Author Archives: SuzyKnew!

About SuzyKnew!

SuzyKnew! is dedicated to improving the sexual and reproductive health and sexual pleasure of women of color.

What To Do When Your Relationship Turns “Stormy”

Love and Sex Opinion No Comments

Over these past weeks, we’ve all been watching in astonishment as the First Couple’s relationship has unraveled… This horror reached a climax (pun intended) when it became public that the Donald paid porn star Stephanie Clifford a.k.a. Stormy Daniels $130,000 to stay silent about their sexual encounter and relationship.  And, ladies, if we’re honest with ourselves, we can feel for what’s going on because at some time or another or in some way or another we’ve been there ourselves.  At some point in our romantic history, we have had another woman (or man) or pornography threaten our relationship, causing things to become very stormy.

 

 

Okay, I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that I’d like to see Melania kick Stormy’s butt. Yeah… a cat fight. I know this thinking isn’t real PC or feminist (and I pride myself in supporting both) but sometimes a Sista’ has got to do what a Sista has to do. I mean really… sleep with my husband after I just gave birth to our son…? I don’t think so.

The issue is your reaction will send a clear message to both parties that you’re either going to tolerate this nonsense or not.  The noble and right thing to do is to walk. But, Melania’s not going to walk out on that money. Yet, pushing away her husband’s hand when they get off a plane (See related article “Melania Schools Us On How To Put Your Man In Doghouse”) isn’t going to send a clear message to the Donald either. The Donald doesn’t embarrass, and he certainly doesn’t do the right thing when it comes to relationships. Okay, maybe a cat fight might not keep the Donald or your partner from cheating on you again. But, it would allow you to get your frustration out (and maybe get a restraining order slapped on you, as well) and would let the other party know that you will go cray cray on them if they keep it up.

Now, on the other hand, looking at Ms. Clifford’s situation, I don’t think she was showing much self-love either. I mean accepting $130,000 to stay quiet about a sexual encounter with the Donald? That’s kinda cheap. Doesn’t she make that in a few months of work or so? That’s embarrassing. I mean if you want me to stay quiet about something like that you’re going to have put out more than that. (And, of course, I probably wouldn’t accept payment in the first place.) Ms. Clifford seems too astute of a business woman to accept such a paltry amount.  If the Donald wanted to pay her. Stormy should have made him P-A-Y her!

Now the whole pornography thing is another kettle of fish. A little pornography may get things going between a couple if both people find this sexy.  But, a porn dependency is difficult… and embarrassing… for both parties. Ladies, do you really think the Donald can “perform” without a little help…?Hmmpf. We’ll leave it at that.

The Stormy Daniels saga is moving so fast that by the time you read this, a new chapter of the story will have already been written. All SuzyKnew! can say is relationships are hard and we don’t always show our best selves when infidelity is involved.  Stay true to yourself, your values and religion.

Keep it healthy

…and keep it sexy.

SuzyKnew!

Photo credit: pinterst and suffragio.org

 

The Hidden Figures In Medical Experimentation – By Ruth Nara

Reproductive Health No Comments

As many of us know, February is the month dedicated to honouring the history of black women and men. We attend various events, read poems, watch documentaries that commend, applaud and recognize the men and women who fought for equal rights for blacks. Famous and well-known activists like Sojourner Truth, Booker T. Washington, Rosa Parks, Malcom X, Harriet Tubman, and Martin Luther King undoubtedly contributed to our current ability to participate in social activities and spaces and so we celebrate their accomplishments and use them as a way forward to continue break down barriers and systemic oppressions that still affect black women and men today. Instead of being a passive recipient of actions, these individuals chose to be active participants in reform, which has led to substantial change.

While we appreciate these well-known names, so many more black women and men contributed to the advancement of society – yet without the recognition and esteem of the aforementioned icons. Specifically, it is important to understand the unattributed influence of black women in the development of medical and reproductive health technologies. As we move into March, let us uphold the momentum of February. Let us recognize black women who historically have been an invaluable asset to science, and  to give credit where credit is due, but also to highlight that black contributions continue to be undervalued and are often dismissed.

I will start with Mrs. Henrietta Lacks. Born on August 1, 1920, in Roanoke, Virginia. Mrs. Lacks went to seek medical care for a knot-like feeling in her abdomen. It was discovered that she was pregnant. Henrietta carried the pregnancy through and after the delivery of her child, she suffered from severe bleeding. A biopsy from her cervix revealed that Henrietta had adenocarcinoma, although she was initially misdiagnosed. While undergoing treatment, samples of Mrs. Lacks’ cancerous cells were extracted, propagated, and made available to researchers and scientists for use – for the advancement of science. These immortal cells came to be known as the HeLa cell line. They are now the oldest and most commonly used cell line in modern medicine and science. Essentially, HeLa cells were and are currently used to perform various biomedical experiments, such as studying disease progression, and the effects of substances on human cells. The discovery of naturally immortal cells at such a time was indispensable to the search of scientific knowledge.

