Author Archives: SuzyKnew!

About SuzyKnew!

SuzyKnew! is dedicated to improving the sexual and reproductive health and sexual pleasure of women of color.

Will Trumpcare Jack Up Your Reproductive Health?

Contraceptives Opinion Reproductive Health No Comments

As SuzyKnew! predicted, Trump moved fast to mess up women’s health. While the American Health Care Act  (AHCA) – a.k.a. Trumpcare – is “Obamacare Lite” in that it keeps a lot of the contraceptive coverage ObamaCare provided for insurance plans people get at work (probably because it’s not so easy to get rid of), the bill calls for some deep, cruel and politically-motivated cuts in women’s health. Note: unlike some web sites, SuzyKnew! is all about contraceptive choice, and although we may feature some methods more than others, we believe every Sista’ must chose for herself which method and product is best for her.

So, will the AHCA before congress jack up Sistas’ reproductive health? For access to contraceptives, it depends. How do you cover the cost of your contraception? Through the healthcare insurance you get at work? At a Planned Parenthood clinic or through Medicaid?

If you get your contraception from an employer-based insurance plan and your employer has more than 50 employees, more than likely, you don’t have anything to worry about. No hurry on that IUD insertion you’ve been thinking about. But, if you work for a small employer you might lose your healthcare coverage. It is expected that the Congressional Budget Office will announce that it expects 15 million people to lose coverage under the AHCA because TrumpCare won’t require as many employers to cover their workers.

TrumpCare won’t continue the Medicaid expansion after 2020 – which many believe gave us the gains made in reproductive health, including the lowest number of abortions in decades and fewer teen pregnancies. Of the more than 19 million women on Medicaid, 70 percent of them are of reproductive age.  Medicaid covers 72 million low-income Americans of which 19% are Black and 31% are Hispanic.  According to Guttmacher Institute, a leading research and policy organization committed to advancing sexual and reproductive health and rights in the United States and globally, three-quarters of all public dollars for family planning come from Medicaid and half of all births in the U.S. are covered by Medicaid, including two-thirds of all unplanned births.

Cruelly, but not surprising, the bill would defund Planned Parenthood for a year.  This means Planned Parenthood would not be able to be reimbursed by the federal government for women who pay using Medicaid. This would mean, the organization would lose around $530 million or 40 percent of its budget jeopardizing the group’s ability to keep many of its 650 clinics around the country open. The clinics that remain open will more than likely offer services at higher prices. So, not only will this version of the AHCA significantly reduce women of color’s access to contraceptives but also services for diabetes and cholesterol testing, vaccinations, breast exams, pap smears, STD testing, and of course abortions, which are not paid for using federal dollars. As women of color are more likely to get uterine and breast cancer this reduced access to preventive reproductive health services is especially threatening.

If you get your contraceptives from an individual plan instead of one from work, it may be difficult to find a low-cost plan that covers contraceptives or abortion.  The current AHCA plan will allow insurance companies to offer bare-bones coverage covering only medical catastrophes but not contraceptives or pregnancy like Obamacare. Before, the Affordable Care Act (ACA) or Obamacare, only 12% of plans found on the individual market covered maternity care. So, having a baby will be a lot more expensive under Trump – perhaps cost prohibitive for many. And, avoiding pregnancy will also be more expensive, if you rely on Planned Parenthood or an individual plan.

Using health savings accounts (HSAs) and tax credits, Republicans will prevent tax credits from being used to purchase any insurance plan that offers abortion coverage.  Effectively, this would mean women earning less than $75,000 a year will not have have insurance with abortion coverage  since there is an economic disincentive to spend more on a plan with such coverage. Insurers who want to participate in Trumpcare exchange will have to drop abortion from their coverage, including in states in which abortion coverage in state exchange plans has previously been allowed.

Many predict there will be more unintended pregnancies and women may try to self-abort with reduced access to abortion. Would there be a rise in uterine and breast cancers?

