Tag Archives: Valentine’s Day

ASK JANICE: Where Does Valentine’s Day Even Come From?

Ask Janice Holiday Special LOVE 4 Comments

 

Valentine’s Day: When lovers express their affection with greetings and gifts. (Source: Brittannica.com)

Whether you celebrate Valentine’s Day with your soul mate, Galentine’s Day with your girlfriends, or Palentine’s Day with your non-gender specific buddies, February 14th means celebrating LOVE! And, as the saying goes, ain’t love grand?

Valentine’s Day brings to mind gifts of jewelry and long-stemmed roses. It calls up images of heart-shaped boxes of chocolates, cozy, romantic dinners, and sappy greeting cards. It also makes me think of those nasty, chalky, little heart-shaped candies with silly greetings on them.

Now, I know this holiday can conjure up some pretty strong feelings, and not all of them good ones. Many folks, single and attached, think of February 14th as “just another day” and don’t really consider Valentine’s Day a big deal. Except, maybe, as an excuse to binge on chocolate. They go about their lives completely unbothered by the pressures and expectations of this romantic holiday. This year, many are more hyped about celebrating Taco Tuesday than some overly commercialized “holiday” about romantic love.

But there are some for whom Valentine’s Day triggers negative emotions, which is understandable. Especially for people who’re single and not happy about it. February 14th makes them acutely aware of their lack of romance. This tends to hit women especially hard, given the societal pressures to be “coupled” with someone. As if a woman’s worth depends on her relationship status. Ugh!

African american woman holding romantic paper hearts over yellow isolated background cover mouth with hand shocked with shame for mistake, expression of fear, scared in silence, secret concept

Social media doesn’t help with all of the cutesy posts of couples enjoying romantic dinners, proposals, and elaborate dates. All the Valentine’s Day hype can exacerbate feelings of loneliness, despair and depression. And this can even trigger self-destructive behaviors, up to and including suicidal ideation and action. Others stoically white-knuckle it with gritted teeth, waiting for the calendar to flip to February 15th, when it’ll be safe to go on Instagram, again.

Whether you love Valentine’s Day or dread it, have you ever wondered how we got here? I mean, why do we even celebrate it? I’ve always heard people grumble about Valentine’s Day being a made up, Hallmark holiday. But all holidays are “made up”. And in the Western world of the 21st century, ALL holidays are Hallmark holidays.

Most of us already knew that Valentine’s Day is named after a Saint and is also referred to as St. Valentine’s Day. But who was St. Valentine? Why is a Catholic saint associated with romance?

And what’s up with Cupid? What does a chubby, little, naked, flying baby have to do with love? Also, why is the baby naked and who gave him a damn bow and arrow?

I know I’m not the only one asking these questions. So, I did a little digging. And come to find out, St. Valentine’s Day goes way back (long before Hallmark was a thing, obviously) to the 14th century. What’s even wilder is that its roots, like so many Christian traditions, go back even farther: to pre-Christian Rome.

(Full disclosure: When I say I went digging, I mean I hit up a few different reputable websites. I didn’t do any deep dive into historical archives, or anything. My main sources were sites like (and including) Brittannica.com and History.com. I read a few other articles, too. But that’s it. I’m not an historian and this ain’t a history blog, so …)

Valentine’s Day’s origins are vague and hazy. Many historians believe that St. Valentine’s Day originated from the pagan Roman holiday called Lupercalia. Romans celebrated Lupercalia on February 15th to commemorate the coming of Spring with “fertility rites”. Some of these rituals may have included pairing women with men by lottery. Because the past was the worst, especially for women. Yuck.

Anyway. Romans celebrated Lupercalia even as Christianity spread and became the dominant religion in Rome. However, at the end of the 5th century, Pope Gelasius I put an end to Lupercalia, forbidding its rites, rituals, and celebration. Many believe that St. Valentine’s Day, which is also celebrated in mid-February, but on the 14th replaced Lupercalia, with randomly pairing women with men morphing into a celebration of romantic love. Again, yuck.

But we don’t know that for sure. And there’s no proof that St. Valentine’s Day was celebrated as a day of romance until the 14th century, some 900 years later. So, who knows?

