Author Archives: SuzyKnew!

About SuzyKnew!

SuzyKnew! is dedicated to improving the sexual and reproductive health and sexual pleasure of women of color.

Meet Sustain Condoms On The Daysy Blog

Contraceptives Fertility Awareness Reproductive Health 1 Comment

Meika Hollender is the co-founder of Sustain, a company that produces natural, sustainable, non-toxic condoms and lubricants. They give 10% of their profits to women’s health initiatives, too. We caught up with Meika to discover more about making condoms for the health conscious.

How did you get into the condom business?

My dad, Jeffrey Hollender, had an idea for a sustainable condom about ten years ago and never pursued it because he was running Seventh Generation. A little over two years later, I was in business school and Jeffrey was starting to write the business plan for what became Sustain. He came to me for advice on the plan, and when doing so, I became more and more interested in it. Soon after, I started reading more about the statistics around reproductive health, how low condom usage rates are among my peers, and just the general need and lack of access that so many women in the US have to reproductive health services. I really became passionate about how I could create a product that would educate and inspire women. We started with condoms, and now we’ve created a brand. In the last few months we have launched organic personal lubricants and all-natural post-play wipes. I’m really proud of what we have accomplished in such a short period of time.

You describe Sustain as more than a business, it’s a movement – can you explain a bit more?

We’re doing something bigger than just making all natural and sustainable sexual wellness products. Yes, we are selling sexual health products, but more importantly we are trying to empower women to take control of their sexual health. We are creating a brand and starting a conversation around safe sex, sexual health and female empowerment. By having these larger conversations, and ultimately starting a movement, we are engaging people in a way that other sexual wellness brands are not.

Daysy is from a father-daughter business and so is Sustain, what’s it like working with your dad on making condoms? What’s the funniest moment you’ve experienced together?

Starting a sexual wellness products brand with my dad is really not as awkward as most people assume. It’s actually been amazing. It has been inspiring, it has been trying, it has been a lot of growth for both of us. For me, he is my dad, my boss, and my business partner. There are a lot of different relationships and dynamics but the amazing thing about working together is that we are coming at the business from two different perspectives. I’m our target market, I have grown up in the digital era, and I know how brands communicate today. He has this wealth of knowledge around sustainability, supply chain, operations, corporate responsibility, and is just a really successful business man. He knows what he’s doing and I think our combined insights and outlooks have really benefited us so far.

But of course, I can’t deny that there have been some awkward and funny moments. For example, we once did an interview at the Museum of Sex and the writer decided to ask us her questions in front of a giant projector screen where they were playing a video of a girl giving a blowjob on repeat. We must have been standing there for 30 minutes but it seemed like a lifetime. I’d say that was one of the funnier moments…

What’s different about Sustain condoms in comparison to regular brands?

We are passionate about creating products that are healthier and safer for people using them and better for the planet. Sustain is the only sustainable, non-toxic, Fair Trade certified condom sold in the U.S. We are also one of only two brands that contain no detectable levels of a chemical called nitrosamine. Nitrosamines are classified as a carcinogen and exist in tons of other products (food, personal care, etc.). We’re not saying in any way shape or form that other condoms are dangerous, we just believe that consumers have a right to know what’s in their products and we’re committed to making the best condoms, and now lubricants and wipes, that we can.

What do you personally do for contraception? How has that changed over the years?

Coincidentally, I’ve actually only ever used condoms! I’ve never been on hormonal birth control. Single or in serious relationships I always have ever only used condoms and I don’t see that changing in the near future.

Why do you think condom use has been declining overall?

Based on the research I’ve read, it isn’t declining but it’s certainly not increasing at an acceptable rate. As you probably know, only 21% of single sexually active young women use condoms regularly which is a very daunting reality. I also just read, that only 31% of people use protection every single time they have sex. These statistics highlight a very serious and real issue of the state of the sexual health in this country. Condom use has definitely gone down among some demographics as they had more access to more long form methods of birth control and there hasn’t been enough education around the importance of using dual methods of birth control unless you are in a monogamous relationship and have both been tested.

How has working in this business changed your perspective on 1) sex 2) relationships 3) contraception?

Regarding all three of these issues, I did not realize how sexually repressed and patriarchal this country is until I started Sustain. In the first year of selling condoms in many ways felt like I was selling drugs. Condoms are treated as an off limits and taboo product which is a byproduct of our country’s attitude towards sex and in turn safe sex.

More specifically to sex – My perspective on safe sex has definitely changed. When I became sexually active I always put safety first. It wasn’t really until starting Sustain that I realized that how irresponsible and unsafe most of my peers are when it comes to practicing safe sex. I also think starting Sustain has enabled me in a way to talk more openly about sex with friends and my boyfriend.