Yes, the AHCA will jack up your reproductive health. And, if you rely on Planned Parenthood for your reproductive and other health services, go get your IUD or implant insertion while you can and while you’re there get a breast exam and pap smear.

And, while the AHCA is only a bill, call your congress representatives to voice your concern. Don’t let Trumpcare become law and do untold damage downtown.

SuzyKnew!

Celebrate International Women’s Day By Not Showing Up

Opinion No Comments

Hi there, SuzyKnew! readers! Are you ready to get your March 8 International Women’s Day on?

Well, no need to get busy and rush out the door to work or retail therapy. Many here in the U.S. are calling on women – and men- to strike tomorrow. As in, stay home. Don’t go to work – or school. This has prompted school closures in the DC area as well as Chapel Hill-Carborro, NC and perhaps more areas.

The organizers of the January 21 Women’s March on Washington are behind this effort and are calling on women and men saying:

Anyone, anywhere, can join by making March 8th A Day Without a Woman, in one or all of the following ways:

  1. Women take the day off, from paid and unpaid labor
  2. Avoid shopping for one day (with exceptions for small, women- and minority-owned businesses).
  3. Wear RED in solidarity with A Day Without A Woman

Click here for a list of A Day Without Women Strikes around the country.

SuzyKnew! will be at her day job tomorrow, wearing red. I hope you’re able to take time off and stay home or join SuzyKnew! in your red outfit.

Lost Panties At The Pier – SIZZLE WITH SOPHIA

Love and Sex Sizzle With Sophia No Comments

I was going to call this post “That Time I Lost My Panties Having Sex on a Public Pier”, because that’s exactly what happened.  But that title is way too long.

So … Have you ever done it in public?  Talk about exciting!  There’s nothing like some good, old-fashioned, almost-get-caught-in-the-act public sex, y’all!

Disclaimer: Just so we’re clear: I am NOT encouraging you to break the law.  If you decide to have sex in public and get arrested, that’s on you.  Don’t waste your one phone call on me, cuz I ain’t got no bail money, and I only wear handcuffs for fun.  So before you catch a case gettin’ your freak on, carefully consider your surroundings.  And for goodness sake, make sure ain’t no kids around!

That said, you really should give public sex a try.  Honestly, I haven’t felt anything quite as thrilling as a thigh-quivering, spine-tingling orgasm in public.  The earth didn’t just move, it fell off its axis!

And yes, I really did lose my panties.

Here’s what happened:  I was with one of my favorite ex-boyfriends, Brandt*.  After spending most of the evening shooting pool with his friends in a loud bar, we found the peace and quiet of his car refreshing.  So we decided to just drive around and talk.

The conversation went from generic topics to sexy banter in no time.  Soon we found ourselves at a riverside park, making out in the car like a couple of horny teenagers.  Now it’s not as though I haven’t had my share of car sex through the years.  But, as a member of the “grown and sexy” club, there are just some things I’m a little too old (and curvy) to do anymore.

When I first suggested we leave the car to take things further, I figured we’d find a nice grassy spot near some trees or bushes.   Brandt had other ideas.  Taking me by the hand, he led me to this long pier that led a few hundred feet out into the water.  It’s a popular pier from which people fish or jump in the water to swim, etc.  At night, the lights on the pier are lit, and they’re spaced every few feet apart along its length.  But the spacing of the lampposts also creates pockets of shadows where, on a moonless night, it’s hard to see.

Luckily for us, it was a cloudy summer night, with the quarter moon only making intermittent appearances.  Brandt led us to one of the shadowy spots near the far end of the pier.  While there were no lights shining directly upon us, anyone looking hard enough could definitely see us.

I was eager, but a little nervous.  My biggest concern was lying bare-assed on a dirty old pier.  Fortunately, Brandt had grabbed a small blanket from his car, though.  Don’t you just love a man who comes prepared?