As for the actual Saint, the Catholic Church recognizes three St. Valentines, all of whom were martyrs. The consensus among historians seems to focus on two (or maybe one) individuals named Valentine.  First, there was a priest named Valentine from the 3rd century. The Roman Emperor at that time was this guy named Claudius II Gothicus. The story is that he decided single men made better soldiers than men with wives and kids. So, he passed a law forbidding young, single men from marrying so that he’d have enough soldiers for his wars.

Father Valentine was like “Nah”, and kept marrying young couples, anyway. He did this secretly, but obviously someone snitched, because he got caught. And Claudius, hater that he was, sentenced Valentine to death in 270 CE. According to legend, while he awaited execution, Fr. Valentine signed a letter “From Your Valentine” that he wrote to his jailer’s daughter (possibly), whom he cured from blindness and/or fell in love with (maybe).

Either that or, as other legends state, St. Valentine was a bishop, not a priest, who came from Terni, and who was also executed by Claudius II Gothicus. Some believe these two are the same guy. Others believe these are just old ass legends.

I know. Confusing and vague as heck, right?

We do know that by the Middle Ages, St. Valentine was one of the most popular saints in places like England and France. We also know that the first known written Valentine’s Day greetings began to appear in 1400. In fact, the oldest known written Valentine was a poem written in 1415 by Charles, Duke of Orleans to his wife. He supposedly wrote it while he was imprisoned in the Tower of London after the Battle of Agincourt. A Love After Lockup situation, perhaps?

So, from the 1400s onwards, the Western world has celebrated Valentine’s Day with romance, gifts, and greetings, despite its murky, mysterious origins. Yes, it’s become overly commercialized. And yes, it probably perpetuates the hetero-normative patriarchy. And yes, for some, it can trigger intense loneliness and depression. But at least there’s chocolate!

Oh, and the creepy, chubby, weaponized angel baby named Cupid? That lil dude has deep roots as well. Historians believe that Cupid evolved from a Roman god with roots in Greek mythology, Eros. Eros was the god of love, of course. Originally, Eros presented as a handsome immortal who played with the emotions of both gods and humans. He used golden arrows to incite love, and leaden ones to sow discord and aversion. Eventually, this handsome, grown ass ADULT somehow morphed into the mischievous, chubby, bow and arrow wielding baby we know and love today. But no one knows how or why.

I still don’t know why a flying baby would carry a bow and arrow in the first place. That just seems so hazardous and wrong. I suppose I could’ve dug deeper into Cupid. But to be honest, I ain’t got that kind of time. If you know more about Cupid and his origins, please comment below.  Also comment below and share your Valentine’s Day plans. How did they go? What did you do?

Until next time, have a safe and Happy St. Valentine’s Day!!

 

 

Single and Happy, Except on Valentine’s Day? ASK JANICE

Advice Ask Janice LOVE Opinion No Comments

I totally understand why single people dread Valentine’s Day. I get it, I do. But, as I like to remind myself, it’s not as though you aren’t single on February 13th or 15th, too. So why is it so hard being single on February 14th?

Just because greeting card companies, jewelers, florists, and chocolatiers have convinced us it’s a “holiday” for romantic love? So they can pressure us into wasting our hard-earned cash on cards and flowers that’ll end up in the garbage in a couple days? Or on jewelry we can’t afford and fancy chocolate we’re supposed to be avoiding if we want to stick to our New Year’s resolution to lose weight? The resolution that’s barely a month and a half old?

If Valentine’s Day is just the commercialized tool designed to bust our waistlines and break our wallets to enrich the corporations who prey on our need for inclusion that we say it is, then why do so many single people still dread February 14th like it’s different from any other day?

I’ll tell you why.

It’s because no matter how independently, successfully, and happily single you are during the rest of the year, you’ve been programmed by our commercialized cultural to believe that being uncoupled on Valentine’s Day is like being a second-class citizen. You’ve been brainwashed, that’s why!

Think about it. In the midst of all the sappy, over-the-top advertising promoting happy coupledom as the preferred status, marketing towards singles is framed as a second-rate, consolation prize. It’s like someone is out there saying, “We know you’d rather have romantic love and celebrate like the rest of us, but since you’re single, you can’t. Poor you! Here’s an article on ways to make you feel better for being a loser and not having a Valentine’s Day date.”

