I had a great conversation with my favorite boyfriend the other night. Yes, I have more than one boyfriend. But don’t judge me. I’m not sleeping with all of them … yet. It’s just that I haven’t found Mr. Right yet, and I like dating. Besides, I’m always safe, and I’m always honest.
Anyway, Armand* is my favorite because of the great sex and great conversation. He’s cute and funny and keeps me on my toes. And we’ve known each other for years and are good friends both in and out of the bedroom.
So after round one the other night, Armand and I were basking in the afterglow when he asked “Is there anything I could have done that would’ve made that better for you?”
The question came out of the blue, so I had him repeat it. He did and then said “I know you enjoyed yourself, Baby. I just want to know what else you’d like to try.”
I hesitated, worried about that fragile male ego I’ve always heard about. And anyway, Armand is a very good lover. He’s patient and considerate. He’s got mad skills. And hey, if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it, right?
Then I really thought about it. Sex with Armand isn’t boring by any means. But like most couples who’ve been together awhile, we’ve pretty much seen each other’s best moves. I know I’d certainly exhausted my bag of tricks. So it’s not that we needed to improve our sex-capades, but even the best routines need to be tweaked now and then.
After some thought, I mentioned a couple things that intrigued me. Then I threw the question back to him. What followed was one of the most honest conversations about sex I’ve ever had! We opened up about fantasies and curiosities we’d never shared with anyone. There was no judgment and nothing was off-limits!
Armand and I even talked about how to make the things we already do even better. We broke it down with “I love it when you do this”; “I used to like that, but not so much anymore”; and “Next time we do so-and-so, can we try adding …?” We got specific. We got graphic. We even went so far as to take each other’s hand and say, “Not here, but right here.”
By the time we were ready for round two, we were hornier than ever. The sex was hot and intense! Just tweaking a few moves here and there made it so much better. And those fantasies we’d mentioned? Let’s just say I added to my bag of tricks big time that night!
It was like being with a new lover, but with the comfort and familiarity of an old friend. After all this time, we were still able to surprise each other, and it was incredible!
The fun lasted all night, too. The next day, I was sore and exhausted. And I don’t even have to tell you how wrecked my hair was. I didn’t care, though. My bad hair and limp were totally worth it.
This experience helped me to realize that all couples should check in with each other sexually. It doesn’t have to be every day or even every month. But every now and then these kinds of talks need to happen. Tastes change, new desires develop and fetishes evolve. As we experience and learn new things, our feelings change. It only makes sense that over time, what we’re “into” sexually will change, as well.
Admittedly, these conversations aren’t always comfortable. They require trust and openness, and a complete lack of judgment. But these talks are necessary so that things don’t get stale and no one gets bored.
I’m not saying that having this kind of conversation will necessarily stop infidelity, though. A cheater is going to cheat regardless. But one reason often given for infidelity is sexual boredom. Guys say it all the time. “My wife won’t do this”, or “I could never ask my woman to do that.”
That’s ridiculous! Have you ever asked your woman if she would do this or that? She might surprise you! Give her a chance and she might just pull some new tricks out of her bag that will make you scream!
Anyway, if a couple stays in touch with each other’s desires and fantasies, they’d have fewer reasons to stray. Why seek something different elsewhere when you can get something different at home?
Ladies, if you want to make sure your man is happy with your sex life, you need to ask some questions. You might not like everything you hear, but you might also learn something you need to know.
Your man may want to try some new things, but he’s worried about shocking or offending you. So, he says nothing but he keeps fantasizing about it. Soon, that fantasy becomes an obsession. And the next thing you know, he’s looking elsewhere to scratch that itch.
Your guy needs to know that you’re available to scratch whatever itch he has, and that that he can act out his fantasies with you. Who knows? His fantasy may get you off, too. But you’ll never know if you don’t talk to each other. Remember, even the most intuitive couples can’t read each other’s minds.
Not only did Armand and I find new ways to enjoy each other, we also fine-tuned some of our regular moves. We’ve both changed over the years, but at least now we’re on the same page.
So ladies, don’t be afraid to have this conversation with your man. Don’t be shy, either. Besides, it’ll give you a chance to let him in on a few things you’re interested in trying. The way I see it, having this talk is a win-win for everyone!
*Names and details have been changed to protect the not so innocent.