To learn more about Meika and Sustain please visit Sustainnatural.com

You’re reading The Daysy Planet. The most accurate, all-natural, fertility management solution for planning or preventing pregnancy. 99.3% accurate. Advanced tech with proven pedigree. Hormone-free, elegant, easy. Meet Daysy.

Click here for the original blog here!

 

Photo courtesy of sustainnatural.com.

What Are My Options For Permanent Birth Control? ASK AN OBGYN

Ask an OBGYN No Comments

Dear SuzyKnew!, I’m 35 years old and am ready to go from “temp-to-perm” with my birth control. But, the recent reports on some of these methods can really scare a Sista’.  Please give me the lo-down on different permanent birth control methods!

***

Dear Reader,

There are several options for permanent birth control.  First, let’s talk about the  “permanent” part.   According to a review article on the subject, between 2% and 20% percent of women regret their decision to undergo sterilization- which is permanent. The younger a woman is when she has a sterilization procedure, the more likely she is to regret that decision. Relationship problems at the time of the procedure, stress due to recent pregnancy complications, and being in a new relationship after sterilization can contribute to regret.  So, you really need to be sure this is the right move for you.  In the U.S., spousal consent is not required, but I would encourage you to discuss this as a couple, if in fact, you are in a long-term relationship.

The second word I will focus on is “birth control”, because sterilization is just that- it will stop you from getting pregnant.  You will still need to consider how you will protect yourself from sexually transmitted infections, such as herpes, gonorrhea, and HIV.  For protection from STIs, the condom is still the best bet.

If you are not ready for sterilization, but are looking to get away from years of condom or pill use, there are some long-acting birth control methods to consider, such as the IUD (which can last up to 10 years) and the implant (which can last up to three years).  Both methods are highly effective and are reversible. Click here for a great description of both methods from the American College of OBGYNs.

If you do chose to go permanent, you are among the 345,000 American women who choose this every year.  In fact, sterilization is the second most common birth control method used in the U.S.  Your choice of Permanent Methods are tubal ligation, the Essure coil, and hysterectomy.   And let’s not forget that men can pay to play and have a vasectomy.

Tubal Ligation-   The most common surgical sterilization procedure for women is called a tubal ligation.  You may have heard women say they have had their “tubes tied”.  In a tubal ligation, the fallopian tubes are cut or sealed in order to prevent an egg from traveling from the ovaries to the uterus.  If this passage is blocked, the egg and sperm cannot meet up, thus preventing a pregnancy.  Tubal ligation is a surgery done under anesthesia.  It can be done after childbirth in the hospital or at other times, generally as an outpatient procedure.  This surgery typically uses laparoscopic technique, and is considered minimally invasive.

Essure- In 2002,  Essure came on the market as a less invasive alternative to tubal ligation. The Essure device is a small coil placed into each fallopian tube to prevent fertilization.  The device offers some advantages over the other permanent methods and as a result has been very popular.  Among the advantages: it can be implanted in a doctor’s office much like an IUD insertion; it is not a surgery and there are no incisions or abdominal entry, like the tubal ligation; and there is no need for general anesthesia.

However, there is a cautionary note about Essure.  As recently as this month, the FDA conducted a review panel of the device in response to adverse events, patient complaints and reviews of the initial clinical studies that brought the device to market.  Awaiting a full review, the FDA has recommended the following:  1) the manufacturer should create a registry of patients to better track adverse events; 2) doctors should carefully select patients and those that have an allergy to nickel, chronic pelvic pain or prior uterine surgery are not good candidates; 3) there should be more enhanced patient counseling about the potential risks and benefits; and 4) more doctors need to be trained in the use of the device, particularly in device removal.

Hysterectomy- This is the removal of the uterus, and is considered major surgery. With new methods such as tubal ligation and Essure, the hysterectomy is no longer used for sterilization.  If the ovaries are removed during a hysterectomy, you will be looking at hormone replacement therapy as well.  A hysterectomy may help chronic medical problems such as uterine fibroids, excessive menstrual bleeding, or certain cancers, but should not be used as contraception.

Vasectomy- A vasectomy is male birth control method.  Each year in the U.S., about 500,000 men get a vasectomy, with higher rates among more educated and higher-income men.  It’s a minor surgery done in the doctor’s office, while the man is awake.  Similar to tubal ligation in women, in a vasectomy, a man’s tubes are tied.  His tubes, the vas deferens, carry sperm into the semen.  They are cut apart and then tied off or cauterized (burned or seared).  A man will continue to ejaculate, but it will only carry semen, without the sperm.  There are two website I will share for information about this low risk birth control option- Planned Parenthood has a great site with videos; and WebMD also has a very clear description of the procedure.