Right now you can go to Google and start typing “S-I-N-G-L”, and before you even get to the last letter, you’ll see “Single on Valentine’s Day”, or “How to Survive Valentine’s Day Single”. If you click on any one of these, what will follow is a comprehensive, yet sad, list of articles, blog posts, think pieces, and videos all striving to console us poor, miserably single people for being (gasp!) ALONE!

I know what I’m talking about, y’all. I’ve written those same types of pieces myself for this very blog.  

And we buy right into it, don’t we? We actually believe the hype and get all sad, when the reality is, we’re perfectly fine being single on any other day of the year! How crazy is that?

Now, I know that some of us really are lonely and legitimately looking for a real romantic relationship with someone. And yes, we do feel sad and lonely on days other than Valentine’s Day, no matter how brave a face we put on. I know this. I’ve been there.

But not all uncoupled people are sad and lonely. In fact, most of us are out here living out best lives without romantic love. We love being uncoupled and embrace our independence … except on February 14th! Because that’s when we’re programmed to think of singlehood as a bad thing.

We gotta stop this, y’all. We gotta stop letting this ONE day get to us like that. I say, from now on, we ignore the usual signals and marketing efforts to make us feel bad on Valentine’s Day. Let the happy couples celebrate their love to their hearts’ content. They don’t have to bother us.

Instead of us singles feeling disappointed or unloved, let us embrace our singleness on the 14th as stridently as we do on the 13th or 15th or any other day! Let us go about our normal, daily routines, secure in the knowledge that even though we don’t have romantic love in our lives at this time, we’re still lovable, valuable, and worthy!

I realize that I just turned this whole piece into a rallying cry for embracing singlehood on Valentine’s Day, which actually feeds into the whole system that I’m railing against. But that’s ok, though. Y’all know what I mean.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

 

SuzyKnew!’s Tips For A Sexy 2018 Valentine’s Evening

Love and Sex Opinion No Comments

To help you have a  sexy Valentine’s Evening, we’re posting some advice taken from ASK JANICE’s “How To Talk Dirty While Intimate.”

Happy Valentine’s Day, Ladies!

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So often, we turn ourselves inside out to please our partners, but rarely do we seek to elevate our sex skills for ourselves.

The hardest step towards stepping up your dirty talk game is getting your mind right.  Our mindset is what enables us to take great sex and make it better.

Start your sexy Valentine’s evening, outside the bedroom, fully clothed and while you’re both present and open.  Gently bring up the fact that you want to enhance your already great sex life with more dirty talk on your part, and then ask what he likes to hear.  There may be certain phrases and words that hit the target every time, and certain things that turn you off completely.  Find out what your partner likes and doesn’t like.  It doesn’t have to be too specific, but you want to get a general idea.

For example, some men get off on being called “Daddy” during sex, but it totally freaks other men out.  Some women like being cursed at, but some hate being called out their name.  Some people like to be bossed around (“Do this”, “Faster.” “Harder”).  Others get off on doing the bossing.

Usually, it’s a matter of trial and error.  But, a conversation with your lover is definitely in order.  Plus, it opens the door for you to ask for what you want more of (or less of) in bed.

Which brings us to our next point and that is to remember that sex is another form of communication that involves ALL the senses: sight, taste, touch, smell and of course, SOUND.  So dirty talk is simply a way to continue the conversation the rest of your body is already having.  And like any conversation, it shouldn’t be forced.  It should ebb and flow naturally.

In other words, don’t try so hard!  Be natural.  Relax.  Be in the moment and speak your truth in that moment.  If it feels good, say it.  And say why it feels good and how it could feel even better.  If you pull a new move out of your bag of tricks, ask him how it feels and how it could feel better.

Get out of your head and listen to your body.  Listen to your lover’s body.  Listen to his conversation leading up to sex and go from there.  What does he say to let you know he’s in the mood?  Take that and continue talking about it in the bedroom.

And when all else fails, throw out a compliment, or two.  Everyone loves to hear how sexy they are, especially when they’re naked!