Now, what’s the problem here? The truth is that neither Lacks nor her family consented to the harvesting of her cells for medical science. She died in 1951, and up until 1975, her family did not know that Henrietta’s cells were being used for medical research. The story of Henrietta’s cells is just one example of how the bodies of black women have been used without consent for the betterment of society as a whole. But this narrative isn’t just from the last 50 or 60 years. The use of black women as experimental subjects predates the civil rights movement.

1845, Anarcha Wescott, a 17-year-old slave girl in Alabama, had been in labour for three days when a white doctor was called to help deliver the baby. Anarcha finally gave birth with the assistance of Dr. James Marion Sims but unfortunately, the baby died. After a physically and emotionally challenging delivery experience, Anarcha was left with a gynecological issue that continues to affect many of women today – fistula. Vesicovaginal fistula rendered Anarcha incontinent and had a significant impact on her overall well-being. Dr. Sims performed numerous unethical experimental procedures on Anarcha and other enslaved black woman to perfect the surgical technique to the cure of fistula. He conducted these experiments over multiple years and without anesthesia, despite its availability at the time.

Dr. Sims would eventually go on to successfully perfect the technique to close fistulas, and he remains well known and honoured for his contribution to the field. While some may applaud this ‘utilitarian’ approach to scientific discovery, it clouds the gross social injustices that have transpired while trying to obtain such scientific certainty. Anarcha did not consent to be a research subject; she was treated as an experiment rather than a patient. The fact is that Anarcha could not refuse and so her body and dignity paid the price. This is not to say that we should necessarily discount the value of Sims’ technique. The technique has helped many women globally, but lack of recognition of the women who were used as medical property, and mistreated, in its discovery and refinement is an injustice that remains largely unaddressed.

Rather than critique J. Marion Sims and question his medical ethics, I would instead suggest that we acknowledge and honour the experiences of women like Anarcha and Henrietta. It is our duty to take the time to learn their stories, recognize their pain and anger, and above-all, applaud their courage to withstand such horrible abuses. Further, this isn’t to say that Anarcha and Henrietta were the only enslaved black women that were used as subjects for medical experimentation or other abuses. There are many Anarchas – many more than we can count or will ever fully know. In thinking about Black History Month and the icons that we hear about again and again, let us also take some time to question why we continue to hear the names that we do, and which names are absent from our conversations.

For those interested in learning more about the history of medical experimentation on African Americans, a recommended reading would be the following: “Medical Apartheid: The Dark History of Medical Experimentation on Black Americans from Colonial Times to the Present” by Harriet A. Washington.

 

Ruth Nara is graduate student at the University of Ottawa. She is passionate about reproductive health for vulnerable populations in North America and Africa.

                                                                                                                       Photo credit BYP 100 Facebook and Johns Hopkins University Medicine

How Do You Like Your (Yoni) Eggs? By Sophia Ned-James

Love and Sex Sizzle With Sophia 2 Comments

So what do you think about Yoni Eggs? They’re my latest obsession, so I’ve been researching them like crazy. I haven’t bought any yet, but I definitely plan to soon.

But before I spend my hard-earned pennies for something to stick “up there”, I gotta get some feedback from folks I trust. And by “folks,” I mean women who look like you and me. As in Black women. So, I’ve been asking around …

But first, for those of you not hip to this ancient trend, let’s review the basics so that we’re all on the same page. The Yoni (rhymes with phony) is an ancient Sanskrit term for the female genitalia, which means “sacred space” or “sacred source.” In Hinduism, according to Merriam-Webster, it symbolizes the goddess Shakti, and is a symbol of divine procreative energy. It’s often used to refer to the womb, the vagina, and the vulva. In other words, it’s the pussy (or vajayjay, honey pot, woo woo, vadge. You get the picture).

The Yoni Egg is a “beautiful semiprecious stone carved into an egg shape and polished to be worn inside the vagina.” (Source: yoniegg.com)

Yep. Inside the vagina. In your pussy. An egg shaped, semi-precious stone … Inside. Your. Vagina.

To be honest, I’ve been hearing and reading about Yoni Eggs for a long time, now. But I’ve only heard about Black women using them in the last 5 years or so, which is what really got me interested. But this is definitely NOT a new thing.

In fact, Yoni Eggs have been used for over 5,000 years in China. Apparently, empresses and concubines of the Royal Palace used eggs carved from jade to “awaken sexual power, awaken sensuality, and maintain amazing health into their old age.” (Source: yoniegg.com) Advocates further claim that Yoni Eggs are an ancient and sacred tool for spiritual transformation.

