Tag Archives: relationships

Relationship Goals by Sophia Ned-James

Don’t let all these online images of “perfect’ couples fool you, Sis. There are no “perfect” couples! That’s because couples are people, and people aren’t perfect! You only get to see the good times on social media, the happy times people choose to share. You don’t see the hard work and the messy arguments. You don’t get to witness those long, awkward silences that occur in ALL relationships.

They’re not showing you the fights about bills and money. No one’s posting or sharing pictures of the unanswered texts, the ignored calls, or the insecurities that make them doubt themselves. All relationships have tough moments, but you don’t see them because we don’t share them.

So, judge your relationship on it’s own merits and stop looking for perfection. Stop seeing #RelationshipGoals whenever you see pictures or video of that seemingly “perfect” couple. Comparing your relationship to some celebrity couple’s fabulous public display of love and romance will always leave you feeling wanting. And holding your guy to some ridiculous standards established by some jet-setting media “influencer” will always leave your guy looking unnecessarily lacking, when in reality, your guy is absolutely wonderful to you and for you.

If you’re lucky enough to be in a relationship that’s built on love, respect, and friendship, and you’re truly getting all that you deserve and desire, then you’ve already achieved #RelationshipGoals. After all, the grass isn’t always greener on the other side, it’s greener where you water it.

Rejuvenate Your Relationships

Spring is here, Ladies. Happy Easter.  This is nature’s time for renewal and rebirth.

Take time to rekindle and rejuvenate close relationships. Winter can be brutal on us in many ways. Cold, dark evenings can put us in a funk and sour our moods. Small problems and annoyances with people close to us can escalate into huge battles with bad feelings lingering for days on end.

As we enter spring, put away away harsh memories and feelings. Let’s throw some sunlight on our outlook. Find ways to make a fresh start. With warmer air and sunnier days ahead of us, spend time sharing happy moments with people who are important. Apologize for sharp words said in the winter and make time to connect.  Yeah – the practice of spring rebirth and renewal can seem tired and old. But, if we want to stay healthy – and sexy – it’s a ritual to keep practicing.

When it comes to intimate relationships, studies find happy couples in committed relationships have more sex.  Not sex makes couples happy. And, couples who said they had more sex also reported more satisfaction with their lives.

This finding was based on 4 studies which appeared recently in MedicineNet. Affection, sharing intimate moments and sweet talk were key factors in the positive benefits of sex that had impact after the act. If winter has dulled your relationships, take time to connect and share intimate moments. Sustain these important life fulfilling practices.

Embrace All Things Golden And Pumpkiny! Guest Blogger Lillian Ogbogoh

It’s funny how one day you are shorts deep in sandals and picnics and before you know it you’re fighting to hold on to that last bit of sunshine. Looking for every opportunity to wear those open toes wedges and sundress one last time, however, there comes a moment where you really have to kiss the summer days goodbye and embrace all things golden hue and pumpkiny! Yes, pumpkin is now an adjective,  once you kiss goodbye to summer you allow all manner of awesome things to show up. Like autumn colors in your wardrobe and soft fluffy jumpers which you can curl up in.

It’s funny haha, well more funny peculiar that this is an exact metaphor for our lives. We spend so much time fighting to hold onto things in our lives from relationships that have passed being honoring, to ideas of who we think we should be, leaving us stuck as we battle conflicting views of who we are. All of this leaves us spinning our heels and not going anywhere very quickly. Those old ideas of what makes a perfect partner are actually keeping you from finding that incredible person to share your life with.

So, as autumn unfolds, it is time to kiss things goodbye in your life once and for all, the same way you put away your summer stuff. This the perfect time to look around in your world and decide what things no longer fit in your brand new season. Sometimes we hold on to that favorite top even though we know it is moth-eaten and hole ridden. Yet we keep it for sentimental reasons.

So, it is time to get stuck in and get clearing the physical space as well as emotional space. It is time to cast a keen eye over things in your home. Do they honor the woman you have become? Would that amazing woman be wearing clothes that do not make her feel amazing and beautiful? Would she keep things in her closet saying one day when I have lost 5 pounds I will wear this? Or saying Ohh I will wait and wear this for a special occasion? Lady, every day you are alive is a celebration. But, I digress. Would she wear something that does not support her amazing body? The answer should be a big fat NO! The woman you are becoming no longer keeps mementos of former relationships reminding her of the past that was not to be. It is time to make a clean sweep and take the teddy bears and old jewelry to your local charity stores, so they can bring joy to someone else’s world.