Finally, like any skill, dirty talk takes practice.  The more you do it, the better you’ll be.  Keep trying.  Seek honest feedback from your friend.

Most importantly, be confident.  You can’t be timid with dirty talk (unless your sex play calls for it, but that’s a whole ‘nother conversation).  You gotta say it like you mean it!

Good luck and keep in touch!

How To Get A Valentine Like Peyton Manning

Opinion 2 Comments

Everyone’s talking about Peyton Manning, the quarterback on the winning the Superbowl team. And, everyone’s thinking about Valentine’s Day, only a day away. Putting the two together, we know there are ladies out there – sista’s included- wondering what it would take to get a man like Peyton Manning for a Valentine.

After a quick (and admittedly superficial) look at the landscape of Peyton’s life and the woman he married  here’s what SuzyKnew! speculates it would take:

  • A push up bra and make-up that stays on all day. Blond hair, long legs and a 24/7 gym regimen, too. Looking at Ashley, Peyton’s wife, it’s clear Peyton likes a sculpted bosom, almost like the one Barbie has. And he likes a woman who keeps her make-up together. And, please: no bulges. Your schedule needs to include daily visits to the gym, working with a highly qualified trainer, of course. We won’t even begin to speculate what the botox or facial peel visits might be. Football players and other sportsmen work hard to get their bodies 100%. So, it’s no big surprise they may have big expectations for their women.
  • Deep pockets, business acumen and bold ambition – These days it’s not just women who can be gold diggers. Men like gold, too. Ashley has “ca-CHING$$.” Celebrity Net Worth puts Ashley Thompson Peyton’s wealth at $20 million. The woman also has ambition. She opened her own real estate development firm soon after getting her undergrad degree in the late 1990’s. Not stopping there and showing her interest in men who play sports, the lady acquired minority ownership in her hometown basketball team the Memphis Grizzlies. But, Ashley is reported to be private (Who has time for all those social and celebrity events when you’ve got businesses to run?) spending a lot of time on charities, including raising money for breast cancer. So, ladies, a Peyton Manning Valentine means keeping the money flowing and your looks up – Don’t skip those hair appointments! Nobody wants to see your dark (and nappy…) roots. It also means charity events – if not social events.
  • Thick skin and the ability to forgive unfaithfulness – A NFL football player will play. And, he will play hard on the field and off. Peyton Manning is no exception; reportedly, he likes his side action, too. Dating a high-profile sportsman means all your business is all over the place – even here at SuzyKnew! which is a pretty innocuous site. Gossip columns will send you to your bedroom crying.  All American-guy Peyton Manning is on The Top 20 Unfaithful Players In the NFL list.  Supposedly, Peyton had a long-term affair with an Indianapolis reporter.  It’s hard keeping an eye on your man when he’s always giving interviews to those pretty lady-reporters. All rumors, of course. But, true or untrue, but, it comes with the territory of luxury dating and marrying.
  • The patience of Job – Not only will you have to contend with other honnies but you’ll have to deal with your man’s drug problem. Sportsmen will dope. Peyton Manning has been accused of using HGH according to Al Jazeera documentary “The Dark Side.”  While these accusations have largely subsided along with rumors of the couple’s imminent divorce, others on one topic or another are bound to surface at some time or another. Only the patience of Job will save you in a high-profile marriage where all issues, problems and temptations are magnified under a spotlight.

Truth be told SuzyKnew! doesn’t know the intimate details of the couple’s relationship. We can only hope it’s one built on true love. But, this Valentine’s Day when you look up at your screen and wish your Valentine were some high-profile man, remember it comes at a high price. True love, the bliss of coupledom, and happiness can be found with any man who truly loves, values and respects you.

Wishing you a Happy Valentine’s Day!