Listen. I don’t know about you, but the very idea of a semi-precious stone being all up and through my goodies having the power of spiritual transformation is very interesting, to say the least. And, women have been doing this for over 5,000 years?? Sisters, we gotta catch up!

Proponents of regular Yoni Egg use claim all kinds of benefits, including (but not limited to):

• Increased libido and awakened sensuality
• Natural lubricant, even after menopause
• Balanced estrogen levels
• Tighter vaginal walls; awakened vaginal tissues & muscles; new nerve growth; and increased overall vaginal sensitivity for enhanced sexual enjoyment
• New kinds of orgasms; stronger orgasms; more frequent orgasms
• Easier childbirth and help with fertility
• Stronger pelvic floor to help with incontinence, and prevention of future prolapse
• Increased control over vaginal muscles, leading to heightened sexual enjoyment for male sex partners
• Decrease in PMS symptoms, fewer menstrual cramps, and shorter duration of menses
• Increase in overall health and well-being

In traditional Taoist teachings, three types of gemstones are used based on their properties: jade (recommended for its healing properties); black obsidian (to enable women to work with and integrate their “shadow”); and rose quartz (recommended for advanced users, as it’s said to open the heart).

According to yoniegg.com, the most popular gemstone for beginners is genuine nephrite jade. It’s hard, non-porous and won’t break easily. It also has high thermal conductivity, so it doesn’t take a lot of body energy to warm it up. Nephrite is known to heal, especially the reproductive system. And it has powerful energy, but is gentle and protective of its wearer, shielding her from negative outside energy. It’s also a good weight for Kegels.

Yoni Eggs usually come in three sizes: small, medium and large. And though it seems counter-intuitive, you’re supposed to start out with a large or medium egg, and work your way down to a smaller size, as your vaginal muscles get better at gripping and releasing them.

You can also get drilled or undrilled eggs. Drilled eggs have holes in one end, thru which you can thread a string for removal, kind of like a tampon. Undrilled have no holes, allowing the wearer to use her muscles to release the egg.

Fascinating, huh? But I wanted first-hand information from someone I trust … someone who looks like you and me. So, I found a few Black Yoni Egg users who are sexually aware, open, and honest. And I asked them a few questions about their experiences, knowing they’d give me the real deal. I interviewed three women, two of whom I know casually (and trust implicitly), and one expert who’s a sexual health and wellness coach specializing in natural and medicinal remedies. All but my expert have chosen to remain anonymous, so I changed their names for this piece.

“Sojourner”, aged 43, grabbed me first with her revelation that for her, wearing Yoni Eggs was about self-awareness. She said, “I was molested and wanted to heal myself.”

Wow! Such power in those words! She went on to say that since using Yoni Eggs, she began “to open up more about my problems and how I pretty much felt guilty for any sexual pleasure.”

Again, wow! This immediately sent me back to the internet to revisit what I’d read about Yoni Eggs. To be totally honest, I also revisited my own pain and trauma associated with sex. We all have some, right? And it often hinders our ability to enjoy our bodies and embark on true intimacy with others.

“Sojourner” first learned about Yoni Eggs from an energy healer on Facebook. She did some research and ended up buying her first one from that healer. The healer cleansed and charged it, and then sent it to her. “Sojourner” spoke intentions over it before inserting it and wearing it overnight. She says she woke up the next day feeling better than she had in weeks, and that “things I wanted to happen started happening.”
She’s now a regular Yoni Egg wearer, using it every new moon and every full moon, unless her menstrual cycle prevents it. She uses undrilled and prefers quartz and amethyst.

36 year old “Harriet” also learned about Yoni Eggs from Facebook, but she’d also heard about them from one of the Real Housewives shows. She did her research and took the plunge, buying an undrilled one because she was worried about cleaning one with holes. She “charges” hers by sitting it on a window sill on sunny days. For cleaning, she follows the advice of the site where she purchased it, and uses salt and hot water. She was single when she first purchased her eggs, and has yet to use it since embarking on a new intimate relationship.
Sexual health and wellness coach, Kimi LeVadge, owner of VForVadge.com, is someone I consider a reputable expert on Yoni Eggs. Though she’d known about Yoni Eggs for about a decade, she only personally started using them after the birth of her first child four years ago. As she’s very ingredient- and material-conscious, she wanted to use a natural stone with healing properties. She fell in love on her first try, saying the Yoni Egg “actually helped elevate my mood and made my vadge happier.”

