Everywhere we turn as women today the virtues of the strong woman are being applauded. From social media memes celebrating the woman who wakes up and moves mountains, she has the eye of Tiger and you hear her roar. And if you know me I am the biggest fan of women owning their voice and carving out her queendom but what if you are feeling less than your wonder woman self?
What if your Tiger’s roar is more of a kitten’s purr? You have experienced some life battering that has left you feeling the F word…. I mean fragile! Shock horror that you actually acknowledge it let alone admit it. In a daily newspaper in the UK, the illustrious actress Helena Bonham- Carter did just that. She admitted that her divorce left her feeling fragile and not herself, now this sparked off an amazing conversation with a dear friend who we shall call the Fabulous J. which dialed down to this we as women still struggle with the admission of feeling fragile or lost in our lives, there is some odd myth floating about that we are meant to just bounce back from whatever life throws at us while doing the dirt of our shoulder gesture from Jay-Z…… I wonder if he managed that after Lemonade came out but I digress.
You know what it is okay to be fragile to take a moment to feel the loss, the pain, the anger, the grief whatever it is you are feeling in that moment because it is your god given right as an emotionally being to feel and experience your emotions and to deny them only sets you up for a bigger fall down the road. Because all you will be doing is distracting yourself by various means to deny what is going on inside of you and when you deny yourself the freedom to experience those less than stellar emotions, we rob ourselves of the ability to relish in joy, excitement, bliss and even love.
So sometimes it is absolutely necessary to take a moment to own 100% of what you are feeling and if you feel fragile and bruised because some life event left you feeling not yourself. It is unequivocally okay to take the time to heal, as that time allows for introspection and lessons learned making room for you to see the good that can come from that shattering experience. So here are three tips to help you deal when the sign you are wearing reads “Fragile handle with care!”
Have the right people to pick up the pieces
During your fragile moments, you are going to need the right people in your corner, be it your blood family, your non-blood family, your BFF or that partner who will let you cry it out, talk it out, while being there for you without judgments and reminding you of who you really and reflecting back to you the magnificence that is you.
Apply Compassion liberally
Going through the fragile phase is really like the caterpillar going through its pupa stage on its journey to become a butterfly. It wraps its self in silk and, allows the transformation to happen- Imagine if you will that compassion is your silk. Use as directed by your physician, you are not feeling yourself, so what better time to treat yourself like you would your own bestie? This is not the time to berate oneself. Rather, a time to take ownership of one’s actions, feelings and accept them for what they are and let go. When you find that you are going to that hard on yourself zone, just remember, to apply the soothing balm of compassion. And, if you feel especially cracked and fragile remember that the Japanese have an entire art form around the beauty from things that have been cracked known as Kintsugi. “Kintsugi uses lacquer resin mixed with powdered gold, silver, platinum, copper or bronze, resulting into something more beautiful than the original[1].”
Feel what you are feeling!
When we are feeling this sense or fragility and I do mean we, there is a feeling of unease. We feel vulnerable, exposed and like china breakable. For most of us, the normal reaction is to pretend the feeling is not there, to run and hide, deflect or distract. According to Brené Brown, these are called our vulnerable moments and, our jobs are to face and embrace the feeling without shifting or distracting. Because by doing we would allow ourselves to experience the joy on the other side of that fragile vulnerable feeling you may be struggling with at this point.
Just know you are not alone with the F feeling. There are people ready in your life for you to put up your hands and say enough, I need to build a pillow fort and hang up the sign that reads I am not myself today, I am fragile right now!
www.twitter.com/lillianogbogoh
[1] Definition of Kintsugi http://www.amusingplanet.com/2014/05/kintsugi-japanese-art-of-fixing-broken.html
I think the ability of a woman to still pick up her pieces, put up a facade in most cases, and later recovers, makes people see her as strong—especially if her story inspires someother woman out there. But yes, we still have our fragile sides. It’s sometimes better to show your fragility and let someone help you heal, than put up a facade of so much strength for everyone, while dying inside.
You know that’s right…