With public sex, there really isn’t time for seductive undressing.  Basically, you just get rid of any clothes that’ll get in the way.  So that’s what we did, pretty much just taking off everything from the waist down.  Very unromantic.

But as we positioned ourselves on the blanket, the thrill of what was about to happen got me excited again.  The cool breeze from the river felt good in the humid air, tickling my skin.  And even in the waning moonlight, Brandt’s chocolate, sculpted body looked amazing.

Brandt quickly took the lead and after kissing and stroking me a little, he headed downtown.  The reason Brandt is one of my favorite exes is because dude could literally teach a Masters-level course on eating pussy.  He’s so good, he probably has “superior pussy eating” listed on his Linkedin profile.

Usually, Brandt takes his time licking me and always makes me cum at least twice.  But since we were outside on a public pier, we didn’t have that luxury.  He went down there on a mission, aggressively taking command of my pleasure and had me writhing in no time.

You know how sound travels farther at night?  Well, anyone on that end of the river certainly got an earful that night.  I couldn’t help it!  Brandt’s tongue was on fire!  And lying there, half-naked and exposed was thrilling!  So, yeah, I got loud.

But before I could cum, Brandt flipped us so that I was on top.  Oh, what a glorious ride!  The breeze, the lapping water beneath us, and the thrill of possibly being seen … it all added up to HOT!  I rode that thick, throbbing dick of his hard and fast, and didn’t even try to stifle my screams and moans.  And since Brandt is such a gentleman, he made sure I came before he did.  But he was loud as hell, too.

I was so spent from my orgasm, I barely even noticed my scraped knees.  If it had been possible, I would’ve fallen right to sleep.  But, one major downfall to having public sex is that there’s no time to bask in the afterglow or cuddle.  We had to hurry and get dressed before we got caught.

Only one problem:  I couldn’t find my panties anywhere!

We were already pushing our luck, so I had no choice but to finish dressing without them.  It wasn’t until we were leaving the pier that we noticed my panties floating in the water below us.  Somehow, in the heat of passion, we’d knocked my panties right into the river!  We laughed so hard, we could barely walk back to the car.

I realize how lucky Brandt and I were not to get caught.  But that night it will go down as one of my best sex-capades, ever!

What about you?  Have you ever done it in public?  Do tell!

Photo Credit: beautifulinsideandout.1992.blogspot.com

*Brandt isn’t his government name, of course.

Sophia Ned-James is the pseudonym for a Metro Detroit-based freelance writer, blogger, and novelist.  Committed to writing fantasy and erotica in ways which celebrate all women, Sophia seeks to provide a safe place for women to explore and own their sexuality without judgment or shame.   To keep up with all of Sophia’s escapades, be sure to like her on Facebook at www.facebook.com/sophiasizzles and follow her on Twitter at @sophianedjames.

Introducing Nadine Thorton! Talk To Your Kids About Pleasure

Love and Sex 7 Comments

If you have teenagers I want you to tell them something. Now brace yourself because the thing I want you to tell them might come as a bit of a shock and some of you might hit me with some hard side-eye at first. But if you stick with me to the end, I promise there’s an explanation.

I want you to tell your teens…about pleasure. Sexual pleasure to be precise.

I’m a sex educator. When it comes to adolescent sexuality, folks assume I’m here to teach youth about sexually transmitted infections, avoiding pregnancy and how to roll on a condom. I am about all those things, but my job is also to help them figure out how to navigate sexuality and sex in positive, life-affirming ways. The truth is most of the time when people have sex, they do it because they want to feel good. Me? I’m here for that. But whether teens are thinking about becoming sexually active sooner, or later, they often lack reliable resources and information about sexual pleasure. When youth turn to porn and other sexualized media, they may be intrigued and excited but they’re almost certainly not getting accurate ideas about how to make sex great in real life.

Another issue with the sex in pornography, as well as other forms of media – it’s almost entirely focused on the physical aspect of pleasure. The focus is on body parts, the moaning and the groaning, the hardness and the wetness, the bumping and the grinding. As I’m about to explain, that is not the sum total of sexual pleasure. And if no one else is going to tell our kids that, we’ve gotta step up.

