I think we can all agree that 2016 has been a rough year. First we had to endure losing such musical icons as the legendary Natalie Cole and Maurice White of Earth, Wind and Fire, along with so many others, I can’t even list them all here.
Then, to add insult to injury, we lost the incomparable, multi-talented Prince! I’m still not over that one. In fact, I’m pouring out some brown liquor for that hot little badass-in-purple right now! With his itty-bitty, still-doin’-the-splits-in-his-50s self. That his death from an accidental overdose of pain meds was totally preventable makes it even sadder. RIP, Purple One. #PrinceFanForLife
Boxing legend and humanitarian Muhammad Ali also died this year. Haiti suffered another debilitating, natural disaster. And don’t get me started on that whole North Dakota pipeline debacle! As if the indigenous people of this nation haven’t endured enough! #NODAPL
Then there was the U.S. Election of 2016. What a raging shitstorm that was, right? Public references to the candidates’ dick sizes, pussy grabbing, and unrepentant racism and misogyny. And the Islamophobia! Phew! What a mess!
It culminated in the election of a man who’s publicly insulted the differently abled, Latinx, “The Blacks”, women, and Muslims. He doesn’t pay taxes and was backed by the KKK. And he’s already put together a team of well-known white nationalists and anti-Semites to help him lead, seriously jeopardizing voting rights, civil rights, and The Affordable Care Act.
And make no mistake, Ladies. Trump and his Team of Doom are coming after our reproductive rights with a vengeance, too! Not only are our pussies in danger under the new president-elect, but so are our uteruses.
So, yeah. 2016 sucked BIGLY.
And yet …
Even in the midst of what may very well be the end of days, there’s still plenty of reasons to give thanks. In the spirit of the Thanksgiving Holiday, I’ve put together a list of things I’m especially grateful for in 2016. Here are a few, in no particular order:
- Eggplant Fridays: There are pages, groups, and threads all over social media which celebrate Eggplant Friday. If you don’t know about it, you either aren’t that active on social media, or you’ve been living under a rock. Eggplant Fridays may vary in style depending on the social media platform or group, but basically it’s just an excuse to post and look at dick pics online. Eggplants are penises, you see. Get it? Actually, I’m pretty sure Eggplant Fridays are played out by now. But I don’t care. I’m grateful for them anyways, cuz we gals gotta have somewhere to share all those unsolicited dick pics, right?
- Election 2016: I know this seems totally contradictory to the earlier part of this post. But this horrific election was very illuminating! We not only learned just how deeply committed Americans are to maintaining white supremacy even at their own peril (yes, I’m talking about the 53% of white women and 13% of Black men who voted that turkey into office), but this election also showed you which of your so-called friends are closeted racists. Admit it: you either deleted, blocked or lost some friends or followers this year because of politics. Even if you didn’t delete them, you’ll never look at them the same. From now on, they’ll have an asterisks by their names in your mind. For example, you’ll be going thru your Christmas card list and come across your co-worker Becky’s name. Only in your head it’ll say Becky*, which will remind you that even though she remembers your birthday and buys your kid cool presents, she still put white supremacy ahead of you and her own interests. That’s the kind of shit you need to know about the people in your life.
- No Shave November– It’s no secret that I love beards, which I affectionately call “thigh ticklers”. A bearded man is sexy! And as I get older, a beard with a little grey in it gets me all tingly inside. Seriously, I almost had a fender bender just the other day because I was so busy watching this older dude with a nice, salt & pepper beard. With his fine ass. Good pussy eaters are awesome. Good, bearded pussy eaters are proof there’s a God.
- Good Head: Speaking of pussy eaters! Head was on my last list and it’ll be on every gratitude list I ever write! That’s because I will ALWAYS be thankful for good head. And to be clear, I’m grateful that I give good head, too. Because I’m an equal opportunity oral sex lover! I’m good at it because I enjoy doing it, and because I’m good at it, I get good head in return. I’m all about reciprocity, so I keep my skills honed. My reward is good, hot, make-you-talk-in-tongues head whenever I want it. Yes, Lawd!
- Black Girl Magic: As horrific as this year has been, Black girls and women have been spreading their magic around the globe like pixie dust! From Beyoncé getting us all in Formation and serving up the best Lemonade ever, to Simone Biles tearin’ it up in Rio; from Issa Rae getting her own HBO show, to the brilliant Ava Duvernay getting to direct a big-budget Sci-Fi/Fantasy film; from showing up for Hillary Clinton in HUGE numbers (94%), to Kamala Harris being the 2nd Black woman ever elected to the U.S. Senate; to all the other fabulous Black girls and women breaking records and glass ceilings in all walks of life, Black women have shown that even when the world falls apart around us, we still shine. To paraphrase the late, great Maya Angelou, and still we rise!
- Jesse Williams (and all the other woke brothas): Who could forget Jesse Williams’ brilliant speech at the BET Awards? With his fine ass. Those few lines about doing better by Black women still give me chills. Haven’t see it? Google it and get yo’ life! I mention him by name, but shouts out to all the good Black men out there. Yes, there are far too many of y’all locked up, dying too young and up to no damned good. But Black women know, more than anyone else on the planet, that the narrative mainstream media would have us believe about you is a false one. We see you and we love you. (Y’all good ones gotta be more vocal when it comes to speaking up for US, though.)
- Safe Sex: This is another one that will be on every list I compile. Now more than ever, women need to take full control of their sexual health. The U.S. is the freest country in the world when it comes to women’s rights, but even our reproductive rights are hanging by a thread. That’s why we have to get downright revolutionary when it comes to practicing safe sex. Because, let’s face it: our options for dealing with an unwanted pregnancy or treatable STIs could be severely limited under this new administration. So stock up on those dental dams and condoms now, while you still can! And make a donation to Planned Parenthood in Vice President-elect Mike Pence’s name – thousands already have and I love it!
It’s a shorter list than I usually write, but this really has been a tough year. Still, it’s the season of Thanksgiving, that special time of year when we Americans feel a little weird about commemorating the land-stealing, genocidal birth of our deeply flawed country; but where we also get to hang out with family, eat way too much good food, and watch football, anyway. And there’s parades. Gotta love the parades.
Your turn. What are you especially thankful for this year? Let us know in the comments, and in the meantime, have a safe and Happy Thanksgiving!