Photo courtesy of Bleacherreport.com

Sophia’s Tips To Avoid Disappointment On V-Day

Opinion 1 Comment

For many women, Valentine’s Day turns into a huge disappointment.  If we’re single, the day often brings up feelings of loneliness and inadequacy.  Commercials, ads and the preponderance of images of smiling, happy couples can be depressing.  Even if we’re in a relationship, the pressures of this contrived holiday can shake us.  We’ll spend far too much time planning for something that will ultimately let us down.  And nine times out of ten, the fault lies within ourselves.  Because let’s face it, ladies.  We think about Valentine’s Day way more than men do.  We can’t help it.  We’ve been socialized that way.  We’re told fairy tales as little girls where there’s always a happily ever after and then are fed a steady diet of corny, rom-com movies that reinforce those themes as tweens, teens and young adults.

By the time we reach the full bloom of womanhood, many of us suffer from an odd neurosis resulting from decades of having our romantic lives fall way short of the unrealistic expectations set by the fairy tales of our childhoods.  In other words, we finally get that our Prince Charming is neither a prince nor very charming, even as we love him wholeheartedly.

I mean, look at your Boo.  Yes, you think he’s all that and a bag of chips, and you should.  He’s your man.  But when you’re brutally honest with yourself, you know he doesn’t measure up to the male protagonists of our favorite chick flicks.  Yeah he’s sweet and good to you, but he doesn’t do the over-the-top kinds of romantic gestures you see in the movies.  He’s not standing outside your bedroom window, holding a boom box, blasting a love ballad.  He’s doesn’t march up to your job, whisk you up into his arms and carry you out while your co-workers applaud.  He isn’t the one who will show up at your door (while you’re entertaining all your girlfriends at your house) and proclaim his love for you in a long, poetic soliloquy.

That’s just not your guy!  And that’s okay because if he did do all of those things he’d probably be a stalker.

My point is that you shouldn’t let these Hollywood images of romance diminish the great thing you got going on with your Boo.  Don’t believe the hype because that shit ain’t real!

Is your man good to you?  Is he honest?  Does he support your dreams and aspirations?  Does he make you laugh?  Are you a good fit?  Do you share the same values?  Do you want the same things out of life?  Does he still make you blush, giggle, even tingle at times?

If you answered yes, then you’ve got yourself a wonderful man!  Be thankful!

But I know you, though.  We’re a lot alike, so I know what you’re thinking.  Those fairy tale images lurking deep within our psyches would have us believe that our lives are wanting, that our own love stories are dull and colorless.  And the industries that profit the most from holidays like Valentine’s Day (I’m talking about you, Hallmark and FTD) only reinforce these notions, further feeding our neurotic thinking.

But I’m here to tell you, that despite the fact your Boo isn’t the Prince Charming of your fairytales, he’s probably still a great guy.  And while he won’t be sweeping you off your feet on some mid-February day with canary diamonds and spontaneous trips to Paris, you can and should celebrate the man he is and the love you have.

So here are my tips for avoiding a Disappointing Valentine’s Day (for the already Boo’d up):