I hope that this helps you as you weigh your options.

Take Care.

Ask your intimate question to ASK AN OBGYN. Email: SuzyKnew@suzyknew.com

Embrace All Things Golden And Pumpkiny! Guest Blogger Lillian Ogbogoh

Opinion No Comments

It’s funny how one day you are shorts deep in sandals and picnics and before you know it you’re fighting to hold on to that last bit of sunshine. Looking for every opportunity to wear those open toes wedges and sundress one last time, however, there comes a moment where you really have to kiss the summer days goodbye and embrace all things golden hue and pumpkiny! Yes, pumpkin is now an adjective,  once you kiss goodbye to summer you allow all manner of awesome things to show up. Like autumn colors in your wardrobe and soft fluffy jumpers which you can curl up in.

It’s funny haha, well more funny peculiar that this is an exact metaphor for our lives. We spend so much time fighting to hold onto things in our lives from relationships that have passed being honoring, to ideas of who we think we should be, leaving us stuck as we battle conflicting views of who we are. All of this leaves us spinning our heels and not going anywhere very quickly. Those old ideas of what makes a perfect partner are actually keeping you from finding that incredible person to share your life with.

So, as autumn unfolds, it is time to kiss things goodbye in your life once and for all, the same way you put away your summer stuff. This the perfect time to look around in your world and decide what things no longer fit in your brand new season. Sometimes we hold on to that favorite top even though we know it is moth-eaten and hole ridden. Yet we keep it for sentimental reasons.

So, it is time to get stuck in and get clearing the physical space as well as emotional space. It is time to cast a keen eye over things in your home. Do they honor the woman you have become? Would that amazing woman be wearing clothes that do not make her feel amazing and beautiful? Would she keep things in her closet saying one day when I have lost 5 pounds I will wear this? Or saying Ohh I will wait and wear this for a special occasion? Lady, every day you are alive is a celebration. But, I digress. Would she wear something that does not support her amazing body? The answer should be a big fat NO! The woman you are becoming no longer keeps mementos of former relationships reminding her of the past that was not to be. It is time to make a clean sweep and take the teddy bears and old jewelry to your local charity stores, so they can bring joy to someone else’s world.

It is also time to kiss goodbye those old beliefs. You know the ones that say you are not enough and blah! Blah, Blah….. Check out the source of those beliefs. Really examine them and find out if they are true or just your gremlins speaking?

So, to wrap this up: the same way you tuck your summer gear it is time to kiss goodbye the things in your world that no longer honor the amazing woman you are becoming.

Give It To Me, I’m Worth It! “Female Viagra” Purchased For $1 Billion

Opinion No Comments

Ladies, we’re worth it! Gimme, gimme Addyi, the brand name for flibanserin, the “lady” version of Viagra.  Just two days after flibanserin received FDA approval back in August, Valeant Pharmaceuticals purchased  flibanserin for $1 billion. There were critics out there – including many women- who didn’t think the new drug was “worth it.” The drug failed to gain FDA approval twice which prompted a lobbying campaign to press for its approval. We get it. The drug can’t treat a lot of women suffering from low libido like Viagra can help vast numbers of men suffering from erectile dysfunction. But, that doesn’t call for hatin’ on addyi. As the first drug of its kind to treat hypoactive sexual desire disorder in pre-menopausal women, flibanserin has shined the light on our sexual issues, which can usher in a whole host of new drugs for women, as Viagra has done for men.  And, in the end, investors shelled out the big bucks to help women jump start their libido, showing women’s sexual pleasure is worth it.

One billion dollars represents a big return for Sprout, the developer of flibanserin, and its investors, who invested only $100 million into its development.  Now under a lot of scrutiny for rapid growth based on aggressive deal-making to acquire specialty pharmacies, Valeant plans to keep the small, 34-person Sprout team intact and build a women’s health business.  Ladies, this is a company to keep our eyes on.

Introduced on to pharmacy shelves October 17th, Addyi will set you back around $400/month, if you don’t have insurance. It has to be taken daily and may interact with your birth control and cocktail hour so do some research and talk to your provider. But, not only do investors believe your sex drive is worth it, so do insurance companies. Anthem Inc., the third-largest health insurer in the country, announced they would cover Addyi at the same coverage as they cover drugs like Viagra and Cialis (meaning you’ll have a co-pay ranging $30 – $75).

Ladies, we might have to switch up our insurance companies to get our sexual desire straight!

 

Click here for other SuzyKnew! articles on the female libido drug.