Kimi typically uses her Yoni Eggs two to three times a week, cleanses them with her Black Salt Cleanser and does a monthly salt water soak by moonlight to recharge them. And they’ve enhanced her sex life, giving her improved muscle control and strength, as well as better (wetter) reaction to stimulation. She also sites improved mood and energy, as well.

Kimi’s favorite egg is Rose Quartz for its help with romance and communication. Blue Quartz is her second favorite. She suggests that newcomers start out with a larger egg to build muscle strength, saying that starting too small can “cause the egg to slip out and discourage use. Working your way down also helps with muscle control; the smaller the egg – the more your muscles flex.” As for drilled vs. undrilled, she acknowledges that it’s mostly a matter of preference. But as drilled eggs allow for strings which makes removal easier, it might be the better choice for beginners.

Kimi also advises that since the energetic properties of your Yoni Eggs can bring up unresolved feelings, “it’s important to include meditation and positive mantras” when you use them. “Sojourner’s” testimony confirmed this, and because she was properly prepared, she was able to work through some of her issues with past sexual trauma.

I asked each of my subjects how much Yoni Eggs cost because, as much as I’m all for healing and muscle strength, I’m also broke and cheap. Kimi says that depending on the size and rarity of the stone, eggs tend to range from $25 and up. “Harriet” has a few eggs, which ranged from $45-$60. “Sojourner” paid $70 for her first one, but it came in a kit with other items. For her other eggs, she’s never paid more than $15 for each. So, I’d say they range of $15-$70, depending on what kind you get. Not a bad investment for sexual healing and enhanced muscle control!

All of the women I interviewed cautioned me to be sure to research the source of the eggs, and to be diligent about cleansing them. Salt and hot water seem to be the preferred cleansers. It’s especially important to wash prior to your initial use to get rid of any harmful energies picked up during shipping and handling. All were very adamant about prayer and meditation prior to, during and even after each use in order to maximize the egg’s healing effects.

So, there you have it, Ladies. I don’t know about you, but I plan on giving Yoni Eggs a try. I love the idea of using a natural material to aid my own body in its healing. Plus, better muscle control can only be a good thing, right? Especially in the bedroom. I’ll let you know how it goes!
In the meantime, check out Kimi’s online store for all kinds of goodies at shop.vforvadge.com. And Comment below if you use Yoni Eggs. We’d love to hear about your experiences!

Photo Credits: Richardandnamaste.com, chakazulucrystals.com, nirvanawild.com, yonieggs.com

SuzyKnew!’s Tips For A Sexy 2018 Valentine’s Evening

Love and Sex Opinion No Comments

To help you have a  sexy Valentine’s Evening, we’re posting some advice taken from ASK JANICE’s “How To Talk Dirty While Intimate.”

Happy Valentine’s Day, Ladies!

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So often, we turn ourselves inside out to please our partners, but rarely do we seek to elevate our sex skills for ourselves.

The hardest step towards stepping up your dirty talk game is getting your mind right.  Our mindset is what enables us to take great sex and make it better.

Start your sexy Valentine’s evening, outside the bedroom, fully clothed and while you’re both present and open.  Gently bring up the fact that you want to enhance your already great sex life with more dirty talk on your part, and then ask what he likes to hear.  There may be certain phrases and words that hit the target every time, and certain things that turn you off completely.  Find out what your partner likes and doesn’t like.  It doesn’t have to be too specific, but you want to get a general idea.

For example, some men get off on being called “Daddy” during sex, but it totally freaks other men out.  Some women like being cursed at, but some hate being called out their name.  Some people like to be bossed around (“Do this”, “Faster.” “Harder”).  Others get off on doing the bossing.

Usually, it’s a matter of trial and error.  But, a conversation with your lover is definitely in order.  Plus, it opens the door for you to ask for what you want more of (or less of) in bed.

Which brings us to our next point and that is to remember that sex is another form of communication that involves ALL the senses: sight, taste, touch, smell and of course, SOUND.  So dirty talk is simply a way to continue the conversation the rest of your body is already having.  And like any conversation, it shouldn’t be forced.  It should ebb and flow naturally.

In other words, don’t try so hard!  Be natural.  Relax.  Be in the moment and speak your truth in that moment.  If it feels good, say it.  And say why it feels good and how it could feel even better.  If you pull a new move out of your bag of tricks, ask him how it feels and how it could feel better.

Get out of your head and listen to your body.  Listen to your lover’s body.  Listen to his conversation leading up to sex and go from there.  What does he say to let you know he’s in the mood?  Take that and continue talking about it in the bedroom.

And when all else fails, throw out a compliment, or two.  Everyone loves to hear how sexy they are, especially when they’re naked!

Finally, like any skill, dirty talk takes practice.  The more you do it, the better you’ll be.  Keep trying.  Seek honest feedback from your friend.