  1. TELL HIM WHAT YOU WANT: Don’t assume your man knows what you want your Valentine’s Day to be.  He doesn’t.  No, really …  he doesn’t.  Instead of expecting him to understand how much this holiday means to you, tell him what you want. Men aren’t mind readers, no matter how well they know you.  And if this stuff means more to you than him, you need to give him his marching orders for that day.  Be clear, concise and specific.  If you want flowers at work, tell him.  If you want a romantic dinner date that night, tell him.   It doesn’t take the romance out of it, trust me.  Consider it training for future years.  And the right guy won’t mind.  In fact, he’ll just be happy to know exactly what you want.  IMPORTANT NOTE:  Don’t wait until the last minute, either!  Start talking about this at least a week in advance, and keep reminding him.
  2. REALISTIC EXPECTATIONS: Even with specific instructions, be careful to manage your own expectations.  Know his limits.  Your man isn’t going to magically transform into something he’s not.  If he’s not usually the romantic gesture type of guy, understand that he’s making an exception for you on this day.  So appreciate his efforts for what they are: gestures of love.  And react accordingly.  If he is a romantic gesture type of guy, then sit back and trust him to handle things.  Still manage your expectations, though.
  3. PLAN ACCORDING TO BOTH YOUR PERSONALITIES: So you’ve finally gotten him on board for some kind of Valentine’s Day celebration, but he leaves the bulk of the planning to you.  Now is not the time to introduce new kink or anything radically different to your relationship.  I’m not saying don’t make it special.  On the contrary.  I’m just telling you to keep the surprises to a minimum.  Stick with what you know he likes and build on that.  Remember who you’re dealing with and make it something you’ll both enjoy.  Also, keep it simple.  Don’t over plan.  You can’t expect to do cocktails at a jazz club, dinner at your favorite restaurant, a show, dancing, AND some head-banging sex.  That’s doing way too much.
  4. FEEL BEAUTIFUL: Lingerie companies also profit heavily from Valentine’s Day.  With women trying to spice things up with a little sexy number and men bringing home silky gifts to their wives and girlfriends, places like Victoria’s Secret will see huge sales increases.  But what’s often lost is the notion that while the lingerie must intrigue and arouse the man, it also has to make the woman feel beautiful.  If you plan to splurge on new lingerie for Valentine’s Day, consult a knowledgeable sales associate about what fits you and your body type best.  Buy something that accentuates your assets, but that also feels comfortable and fits well.  If it doesn’t make you feel beautiful, don’t buy it.  Because if you feel beautiful, you’ll be confident.  And your confidence will be sexier to him that any piece of silk or lace money can buy.
  5. RELAX AND ENJOY: Don’t let your plans ruin your day.  If everything doesn’t go exactly according to plan, don’t sweat it!  Go with the flow.  The important thing is that you and your guy enjoy a day and night where you celebrate your love.  It doesn’t matter if the dinner you cook isn’t perfect.  Who cares if your flowers die too soon or you forget the champagne? So what if he’s a little late.  You’re with the man you love and he’s at least made an effort to make this day special for you.  So sit back, relax and let it flow.

Happy Valentine’s Day, loves!  Enjoy!

ASK JANICE 2014 Valentine’s Day Message For Ladies Without Valentines

Ask Janice 2 Comments

Are you dreading Valentine’s Day this year?  Does the approaching “holiday” remind you that you’re single, unattached, man-less?  Are you already sick of the Hallmark and jewelry store commercials throwing ridiculously happy couples in your face?  Does all the hoopla around the day make you feel lonely and depressed?

If any of this sounds like you, you’re not alone.  Commercials and magazine ads would have you believe that everyone is “boo’d up”, and that single people are rare and miserable.  Well, don’t believe the hype.  In the U.S. alone, 43% of all adults are single, according to the 2010 U.S. Census.  That’s almost half of all adults!  In 1950, that number was only 22%.

Singlehood is a growing trend in the US and elsewhere, and it no longer carries the same stigma it did in the past.  No one says the word “spinster” anymore.  No one really questions why a woman is still unmarried at 25 years old, or 30 or even 40 like they used to.  And when you factor race and ethnicity into the equation, women of color are even more likely to be single until much later in life.

So single ladies, rejoice!  You’re no longer the pitied oddballs you used to be!

Don’t get me wrong, though.  I know it’s real in these single streets.  While some women choose to remain single for a variety of reasons, many still prefer to be in committed relationships.  For the most part, everyone wants love and companionship.  But not having love and companionship doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you.  It doesn’t mean your life is empty or incomplete.  In fact, if it takes another person to make you feel complete, you’ve got bigger issues than being dateless on Valentine’s Day.

Remember that line from the 1996 romance movie, “Jerry Maguire”?  The one where Tom Cruise stares longingly at Renee Zellweger and says, “You complete me”?  While it made for great romance on the big screen, it kind of made me cringe, too.  Because in real life, you really don’t want some piece of a man so pathetic that he needs you to “complete” him.  Sure, you want to feel wanted and even needed, but to complete him?  Uh uh.  No, thank you.  I’d rather have no man than an incomplete one.

And any man worth his salt feels the same way.  A real man doesn’t want the responsibility of “completing” his woman.  He wants to feel wanted and even needed, but he doesn’t want some little piece of a woman that he has to complete.

The truth is you need to be “complete” by yourself before you get involved in a relationship.  Needing a man and wanting a man are two different things.  And you don’t ever want to be someone who NEEDS a man.  Don’t be one of those women who build their entire lives around their guy.  They give up their friends, their interests and themselves to be whatever he wants at all times.  They lose themselves in their men, becoming mere shells of who they used to be.  And when those guys leave, as they inevitably will do, those women are left broken and barely able to survive on their own.