 

                                                                                                                                         photo courtesy of theaustrailian.com.au

Virginity: A Religious Precept Or Social Construct? ASK A SEX THERAPIST

Love and Sex Religion Sizzle With Sophia 5 Comments

I was randomly scrolling through my Facebook newsfeed and saw a post where a young woman was posing with her new husband and the caption read: “This lovely bride presented a Certificate of Virginity to her father on her wedding day. A doctor certified that her hymen was intact and that she’s a virgin! It’s a new trend in Christian weddings.” I took the liberty of attempting to correct the grammar in the original post since Every Word Began With A Capital Letter. A famous gospel singer reposted this, saying she didn’t understand the negative backlash and that she sang at the wedding featured in the post and applauded the young lady.

Virginity is a social construct created to control the sexual agency of individuals, primarily women. The hymen is not some impenetrable barrier that is only broken during intercourse, but a thin layer of tissue that can “break” during different types of athletic activities. Some girls are born without them, although rare. But if we know all of this (and Google is free), why do we still place so much emphasis on the idea of virginity?

A few more questions: exactly what are we applauding? And was the young man’s chastity equally scrutinized? And then, as a sex therapist, all I could think was that they may be hiring a sex therapist in their near future. I’m completely conjecturing, but if she was raised to believe that sex outside of marriage was bad, was she empowered to learn her own body so she could guide her new husband in pleasing her? Or was she taught, as so many women are within the Church, that sex is for the man and it’s just your wifely duty to provide it on demand or someone else will?

Okay, I have more than a few questions, but that post really bothered me. I believe we spend too much time legislating women’s sexuality, particularly black women’s sexuality, not really focusing on pleasure. And yes, pleasure can be taught within a Christian context (just read Song of Solomon). But I think we have so much more work to do. So many more conversations are needed and so much more education is appropriate. If we continue to hold onto antiquated ideas regarding sexuality, we’ll only do more harm to ourselves when we are really standing in the need of healing.

 

De-Andrea Blaylock-Johnson is a licensed clinical social worker and sex therapist in private practice at Sankofa Sex Therapy, LLC. She’s on the Executive Board of the Women of Color Sexual Health Network and has been featured as a sexpert on Ebony.com and Shape.com. Check out her YouTube show, Ask A Sex Therapist, where she answers your questions related to sex and sexuality and visit her website, SankofaSexTherapy.com.

 

 

Is There A Place For Mercy Sex?

Love and Sex 2 Comments

In the past I often measured the health of my relationship by how frequent and passionate the sex was. Sexual intimacy was an important part of loving someone. Every touch reinforced our desire, every kiss confirmed our connection, every sex act showed how little room we had for thoughts of anyone else. If I wasn’t having sex, I thought, the relationship wasn’t really solid.

My man and I couldn’t keep our hands off each other and as far as I was concerned we were bulletproof. Then early last year I started feeling this intense pain whenever my man slid into me. Every thrust caused this piercing in my lower abdomen, made some weird muscles between my vagina and my rectum clench up and left me counting the minutes until he came. Even if I wasn’t penetrated, simply having an orgasm caused this aching throb that destroyed my afterglow. I went to the doctor and was diagnosed with endometriosis. Later, another doctor pronounced that a misdiagnosis. I had probably developed scar tissue from an earlier procedure to remove an ovarian cyst. Either way, there was little that could be done about the discomfort. I would just have to suck it up and move on.

Now, I have never had sex when I didn’t fervently and enthusiastically want to. But suddenly, all the older women in my life were telling me that in order to maintain my relationship I would have to grit my teeth and give it up every once in a while. I thought this was absolute rubbish. Why would a man who loved me want to subject me to something that caused me pain? How could any man worth his salt want to fuck a woman who saw sex with him as something to be endured instead of enjoyed? How could he even stay hard if I was bursting into tears at every thrust? Didn’t he want me writhing in ecstasy and moaning his name? And really, let’s keep it 100, how could I really call myself an empowered woman if I was having sex just to make someone else happy?

I talked to my man about the broken coochie situation and informed him that sex was off the table. He seemed like he was fine. But as time went on and we stopped reaching for each other in bed our light began to dim. I had to ask myself “Was there some angle I was missing?”

I tried to probe. What was the source of discontent? Was he getting blue balls? Did he feel like I was using the illness as an excuse not to have sex with him because I was no longer attracted to him? Had I started to feel like a stranger now that we weren’t intimate? He gave me the “Fine. Everything is fine.” But I know my man and I knew better. So I did some thinking and some reading and realized a few things. The first was that sex is important to everyone, male or female, because it’s a way of reveling in each other. It is extremely important to men, not because all of them feel entitled to it and care little for a woman’s pleasure but mostly because it is one of the few areas in life where they feel desired and are allowed to be open and vulnerable. For my man sex was his way of expressing how hot he thought I was and how much trust he had placed in the fact that I wouldn’t hurt him or mock him or belittle the things he wanted. Making me come made him feel like he had scaled Mount Everest—it was an immediate and unquestionable sign that he was making me happy. With sex off the table his certainty that I was content with him was waning by the day.