So let’s break this down. What is sexual pleasure and why is it important for our teens to understand it?

Emotional Sexual Pleasure

There’s more to good sex than hot bodies and orgasms. What we’ve got going on in our minds and our metaphorical hearts is a huge part of what makes great sex so lovely. During high school workshops I ask students “how do you think good sex should make you feel?” These are some of the answers I hear consistently:

  • “Happy”
  • “Safe”
  • “Good about myself”
  • “Like I can really trust the other person”
  • “Connected”
  • “Loved”

When I ask teens how they don’t want to feel during sex, the answers I often get are:

  • “Afraid”
  • “Like there’s pressure or they won’t like me if I don’t”
  • “Not important”
  • “Rushed”
  • “Bad about myself or my body”
  • “Judged”
  • “Like I have to be perfect at it”

So often we as adults tell teens, “Don’t rush sex. Wait until you’re ready.” But how will they know when they’re ready? Opening up the conversation, and helping our teens think specifically about the feelings they hope to experience during sex, can help them better figure out if a potential sexual situation or partner is right for them.

We often talk about our mind and body as two entirely separate things, but they really are connected. It can be tough for our bodies to get into a sexy groove if we literally aren’t feelin’ it. It’s important to let teens know that when folks get hype about sex, a key component is the emotional pleasure!

Mutual Pleasure

When sex is truly good it’s good for everybody. Media and culture often validates sexual pleasure for boys and men. What sucks is that the same media often ignores the fact that folks of other genders want and deserve those sexy feelings as well.
I tell teens that masturbation is a magnificent type of sex for many reasons, not the least of which is that they get to make it all about them!

Once other people are involved, their pleasure is just as important. Awesome sex isn’t just about getting what feels good for you and it isn’t only about doing what feels good for your partner. Sexual partners need to connect and communicate, in order to make sure that everyone has a really good time. Ask your teens “If you were having sex with someone, how would you find out what they like?”, “How would you let them know if you did or didn’t like something they were doing to you?”

Mutual pleasure is also related to consent. Consent isn’t just about getting someone to say “yes” and then charging ahead because technically they gave you the go ahead. Teens need to understand that real consenting sexual partners agree to have sex because they truly want to.  If teens get a “yes,” because someone is tired of being asked repeatedly, or because they’re drunk and not fully aware, or because they’re worried they’ll lose a relationship, that’s not a happy, I-really-want-to-get-with-you “yes” It’s a shitty type of
“yes”, which usually leads to a shitty type of sex where there’s a good chance that at least one person will wind up feeling resentful, or far worse, violated. When teens start having sex with other folks, it’s important that they make sure that everyone’s excited for the ride and that once it get’s going, that everyone feels the magic!

 

Physical Pleasure

So this is what many of us think about when we hear the term sexual pleasure. This the heart racing, erection-inducing, vagina-throbbing stuff, that you probably really, really, really don’t want to discuss with your teens.

You don’t need to talk about the details of positions and techniques and all of that (although you could give them some educational books on those subjects). But in the same way that we can encourage our teens to pay attention to their emotional feelings, we can also mention that how our bodies feel during sex is important. When sex is uncomfortable, and definitely if it’s painful, it’s a usually a sign that they need to pause and switch things up, or stop altogether. Good sex shouldn’t hurt. Nope…not even anal sex.
Again, we can remind youth, that sex is supposed to feel good. When it doesn’t it’s often a sign that something needs adjusting. That something might be changing positions, the type or intensity of the touch, moving to another part of the body, more stimulation, less stimulation, adding lube … and sometimes it might mean backing off sex and leaving it for another time.

It can also be helpful to tell our teens that it takes most people a while to get the hang of sex. Talking to their partners and letting them know what’s working and what isn’t is part of the sexual learning curve. But the more they’re able to talk about it, and the more they’re able to be open to feedback from their sexual partner, the better sex will become.

