Tag Archives: Sizzle with Sophia

The Other Night, Part 1 SIZZLE WITH SOPHIA

His eyes held mine captive. “Tell me what you want,” he said. “Tell me what you need.”

“I just want you,” I whispered.

“Uh-uh,” he replied, shaking his head. Now he held my face in his hands. “Be specific. I want to know exactly what you want from me tonight.”

“Only tonight?” I asked, eyebrow raised.

“Let’s start with tonight and go from there. Okay?”

Taking a deep breath, I nodded.

He stepped even closer. But other than his hands on my face, we didn’t touch. “Now, tell me what you want and need from me.”

I closed my eyes for a moment before I answered. I just had to escape the intensity of his gaze. And while I struggled to form the right words, it occurred to me that how I responded would not only set the tone for the rest of the night, but for the rest of our relationship. So I needed to be as honest as possible.


I opened my eyes. “Yes?”

“Are you going to answer me?”


“Well …?”

And so I told him the truth. “I want you to do to my body what you’ve already done to my mind. And I don’t just want it for tonight. I want more than just one night with you.”

He smiled. “What have I done to your mind?”

“You’ve explored and challenged it. You’ve made me think about things differently, including myself.”

“And you want more than just this one night?”

“Yes. If that’s too much to ask, I’d rather know right now. Tell me now before this goes any further.”

He was quick to respond. “That’s not too much to ask. Not at all.” He released my face and took both of my hands in his. Kissing my knuckles, he continued. “So, I get to explore your body, huh?”

Blushing, I nodded. He grinned and said. “This is going to be fun. Are you sure?”

“Sure about what?”

“Are you sure about wanting to take this ‘thing’ between us to the next level? Because I don’t do flings, Sophia. I don’t do casual. If we do this, we do this right.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, as much as I want to explore that delicious-looking body of yours, I don’t want to go there if all you want is sex.”

“You know that’s not all I want,” I began.

“Well, I didn’t want to presume anything.”

“You’re the one who just said we’d start with tonight and go from there.”

“That’s because I didn’t want to ask for more until I knew what you wanted.”

Now I raised our hands and kissed his knuckles. “Now you know. What happens now?”

He didn’t answer at first. I thought maybe I’d gone too far or said something wrong. He must’ve been able to read this in my expression because he said “I’m sorry. It’s just that …” Now he blushed. “When you kissed me like that, on my hands … I lost my train of thought for a second.”

He quickly recovered, though. His eyes were intense again. “What happens now is that I get to begin my exploration of your body. Now, come with me.”

Holding just one hand, he led me to his bed. I was nervous again, and he could tell. Turning to face me he softly said “Look. We’re both nervous, here. Anyone would be nervous in our situation. Why don’t we agree right now that if either one of us gets too uncomfortable we’ll stop, okay?”


And then he leaned in and softly kissed my lips. I’d daydreamed about our first kiss dozens of times, but this was better than I’d imagined. Even before our lips parted and our tongues met, I felt heat and desire in his kiss. And the deeper the kiss went, the more heat I felt.

I didn’t get to savor the heat, though. Things were happening fast. He began unbuttoning my shirt, his fingers surprisingly adept. I must’ve flinched because he suddenly stopped and ended our kiss.

“Am I moving too fast?”

I opened my eyes and met his. “No. I’m sorry …”

“It’s okay,” we were talking at the same time. Then he continued. “Let’s just both try to relax, alright?”

I nodded and took a deep breath. And this time, I leaned up to kiss him. I could feel his smile even as he kissed me back. When he started unbuttoning my shirt again, I leaned in closer.

He slid my shirt over my shoulders and as soon as it fell to the floor, I reached for his buttons. He broke our kiss and watched my hands as I nervously fumbled with his shirt. I silently wished I was as cool as he’d been.

I must’ve been too slow because he quickly took over the task and removed his shirt in one smooth motion. Then I was face to face with that gorgeous, muscled chest of his. I’d seen it before, but always from a distance. Now it was just inches away, and it left me breathless.

He pulled me into his arms and started kissing me again. This time, I allowed my hands to roam across his broad back freely. Smooth skin, rippled muscles … he felt amazing.

I was so busy relishing the feel of his skin beneath my finger tips that I hardly noticed when he unhooked my bra. Breaking our kiss, he backed up a bit just as I let it fall to the floor.

“Damn,” he said softly. “They’re perfect!” I blushed.

The rest of our clothes seemed to fall away effortlessly. And where I’d usually be quick to cover myself with my hands, he made me feel desirable … and desired.

“You’re so sexy,” he said as he eased my panties over my hips. He bent down to help me step out of them and quickly kissed my thighs and belly on his way back up. “I can’t wait to taste you.”


Stay tuned for The Other Night, Part 2…

Why Should I Read SuzyKnew!? By Sophia Ned-James

At a recent brunch with some of my girlfriends, someone said “I don’t have a sex life, so why should I read SuzyKnew!?  What’s in it for me?”

The table fell silent.  I’d been going on and on about one of our guest contributors, so the question was certainly timely. Yet it still took me aback.  I guess since I’m a regular reader of the blog (I do contribute a few posts here and there), I just assumed everyone was.  Yet here was one of my closest friends admitting that not only didn’t she read it, she didn’t even see why she should.

You know how you always think of brilliant things to say to someone after you’ve left them?  When you’re face to face with them, you just sort of babble nonsensically.  But the moment you leave them, you think of a million wonderful and witty things you could have said?

Well, that was me that day.  At the table, I gave my standard plug about the value of SuzyKnew! a safe space for women of color to learn and explore issues about love and sexuality.  I explained how all of us contributors believe in its mission: to help women of color make smart decisions about sex and love, by providing timely, honest and thoughtful information in a relatable manner.

Because honestly, where else can you get all this information that’s sensitive to the unique perspectives of women of color?  Sure, there are millions of blogs and websites for women.  But, once you strip away the ones which focus on politics, celebrity gossip, hair and fashion; and once you eliminate the ones which are euro-centric; you’ll find that the pickings are pretty slim.  As is usually the case with love and sex issues as they pertain to women of color, our voices, concerns and questions go largely unaddressed.

