Yes, As A Matter Of Fact, I Am Still Single: Guest Blogger Eleanore Wells – Spinsterlicious

I have an awesome life: I live in New York City, a place that I love, and have a great career as a marketing research consultant, an active social life, and vacations around the world. I have great relationships with my family and a fabulous circle of good friends. I support charitable organizations with my money and time, and adore my 15-year-old Yorkie, Danny. Despite all this goodness, though, there are many who look at my life and feel sorry for me…because I’m single. And I don’t get it.

Marriage is not for everyone, and the high divorce rate corroborates this.  And the U.S. Census says that while only 28% of U.S. adults were unmarried in 1970, that percentage rose to 47% in 2010.  Plus, a 2011 study by the Pew Research Institute found that the number of U.S. adults who are unmarried is now 49%, a record high.  So, there’s a lot of single people out there, and I’m a little baffled why people act like being single is such a bad thing.  It’s not.

I’ve been single all my life.  In fact, I like to describe myself as a spinster, a word a lot of people don’t like. I want them to get over it, because being single –a spinster—is just fine, and I’ve learned a few life lessons for making it work.  So, for those who still aren’t quite sure that “living single” can be really good, here’s a few things to think about:

 1. Revel in Your Freedom. Being single, I’m not encumbered with many of the restrictions that come with having a husband and children.  My time and my money are my own and I can spend them however I want.  I love to travel and so I do.  I’ve traveled the U.S. and the world, and plan to continue doing so.  I can sleep in on the weekends.  I can dash out of the house at a moment’s notice –without looking for a babysitter or discussing it with my husband– if someone rings me up and says “join me”.

2. Have Adventure.  Pushing the “freedom” thing a bit, I recommend adventure…pushing the envelope…stepping out of your comfort zone from time to time. I want to make sure that I can look back at my life when I’m 90 and say “well done, girlie.” Being single means it’s okay to indulge in a few unconventional behaviors on occasion. Years ago,  I quit my corporate job and started my own company before I had a client, I once found myself in the hotel room of an A-List actor, and I took off for a two-week trip to Europe alone after thinking about it for just a week. Had I not been single, these actions could have seemed a bit irresponsible.  Instead, they were just fun.  In September, I’ll be trekking through the High Atlas Mountains of Morocco and I can’t wait.

3. Use Birth Control.  This is an important one and nothing to be casual about. If you’re not  deliberately trying to change your spinster status by having a child, then be very careful. Otherwise, your new nickname could be “Mom”. And all those freedoms you used to have will disappear.

4. Don’t Re-Date the Jackass Ex-. Sometimes being single can get a little lonely. Then, we look around to see who’s available and the ex- starts to look a little better. Don’t do it though. It’s important to remember that this loneliness usually doesn’t last, and is often about something else going on in your life. Figure out what that is and deal with it, because if he was a jackass the first time around, he’s still one. I know this for a fact, so I’m saving you the trouble. A word to the wise should be sufficient.

My hope is to remind every unmarried woman out there that her life should be celebrated. There is something empowering and rather brave about not marrying or having children if you’re not 100% sure.

Admittedly, some single women wish they were married, but since they’re not at the moment, I’d like them to focus on what’s good in their lives. A spinster may or may not eventually marry but, in the meantime, she certainly owes herself a great life.

Read more about the joys and realities of being single in Eleanore’s book “The Spinsterlicious Life: 20 Life Lessons for Living Happily Single and Childfree”, her very popular blog, The Spinsterlicious Life, and her Spinsterlicious Facebook Fan Page.

3 responses on “Yes, As A Matter Of Fact, I Am Still Single: Guest Blogger Eleanore Wells – Spinsterlicious

  1. Sophia

    Thank you so much for this. I recently had an online debate with a man who truly believed that a woman’s only reason for existence is to be a wife and mother. I gave up after a few exchanges. Nothing I could say was going to change his mind. I know women who are made to feel guilty because they chose to stay single and childless … as if they alone would bring about the demise of the human species! It’s as though their many contributions to the world don’t matter if they don’t get hitched and get that uterus working! That archaic thinking sets humanity back eons. I stand in solidarity with anyone who lives their life on their own terms. Your article is refreshing and I’ve shared it with my network. Thanks again!

  2. Eleanore Wells

    Sophia, I am so glad you enjoyed the article. I’ve learned not to try to change the minds of Neandarthals; it’ll only give you a headache! 🙂

  3. TJ

    Wow I am kinda shocked by your article (your view on life)…I am not saying it was bad it was a good read. …to each it own…if you are happy I am happy for you. Not everyone is made or want to be a mom or have a husband.