That’s my case for talking to teens about sexual pleasure! I’d love to know what you think, if you’ve tackled any of these conversations with your teens or if you plan to bring it up in the future.

Until next time!

Nadine Thorton is your friendly sexuality educator from Toronto, Canada. Click here to get her guide on teaching your kids about sexuality.

5 Reasons To Use The Fertility Awareness Method When You’re Single – By Holly Grigg-Spall

Fertility Awareness No Comments

Practicing FAM has benefits for all women, regardless of your relationship status

When we talk about practicing the Fertility Awareness Method to avoid pregnancy, we usually talk about it in terms of committed relationships. This is understandable, because we all know that condoms are necessary in any casual or early stages relationship to avoid contracting an STD. But equating FAM with committed relationships is rooted in the assumption that it’s not an effective method for avoiding pregnancy. It’s also rooted in the assumption that practicing FAM involves no other methods of contraception. Both these assumptions are wrong and have arisen out of misinformation.

The Fertility Awareness Method used within a committed relationship has all kinds of benefits – including increased communication, heightened intimacy, sharing the burden of preventing pregnancy, and being able to go condom-free for most of the month. However, there are also benefits to practicing FAM when you’re single, dating, or in a non-monogamous relationship. Even if your primary method of contraception is condoms or a hormone-free IUD, you can still practice Fertility Awareness and gain from the knowledge.

Some might wonder, why go to all the bother of tracking your fertile signs if you’re single? With technology like Daysy it’s no longer a hassle to practice FAM and the process can be easily accomodated into any woman’s life, from a college student to a mom of three. Practicing FAM is not limited to certain lifestyles or certain kinds of women.

 

5 benefits of practicing FAM when you’re single

1. If you’re single and dating knowing your fertile window can provide an additional level of caution for avoiding pregnancy. Using condoms and FAM is essentially doubling up on your contraceptive methods, it means you can plan to only have sex (with a condom) when you’re not fertile, making the experience more enjoyable and stress-free, or you can choose to have sex when you’re fertile and use additional natural spermicide for added protection. It also means that if the condom breaks, you’ll know if it’s necessary to use an emergency contraceptive or if it’s not necessary – thereby avoiding the side effects.

2. Hormonal shifts have an impact on how you feel about sex, relationships, and your attraction to others. Being aware of if and when you’re fertile and when you’re not can provide insight into why your Tinder habits change throughout the month. When you’re fertile you tend to have a higher sex drive and might find yourself attracted to different kinds of men. You could see a significant shift between your interaction with potential partners around ovulation in comparison to the week before your period. Knowing this information can add another layer to your dating game – helping you to keep on top of what’s infatuation, simply lust, and those relationships that could become more.

3. When you’re single and not practicing FAM, a late period can cause a whole lot of stress. You think you must be pregnant and can spend days unable to focus on anything else. When you do practice FAM your charts tell you when to expect your period or if it might be late this cycle. Plus, because you know when you’re fertile, if you have a condom mishap you will be well aware from the timing whether there’s any chance that could have led to pregnancy. So instead of waiting anxiously each cycle for a sign of your period arriving, you can just relax and feel confident and in control.

4. Practicing FAM and using condoms (even better condoms and a natural spermicide) is a highly effective way of keeping you safe from unplanned pregnancy. Many single women feel pressured by their partners or by their doctor, or both, to be on hormonal birth control. Yet hormonal birth control can lower your libido, make sex less enjoyable, and skew who you’re attracted to – and that’s just a few of the side effects. Because you don’t ovulate on the pill or most other hormonal birth control methods, you don’t get to experience that heightened sense of attractiveness and attraction to others that comes with the ovulatory phase. The cautionary tales about women who’ve met someone when on the pill and come off later, only to find they’re no longer attracted to that someone, are more than cautionary tales and actually find foundation in research studies.