If it ain’t about politics, celebrity gossip, natural hair or fashion, women of color (especially women from the African diaspora) are completely ignored in the blogosphere.  It’s like we’re invisible outside of these four topics!

That’s why a blog like SuzyKnew! is so important.  It fills that enormous void in cyber space.  SuzyKnew! recognizes that women of color fall in love, have sex, and have tons of questions and concerns about both.  SuzyKnew! understands the unique ways that culture and religion affect our relationships as well as our views about sex, reproductive health and family planning.

SuzyKnew! gets it.  SuzyKnew! gets us.

I said all that at brunch.  But, it wasn’t until I was in my car and driving home that I realized I really didn’t answer my friend’s question.  If you’re a single, celibate (or virginal) woman of color, what can SuzyKnew! do for you?  And sitting in traffic for 45 minutes, I came up with a few answers.

First of all, just because you’re a virgin, celibate, single/unattached, or whatever, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t learn as much as you can about your own sexuality.  And not just the physical aspects of sex, either.  You need to explore and develop your sexuality emotionally, spiritually, psychologically and physically.

You also need to stay on top of new developments in contraceptives and how they can affect you, as a woman of color.  You need to learn about HIV/AIDS, and other STDs.  And guess what?  You NEED to read an erotic article written with YOU in mind every once in a while, too.  (Wink, wink)

Even if you’re not having sex, you still have to maintain your sexual health.  And SuzyKnew! has a team of OBGYN experts to answer your questions about everything from pap smears and how often you really need them , to vaginal dryness, to how to keep your vagina clean and tight.

You may be sexually inactive now, but if you ever plan on having a family, SuzyKnew! is where you can get honest, detailed information on Fertility Awareness (FAM).  If family planning isn’t in your future, but a sexual relationship is, then come to SuzyKnew! to learn how your race and even your weight can affect certain contraceptives.  And did you even know that the Female Condom (FC) has been on the market for a few years, now?  I didn’t until I read about it in SuzyKnew!  And I even tried them and wrote about it, myself!

You may not have a significant other right now.  You may be in the midst of a decades-long sexual drought.  But if you ever want to establish a healthy, physical relationship in the future, then you gotta stay on top of what’s going on out there.  You don’t want to be unprepared when you’re the man of your dreams comes along, do you?  Of course not.  When your King enters your life, you’ll want to be well-informed about all your options, well-researched on how to stay healthy, and even well-inspired by one of my sexy stories!

SuzyKnew! isn’t just for the sexually active.  It’s for any adult woman of color who wants to know herself better.  It’s for you.  It’s for me.  It’s for all of us.

Now get out there and spread the word about SuzyKnew! to your friends!  We could always use more subscribers!

Enemies With Benefits: SIZZLE WITH SOPHIA

I bumped into an ex-boyfriend the other day and the encounter unleashed a flood of memories. It’s funny how the passage of time can smooth the rough edges of a bad relationship. Not that my memories of Raynard* are all bad. But he’s definitely an “ex” for a reason. As a matter of fact, even when we were together I didn’t like him very much.

I know that sounds crazy. But have you ever had great sex with someone you didn’t like? Well that was the nature of our relationship. I didn’t like him and he didn’t like me.

Raynard and I bickered all the time, and not in that cute they-fight-but-both-know-they-belong-together kind of way, either. Our fights were ugly. He said I was bossy and a know-it-all. I thought he was an arrogant asshole. And we argued about everything from religion to college basketball to the best way to eat scrambled eggs.

And yet … there was something about each of us that the other found irresistible. You know that metaphor about the moth and flame? Well, that was us. We were inexplicably drawn to each other and had amazing sex, but that was it.

Physically, I was his “type”: thick and busty. So he was attracted to me immediately. And honestly, I think the fact that I called him on his shit turned him on. He always said that the moment I challenged his beliefs, he knew he wanted to fuck me.

For me the attraction wasn’t physical, at first. Raynard was a nice enough looking guy, but unremarkable. But he exuded sexual prowess in a way that’s hard to describe. The guy had swagger before it was even a thing.

And man, was the sex hot! I mean, we burned up some sheets. I know nothing tops making love with someone you’re connected to emotionally. But there’s something very liberating about steamy sex with someone you don’t like. The emotional stakes are lower, for one thing. And that makes it easier to let go and enjoy the pure physicality of the experience.

I remember this one time in particular…

The setting was about as unromantic as you can imagine. I was in his bathroom, standing at the sink. I had to lean over because I had an eyelash in my eye. We’d planned to “get busy”, but our argument a few minutes earlier killed the mood. I was ready to go home. Plus my eye was irritated.

So there I was, leaning over his sink to get closer to the mirror, when he walked in without knocking. That immediately pissed me off because who does that?

Finally retrieving the errant lash, I glared at him in the mirror. “How’re you just gonna walk up in here without knocking? That’s so rude!”

He just shrugged and said “It’s my house.” Asshole.

I was just about to say something smart when I saw his eyes drop to my ass. It was summer and I was wearing a sundress that came to just above my knees. In the few seconds it took for him to walk from the door to the sink, I knew what was going to happen.

Without saying a word, he reached under my dress and yanked my panties down to my ankles. As I stepped out of them, I spread my legs and met his eyes in the mirror. There was no romantic music playing because only minutes before, we’d been arguing. The television in his bedroom wasn’t even on. The only sound I heard was his zipper and the pounding of my heart.

I bent lower but kept watching him. First, keeping one hand on my hip, he reached around me and opened the medicine cabinet. Grabbing a condom, he tore the wrapper off with his teeth and rolled it on. Then he grabbed my hips with both hands and slammed into me with a loud grunt. I wasn’t that wet, but the raw passion on his face ramped up my arousal. He bit his bottom lip and his nostrils flared as he slowly started thrusting.

“There it is,” he moaned. “There’s that juicy pussy!” He was right. I was getting wetter with each stroke. But as good as it felt, I was still mesmerized by watching him. The tendons in his neck strained. His chest muscles flexed beneath the tee shirt he hadn’t bothered to remove. And his eyes looked dark and dangerous when they met mine again.

“You got me feeling too good,” he moaned. “I’m about to lose control.”

I gave him a little nudge and dropped my shoulders. Taking the hint, Raynard adjusted his stance behind me and started coming at me from a slightly different angle. It was perfect, even though I couldn’t see his reflection anymore.