That was the first breakthrough. The second was this: He didn’t need to penetrate me as much as he needed to touch me, to push me up against the wall from time to time, slide his hands under my clothes and breathe in the scent of my skin. The third was that our relationship had changed largely because I had changed. Because I knew I couldn’t give up the coochie I had withdrawn from a lot of general physical contact and had started thinking of all of it as a precursor to sex. That was a mistake. He had accepted I had medical limitations and was willing to work within them. Being unable to touch me at all was what was driving him nuts. I had a talk with my man and in the middle of a sentence about how he had to stop saying “Fine” when it wasn’t fine I had the most important breakthrough: there was a whole lot more to fucking than “p in v.” We could go back to being in high school—kissing, touching, rubbing, dry humping, oral, all with the knowledge that that was where it would end. For me, knowing that there was no pressure to have penetrative sex allowed me to relax and enjoy being pleasured. It made me eager to get him off. I got inventive where blow jobs and hand jobs were concerned. I even learned the amazing art of “titty fucking” and, girlllllll, I cannot express how accomplished I felt every time I made him come by sliding his dick through my cleavage and massaging it with my breasts.

Not being able to have “sex” opened my relationship up to other avenues of intimacy. Arguments that were solved with make-up sex in the past became things we cuddled and talked through. No nookie made us express affection in other ways and we both became more giving and more thoughtful. My pain has gotten a bit better and every once in a while we’re able to get our full freak on but figuring out how to survive without “sex” reconfigured my ideas about what should be used to measure the security of a relationship. Acceptance, affection and compromise are just as important as how often your toes curl.

F.N. is a thirty something free-lance writer from Ghana. Currently, she is trying out a new life in Washington, DC

Passion Play – SIZZLE WITH SOPHIA

Love and Sex Sizzle With Sophia No Comments

As soon as I opened the door, I knew what was on his mind.  He had that look in his eyes, again.  The one so intense, it makes me feel naked and vulnerable, even when I still have on all my clothes.

I love that look.

I leaned in for a kiss and he pulled me roughly into his arms.  I can’t lie.  I love it when he does that.  He’s so strong and his body feels so hard against my softness.  As soon as our mouths met, sparks flew.

Oh yes, I thought.  This is gonna be fun!

We kissed each other passionately as he backed me away from the front door.  He kicked it closed with his foot.  Then, still kissing me, Royce* led me straight to my bedroom.

“Get undressed,” he mumbled.  We were standing beside my bed.

I guess I didn’t move fast enough, because he slapped me on my ass and said, “Now!”

Breathless from his kisses, I pulled my sweater over my head.  Before I had a chance to go further, Royce reached behind me and had my bra unhooked in seconds.  The way he stared at my breasts when he carelessly flung my bra to the floor made my knees weak.

As soon as my jeans were off, he roughly shoved me onto the bed.  I barely had a chance to raise my hips when he yanked my off my panties and tossed them aside.  Then, grabbing me by my waist he pulled me to the edge of the bed and he said, “Come here!”

Royce knows my body better than any man I’ve ever been with, so he knows full well that I like a soft touch in the beginning.  Especially when it comes to oral.

But today, he put aside all niceties and sweetness for pure, unbridled lust.  Still fully clothed, he immediately started eating my pussy with gusto.  He may have mumbled something about being “hungry”, but I can’t be sure.  I couldn’t really hear over the ringing in my ears from the sharp spike in my own desire.

When it comes to giving me oral pleasure, Royce is a beast!  Even on an off day, he can do things with his mouth so good they ought to be illegal.  And this day was definitely no off day.

He didn’t begin with gentle little licks and kisses like he usually does.  Instead he dove in like a man on a mission, and I had no choice but to succumb and enjoy.

He licked.  He sucked.  He kissed.  Royce soon had my body quivering from head to toe.  Whenever the feeling would get too intense, I’d instinctively try to scoot away from him.  He never let me get far, though.  His strong hands would yank me back into position and hold me there tightly.

And then he started licking my sweet spot with his head at a slight angle.  He knows this is exactly what he needs to do to make me cum.  I wanted to reach down and hold his head in place, but couldn’t seem to let go of the sheets I clutched in each fist.