It is also time to kiss goodbye those old beliefs. You know the ones that say you are not enough and blah! Blah, Blah….. Check out the source of those beliefs. Really examine them and find out if they are true or just your gremlins speaking?

So, to wrap this up: the same way you tuck your summer gear it is time to kiss goodbye the things in your world that no longer honor the amazing woman you are becoming.

How Do I Know It’s Really Love? ASK JANICE

Dear Janice,

I’ve been with the same guy for five years.  Just recently, a co-worker asked me how I knew I was actually in love as opposed to just comfortable.  That got me thinking.  How can I tell if it’s really love?

Cynthia

Dear Cynthia,

Let’s talk about love!

First of all, congratulations on the longevity of your relationship!  These days, five years is like the new decade!  It’s a challenge to stay together … especially in the age of social media where old lovers can be found with a click of the mouse and every stupid thing you do can end up on YouTube.  So, the fact that you’ve hung in there says a lot.

Only you can determine if it’s real love, though.  I’m sure that after five years, you’ve already figured out the difference between that all-consuming romantic lust we have at the beginning of relationships and the real thing.  At first, it’s all flowers and moonlight, candles and hand-holding.  We can’t stand to be away from that person, even for the few hours we’re at work.  We talk constantly, whether by phone, text or Twitter.

And the sex?  Nothing and I mean nothing beats that beginning-of-the-relationship sex!  Both of you treat each encounter like a performance, pulling out all your best moves and your sexiest lingerie.  And you’re both insatiable … seeming to want and need it all the time.  You screw like rabbits and can’t get enough of each other.

But, after the honeymoon is over, all those quirky little things you thought were cute in the beginning are now annoying.  You don’t feel as obligated to laugh at all of his jokes and he no longer bothers to leave the room before he farts in front of you.  Conversations are brief, only occurring at your insistence or during half-time of the game.

As for sex, it’s still good, just not as frequent as before.  You’ve seen each other’s best moves and frankly, they just aren’t as impressive as before.  And you don’t mind so much if your panties and bras don’t match before you go to bed, either.  In fact, you don’t even give your pre-sex lingerie much thought anymore.  If it’s clean, you wear it!

And yet …

He’s still the first person you think of calling when you get good news at work.  He’s also the first person you call when you get bad news.  You don’t care if you laugh so hard you snort around him; and the fact that he can still make you laugh hard enough to make you snort speaks volumes.  You may hate it when he leaves the toilet seat up or his socks on the floor, but your heart still skips a beat when you hear his key in the door after a long day at work.  He’s still the last face you want to see when you go to sleep and the first voice you want to hear when you wake up.

You may not generate the heat and fireworks like you did when you first got together, but he’s still the only one who can make your temperature rise, even if it’s just a little bit.  He knows all your hot spots like the back of his hand, and yet he still goes just slow enough to send you to your bliss each and every time.

And even though you may bicker and fight like cats and dogs, you share a certain synchronicity that can’t be duplicated anywhere else.  It’s a rhythm, a harmonic beat that only the two of you can hear.  Most of the time you’re not even conscious of it … but it’s there.  It binds you together as you weather each storm, pulling you closer as each year passes.

Yeah, it’s comfortable, too.  Kind of like an old pair of slippers or that tee shirt you sleep in and just can’t get rid of.  But it’s also comforting, providing a safe harbor from the day-to-day trials of life.  And you share a deep respect for each other, so that no matter how angry or annoyed you get, you’ll only go so far with your insults and barbs.  You’ll never really set out to hurt each other.

And that’s just a little glimpse at what real love is … so enjoy!

ASK JANICE: Should I Let Him Go Down On Me?

Woman with man behind

Janice, should I let him go down on me? All my friends tell me it’s wonderful, but I just can’t relax. Help! It’s beginning to ruin my relationship. My guy says that if I don’t let him, I’m not really giving myself fully to him. Is this true?

Cheryl in Detroit

 

Dear Cheryl,

Well, I don’t know about all that “not giving yourself fully to him” stuff.  But I will say that you may be missing out on some serious blessings, girl.  There are few things more delightful than the pleasure a well-laced tongue can bring.  Anyone who has never experienced the soul-jarring orgasm that can result from having a man go down on you is truly missing out on one of life’s mores delicious pleasures (pun intended).