“How does that feel?” He gave my ass a little slap for emphasis.

“Good,” I gasped, feeling my own control slip. Then he did this thing with his hips and hit my spot. “Oh! Oh, that’s so good!” He hit it again and again.

“Tell me when you’re about to cum,” he grunted. He kept a nice and steady pace, but seemed to somehow go deeper with each stroke.

I struggled to hold onto the slippery porcelain sink as I met each of his thrusts with an even harder thrust of my own. I had to add my own little twist to fully engage my clit, which felt like it had doubled in size, it was so sensitive.

As the pressure started to build, I finally looked in the mirror again. It was hard to do from that angle, but I managed to catch a glimpse of him. Raynard’s face showed the strain of his effort to hold back and that was all it took to push me over the edge.

The wave was so powerful and hit so suddenly, I didn’t have time to warn him. All I could do was scream as my knees started to buckle. If he hadn’t been holding me, I’d have slid right to the floor. But he held on tight and kept grinding until he came too.

When he finally released his grip, I stumbled over to the toilet and sat down with a thud. Still panting, I watched as he slumped against the sink, his eyes still closed. There was no cuddling. No sweet words of love. We didn’t even kiss. We were just two sated lovers trying to catch our breaths.

And that’s how it was with Raynard: raw and unromantic … sex for the sake of sex. And no relationship can last when good sex is all there is. We parted ways for good not too long after the bathroom episode. If memory serves me correctly, he met someone he really liked and that was that.

Seeing him the other day brought back fond memories of those steamy summer days where our genitals got along better than the rest of us did. I don’t miss Raynard, not even a little bit. But there is something to be said for unbridled, unattached sex. And having a mirror around ain’t half bad, either!

*Y’all know the deal. Raynard isn’t his real name. I always change the names and a few details to protect the not-so-innocent.


Congratulations!  You made it through another Valentine’s Day as a single woman in one piece!  Never mind the fact that you ate way too much half-priced chocolate after February 15th.  After all, it’s almost a crime to pass up such a good bargain, right?

The bottom line is that despite a few extra pounds (or fifteen) and that one zit that just won’t let you be great, you’re still here: relatively happy, whole and none the worse for the wear.  And now that the commercials with obnoxiously happy couples have come and gone, you’re finally able to think about embarking on a love adventure of your own.

Here’s the thing, though.  You’ve been single for so long, you’ve forgotten what it’s like to even be in a relationship.  In fact, you’ve gotten used to the lack of drama and relationship hijinks.  You’ve come to enjoy those quiet evenings alone, watching whatever you want on TV without having to share the remote.

But as cuddly as your cat is, he’s really no substitute for human companionship.  Besides, he’s prone to scratching when he doesn’t get his way.  What you want is a man so that you can share your life with someone who walks on two legs and doesn’t use a litter box.  In other words, you’re finally ready for love.

So what do you do?  What steps can you take so that you’ll be spending next Valentine’s Day with your boo?

Before you do anything, you’ve got to get your mind right!  You may THINK you’re ready for love; your body may tell you you’re ready for love (as may your copious use of batteries); and your heart may even feel ready for love … but until you get your MIND right, you ain’t really ready.

But I can help you.  Simply follow Sophia’s Tips to Get Your Mind Right and you’ll be ready for love in no time!

  1. Love Yourself as You Are: We’re all works in progress.  Most of us have an idea of who our optimal selves are: thinner, wealthier, etc.  And that’s great!  It’s important to have goals and to always strive to be better.  However, it’s also important that we love ourselves as we are RIGHT NOW.  You need to accept and love the body you currently have, not just the one you’re working towards.  So remove your makeup, get off the treadmill, put the books away and take a long, hard look in the mirror.  Don’t just look at the flaws, though.  Don’t focus on what you need to change.  Instead, look at that magnificent woman you’ve become and love HER.  Love every extra pound, every scar, and every blemish.  Know her.  Accept her.  And most importantly, love her.  After all, you can’t expect anyone to love you if you don’t love yourself first.  (NOTE: This step will take some time.  We’re so used to being critical of ourselves, we often forget how great we are TODAY.  So please, take this step seriously.)
  2. Involve Your Higher Power: In other words, pray on it.  Even if you don’t believe in God, Jehovah, Allah, or the blue-eyed, blonde-haired baby Jesus, you probably have some higher authority whch guides your life.  Even if your higher power is more of a concept than a being, like truth or justice or love, you have some guiding principle by which you live.  It’s imperative that you involve your higher authority in your quest for love.  If that means praying, then pray.  It that means spending some time each day in deep meditation, then cross those legs and meditate.  Whatever it is, just do it.  I won’t get all preachy on you.  But when you spend time in prayer or meditation, it becomes easier to center your thoughts and focus your energy.  This rids your mind of the negative energies that would sabotage your peace and happiness.
  3. Be Open to “Something New”: Everyone has a “type” when it comes to men, and so do you.  But going for that same “type” of guy hasn’t worked or you wouldn’t be reading this list.  It’s time to be open to something different from what you usually want.  This could mean being open to a different race or physical type.  Or it could mean being willing to date someone who doesn’t have the same educational background as you.  The point is you need to be willing to think outside of your usual parameters and consider something different.  This not only opens your dating pool, thereby giving you more choices, it broadens your horizons in general.
  4. Be Ready To Do The Work: Face it, ladies.  You aren’t going to meet your new love sitting on your couch binge watching Empire!  Finding a new love is going to take some effort on your part..  This requires a shift in your thinking about meeting someone new.  In the past, having your friends introduce you to a “nice guy” was a practical, reliable way to meet men.  But we live in a fast-paced, digital age where that just doesn’t happen, anymore.  That means you’ve got to take a more active role in your search for love, be it embracing the notion of online dating, seeking the help of a professional match-maker, or making the first move when you see someone you like.  Anything worth having takes effort, so you need to be ready to do the work.

Once you get your mind right, there will be no stopping you!  I’m not saying it’s easy to find love, because it isn’t.  But with the right frame of mind, anything is possible.  Good luck!