So, don’t look for someone else to make you feel whole.  While you’re single, use your time wisely.  Be the best version of yourself at all times.  Find yourself.  Get to know yourself.  Improve yourself.  And most importantly, learn how to enjoy yourself by yourself.  Stop filling your days chasing after the perfect man.  Instead, use your days to develop yourself into someone so wonderful, so fabulous, the good men will start chasing after you.

Embrace your singlehood as your opportunity to continue working on the masterpiece that is your life.  Treat yourself well and focus on making yourself happy.  Stop listing all the things that are wrong with you as the reasons you’re alone.  Instead, work on making improvements in your life that will make you feel fulfilled.

For example, you’re not single because you’re overweight.  Maybe you’re not happy with yourself because you’re overweight; and maybe your weight is affecting your self-confidence.  If you work on losing weight in order to make yourself happier, then you’ll get a lift in your confidence.  And that’s what will attract a man, not the weight loss itself.

Do you see the difference?

You don’t need a man or a relationship to make you happy and whole.  You need to find a way to be happy and whole on your own, first.  Yes, having a man can enhance your life, but he shouldn’t BE your life.  He should be your dessert, not your main course.

If you haven’t found your Valentine yet, don’t despair.  That just means you have more time to build your life around YOU before you meet HIM.  Remember, you can’t properly love anyone else until you love yourself, first.  And when you truly love yourself and learn to make yourself happy, you’ll attract the person you’re supposed to have in your life.

In the meantime, if you’re single, feel free to enjoy this Valentine’s Day with the best date ever: yourself.  Treat yourself to some candy or flowers.  Buy yourself something sexy to wear just because it makes you feel good.  Treat yourself to dinner and spend some quality time celebrating yourself.  The best love is self-love, and the best day to celebrate self-love is the day of love itself: Valentine’s Day.

Can I Get A STD From My Valentine Bikini Wax? ASK AN OBGYN

Ask an OBGYN 3 Comments

Dear Suzy Knew,

I’d like to get a Brazilian bikini wax for my man this Valetine’s Day.  But, I’m wondering if I can get a STD from this?

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Dear SuzyKnew Reader,

Removing pubic hair (through shaving, waxing, threading, trimming, etc..) is a very common practice.   Looking at several surveys, between 70-88% of women and 58-78% of men admit to removing some or all of their pubic hair.   Pubic hair removal has also become more extensive over the years- a look through a magazine like Playboy from the 1960’s through the present day will show how dramatically hair has thinned out over time.   The Brazilian bikini wax is among the most extensive of the hair removal treatments, removing hair from several areas- most typically the pubis, labia, and anus.  This is an increasing popular method of hair removal.

So if everyone is doing it, what’s the big deal?   Pubic hair is there for a reason.  It acts as a shield to protect the delicate skin of your lady parts from debris and infectious particles.  Think of it like your eyelashes.   If you removed your eyelashes you could get all kinds of stuff in your eyes.  Granted, our lady parts are protected by clothes when we are out in public, but without the protective layer of pubic hair, during sex, at the gym or at the salon, all kinds of unwelcome germs can gain access.

What actually happens when the hair is removed?  There is a reason it is painful.   When the hair is removed, the skin is traumatized.  A small surface layer of your skin gets pulled off with the hair.  The follicle also gets inflamed from the mechanical removal of the hair.

Is there risk of infection?   Absolutely.  And I’m willing to bet most readers have had little bumps, redness, and irritation after hair removal.  Those are signs of an infection.   Once your skin is irritated, it is vulnerable to whatever germ it comes into contact with- a bacterial skin infection like staph, or even a virus such as molloscum or herpes.   Infection can be introduced from poor hygiene practices at the salon, or from a dirty towel, or from sexual contact with irritated skin. 

How can you protect yourself?  Here are a few tips:  1) Ensure that your salon is licensed by the state in which you live, and that your anesthetist is certified to perform the procedure or treatment you want.  2) Make sure your anesthetist washes his or her hands thoroughly with soap and water. 3) Make sure the salon practices clean care, meaning they do not double dip the wax and you have clean towels.   