5. Experiencing a menstrual cycle, unmedicated by hormonal birth control, has many benefits for your health. Tracking your cycle can reveal any issues with your fertility and overall health early on. The information you get from your fertility signs and charts, can help your healthcare provider to diagnose a thyroid problem, infertility issue, endometriosis, PCOS or even provide indicators of food allergies. Early diagnosis can be crucial for getting effective treatment, especially for reproductive health issues. Your charts can even reveal the impact of stress on your body and prompt you to take action. Even if you’re using a hormone-free IUD as your primary method of avoiding pregnancy, you can still enjoy this important benefit of practicing FAM.

Holly Grigg-Spall – Marketing Consultant and Blog Editor

When she came off the birth control pill after 10 years in 2009, Holly decided to write a blog about the experience. That blog became a series of articles, and then book, “Sweetening the Pill,” which then inspired a feature documentary, currently in production and executive produced by Ricki Lake.

Bzzz… Here Comes Heaven

Love and Sex Opinion No Comments

You thought all you needed in your pleasure chest was rubbers and ITunes? Naaah, chile. This is a journey. Pleasure is about you, first and foremost, so an essential part of the pleasure chest is something that can add value even when you’re the only one in the room. When you don’t want to cuddle, you don’t want to get up to put the condom in the trash or to get a washcloth to wipe cum off your thighs, you don’t want to be asked if you came, you don’t want to have to think about, hear from, or feel up anyone else. You just want to be Beyoncé circa 2003: “It’s Just Me, Myself & I.” An essential part of the pleasure chest is the relationship you have with yourself.

A lot of women who don’t orgasm simply don’t know how to get there. They have an idea from movies and books so they know that someone touching their clitoris is sorta kinda the way to get the big boom but they haven’t figured out exactly how they want their clit touched. So they try to guide a partner but they are a little lost themselves. That won’t do for us here at Suzyknew. We’re going to have so much self-pleasure this 2017 we’ll get carpal tunnel. We’re going to have a “come-to-Jesus moment” where we come in Jesus’s name because our orgasms will be holy and anointed and sent from heaven.

So we’re going to start with touching ourselves. Not just our vaginas. We’re going to take our clothes off and touch every inch of our bodies, slowly. We’re going to caress our nipples; does that feel good? Is rubbing them with my thumb where the magic happens? Do I like it more when I pinch them between my fingers? Does tugging on them gently get me wetter? Does caressing the inside of my thighs feel good? Is rubbing my feet against the sheet making me lightheaded? We’re going to figure out where all our spots are. Then we’re going to head to the promised land. We’re going to touch every inch of that honeypot. Inner lips, outer lips, clitoris, vagina… not one inch of that coochie is going to escape. We’re going to touch ourselves in every different kind of way we can imagine and pay attention to what feels good. Once we hit a spot we’ll rinse repeat till the magic happens. Some of us don’t like the feeling right before an orgasm because it feels like we are going to pee or fart but believe me when I say it’s not that kind of party. We just have to keep going when that feeling hits. Paradise is close. We just need to let go of some of the control.

Some people like masturbating with their hands, some like a battery-operated-boyfriend. If a vibrator feels good to you I can’t recommend them enough. I would suggest though, that before you get a vibe you do lots of touching to figure out what you like. Unless of course you can afford to just get a bunch of vibes and try them out until you find a favorite. But if you ain’t ballin’ like that and you want to get the right one it helps to know which vibrator replicates the stuff that gets you off.

My journey to the perfect vibrator was not so smooth. I got a standard slim vibrator the first time. It was okay but then I realized something: I had my best orgasms when I had both penetration and clitoral stimulation at the same time. The clitoral stimulation needed to be targeted so it couldn’t just be from the length of the vibrator. I discovered that a rabbit vibrator, which has a shaft that goes inside and then an extended nub that massages the clitoris at the same time, was probably my best bet. Eight years and $500 later I have my current soul mate the Lelo Ina II. Isn’t she pretty?