Sophia’s Tips To Avoid Disappointment On V-Day

For many women, Valentine’s Day turns into a huge disappointment.  If we’re single, the day often brings up feelings of loneliness and inadequacy.  Commercials, ads and the preponderance of images of smiling, happy couples can be depressing.  Even if we’re in a relationship, the pressures of this contrived holiday can shake us.  We’ll spend far too much time planning for something that will ultimately let us down.  And nine times out of ten, the fault lies within ourselves.  Because let’s face it, ladies.  We think about Valentine’s Day way more than men do.  We can’t help it.  We’ve been socialized that way.  We’re told fairy tales as little girls where there’s always a happily ever after and then are fed a steady diet of corny, rom-com movies that reinforce those themes as tweens, teens and young adults.

By the time we reach the full bloom of womanhood, many of us suffer from an odd neurosis resulting from decades of having our romantic lives fall way short of the unrealistic expectations set by the fairy tales of our childhoods.  In other words, we finally get that our Prince Charming is neither a prince nor very charming, even as we love him wholeheartedly.

I mean, look at your Boo.  Yes, you think he’s all that and a bag of chips, and you should.  He’s your man.  But when you’re brutally honest with yourself, you know he doesn’t measure up to the male protagonists of our favorite chick flicks.  Yeah he’s sweet and good to you, but he doesn’t do the over-the-top kinds of romantic gestures you see in the movies.  He’s not standing outside your bedroom window, holding a boom box, blasting a love ballad.  He’s doesn’t march up to your job, whisk you up into his arms and carry you out while your co-workers applaud.  He isn’t the one who will show up at your door (while you’re entertaining all your girlfriends at your house) and proclaim his love for you in a long, poetic soliloquy.

That’s just not your guy!  And that’s okay because if he did do all of those things he’d probably be a stalker.

My point is that you shouldn’t let these Hollywood images of romance diminish the great thing you got going on with your Boo.  Don’t believe the hype because that shit ain’t real!

Is your man good to you?  Is he honest?  Does he support your dreams and aspirations?  Does he make you laugh?  Are you a good fit?  Do you share the same values?  Do you want the same things out of life?  Does he still make you blush, giggle, even tingle at times?

If you answered yes, then you’ve got yourself a wonderful man!  Be thankful!

But I know you, though.  We’re a lot alike, so I know what you’re thinking.  Those fairy tale images lurking deep within our psyches would have us believe that our lives are wanting, that our own love stories are dull and colorless.  And the industries that profit the most from holidays like Valentine’s Day (I’m talking about you, Hallmark and FTD) only reinforce these notions, further feeding our neurotic thinking.

But I’m here to tell you, that despite the fact your Boo isn’t the Prince Charming of your fairytales, he’s probably still a great guy.  And while he won’t be sweeping you off your feet on some mid-February day with canary diamonds and spontaneous trips to Paris, you can and should celebrate the man he is and the love you have.

So here are my tips for avoiding a Disappointing Valentine’s Day (for the already Boo’d up):

  1. TELL HIM WHAT YOU WANT: Don’t assume your man knows what you want your Valentine’s Day to be.  He doesn’t.  No, really …  he doesn’t.  Instead of expecting him to understand how much this holiday means to you, tell him what you want. Men aren’t mind readers, no matter how well they know you.  And if this stuff means more to you than him, you need to give him his marching orders for that day.  Be clear, concise and specific.  If you want flowers at work, tell him.  If you want a romantic dinner date that night, tell him.   It doesn’t take the romance out of it, trust me.  Consider it training for future years.  And the right guy won’t mind.  In fact, he’ll just be happy to know exactly what you want.  IMPORTANT NOTE:  Don’t wait until the last minute, either!  Start talking about this at least a week in advance, and keep reminding him.
  2. REALISTIC EXPECTATIONS: Even with specific instructions, be careful to manage your own expectations.  Know his limits.  Your man isn’t going to magically transform into something he’s not.  If he’s not usually the romantic gesture type of guy, understand that he’s making an exception for you on this day.  So appreciate his efforts for what they are: gestures of love.  And react accordingly.  If he is a romantic gesture type of guy, then sit back and trust him to handle things.  Still manage your expectations, though.
  3. PLAN ACCORDING TO BOTH YOUR PERSONALITIES: So you’ve finally gotten him on board for some kind of Valentine’s Day celebration, but he leaves the bulk of the planning to you.  Now is not the time to introduce new kink or anything radically different to your relationship.  I’m not saying don’t make it special.  On the contrary.  I’m just telling you to keep the surprises to a minimum.  Stick with what you know he likes and build on that.  Remember who you’re dealing with and make it something you’ll both enjoy.  Also, keep it simple.  Don’t over plan.  You can’t expect to do cocktails at a jazz club, dinner at your favorite restaurant, a show, dancing, AND some head-banging sex.  That’s doing way too much.
  4. FEEL BEAUTIFUL: Lingerie companies also profit heavily from Valentine’s Day.  With women trying to spice things up with a little sexy number and men bringing home silky gifts to their wives and girlfriends, places like Victoria’s Secret will see huge sales increases.  But what’s often lost is the notion that while the lingerie must intrigue and arouse the man, it also has to make the woman feel beautiful.  If you plan to splurge on new lingerie for Valentine’s Day, consult a knowledgeable sales associate about what fits you and your body type best.  Buy something that accentuates your assets, but that also feels comfortable and fits well.  If it doesn’t make you feel beautiful, don’t buy it.  Because if you feel beautiful, you’ll be confident.  And your confidence will be sexier to him that any piece of silk or lace money can buy.
  5. RELAX AND ENJOY: Don’t let your plans ruin your day.  If everything doesn’t go exactly according to plan, don’t sweat it!  Go with the flow.  The important thing is that you and your guy enjoy a day and night where you celebrate your love.  It doesn’t matter if the dinner you cook isn’t perfect.  Who cares if your flowers die too soon or you forget the champagne? So what if he’s a little late.  You’re with the man you love and he’s at least made an effort to make this day special for you.  So sit back, relax and let it flow.

Happy Valentine’s Day, loves!  Enjoy!


By Sophia Ned-James

Now that I’ve written about it a few times, my guy has decided to wake me up using some form of sex on a semi-regular basis.  Not that I’m complaining, mind you.  I love it!  But every once in a while, I’d like to return the favor, you know?