Most importantly, be confident.  You can’t be timid with dirty talk (unless your sex play calls for it, but that’s a whole ‘nother conversation).  You gotta say it like you mean it!

Good luck and keep in touch!

Ain’t I A Woman? By F. N.

Love and Sex Reproductive Health No Comments

Hey ladies,

Happy New Year! Like I mentioned recently, I’ve been thinking about kids a lot lately. I won’t say my biological clock is ticking but sometime in 2015 I was lying in my bed not quite awake and not quite asleep when a picture of my future popped into my head. There was a little girl in it. The picture was just a flash, no dialogue, so she could have been any little girl from anywhere but somehow I knew, I just knew, that she was mine.

Having her isn’t going to be easy. I have reproductive issues. I had an ovarian cyst that was fused to my left ovary. The doctors didn’t think they could excise it from the ovary without accidentally popping it and flooding my womb with icky stuff that could turn cancerous someday. So the ovary and a fallopian tube had to go along with the cyst. I was left with an ugly keloid scar and a constant reminder that getting pregnant might not be the easiest journey for me. I also have fibroids, which make my odds even worse.

Where I’m from a woman who can’t have kids is a big deal. Back in the day, the man’s family would just marry another wife for him and you would just have to shut up and deal with being in a polygamous marriage without your consent. Sojourner Truth once gave this badass speech where she talked about all the stereotypically manly things she had had to do in her life and how they kept her from being considered ladylike. “Still,” she asked “Ain’t I a woman?” None of the boujee white feminists she was giving the speech to could deny that she was.

If I couldn’t have a child and I stood in the middle of my father’s village, proclaimed my infertility loudly, and then asked “Ain’t I a woman?” there would be people who would bluntly tell me “No.” “A woman has children and if you can’t have children then you are not a real woman.”

Black women who struggle with infertility get this messaging in a thousand different ways. Which royally sucks because there are so many of us. According to the CDC, married black women are twice as likely to have problems conceiving as white women.  Dr. Desiree McCarthy-Keith, a Reproductive Endocrinologist at Georgia Reproductive Specialists, says that research shows approximately 11.5% of African American women experience a variety of infertility problems, compared to 7% of white women. We even get fibroids at much higher rates. So this messaging that motherhood equals womanhood isn’t affecting some small minority of us. It’s reaching a lot of us. And messing with our heads.

Women, as a whole, are taught that they have little value; that their worth as humans is dependent on the ways in which they can be of use to the people around them. Black women particularly, are taught that the world already thinks even less of us, so anything that makes us look deficient must be avoided at all costs. We are taught that “strong black women” with “black girl magic” are impervious to emotional pain because we can handle any and everything. We are taught that you don’t go around telling your personal business to people. We are taught to live under a veil of silence. And it has to stop.

It keeps us from pursuing treatments that could help us get pregnant. It keeps those of us who do eventually pursue treatment, from doing it early enough — when such interventions could actually make a difference. It keeps those of us going through fertility treatments from discussing it openly and getting the physical and communal support we need. It keeps us bearing the debilitating disappointments that come from unsuccessful attempts, alone. So we mourn in solitude for the dreams we have to defer or discard. This silence keeps us from punching out ignorant people who believe disgusting stereotypes about welfare queens with ten kids. It keeps us from informing them that thinking that black women are natural breeders who have been popping out babies with no trouble since slavery, is racist and reductive. It keeps us from advocating for ourselves when we run up against an uncaring healthcare system that has a history of prejudice against us. It keeps us from adopting, though there are thousands of black kids languishing in the foster care system. It keeps us from adopting older children, who fare the worst in the foster care system, because we think it makes it harder to keep the adoption a secret. This silence keeps us boxed in, cocooned in these suffocating spaces of secrecy and loneliness. I don’t want to be in that box anymore.

Tia Mowry shared her endometriosis story and told everyone how it had kept her from getting pregnant for the last five or six years. Gabrielle Union recently disclosed that she had had eight or nine miscarriages. Beyoncé wrote a song about the child she lost before she had Blue Ivy. Remy Ma had a miscarriage and shared on The Real that she lost her remaining fallopian tube and couldn’t physically bear children anymore. Tyra Banks shared that having a child was immensely difficult for her and she did “traumatic” rounds of IVF before letting someone else carry the child to term. Angela Bassett had her twins by surrogate and talked about it on Oprah. Viola Davis adopted her daughter. Kim Whitley adopted a son who she has a reality show about. T-Boz from TLC was all set up to adopt a child when the mother suddenly changed her mind. Years later when she got pregnant again, she let T-Boz adopt that child. Rosaria Dawson adopted a twelve-year-old girl. I only know these things because those women told the world.