Royce got the message, though.  It may have been me saying “Yes, right there.  Don’t stop!”  But I can’t even be sure I said anything out loud.  Either way, he kept up that steady rhythm that was pushing me closer and closer to the edge.

I could feel the stirrings of an orgasm at the base of my spine, so I braced myself.  My hips seemed to have a mind of their own.  Royce let me set the pace and followed my lead with his tongue.  Then just as the first waves hit, he slid his hands under my ass and pulled my pussy even closer to his mouth.  Suddenly my body exploded with pleasure!

One of things I love about Royce is how he’s never really satisfied if I only cum once.  He’s very generous like that.  So I wasn’t surprised when, as my body floated back to earth, Royce didn’t stop eating my pussy.  Most men would immediately be ready for their turn.  Not Royce.  Still completely dressed, he kept right on licking without missing a beat.

Knowing I’m always a little sensitive after a big orgasm, he was gentler this time.  And so patient.  He just kept at it, even as I took a little longer than usual to catch my breath.  He took the time to stroke and kiss my thighs as my arousal slowly began to climb again.  And his patience paid off, because soon I was right back on the brink of paradise, begging him for another release.

This time he watched me as I recovered.  He stood by the bed and watched as my body twitched in the aftermath while I tried to catch my breath.  His goatee was drenched in my juices, and he licked his lips appreciatively.

Then, he surprised me.  Just as I started to sit up and reach for his belt buckle, eager to return the favor, Royce said “Turn over.  I want to eat you from behind.”

Y’all.

Never mind that I wasn’t sure my wobbly knees could even support my weight.  But surely this man didn’t really want to eat me some MORE?  What?

Never one to look at gift horse in the mouth, I did as I was told.  It felt very different from this angle, too.  For some reason, and it may have been the way he was positioned, his tongue play was a little lighter, a little more elusive.  I spread my legs wider, hoping to make it a little easier for him to reach my clit.  It worked, and soon I felt those magnificent lips of his clasp on to very spot that would get me there again.

It felt great, but after a little while, I needed more than his mouth.  After two intense orgasms, I was ready for some penetration.  I longed to feel him inside me, to feel a little more connected to him.  Besides, I wanted to rock his world, too.

“I want you inside me,” I told him even as I thrust my pussy even harder onto his face.  “Please, Royce.  Give me my dick!”

Yes, ladies.  I claim the dick.  It’s mine, and I ain’t ‘shamed to say so!

Slowly, Royce pulled his mouth off my throbbing pussy.  I almost regretted asking him to stop.  Almost.  I glanced over my shoulder just in time to see him drop his pants to the floor and climb onto the bed behind me.

“I”mma let you have your dick, Sophia.”  He said, grabbing my hips.  “But only if you promise that I can eat my pussy some more later!”

I held my breath, waiting to feel him enter me.  I heard him tear the condom wrapper and braced myself.  When he finally put it in, he went slowly.  Too slowly.  I wanted him too much to wait, so I pushed back onto him, taking him deep within me.

He’s so big and thick it always hurts a little at first, no matter how wet I am.  But it’s that good kind of hurt, the kind that makes you beg for more.

I didn’t have to beg this time, though.  Royce started hammering me, at times thrusting so hard, he lifted me right off the bed.  It felt so damned good it brought tears to my eyes.

I met each of his thrusts with hard ones of my own, and his moans got louder.  But it was when he got quiet that I knew he was getting close.  I could tell by the way he grabbed my hips that he wouldn’t last much longer.  I was pleased, because more than anything, I wanted to make him feel as good as he made me feel.

So I put my back into it, taking complete control of both our movements.  This worked, because in just a few strokes, he was ready to explode.  This got me even more worked up so that soon, I was at the edge, too.

I could feel his balls slap against my clit as he rammed his thick dick into me over and over again.  It felt so good, my legs started to tremble, as if they’d give way at any moment.  Somehow I held on, though.  And just before Royce came with a shout, I had my own orgasm, cumming so hard I couldn’t even make any noise.

We collapsed on the bead, panting.  Royce pulled me into his arms and I buried my face in his broad, muscled chest.  His heart was pounding, as was mine.

He recovered first and whispered, “I love you, Baby.”  Then he kissed me on my forehead and that’s all I remember before falling into a deep sleep.

*Royce is my Boo’s online name.  I keep his government name and identity a secret for privacy.

Will Planned Parenthood Be Defunded? ASK AN OBGYN

Ask an OBGYN No Comments

Dear SuzyKnew!

The news is filled with accusations against Planned Parenthood. I have gone to them for years. What happened? Should a sista’ be worried that her health center may close?