Anyway, here’s what happened this morning …

I slowly pulled myself out of a deep sleep and realized that the intense pleasure I felt wasn’t a dream.  It was Royce* moving gently inside me.  He moved deliberately, careful not to rest his full weight on my body.  Even though his head was turned so that I couldn’t see his face, I could feel him straining to be quiet.

It didn’t work, though.  I heard his soft moans and knew he needed release.

I gently reached up and pulled him closer to me, as I matched his thrusts with my own.   Royce turned his head and looked at me with such raw lust, it shocked me.  Clearly he’d been at this for a while because he was closer to the edge than I thought.

Reaching down, I grabbed his firm ass and pulled him into me harder.  “Take it, baby” I whispered, holding his gaze.  “Take your pussy.  Cum for me!”

And so he took me with abandon, putting both my legs around his shoulders which allowed him to go even deeper.  It felt incredible!  And watching him completely let go as he finally came had my heart racing.  His eyes never left mine as he rode out his orgasm.  Then, he collapsed on top me, in a sweaty, exhausted heap.

I let him catch his breath before I started moving beneath him.  He was still inside me, though no longer hard.  He wasn’t completely limp, but he wasn’t hard enough for me to really get off.  I was too aroused to stay still, though.

Royce knew exactly what to do.  Reaching down, he gently took hold of my throbbing clit.  Then, he began to slowly massage it as I rocked my hips against him harder.

Soon, I could feel his manhood start to swell inside me until he was hard enough to fill me up again.  Removing his hand, he started thrusting into me again, following the pace I set with my hips.

“Can you cum again, baby?”  I asked, getting closer and closer to the edge.

Shaking his head, he answered “Uh-uh.  This is all you this time.”

“But you’re so hard!”

“I know,” he grunted, picking up his pace.  “But this is for you.  It’s your turn.”

He kept talking.  Grinding his hips even harder, he grunted “This is my pussy, isn’t it?  I want to feel my pussy cum!”

As the first wave of orgasm began its slow ascent up my spine, I quickened my pace.  Knowing I was getting close, Royce urged me on.  “That’s it, Baby.  Come on and cum for me.  I love watching you cum!  You’re so sexy!”

My eyes involuntarily began to close as I gave in to his sexy demands.  But, he wasn’t having it.  “Uh-uh.  Keep those eyes open.  I want you to look at me when you cum!”

Seeing him watch me with such intensity was exciting and erotic.  And his voice, so deep and commanding, pushed me right to the edge.  But it was this one move he did that finally sent me flying.  Somehow, by shifting his weight just a little, he started hitting my spot.  He knew it, too because he was relentless, hitting that exact spot over and over until I completely lost control.  When I came, I screamed and shuddered, feeling full, happy and sated.

I have to admit he’s got me spoiled.  Waking up to my annoyingly loud alarm clock just isn’t the same.  Now, if I can just figure out a way to wake up before him so that I can return the favor …

*Royce is my Boo’s online name.  I keep his government name a secret out of respect.  Anyway, I always change the names and a few details to protect the no-so-innocent!

Dear Santa: All I Want For Christmas Is… SIZZLE WITH SOPHIA

Dear Santa,

What’s up, Big Guy?  It’s me, Sophia Ned-James, from Detroit!  I hope this letter finds you, Mrs. C and all your elves happy and well.  Are you staying warm up there in the North Pole?

Santa, I’ve been a very good girl this year.  No, I haven’t always been on my best behavior, but even when I’m bad, you know I’m good, right?  After all, I did narrow my boyfriend list down to one (1) this year.  And as promised, I’ve stayed far away from those swingers’ clubs.  No really!  I haven’t been to a single one all year!

So, do I finally qualify for your “Nice” list this year?

Who am I kidding?

Sure I’ve improved (as we all do with age).  But the truth is I’ve been a very naughty girl!  In fact, I probably need to be spanked!  But we’ll discuss my “punishment” when you get here Christmas Eve.  (Side note: you left your handcuffs here last year.  And I think I left my leopard-print bra in your sleigh.)

And don’t worry.  There’ll be more than milk and cookies waiting for you at the bottom of my chimney … cuz you and I both know you WILL be stopping by this year!

Anyway, if I HAD made it onto your “Nice” list, here are a few things I’d ask for this Christmas:

  1. For ALL women to experience all the joy that having a clitoris brings: orgasms, multiple orgasms and more orgasms! And did I mention ORGASMS?!?  (I mean, really – you’d think that with more than 8,000 nerve endings, everyone would be having fun with this thing, right?)
  2. For ALL (hetero) men to learn their partners’ bodies; to really understand what makes her writhe with pleasure; and then to use that knowledge to keep her happy.
  3. For ALL couples to learn how to communicate with each other, so that each partner learns the love language of the other.
  4. For safe, protected and CONSENTUAL sex to be the norm EVERYWHERE.
  5. A world that’s safe for women sexually, where we can be free to embrace our sexuality without shame, fear or repercussions.
  6. A world without rape, sexual assault of any kind, sexual exploitation or abuse.
  7. For little girls to be taught to love every inch of their bodies, even the private parts. Especially the private parts, because “private” does not equal “bad” or “shameful” or something that needs to be masked or disguised.
  8. A world where little girls can remain children for as long as possible, protected and loved by the adults around them, and not exploited or hurt.
  9. A world where ALL women have and maintain total control over their bodies and their lives.
  10. For LOVE to be the driving force behind all our actions.

Santa, I know it’s a daunting list.  But hey, at least I didn’t ask for jewelry or lingerie this time, right?  And anyway, I’ll make it worth your while, I promise.  And sure, Mrs. C can join us this time.

See you soon!

Love Your Naughty Friend,



Ladies, if you’re lucky enough to have a highly skilled lover, then I’m sure you’ve been where I was last night: I had to take control in the bedroom to remind my Boo who’s boss!

Now before I start getting emails about a woman’s place, feminism and equality let me make it clear that I’m only speaking figuratively.  Like most couples, my relationship with Royce* is a balance of give and take, lead and follow and a whole lot of compromise.  So don’t worry, he’s not a henpecked loser and I’m not a doormat.

