Author Archives: SuzyKnew!

About SuzyKnew!

SuzyKnew! is dedicated to improving the sexual and reproductive health and sexual pleasure of women of color.

ASK JANICE: Why Do I Need a Vibrator if I Have a Man?

Answer: Let me begin by saying that there are a lot of misconceptions out there about vibrators and other sex toys … from who uses them to how and why they’re used. So let’s clear the air.

First of all, vibrators and other sex toys are not just used by lonely, horny women as a substitute for sex. I mean sure, who hasn’t reached into our nightstand when we’re “between relationships”? Especially around the same time we’ve reached for the chocolate and the salt, if you know what I mean!  But this is 2011. And it’s time for us to bring vibrators and other sex toys out of the darkness of our night stand drawers and into the light of our intimate relationships. After all, toys are enjoyed most when shared and if we all play nicely, everyone can have fun!

Now, I’ll admit that there are still (even in 2011) a lot of men out there who are intimidated by the use of sex toys. Maybe they’re a little threatened by the thought that some whirling, writhing, vibrating piece of latex is able to make you shiver and squeal and sing like an angel when applied with just the right amount of pressure. Especially if that whirling, writhing, vibrating piece of latex is considerably larger than his own … toy.

But for every one man who is opposed to introducing sex toys into the game, there are ten more who would eagerly supply you with enough batteries to power the northern hemisphere. That’s because these enlightened gents understand three important facts about the mutual use of sex toys between men and women:

1. Vibrators and sex toys are awesome educational tools. Your man can watch you pleasure yourself and pay attention to where you like it, how fast you like it, and how much pressure to apply. We all know that every woman is different. What pleases you may not please me and vice versa. And men can’t read minds. And some of us are too shy to give explicit instructions to our lovers on how to give us pleasure. So, here’s a way your man can learn how to pleasure you. Let him watch and then try for himself. Perform for him. Let him watch you in all your orgiastic glory!

2. Vibrators and sex toys take a lot of pressure off your man! Maybe he’s had a rough day and finishes before you do. Then, let’s say he just doesn’t have the steam to keep going long enough for you to get there. Why would you want to lay there next to him as he snores the night away in blissful slumber, while you squirm and wiggle in frustration? You don’t have to! He can simply lean over, reach into that night stand drawer, flip that switch and help you reach nirvana so that you both can get a good night’s sleep. And he doesn’t even have to reload.

3. Vibrators and sex toys feel really good! Not all men will cop to liking to have a well-placed vibrator beneath their balls. Or under the tip of their penis. Or right at that spot between their balls and their anus. But trust me, they all like it. A lot! So, both of you can enjoy the pleasures of toys. Hey, you can even buy “his” and “her” vibrators! And if he’s a little size sensitive, stick to the smaller, non-threatening ones. That way he won’t worry about you heading for the drawer as soon as he leaves the house!

So maybe you don’t break out the “good vibrations” every night or even every week. Maybe you’ll only open up the toy box on special occasions like birthdays or President’s Day. But if you’re both open to it, and you each focus on the other’s pleasure, vibrators and sex toys can really enhance your play time. Need a discreet way to purchase a few toys?

Try www.adameve.com.

In the Philippines: Valentine’s Day Flowers… and erm Condoms?!

Gone are the days when choosing among different types of flowers and their symbolisms are the main concern in gift-giving during Valentine’s Day. Last year, Valentine’s Day flowers became ensnared in politics resulting from a failed Philippine Reproductive Health Bill and a run-away Department of Health (DoH) offering redeemable condom coupons in conjunction with flowers bought from Manila’s wholesale flower market on the day before St Valentine’s. The Catholic Church’s strong hold on the Philippine government’s resulted in blocking the DoH efforts to reign in the country’s booming (over)population by campaigning against government approved programs on sexual education on/and contraception.

DoH gets around it by insisting it’s a ‘safeguard against sexually transmitted diseases’, attaching ‘Be Safe Always, Valentine’ on packets of condoms. Now that is just sweet, and the added contraception (and the prospect of loads of sex) just spices it up.

The good energies of last year’s exciting Valentine’s day has made its way to the new year: a consolidated and revised Reproductive Health Bill was passed January 31, 2011, in the House of Representatives. Though it still requires approval from the Senate, this hotly debated bill has now taken a step in the right direction.

Now all we need is another condom-happy (and maybe more!) Valentine’s day, and get all that safe and healthy love flowing. DoH, you got the goods!

Jazz It Up: What’s New?

You got it all down pat: “Morning After Pill;” prevents any unwanted visitors from making a permanent, 9-month residency even taken 72 hours after unprotected sex; emergency contraception with brands including Plan B® and Postinor I® and Postinor 2®, depending on what part of the world you live in. Now, here’s a little something to tickle your fancy in the contraception department: there’s a new “long-lasting” morning after pill called Eva® that is up for FDA approval. This emergency contraceptive pill is effective even if you take it 5 days after unprotected sex.

Beware of the wares…Which Products have had a lot of complaints?!

Your best gals may be raving about Yasmin® and its newer and lower hormonal dose sister YAZ® as the most popular forms of oral contraceptives in the United States, but in taking them, you could end up with some serious business with your body.

Next time you’re in the doc’s office or the pharmacy or clinic trying to decide which contraceptive to use, it’s important to keep up to date with information like this. But, know that for most women Yaz is safe.