******

Dear Reader,

Planned Parenthood is a non-profit women’s health organization that has been providing women’s health care since the 1930’s- and has its roots in the women’s suffrage movement. Can you imagine a time when women could not obtain birth control? A time when a woman did not have the basic human right to control her own body?

More importantly, Planned Parenthood is about “us.” Fourteen percent of Planned Parenthood patients were African Americans — more than 370,000 people – in 2013. Between 2003 and 2013, the number of African-American patients increased by 12 percent, with a 126 percent increase in African-American male clients.

Moreover, according to the Guttmacher Institute, of the 20 million women who needed publicly funded family planning services in 2013, approximately 3.6 million were black and 4.9 million were Hispanic. Between 2000 and 2010, the number of women in need of publicly funded services who were Hispanic increased by 47%, the number of black women in need increased by 17%.

Now, what if we turned back the clock on access to women’s health care? What would happen if a large number of women of all races and ethnic backgrounds across the U.S. lost access to important health services such as birth control, cancer screenings, and treatment for STIs, or access to safe abortion care? Because that, my dear reader, is what the Congressional Budget Office (CBO) estimates would happen if Planned Parenthood were to close. There would be an increase in unplanned pregnancies, and as a result an increase in abortions. The CBO also estimates that the closure of community-based women’s health services, like Planned Parenthood would cost the government tens of millions of dollars. This is what the Planned Parenthood leaders and supporters of women’s health are telling Congress- Bad things will happen if Planned Parenthood were to lose out on it’s funding- which to be clear is not direct support for the government for abortions or any other women’s health services- it’s just the ability to participate in Medicaid, like any other health center, doctor or hospital in the U.S.

Yes, if Planned Parenthood were to close, it will be a huge blow to women in the U.S., particularly the young and low-income women that depend on Planned Parenthood for their health care. But thankfully, it looks like the facts will prevail this time around.  So, what’s happening? For decades, Planned Parenthood has been a central figure in the debate over abortion and has been a target of groups that seek to revoke women’s right to reproductive choice. It’s an old story that keeps rearing its ugly head with each political cycle or in this case with the passing of the annual government budget. The angle this time is not specifically about abortion, but about using donated fetal tissue for medical research. An anti-abortion group secretly recorded Planned Parenthood staff at a conference and created a video aimed to discredit the organization. The video accuses Planned Parenthood of illegally obtaining and selling fetal tissue from abortions.  Accusations, which are totally false. Unfortunately, despite the fact that Planned Parenthood did nothing wrong, the anti-abortion group was successful in that they launched a media smear campaign intended to discredit Planned Parenthood and they got the attention they wanted.

What is “research using fetal tissue” and why is this a big deal?

Scientists use fetal cells (obtained from fetal tissue from abortions and miscarriages) in research because they divide quickly and adapt more easily than adult cells to new environments. Fetal cells have been used since the 1930’s for medical research and has contributed to treatments for Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s, diabetes, AIDS, and also autism. The vaccines used today that have saved millions of lives worldwide (small pox, measles, even chicken pox) were developed using fetal cells. This is such an important part of medicine and research that the National Institutes of Health spent over 76 million dollars in 2014 on research using fetal tissue. Check this out- U.S. News created a FAQ that clearly describes how fetal tissue for research is obtained and how this research has contributed to eradicating diseases.

Fetal tissue is only obtained from a woman that has given her consent for her blood and blood products to be used for medical research. Planned Parenthood has a consent process that is in line with federal regulations for the protection of human subjects. Should you be worried about your health center? Thankfully, it seems as if Planned Parenthood has dodged this latest attack, but there will likely be more attacks on women’s health in the future until the day that the political and cultural tide changes in the U.S.

Take care

 

                                                                                                                             Photo courtesy of Andy Katz/Rex The Guardian

His Brother’s Keeper: ASK JANICE Domestic Violence Month Special

Ask Janice No Comments

I have a serious question for all the good guys out there who know men that beat women: what have you done to stop it?  Do you ever challenge your friend to change?  Do you ever “check” him, or offer to get him some help?

Or do you look the other way, saying and doing nothing at all?

I’m not suggesting that it’s anyone’s responsibility to stop an abuser from beating women other than the abuser himself.  The abuser bears the responsibility for his actions, as we all do.  That’s not what I’m trying to uncover here.

What I want to know is whether or not other men even try to stop the abuse from happening?  If you know your friend, colleague, frat brother, cousin, golf buddy, or fantasy football league member beats his wife or partner, do you do anything?

Do you pull him aside and say, “Hey man, you need to get some help.  What you’re doing is wrong.  You need to stop, and if you can’t stop, I’ll help you”?

