love. And, as Jennifer Lopez SuzyKnew said earlier in 2012, if we can’t love ourselves, who can we love?

4.  Give freely of yourself –  and let others know your needs. Yes, that’s right. Give your man what he wants. If he wants you to cook him homemade meals, cook it, honey!  And give him that back rub, too. If your best friend or sister needs to talk to you for hours on end about the man who left her or the boss who fired her, let her. But, make sure they know your needs and what you have to do to be you.  In other words, cooking wonderful homemade meals is fine – on the week-ends when you have time. Spending hours on the phone is okay too when you don’t have any pending deadlines at work. And, yes, you need your mani pedi every other week and a mind-blowing orgasm twice a week.

And finally, and most importantly…

5. Put God first in your relationships and in all that you do.  Yes, Gentle SuzyKnew reader, believe it or not, it’s not all about you. There is a higher power out there. God is watching and wants you to be happy – and have great love. Put God first in all your relationships and you’ll achieve great love.

Have The Best Christmas Sex In 2012

Christmas Sex

Christmas is here. Ho Ho Ho.

Is your sex life jolly?

Is the Santa in your life jingling your bells? Or, are you having too many Silent Nights?

Well, it’s time to get your ho, ho, ho on with SuzyKnew’s info on how to have the best sex ever this Christmas in 2012.

SuzyKnew‘s fav comes from AskMen, a  site dedicated to helping men become better lovers.  Right on!  The site’s Christmas sex positions gives a list of ten positions and situations to have hot sex over the holidays.

Number 9 pushes men to use “Little Elves” to help them out instead of worrying whether their penis is too small to please their lady.  Ladies, we all could use some extra help over the holidays, right?

Number 5 is called “Down The Chimney With Care.” Yep, that’s right. It’s the anal sex position, providing a fantasy of Mr. Claus giving Mrs. Claus anal sex.  This is where the site kicks into high gear with education sending the reader to other site articles on first how to convince the lady to have anal sex and then how to give it to her so she’ll enjoy it. The simple step-by-step instructions are pretty nifty.

If you need some schooling in how to jingle his bells, you can take a look at Dr Pam’s Sex and Love Academy out of the UK. Dr. Pam promises to turn Christmas into Blissmas. Yeah, right. The picture is kind of cool but the article is just okay. And, if you’re trying to sneak and have sex while visiting relatives, Cosmopolitan helps you with this one. We especially liked their suggestion to have sex in shower and

 Bend over, bracing your ankles for stability and have him enter you from behind. This lets you use your balance to make sure you don’t fall over… Got a detachable shower head? Position that baby right at your clitoris while he thrusts. Oh ye-ah…

But, the problem with Christmas sex is that it’s cold outside. So, if you’re worried about his yule log going cold, consider buying your man a Tuggie, a candy-cane striped sock for his manhood. The Tuggie is  the first of many tasteless Christmas-themed sex toys featured on The Frisky, making you wonder why Christmas brings out the tackiness in so many companies.

But, we’re convinced that the best way to have the best Christmas ever – with or without sex – is to remember the true spirit and meaning of love during the season.  That God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.” John 3:16-17

Wishing you peace, love, comfort and joy this Christmas!