When I am struggling to have this kid in three to five years I want to have this kind of courage. I want black women to commiserate with, I want black women to give me advice, I want to lend strength to black women who are losing hope, I want to be part of a community of women who are speaking up and speaking out. Most of all, I want to share with people that it doesn’t matter how you become a mother; no child is less yours because they came to you through adoption or fostering or surrogacy or fertility treatments. No child is less yours if they come to you as a tween with intact memories of their biological mother instead of as a newborn swaddled in a blanket. Mother is a verb, not a noun. It’s a job you sign up for; it’s not a title the world bestows upon you based on some bullshit criteria. And any way you get there is the right way. Being able to have a child doesn’t define my womanhood. I plan to remind myself of that. I also plan to remind myself that being a mother is not the only route to personal fulfillment. Ending up without a kid because it didn’t work out is okay. Choosing not to have a kid, for whatever reason feels right to you, is also okay. It’s all okay. No matter what our journeys are, we are all okay. We are enough. We are amazing.

F.N. is a thirty something Ghanaian free-lance writer who alternates between living in Accra and Washington, DC.

Melania Schools Us On How To Put Your Man In The Doghouse

Opinion 4 Comments

Ladies, is the White House marriage a hot mess – or what?

First Couple marital spats displayed in front of the country like this? Really…? We as a nation have never seen anything like this before.

Tuesday, Ms. Melania decided to arrive to her husband’s maiden State of the Union address A-L-O-N-E – separate from her man. And, she stepped out wearing all winter white symbolizing the #MeToo movement, suffragettes, Ms. Hillary and of course purity. And don’t let the political pundits tell you she didn’t know what she was doing. Ladies, Melania was making a statement!

Ever since Melania heard reports that her husband paid hush money to porn star Stormy Daniels, she has refused to be seen in public with The Donald. SuzyKnew! frowns on tabloid marriages in the White House. But, we have to give Melania her props for not taking crap from her man like Hillary and probably plenty of other First Ladies did. (SuzyKnew! remembers those smoldering encounters between “W” and Condelezza Rice until Bush’s  aides told him to cut it out….)

Going solo to the State of the Union address is only the latest act in a long line of actions Melania has taken to show Donald she is unhappy with his behavior.  If you have never been sure about how to put your man in the doghouse, Melania can teach you a few tricks.

First, learn from Melania’s cancellation of her trip to Davos, Switzerland last week. Don’t take a trip with your man if you think he’s cheating on you. He’s not going to get nooky from her – and you, too.   Who cares if he needs your support on some business trip. And, who cares what traditions you’re breaking or what people will say.  Focus on you and your relationship.  You need to make him think twice before cheating on you again.

Second, when your husband is cheating on you, take care of yourself. Self-care is de rigueur. Follow Melania’s example and head off to a spa. You may not be able to afford the $64,000 that Melania’s day trip to the spa in the Mar-a-Lago resort in Palm Beach reportedly cost tax payers. But, definitely do not skimp on the spa treatments. You need to do what you need to do to de-stress, de-tox and forget about the pain your man has caused you. And, make sure he pays the bill. Make him pay big time.

Finally, don’t let your man touch you – not even your hand – when you’re mad at him. Do like Melania and slap your man’s hand away when he reaches out for you. 

He needs to understand he gets none of you when you’re pissed. This will make him remember your value and stop him from pissing you off in the first place. He shouldn’t be pestering you, trying to hold your hand pretending like things are good between you two. Push his nasty hand away.

Ladies, relationships are tough. And obviously, any one would have a tough time with The Donald as a partner. But, if the First Lady is struggling with all her money and support systems, you know we’re going to struggle.  But, if, like Melania, you can’t keep your stuff private, at least keep it real like she does.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dr. Drai – 5 Ways To Make His Penis Go From Limp To Lively

Ask an OBGYN No Comments

Hi #GYNEGirls. It’s me Dr. Drai… Let’s talk about the penis today.

Erectile Dysfunction (ED) means your man can’t get it (his penis) up or keep it up during sex. Many men suffer from this condition- approximately 30 million men to be exact. Let’s review the basic anatomy of the penis and what happens during an erection. The penis has 4 main parts: glans (THE HEAD), corpus cavernosum AND corpus spongiosum (THE SHAFT), and the urethra (THE HOLE THAT YOU URINATE OR EJACULATE FROM). When a man is aroused from sexual thoughts or direct stimulation, nerves and hormones work to cause the muscles in the penis to relax and the corpus cavernosum and spongiosum will fill with blood causing the shaft to get hard- an erection. Another set of muscles cuts off the blood supply when the penis is erect to maintain its hardness. Once he orgasms, the blood will drain and the penis softens.