That said, I think my frequent sharing of our sexual adventures online has given Royce the big head.  Like most men with serious sexual skills, he knows he’s gifted and is proud of it.  And that’s fine.  ‘Cause there ain’t nothing hotter than a sexually confident man, right?

But I’m not gonna lie.  Royce has gotten pretty cocky lately (pun intended).  He knows my body well and plays me like a maestro.  And I must admit that he’s been hitting it out the park EVERY. SINGLE. TIME!  Please excuse the mixed metaphors, but you know what I mean.

Anyway, last night I needed to remind him that I have skills, too.  He ain’t the only one who can rock somebody’s world!  I can bring it in the bedroom just as well as he can.

So I ambushed him!

But first, I had to trick him.  When Royce got home from work, I was dressed in sweatpants and one of his T-shirts, hanging out on the couch in his living room.  This was usually a sign that we weren’t going to have sex that night.  I could tell he was disappointed, but he didn’t say anything.  He just gave me a quick kiss and headed to the shower.

That’s when I pulled the switch-a-roo on him.  When he walked out of the shower wearing only a towel, he found me reclining on his bed completely naked.  I’d also dimmed the lights, lit a couple of candles and turned on his favorite Latin Jazz station.

“What’s going on?” he asked, walking over to the bed.

“An ambush,” I answered.  And then I reached over, snatched off his towel and pulled him onto the bed.

“What the …”” he stumbled for words as got up on my knees and quickly took him into my mouth.

I love sucking Royce from soft to rock hard!  Feeling his dick grow inside my mouth is so erotic, just thinking about it gets me wet.  But I was on a mission.  As much as I love sucking my guy off, I also needed to prove a point.  So, I gave my man the kind of blow job that makes him shake, shiver and yell my name.

I took him as deep as I could, and only barely gagged when his thick head hit the back of my throat.  I sucked him deep and hard.  Using both my hands, I varied my pace based on his responses.  When my jaws got tired, I turned my attention to his balls and that delicious space beneath his scrotum.  Just when that got really good to him, I went back to sucking, this time with even more vigor and enthusiasm.  Then, when he began to tremble, I put his hand on the back of my head, encouraging him to guide me.  He really loves that!

It was one of the longest and best blow jobs I’ve ever given Royce and I had a blast.  But I didn’t let him cum, though.  I let him get close to the edge, and then I slowly released him from my mouth.

He sat up in protest.  “Why’d you stop?”

“Oh, I’m not done with you, yet,” I assured him.  “But I told you, this is an ambush.  Now shush and let me handle my business!”

I grabbed the condom I’d hidden under the pillow.  In record time, I had it out of the package on onto his throbbing dick.  Then using more force than he expected, I pushed him onto his back and climbed on top.  He was so aroused, he was shaking.  But he smiled and said, “Yes, Ma’am!”

I watched his face as I slowly lowered myself onto his thick cock.  His nostrils flared from his efforts to hold himself still.  Bracing my hands on his abs, I slowly let him fill me.  He moaned “My God!  You feel so damned good!”

“Better than my mouth?”  I teased.

“Don’t make me answer that,” he said as I finally started to move.

When I started in on my “long-stroke and squeeze” move (which I usually save for closer to the end), he hissed.  “How about now?”  I asked.  “Is it better than my mouth now?”

He didn’t (or couldn’t) answer.  And so, I kept riding him, teasing him with my inner muscles until I hit my stride.  He watched me with awe as I bounced on him hard, and I gave him quite a show.  I played with my breasts, added a little twist to my hips and begged him to slap my ass.  Finally unable to stop himself, he grabbed my hips in an effort to take control.

“Uh-uh,” I said, knocking his hands away and really going at it.  “Let me do this!”

“Damn, Sophia,” he breathed.  “I don’t know how much longer I can last!”

But he did last, and I made the most of my control over him.  I kept up a steady rhythm, but changed the pace just enough to keep him on edge.  Then I grabbed his hands and put them on my breasts.  He knew exactly what to do.

“You like when I squeeze ‘em don’t you?”  His voice was so deep and raspy with tension it made me grind on him even harder.

“Oh yes,” I moaned, watching the way his eyes flickered in the candlelight.  His nostrils flare again as I shifted my angle and leaned a little closer to him.

“Oh, Sophia,” he gasped through clenched teeth.  He arched his back and closed his eyes.

“Open your eyes,” I said enjoying the control I had over him.   “Look at me!  Watch me make you cum!”

He opened his eyes and they seared me with heat.  Releasing my breasts, he grabbed my hips and started thrusting into me so hard I almost fell off him.  This time I let him take control, even though I knew I was still in charge.

“That’s it,” I said, holding onto his forearms for balance.  “Take it!  Fuck me!”

“I’m about to cum!”  He groaned, biting his bottom lip.  “Fuck this feels so good!”

“Don’t cum until I tell you to,” I said.  I could barely talk myself, though.  He’d angled his hips just so and was hitting my spot with alarming precision.

“Can’t help it,” he said through clenched teeth.  “I can’t stop!”

I couldn’t either.  Giving in to my own orgasm, I threw my head back and rode wave after wave of pleasure.  In the middle of my bliss, Royce’s climax ripped through his body.  My vision was blurry, but I watched as he completely surrendered to his release.  Every muscle in his body tensed.  The cords in his neck looked like they’d burst wide open and his abs rippled with strain.

His explosion seemed to go on forever.

After a few seconds, Royce pulled me onto his chest in a tight embrace.  I could hear his heart racing even though he was panting, fighting to get air into his neglected lungs.  As I could feel him soften inside me, he moaned “Oh God, oh God, oh God,” over and over again.  Then he fell silent.

Royce didn’t say anything until after he’d removed and disposed of the condom, and pulled me back into his arms.  Then he kissed me lightly on my forehead and whispered “You are amazing, Sophia.”

I know, right?

*Royce isn’t his government name, of course.  I always change the name and a few details to protect the not-so-innocent.

Sophia’s Grown & Sexy Thanksgiving 2014 – SIZZLE WITH SOPHIA

Even though I try to practice gratitude year-round, I think it’s well and good that we take a special day every year to pause and give thanks for all the good in our lives.  That’s why I’m a huge fan of Thanksgiving!