I started thinking about this a few months before my father died.  He was, as he had been for quite some time after his cancer diagnosis, very reflective about his long life.  One evening, he started telling me about someone very close to him (but no longer living) who was exceptionally “cruel and sadistic to every woman in his life”.  He recounted story after story about the awful things this man did, things that made me cringe.

I let my dad ramble until I finally had to ask, “Did you do anything to get him to change his behavior?  Did you ever do anything to protect the women he hurt?”

In hindsight, I feel guilty for challenging my 88 year-old, terminally-ill father like that.  He was one of the gentlest souls ever, never raising a hand or even his voice to my mother, my sister or me.  I’m sure my tone was pretty harsh and I feel bad about that now that he’s gone.

Yet he, better than anyone, knew my history.  More than two decades earlier, I’d been on the receiving end of psychological and physical abuse at the hands of my live-in boyfriend.  My dad was there when, battered and terrorized, I came running home.  He took the pictures of my bruises, himself!  He saw firsthand what this man did to me and reacted as any father would: with disbelief, anger and sadness.

My father’s sadness hurt me more than the beatings did.  I’ll never forget the look on his face when I raised my shirt to show him my bruises.

So when, 25 years after I left that abusive relationship for good, I challenged him about his own inaction towards someone close to him who was a serial abuser, I did so from a place of deep hurt.  My scars, scabbed over by years of recovery, are still there.

Dad was taken aback by my questions.  He looked surprised and even a little hurt.  Then our conversation was interrupted by one of his many home health care visits, and I left it alone.

I’d obviously struck a chord, though.  A few days later, my dad brought the subject up again and admitted that I’d gotten him to “re-evaluate some things”.

“In all honesty, I don’t think I did anything,” he told me, sadly.  “I should have.  I don’t know why, but I just didn’t.  I know I at least told him he was wrong, but that’s about it.”

My father was dying.  And he truly was a good man.  So I let him off the hook and never brought the subject up again.  But, it made me wonder about the other men in abusers’ lives and whether they ever did anything.

These questions resurfaced with this summer’s release of “Straight Outta Compton”, the movie about the rise of the rap group, NWA.  Full disclosure: I saw and enjoyed the movie.

But I also joined the chorus of voices who protested the absence of Dr. Dre’s well-documented history of violence against women.  On the one hand, I totally understand why this wasn’t covered by the movie.  If I made a movie about my life, I certainly wouldn’t put any of my bad deeds in there.

On the other hand, the complete erasure and subsequent “statements” from Dre and Apple, with whom Dre has a very lucrative business relationship, were galling.  And for me, it speaks to the larger issue of how little women are regarded not only in the music industry, because misogyny certainly transcends rap and hip hop, but in our society in general.

Did anyone try to protect Dee Barnes while Dre beat her?  Did any of his “boys” intervene on her behalf?  Did they challenge him at all on his violent acts?

We’ll never know, of course.  Only the people who were there really know what happened.  And I hope that Dre’s apology was sincere and that he truly has changed his ways.

In many cases, it’s probably too much to expect an abuser’s family to be very helpful.  After all, this is the same family that either created the abuser or grew up in the same home as the abuser, and so was probably just as damaged.

But what about friends?  Is it too much to expect the friends of an abuser to “check” his behavior or offer to get him help?  How can you just look the other way when someone you know is beating their wife or partner?

I’m not naïve.  I understand that most abuse happens behind closed doors where no one can see it.   And that’s by design.  Abusers isolate their victims from family and friends.  So it makes sense that the abused woman’s people don’t really know what’s going on in her relationship.  He’s isolated her, and she’s so beaten down by shame and fear, she’s likely to keep her mouth shut.  I know this because I was that woman.

But what about his people?  Surely, in a significant number of cases, the abuser’s friends have at least a vague idea of what he’s doing.  Do they just ignore it?  Or do they challenge it?

For the record, my abuser’s family and friends did try to help.  They did speak up and some even begged me not to go back to him after the first incident.  That I did go back is totally on me, and I’m ashamed of that fact to this very day.  But, I’ve always been grateful for their efforts to change him.

I was lucky, though.

According to statistics, about 4,000 women die from abuse every year.  Many die while trying to escape their abuser’s clutches.  I have to wonder how much that number would drop if more men close to the abusers intervened.

Domestic partner violence can never be eliminated through the efforts of women alone.  It’s going to take everyone, especially the billions of men who believe beating women is wrong.

So to the good men out there, be your brother’s keeper.  Help us eradicate domestic violence forever.  If you see something, speak on it.  Trust your instincts and act accordingly.  You just may save someone’s life.

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month here in the U.S.  If you or someone you know is being abused, the National Domestic Violence Hotline is safe, discreet and available 24/7, 365 days a year.  Call 1-800-799-7233.