Vibrators come in all kinds and what you choose really depends on what you’re into. In addition to rabbit vibrators like the Lelo Ina there are clitoral massagers which focus entirely on the clit. Clitoral massagers can use batteries, or be plugged into an outlet. A popular one is the Hitachi Magic Wand which is supposed to pack one hell of a punch.

There are also egg or bullet vibrators which are small and usually discreet. They focus entirely on the clit as well. Some of them are shaped like everyday things: a tube of lipstick, a rubber ducky, EOS lip balm etc. They usually come with batteries and there are fancy ones which come with remote controls so a partner can use it on you. Egg and bullet vibrators are usually a little less powerful than massagers.

A variation of the egg or bullet vibrator is a pocket rocket, which instead of being smooth has bulges, nubs and ridges on one end.

There are also dual-pronged clitoral vibes which straddle your clit on either side:

Dildo-shaped vibrators are also a popular choice. Some of them are double-ended so they can be used for both vaginal and anal insertion at the same time.  They look like the real thing and can even come in flesh-colored tones.

Some people swear by G-spot vibrators, which have a long shaft with a distinct curve and a soft jelly-like coating. They are designed to hit your G-spot when they are inserted.

For people who like butt play there are anal vibrators. Some of them look like butt plugs that vibrate and others look like a traditional vibe with a flared bass or bent handle so they don’t get lost in the rectum.

There are also butterfly vibrators, which strap around your waist for hands-free clitoral stimulation.

For couples, there are vibrating cockrings, which are jelly-like rings with small vibrators at the front. The man wears the ring around his penis and it buzzes on your clit when he is inside you.

There are also couples toys, which are designed to be used when the penis is inside you. One side is inserted and vibrates against the roof of the vagina and on top of the man’s penis while the other side sits on top of the vagina and vibrates against it.The thing that makes a good vibe or a good finger technique such an important part of the pleasure chest is that it doesn’t only have to be done alone. You can use a vibrator on your clit while you’re getting it from behind. You can finger yourself while someone sucks on your nipples. Same sex female couples who use vibes find that the possibilities are endless, and contrary to popular belief there are guys who don’t mind incorporating them into the action with you. Though cockrings and couple’s vibes specifically cater to two people at the same time, you can incorporate any type of vibe into sex. Guys like sensations too and holding your vibrator underneath their balls while you give them head has proven to be a very good strategy in 98% of households surveyed.

My quest to pleasure myself has led me to places and taught me things that are beyond my wildest imagination. I’ve discovered I like things I didn’t ever think I would like. I would probably never have figured out that I liked those things if it was just up to me and a partner because my stated dislike for them would have left him reluctant to try them. But just sitting up in my room like Brandy, lovingly touching my junk gave me some important epiphanies about whether I liked a finger up my butt. My quest to find the perfect rabbit vibe even taught me I wasn’t quite as up-to-snatch on my vagina-ology as I thought. Though I knew everything about all the coochie parts, and was aware that every vagina was a special and unique flower, something I would never have found out if I wasn’t a masturbator was that for every woman the distance between the vaginal opening and the clitoris is different. Same for the vaginal hole and the anus. Before that, I spent over $200 dollars on a rabbit vibe that did nothing for me because the distance between the shaft and the rabbit part didn’t match my anatomy. So the rabbit kept overshooting the most sensitive part of my clit and could never sit right or vibrate in a way that I liked. I went on some message boards and found women with the same problem and eureka, it dawned on me. Masturbation gave me scientific knowledge, y’all. Masturbation made me smarter. Won’t He do it, if you let him? I tell you, masturbation makes the world a better place. So it’s kinda sad that there is no “I” in “pleasure.” There really should be. Cos if you allow yourself to explore and discover, there will be.

F.N. is a thirty something Ghanaian free-lance writer who alternates between living in Accra and Washington, DC.