But, as much as I love spending time with family and friends over a delicious meal, I’m also pretty thankful for sexual health and pleasure!  And y’all know me.  Ain’t no shame in my game!  That’s why I’ve put together Sophia’s Grown & Sexy Thanksgiving List for 2014!  Feel free to add to this in the comment section below.

  1. Smart Men – Smart men are sexy! In my younger, wilder days, I could put up with dumb but cute guys.  Not anymore, though.  A cute smile, a stiff dick and a nice ass won’t get you very far these days.  I need some stimulating conversation and not just about sex.  If you can’t intelligently converse (not conversate, which is NOT a word) about current events, local politics or something deeper than the latest reality show drama, then I can’t be bothered.  You must be able to get into my head before you can get into my panties.  I am thankful for smart men.
  2. Hard Bodies – That said, I ain’t mad at the brothas who got it going on body-wise! We women are just as visual as men.  And I’m old-school.  I like a man’s hardness to compliment my soft curves.  (Shut up!  It’s not fat!  We’re calling it curves, all right?)  While we are visual, women tend to be more forgiving of men’s bodies.  And I think that’s a good thing.  We still find our Boo’s beer belly sexy and don’t mind when he’s put on a few pounds.  But we ain’t blind, either.  We can appreciate a six-pack, big biceps and thick, muscular thighs, too.  Phew!  My mouth is watering just thinking about it!  I am thankful for hard bodies!
  3. The Hooded Lady – Okay, that’s just a euphemism for our crown jewel, the clitoris! This fascinating part of the female’s anatomy has twice as many nerve endings as the penis (8,000+) and is only there for one purpose: sexual pleasure.  Unlike the penis, which also serves as a liquid waste portal and reproduction organ, our clitoris serves no other biological function than our pleasure.  How cool is that?  It’s like God, in his infinite wisdom, decided that since women have to endure menstruation, the pain of childbirth and 30% less pay, we deserve our very own personal pleasure center.  And so He gave each of us a clitoris.  I am thankful for the clitoris!
  4. The G Spot – For so many women, this much-hyped spot is an elusive, almost mythical body feature. Much scientific and sociological study has been made of the G Spot, yet many women have yet to experience its amazing power.  Keep looking, ladies.  It’s there, somewhere on the top wall of your va-jay-jay.  I suspect that it’s actually a continuation of the clitoris, which goes so much further than the little tip we see on the outside of our bodies (think of that visible part as just the tip of the iceberg).  At any rate, a properly stimulated G Spot will send you to the moon and have you speaking in tongues.  I am so thankful for the G Spot!
  5. Multiple Orgasms – Sure, there are some gifted men who experience multiple orgasms in quick succession. But they are few and far between, and are often experienced in some form of tantric sex.  Trust me, your average Joe ain’t nuttin’ three or four times in a row without some serious recovery time in between.  Multiple orgasms are another Godly gift to women.  I know that not every woman is multi-orgasmic.  But every woman has the potential to be.  And that’s the important part.  There are few things more beautifully spiritual than riding wave after wave of ecstasy without pause!  I am thankful for multiple orgasms.
  6. The One-Eyed Beast – Dick.  Peter.  Call it what you like.  As a devoutly hetero woman, I have a strong and deep appreciation for that glorious member attached to the male body: the penis.  Like the TLC song says, “Two inches or a yard, rock hard or if it’s sagging”, I love the penis in its many shapes, sizes and states.  And while no woman is exactly comfortable with really tiny ones or really big ones, most dicks are just the right size and perfectly made!  Honestly, give me a smaller guy with the right moves over an enormous one who just lies there any day!  Big, small, circumcised or uncut, I love ‘em all!  I am thankful for penises.  
  7. O.B. – As much as I love penises, I don’t always have access to one. Thank goodness for my B.O.B. (Battery Operated Boyfriend)!  Woman-centered sex toys have been around for thousands of years.  But these days, thanks to the internet and a growing demand among women, the sex toy industry has grown by leaps and bounds.  Now, there’s something for everyone out there and at reasonable prices, too.  And they’re not just for lonely, horny women anymore either!  More and more couples have discovered the joys of playing with toys together.  And I love it!  Every woman should have at least three or four reliable B.O.B.s in her nightstand drawer.  Oh and tons of batteries!  I am thankful for vibrators, dildos and other sex toys.
  8. Safe Sex – In the 30+ years since the AIDS epidemic began, condom use has dramatically increased in general. But current statistics are troubling: there has been a noticeable decline in condom use, especially among young people.  Too many women of color globally are being infected.  And women of the African diaspora are disproportionately more likely to become infected with HIV/AIDS, despite all efforts to the contrary.  Access to barrier methods and other forms of contraception varies worldwide.  In the United States, we have it pretty good.  However, the political tide has shifted and it’s getting harder for low-income women to have access.  Safe sex is necessary for both our health and our pleasure.  And ladies, in this area we cannot rely on men to protect us.  It’s on us.  Practice safe sex … ALWAYS!  Educate yourself.  Arm yourself.  Protect yourself.  Save yourself.  Love yourself.  I am so thankful for safe sex!
  9. Good Sex – Let’s face it: not all sex is created equal. It’s not always pretty and it certainly ain’t always good.  But I love good sex.  I appreciate good sex.  I want everyone to have good sex!  The necessary ingredients for good sex are self-love, self-respect, and a healthy relationship with your partner which includes respect, friendship and trust.  Our biggest and most important sex organ is our brain.  Women, especially, have to “get their minds right” to truly enjoy sex.  If you love and respect yourself, you won’t engage in any activity that will ultimately harm you.  That’s half the battle right there.  The other half is your partner.  If he doesn’t respect you, he won’t make any effort towards your enjoyment.  If you don’t trust him, you’ll never really let go and have fun.  And if, regardless of your “relationship status”, the two of you aren’t friends first, then it will be hard to reach the highest heights of ecstasy together.  But when all of the ingredients are in place, you can rest assured that it’ll be all good!  I am thankful for good sex.
  10. Head – Yep, I’m gonna wrap up my list with good, old-fashioned oral sex. I recently heard some great advice from a man. He said that the best way for women to ensure fantastic sex every time is to get the man to agree to one thing: if he ain’t strokin’, he needs to be lickin’!  Of course, this elicited cheers and whistles from all women present.  But, I think he might be on to something.  And I also believe the reverse is true.  I haven’t met a man yet who would turn down even a mediocre blow job.  It’s quite simple, really: we all like being on the receiving end of some good oral loving, right?  And for the most part, we all like pleasing our partners, right?  So it stands to reason that if everyone agrees up front to offer up a little mouth and tongue action to their partner, everyone will be happy.  It’s a win-win situation!  So embrace the joys of oral sex, both as a giver and a receiver!  I am so thankful for oral sex!