After your treatment, remember that the area has had micro trauma.   Keep it clean, using a mild soap and water with an added antibiotic ointment if you see any irritation.  If the irritation is painful or worrisome, call your doctor.

Avoid unprotected sexual activity (rubbing, touching) in the area for a few days and until there is no signs of irritation.   That raw skin is an open invitation for any germ, including an STD.

A final word of caution. You should weigh the risks and benefits of extensive hair removal, like a Brazilian, if you have diabetes, liver or kidney disease, or are on immunosuppressant medications.    You may be more susceptible to infection and have delays in healing times.   In addition, if you have an active viral or bacterial infection on the areas you are requesting hair removal, please, please wait.   You do not want to unintentionally spread an infection to others.

So we just need to weigh the risks and benefits of any beauty treatment, right?   Choose the path that’s best for you, armed with information to protect your body and your future.

Keep it sexy! Keep it healthy!

SuzyKnew RN

Valentines For Your Vagina And Other Not-So-Sexy Valentine Ideas

Opinion No Comments

Yes, it’s Valentine’s Day yet again.  That once-a-year day devoted to love, flowers, and of course, chocolate.

We hope your day is full of all of this (love, flowers, and chocolate). But, chances are you’ll run into a few not so sexy and somewhat creepy Valentine ideas, as well. Hopefully, these rude encounters won’t happen to you personally or won’t take all the good feelings out of  your day.  Maybe they’ll even put a smile on your face or make you chuckle.

Here are a few Valentine ideas we found not-so-sexy.

1. Valentines for your vagina aka vajazzling or the panty gram. Vajazzling (click here for the official site) is putting glitter and/or jewels all around the trim. It can be tastefully done and quite sexy.  But, the key is to keep it minimal and suggestive. If you go hog wild, you can end up looking like a 5-year old who has lost control over her sparkles and glue.

Below is a picture from Sendapantygram.com, featured in Cosmopolitan and other magazines. This nifty service allows you or your man to send  a skimpy panty thong as a promise of what is yet to come.   Talk about not so subtle.  And, we’re sure most of us would look adorable in this panty, too.  For those ladies who can hoist this string over their buttocks (let alone their thighs), they would have a cute little heart around the ole cha cha. N-i-c-e…

sendapantygram

 

 

2.  A price tag for your vagina.  Ever wonder how much your vagina costs? According to Jezebel, it costs $218. That is on Valentine’s Day.  The online group, famous for provocative feminist thought, offered this very romantic article on how much men budget for Valentine’s Day in hopes of doing the watusi with you after the Valentine date and presents.   And, yes, the realpolitick group found that it costs a man more if his love object is single.  The man will get off paying only $180 for his Valentine’s Day romp if he’s in a committed relationship – but not married – with the woman. A married woman’s vagina costs more.

3. Cheap gifts. Don’t you just hate cheap Valentine’s Day gifts?  Well, lucky for us there is a dollar store that tries to give advice on how to buy a “better” cheap Valentine’s gift. For example, the ad suggests that a chocolate rose in a box or a live flowering plant would be a lot better than a “bad choice” such as anti-wrinkle patches or butt aid. Go figure.

Bad valentine's

Ladies, we hope your Valentine’s Day is filled with friends, family, and special loved ones.  Valentine’s Day is special and it’s for everyone. Enjoy it. But, if you do have a romantic evening planned, get sexy suggestions for your Valentine night from ASK JANICE: Six Steps For A Hot Valentine’s Day Date.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

 

SuzyKnew Brings You LELO With Love

Opinion No Comments

Just in time for your Valentine’s Day plans, SuzyKnew brings you LELO luxury vibrators.

LELO, a Swedish company established in 2003, is famous for transforming the look, feel and function of vibrators. LELO vibrators feel more like real skin. The company also offers other products to enhance your intimate life, including silk intimate apparel, bedroom accessories, massage oils, and more.

Now you can order LELO while reading your SuzyKnew articles!

Click on the LELO image to the right to order your LELOs before February 7th to have them by Valentine’s Day.

LELO Valentine's Day
From LELO with Love…