There are lots of causes. Taking prescribed medications to control blood pressure, allergies, anxiety, depression, peptic ulcer disease and or your appetite, as well as aging, and being depressed can lead to ED. Chronic illnesses such as diabetes, high blood pressure, or high cholesterol which can lead to poor blood flow to the penis can cause a penis to be limp. Drinking too much alcohol, smoking cigarettes, doing illegal drugs, even being too tired, having relationship problems, being stressed out about work or being anxious can cause this problem. Any type of damage to the penis, nerves, and arteries that help maintain his erection can also lead to ED. This is treatable fellas. Just talk to your doc- an urologist. They will do a history and physical, order lab tests. I know that you are looking online for treatments because you are embarrassed but this can be dangerous. You just don’t know what is in the medications that you get from these places. Before you turn to medications or even surgery to fix this problem, let’s discuss some ways to cope with a man who can’t get or maintain an erection NATURALLY.

1. Make him do more Cardio exercises. He needs only 30 minutes a day. This will boost his testosterone. He will also lose weight, which can help the testosterone to work better. Testosterone is one of those important hormones that work to get an erection. Exercising also reduces stress and increases blood flow.

2. Cook for him. There are nitrates in leafy greens, lycopene in tomatoes, and zinc in oysters. These essential nutrients will help keep his penis erect. Diet is so important.

3. Have more FOREPLAY with him. Try Oral Sex. ORAL just doesn’t mean the penis ladies. Play with his nipples or the back of his neck. KISS him more. Add Sex Toys in the bedroom BUT make sure they are smaller than his penis.

4. Purchase him a vacuum penis pump. This fun device will draw blood into the penis to help get it erect. If you have an increased risk of bleeding, have sickle cell anemia, or other blood disorders, this is NOT for you. This can cause bruising.

5. Try using a Cock ring. Once you get the penis erect, this sex toy will keep it that way. Silicone only please. It’s one of my FAVs.

You should also make sure your man gets his diabetes, cholesterol, &/or high blood pressure under control. Quit smoking. Make sure he doesn’t drink alcohol or do illegal drugs. Find ways to reduce his stress and anxiety. Make sure he is getting enough sleep. Get help if you are suffering from depression. Ladies try not to be discouraging. You both will overcome this. For a copy of my latest best-selling book “20 Things You May Not Know About The Penis” go to https://drdrai.com/product/book.

Until next time… it’s Dr. Drai.

drdrai

Dr. Draion M. Burch, DO (Dr. Drai) – a highly respected, board-certified Obstetrician and Gynecologist – is a nationally-recognized author, speaker, consultant, and go-to media expert on women’s health and transgender health issues. He travels the country to meet with women one-on-one and in groups to provide and instruct on healthcare.Dr. Drai always makes time to genuinely help those in need. He is the founder and chief medical advisor of DrDrai.com, where he discusses actionable ideas and real-world strategies to help women take control of their health. 

 

FaceTime – By Sophia Ned-James

Love and Sex No Comments

As a thick girl (fluffy, phat, plump … you know, NOT skinny), I’ve always been very self-conscious about sitting on a man’s face.  I mean, y’all already know Sophia loves to be pleasured orally, but it takes real confidence to be my size and actually sit on someone’s face!

Wait.

You thought the title meant Facetime, as in Apple products and iPhones?

Nope!  In Sophia’s world, there’s only one kind of Facetime, and that involves me sitting on one!

Anyway, I’ve always been self-conscious about sitting on a guy’s face because I’m so not skinny.  In the back of my mind, I’m always worried about suffocating some poor dude while he pleasures me, and not realizing it until I’m done.  I know that sounds creepy, but such is life for us non-skinny types.

That never stopped me from sitting on the occasional face, though.  Especially if the guy requested it.  But, I was never really comfortable doing it until recently.

Royce* is a huge fan of Facetime, always after me to climb on up there and enjoy.  But, I’ve been thick my whole life.  And those insecurities that come with all this abundance run deep.  No matter how much he reassured me, I was always a reluctant participant.

That’s starting to change, though.  And it’s not just because I have a man who constantly compliments my body and tells me I’m sexy.  Sure, that helps.  But the real change has been within my own mind.

Like everyone else, my mind was colonized to subscribe to Euro-centric standards of beauty which have nothing to do with how I (or people like me) really look.  I’d been brainwashed into hating my thick thighs and fat ass, even as white women injected their bodies with poisons to achieve what I have naturally.

But I’ve worked hard to de-colonize my thinking when it comes to my looks, especially my weight.  As I’ve evolved into a woman I’m proud to be, I’ve come to appreciate the beauty of all my assets, even the ones that jiggle.

Especially the ones that jiggle.

Cuz I do jiggle.

A lot.