So there you have it: my list of things for which I am grateful.  Please feel free to add your list in the comments below.  In the meantime, have a safe and happy Thanksgiving, everyone!



A good friend of mine recently asked if I had any tips for dealing with jawbreakers.  No, I’m not talking about that hard, round piece of candy that seems to last forever.  Remember those?

My friend was referring to her man’s penis.  Apparently it’s so thick that she actually has a hard time giving him satisfactory blow jobs.  Her jaws get tired quickly, and she usually has to give up before he’s done.

Poor thing (insert sarcasm and eye roll here).  Don’t get me wrong, though.  I understand my sista’s pain.  Who among us hasn’t experienced tired, achy jaws while orally pleasing a man?  And I’ll be honest.  I’ve been with guys who were just too big to really be effective with my mouth alone.

But to complain about a dick being too thick?  That just seems so wrong!  She should be thanking her lucky stars she didn’t get stuck with a teeny-weeny wienie, right?

Now, I know a lot of things about a lot of things.  But as good as I’ve been told I am at oral sex, I don’t claim to be an expert.  So, before I could give my “poor” friend an answer, I decided to do a little research.

Let me be clear, though.  This was not scientific research or even scholarly research.  This was me asking a few guys, surfing the ‘net and culling my memory for lessons I’ve been taught by very patient lovers from my past.  So I won’t be citing any sources and boring you with statistics.  Instead, these are just a few helpful hints I’ve picked up along the way.

That said, the best way to suck a thick dick without doing permanent damage to your jaws is to make sure it doesn’t last too long.  In other words, you want to make him cum relatively fast without that seeming to be your goal.

So, to that end, here are Sophia’s Tips for Handling Jawbreakers:

  1. It all starts with attitude, ladies.  I don’t care how horny your guy is, if you’re not into pleasing him orally, he won’t enjoy it as much.  In fact, your enthusiasm is a big part of his enjoyment!  So, talk it up like you can’t wait to take that big, thick cock into your mouth.  Tease and excite him by telling him how much you love sucking him.  And when you’re actually doing it, moan along with him.  Make it sound like you’re devouring your favorite meal.  Be careful of over-doing it, though.  No need to over act.  Just be genuinely thrilled to please your man.
  2. The coronal ridge. Located at the back of the head of his penis, this area is very sensitive.  Intense suction and moisture here, especially as he gets close to his climax, will give your jaws a break and send him to the moon.
  3. Balls! Don’t neglect the balls, ladies.  Again, to give your jaws a break, be sure to lick and suck his balls, too.  And even while you’re sucking, using your hands to gently manipulate his balls adds to his enjoyment.  Watch his responses, though.  Not all balls are created equal.  Some men like ball action more than others.  Get to know what your man likes and go from there.
  4. Don’t stop at the balls! Yes, I’m talking about that sensitive area between his scrotum and his anus.  Your man will deny this in public, but trust me.  Stimulating this area with your finger and/or tongue is an erotic winner!  And it’s also a nice way to give your jaws a break.
  5. Don’t stop there, either. I’m talking rim job, anus action … whatever you want to call it.  Again, you have to know your man.  Some men don’t want you anywhere near there.  Then again, some men do but are ashamed to admit it.  That’s okay.  It’s his call.  But if you’re brave and he’s open, a well-timed, well-lubricated finger in his anus while you’re sucking him hard can bring on an explosive climax.  Or, as another way to relax your jaws, use your tongue there.
  6. Introduce him to B.O.B.! That’s a Battery Operated Boyfriend, also known as vibrator.  Consider using a small vibrator to stimulate his prostate.  When you penetrate a man’s anus, especially during oral sex, the stimulation to his prostate is exciting.  If you and your man are daring enough, inserting a small vibrator into his anus as you vigorously suck his cock can work like magic.
  7. Deep throat isn’t just for the movies! This takes a lot of practice and can be challenging to do with a thicker cock.  The key is to concentrate on relaxing the muscles at the back of the throat.  Remember that your salivary fluids are thicker at the back of your mouth.  So to maximize his enjoyment, try to accommodate his sensitive head back there.  It does take practice, though.  And patience on his part.  But just think about how much he’ll appreciate you being willing to master this trick!
  8. You’ve got two hands, so use them! Dick cannot be sucked by mouth alone, especially a bigger one.  Using your hand along his shaft as your mouth stays near his head does a few things: it mimics a vagina, it allows for you to rest your jaws, and if done correctly, can hurry things along.  Be creative, too.  Don’t just limit yourself to up and down motions.  Twist your hand along his shaft (just be sure you’ve lubricated it with your saliva); remove your mouth altogether and use your hand alone; vary your speed according to his wishes and reactions.
  9. Communication! I know it’s a cliché, but communication really is the key.  Encourage your man to be open and specific about what he likes.  I, for one, love it when my man gives me instructions.  It turns me on to hear him say things like “Use your hand, baby” or “Suck a little harder”.  I encourage him to tell me what he wants by telling him to do so, especially during the foreplay leading up to the blow job.  By doing so, he feels more comfortable expressing his wishes, taking the guess work out of it for me.  This leads to faster, more intense orgasms on his part and more comfortable jaws on mine.

I’m still not ready to concede that having a man with a thick dick is anything more than a blessing.  But blow jobs are called jobs for a reason.  They can be hard work.  And hard work plus substantial girth can lead to sore jaws.  Hopefully, these tips will help my friend and any other woman out there who needs it.

Oh yeah, I almost forgot.  One last piece of advice, ladies: practice, practice, practice!  And I’ll add this caveat: only be willing to work as hard to please him as he works to please you!  It’s all about reciprocity.  If you play your cards right, your enthusiasm for pleasing him orally will proportionally increase his enthusiasm for pleasing you in the same fashion.