Look.  Many men will lie and say that they either don’t do it, or don’t like doing it.  But they are liars!  And while there are a few selfish men out there who refuse to go “downtown” (unbelievable, I know), most men are willing to because it gives their partners pleasure, often deepening their feelings of intimacy.  In fact, many men actually like pleasuring their women orally!  So, consider yourself lucky that you’ve got one of the good guys: someone who is actually WILLING to go down on you.

Now, I will be the first to admit that not every man willing to take the trip downtown knows what he’s doing.  And there are not a whole lot of things worse than someone being down there, fumbling around, hitting all the wrong spots and missing the right ones; putting too much pressure when a soft touch is required, or not enough pressure when you’re ready to do a little grinding.  In fact, in my humble opinion, the only things worse than bad oral sex are nails on a chalkboard, people who cut me off in traffic, and telemarketers who call during dinner.

On the other hand, when it’s done well it is oh, so very good!

I am not sure why you are having trouble relaxing and letting your man pleasure you orally.  However, I suspect you may have been brainwashed like so many women into thinking that our bodies (especially in THAT area) are undesirable, unlovable and worse, un-kissable.  Such programming is often unintentional and subliminal.  After all, we are taught by advertisers to camouflage our natural scent. There are sprays, inserts, wipes … and many of us remember seeing those hot water bottle douches hanging on the back of our grandmothers’ bathroom doors.  Such images and messages can leave an indelible mark on a young girl’s mind, especially if she is naturally modest.  Maybe you’ve internalized these messages and are now self-conscious about someone putting their face, mouth, tongue and yes … nose down there.

Well, it’s time to un-learn those self-disparaging messages and embrace your body … every single, creamy inch of it!  Before you can ever really give yourself to anyone, you have to first accept yourself the way you are.

Trust me when I tell you that as long as you are clean, your man will love the smell of your essence.  Rather than a pungent odor that must be sprayed with some artificial camouflage, think of your vag as the delightful flower that it is, offering up a heady, sensual scent which is unique to you and only you.  Your scent is like your fingerprint: no one else’s is the same.  Be proud of it, show it off, and let your man enjoy it to the very last drop!

Janice

Email Janice at AskJance@suzyknew.com with your intimate question.

Emily Thorne Gets Revenge. Can You Get It, Too?

Emily's Revenge

Emily Thorne, played by Emily VanCamp,  in the US TV drama Revenge is quite sexy as she plots and executes revenge against everyone who did her father wrong when she was a child.  We see flashbacks of Emily during her childhood in juvenile detention as a bitter, rage-filled, dark-haired kid who can barely function let alone go after any one. This is in stark contrast to the current Emily, a beautiful and seemingly calm, sweet blond who executes her view of justice swiftly with no regrets.  No one guesses that it’s Emily behind all the mishaps and tragedies that take place as she gets revenge. And, she’s pretty good at it, too.

Emily’s main target is Victoria Grayson, an extremely wealthy woman who fell in love with her father and then led him to his downfall when she risked losing everything because of her husband’s ill doings.  To get to Victoria, Emily goes after her son, Daniel, and gets him to fall in love with her.

Clever.

Ever think about getting revenge this way? Could you overcome the rage and bitterness that injustice has left on you to emerge more beautiful – not to mention intelligent, calm and calculating – to plot revenge? Could you fall in love with your perp’s progeny just to get back at them?

Emily exemplifies the saying: Revenge is a dish best served cold.  But, as we all know, revenge can backfire on you. This season on the TV drama, which airs on Wednesdays, we’ll see if Emily’s revenge goes awry and begins to affect people she actually cares for – namely her childhood crush, because Emily doesn’t really care about many people. Some cracks were beginning to show as the premier season ended.

But, let’s look at this another way: The best revenge is SUCCESS. Emily may have gone a little bit off the rails on her rampage for revenge.  But, you have to give her credit for turning herself into an independently wealthy, beautiful, cunning and calm woman after being locked up for years behind bars during most of her childhood.

Is there a man out there who you believe has ruined your life? Or was it a boss or job?  Or maybe you regret a major life decision.  Take heart and pull yourself together like Emily and go after success. (No comments on how much revenge you should go after.)

SuzyKnew