Sure, I need to lose weight and exercise for health reasons.  But what I’m not gon’ do is beat myself up because I’m not a size six.  And I’m certainly not going to restrain my sex life based on what my bathroom scale says.

Life is too short and sex is too fun!

So, Royce had been out of town for work for a few weeks, and I missed him terribly.  We spoke on the phone every night and had lots of hot, steamy phone (and Skype actual Facetime) sex.  But it just wasn’t the same.

The day he travelled home, we sent at least 100 sexy texts, describing all the dirty things we wanted to do to each other.  During one of our last exchanges, I texted him this:

“I plan on spending a lot of time sitting on your face when I see you!”

He didn’t respond right away, which worried me.  At first I thought maybe he was on the plane and had to turn off his phone.  But as more time passed without a response, I started to panic.  Those old insecurities started to creep back into my head.  Am I too fat to sit on his face?  Why the fuck isn’t he texting back?

Finally, he called.  From the sounds in the background, I could tell he was at the airport.

“Your last text,” he began.

Nervously, I answered.  “Yeah?”

“Sophia, you don’t know how happy that made me!  You know I love when you sit on my face, but you almost never want to do it.”

“It’s because …”

He didn’t let me finish.  “I know why, Baby.  That’s why I’m so glad you’re comfortable enough with me to actually want to do it.  I can’t wait to see you.  I’m gonna keep you on my face forever!”

When Royce finally got to my place, we barely talked, saying only what was absolutely necessary to get naked and busy.  After a couple of frenzied rounds of some epic fucking, Royce finally held me to my word.

“You said you’d sit on my face, Baby,” he reminded me.  But I was tired.  And honestly?  I was pretty satiated, too.

He wasn’t having it, though.  So, like I’d promised, I rode his face for a long time, slowly letting him lick and suck me back to the brink of ecstasy.  It was so good the way he made my pleasure ebb and flow.  We moaned in harmony as my passion mounted, and he gradually brought me closer and closer to my peak.

I think I warned him before my explosion hit, but I can’t be sure.  At that point, I could no longer hear or see or even taste.  All I could do was feel and it felt exquisite.  And when I finally fell over the edge, everything went blank.

They say that there’s nothing sexier than a confident woman.  To be full-bodied and sexually confident is truly liberating.  My hope for you is that you’re able to love the skin you’re in, too.  And that you get to enjoy as much Facetime as you want!

*Royce isn’t his government name, ya know.  Names and details are always changed to protect our privacy.

Photo Credits: Blackandcurvy.tumblr.com

(Originally published on TheSexySingleMommy.net)

 

 

Do Black Norwegian Women Want To Immigrate To The United States?

Opinion 2 Comments

During last week’s meeting on immigration, The Donald set off yet another firestorm by asking the rhetorical question why the United States doesn’t have more immigrants from places like Norway?

Child, please… Everyone can answer that question. Newspapers and journalists fell over themselves coming out the woodwork to provide the obvious answer to Trump’s ridiculous question, highlighting how much Trump’s ignorance and buffoonery are holding the US back.  From the Chicago Tribune, The Atlantic, The Independent to, of course, Trump’s foil CNN, information on how life in Norway – especially for women – is so much better than in the US came streaming out.

Named the “Happiest Country” in the world in 2017, Norway has a female prime minister and commitment to gender parity.The 2017 World Economic Forum’s Global Gender Gap ranked Norway the second best country for women when it comes to economics, the workplace, education, politics and health while the US was ranked 49th. Yes. In Norway, everyone gets free healthcare, including contraception, maternal and child care and access to abortion services. This is how they roll. Norwegians also spend a lot of money helping developing countries improve their reproductive health – a lot more of their GDP than the US does. Life is so good in this little country that only 362 Norwegians became legal permanent residents in the United States out of the 1.18 million people who became green card holders in 2016.

But, Norway isn’t as White as Trump or we may think. Around 17 percent of Norwegian residents are immigrants or children of immigrants. What is life like for women of color in Norway? Do they want to come to the United States?

Apparently, Sistas’ are living large in Norway. While there are few native born Blacks and Norway can’t be called completely “racism-free,” Black women, including Black American women, are enjoying their life in Norway.  Happy Sistas’ with happy families living in Scandinavia are posting their stories and pictures on the web.  Look at this Sista’ from Atlanta.

 

Women of color enjoy the same economic, education and health benefits their White Norwegian Sisters do.

Often viewed as handsome and attracted by Black beauty, Norwegian and Scandinavian men are interested in dating and marrying Black women. In fact, if you’d like to find your own Scandinavian prince for marriage and possible life in Norway, take a look at this dating site.

So, whether you are from what Trump calls a #S—-hole country or a Black woman in the US dealing with Trump’s #S—, you may want to look at your options for living your best life.