But, be smart, Lady! Like other oral contraceptives, you shouldn’t take them if you’re a heavy smoker (i.e. 15 packs or more a day) or if you’re over 35 y/o. Not that you would, but just saying…

Ambitious, Overachieving Women Have the Best Sex

Yep, achieving couples have the most satisfying sex.

There is a legend—an accepted legend but a legend nonetheless—that strong-headed, career-focused women are very difficult to please in the head, heart and baby-makers. Some combination of stress, perfectionism and immaculately kempt hair (periodically in a bun so tight that it makes changing facial expressions nigh impossible) make us think that she hasn’t been properly rogered in eons and would probably be a drill sergeant in the sack. As it turns out, common knowledge is mad wrong

by Tom Miller

Ambitious Overachieving Women Have Best Sex

Embarrassed about on-line dating? Don’t be. Join the club. Read the article below to find out why

Online dating: brave new world or future fail how fast should a relationship go? How slow?  Look at this popular site to find some answers.

Red light, green light – long term relationship

ASK AN OBGYN: How Can I Safely Date an HIV+ Man?

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Dr. I Roger has been practicing medicine and helping women and their families in Canada and overseas for over 15 years.  Dr. Roger invites you to ask your women’s health questions at obgyn@suzyknew.com

Question: Dear SuzyKnew Obgyn, I’m in love!  But, my new man has HIV/AIDS. How I can get sexy with him but stay safe.  I know about condoms but any suggestions on what to do to make sure we’re really safe?

Response: Congratulations on your new love! I’m happy for you!

Condoms are the most effective method for preventing transmission of HIV infection and other STDs, and you should use one whenever you are sexual.   HIV can be transmitted to you through any fluid coming from the penis of your partner: sperm or seminal fluid (the seminal fluid is the clear secretion coming from the fully erected penis before ejaculation). Therefore, you should roll the condom on to the penis before it comes in contact with your rectum or vagina.  HIV can also be
transmitted while performing oral sex, but the risk is very low.  To be really safe  avoid getting semen in your mouth, or use a condom

Instructions on how to use the condom  comes inside the pack, and if you follow the guidelines the chance of failing is low If something goes wrong with the condom you should contact your physicians  within 72 hours (3 days) and discuss post exposure prophylaxis (PEP). PEP is a treatment that may prevent HIV infection and involves taking anti-HIV drugs for 4 weeks Not all HIV clinics will have PEP, and you should identify  where the service could be provided to you ahead of time. You can also discuss emergency contraception (ECP) with your provider to avoid an unwanted pregnancy.

ASK AN OBGYN is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition.

Find an obgyn

Need an obgyn?  Want one who is reputable but don’t know where to look?  Let SuzyKnew do the work for you. Below are links from not-for-profit obgyn associations to find obgyns in the USA, UK, South Africa and beyond. 

USA – American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG)

UK, Canada, and Australia –  Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (RCOG) in these countries may be good references for finding obgyns. Also, you can try www.obgyn.net

South Africa and other countries– Marie Stopes International Clinics

Other countries – Marie Stopes International Clinics international list

Also, Our Bodies Ourselves is a good resource for informatio on sexual and reproductive health: http://www.ourbodiesourselves.org/

Abortion

Abortion is the termination of pregnancy. If you chose to have an abortion, it is called an “induced” or “elective”  abortion.  In the UK, South Africa, India and other English-speaking countries the procedures are often referred to as TOPs or Termination of Pregnancy.  It’s easiest and safest to have this procedure within the first 3 months from your last menstrual period.   So, the earlier you decide the easier it will be.  You can opt for an outpatient procedure with local anesthesia.  The procedure can be scheduled in advance and you can be back to work or home within an hour or so. You can also ask your health care provider for medication.  Medication requires at least two visits to the clinic or doctor’s office, and your uterus is evacuated over the course of a day or two. In other words, you’ll experience heavy bleeding and cramping as the uterus contracts.  Some women find the outpatient procedure more convenient while others feel that medication is “more natural.”  Chose what is best for you.

Medically speaking, an abortion can also be “spontaneous” or happen on its own. Health providers will call this a spontaneous abortion. Your sister and your friends will refer to this as a “miscarriage” or “losing the baby.”  Whether you chose to have an abortion or if nature decides for you, abortions and miscarriages can be emotionally challenging.  Also, some family and friends will be really supportive while others you thought you could count on or understand you suddenly disappoint you. Make sure you get the support you need.

What to do if you’re considering an abortion or think you’re having a miscarriage??  In the US, you can look for a Planned Parenthood and in the UK contact Bpas.  In other countries, look for Marie Stopes International clinics or MSI.  For miscarriages, you can call your obygn, and if you don’t have one try SuzyKnew!Find an obgyn.

Fertility

Is this the fifth time you’ve passed by an adorable tyke grinning toothlessly at you in the grocery story and your heart thumps with yearning…? Sleeves rolled up and already working on getting pregnant? Or you’re not quite there yet and you just wanna know more about pregnancy? Then check out the websites below.

Learn more about your options.

www.fertilityauthority.com if you’re in the United States

And if you’re hanging out in the UK, looking at this site will dish the nitty-gritty: http://www.hfea.gov.uk/fertility-treatment-options-fertility-drugs.html

But, ladies, whether you’re just starting out or you feel like it’s your last chance, it’s never too late to explore and get acquainted with the whys and hows of pregnancy. Wanna know how other women are doing and dealing with it? Follow women as they try fertility treatments and embark on the exciting world of pregnancy.

http://www.alittlepregnant.com/

http://myinfertilityblog.wordpress.com/

http://missionimpossibleinfertile.wordpress.com/