 

Coming Soon Near You: HIV Drug Ads Targeting Black Women

HIV/AIDS 2 Comments

Whether we know it or not, we Black American women are more likely to be infected with HIV than any other women. And, we are more than twice as likely to be newly infected than Black men. Southern Black Ladies are at even more risk!

These days we do have more options. Truvada – the drug that treats HIV/AIDS – also works for prevention. Taken daily at a lower dose, healthy people can avoid contracting HIV. It’s a pre-exposure prophylaxis or PrEP.   But, Truvada PrEP isn’t well known among us, and many primary care providers like obgyns aren’t that familiar with the drug either.

Although PrEP was rolled out in 2012, it hasn’t caught on for a lot of reasons, especially among “us.” Well, U.S. public health officials and non-profits are out to change this. They’re on a mission to bring ads to communities, especially to African-American women, across the country.

A big challenge is not a lot of Black women are into taking a pill every day to prevent a disease they could prevent by keeping their pocket book closed or making their man wrap it up. But, PrEP is particularly appropriate for women who have infected partners – or men who refuse to wear condoms. You need to know your HIV status though, which means getting tested regularly. Having PrEP as an option makes getting tested and insisting your partner get tested regularly a little easier. A little easier… right? Not always an easy conversation to have but a necessary one.

New York City’s PrEP campaign came out over a year ago under the name “Play Sure,” aimed at the general at-risk population. The results are still being reviewed. But, it is clear African-Americans aren’t using PrEP as much as their White and Latino counterparts.

Washington, DC just rolled out their big PrEP campaign last December called “DC takes on HIV,” aimed at Black women. Women in DC are particularly at risk because 2% of residents are already HIV infected; AIDS is an epidemic there. DC’s campaign aims to have 90 percent of D.C. residents aware of their HIV status, 90 percent of D.C. residents who are diagnosed with HIV seeking treatment, another 90 percent who are already under treatment achieving viral load suppression and a 50 percent overall decrease in new HIV cases. Okay now…

The Black Women’s Health Initiative – the only organization dedicated to improving the lives and health of the U.S.’s 21 million Black women and girls – rolled out their campaign. A big message of theirs is 1 in 32 Black women will become infected with HIV.  Articles in newspapers are showing up in old school Black press like the L.A. Sentinel and elsewhere, targeting Black women.

As we roll into 2017, let’s take time to reflect and determine how we will make the new year AIDS free.

Office Sex – SIZZLE WITH SOPHIA

Love and Sex Sizzle With Sophia No Comments

Yesterday at around 10:30 in the morning, Royce* summoned me to his office downtown.  He knew I’d just left an early breakfast meeting and was free until my 2:00 appointment later that afternoon.  Still, I was a little surprised when I got his text telling me to come to his office.

Well, surprised and intrigued.  Because he ended his text with “Be ready to play when you get here.”  For the first time in our entire relationship, Royce wanted to have Office Sex!

Now, before you judge me for my questionable and, at times, absurd behavior, let me come right on out and admit that I love having sex in places where there’s a high probability of getting caught.  That shit turns me on!  I’ve written about some of my adventures before, so if you’re a regular reader of mine, you already know this.  But even I, as adventurous as I am, have some ground rules.  For example, I would never do it where I might be seen by children.

That said, Royce isn’t as into risky sex locations as I am.  Whenever I try to give him road head or movie theatre head, he always shuts me down.  Except for that one time he jacked me off in the parking lot of a grocery store in broad daylight … but that’s a story for another time.

Anyway, the prospect of office sex with Royce was all the encouragement I needed to hop my ass on the freeway and head downtown at top speed.

Plus, it had been a while.  21 days in fact.  You see, Royce and I haven’t spent a lot of time together lately because he’s had to travel more than usual for work.  This latest trip kept us apart for 21 days, so I was horny as f%*$!

I still get butterflies in my stomach when I’m about to see Royce, even after all this time.  But, because of the amount of time we’ve spent apart lately, those butterflies in my tummy were working overtime.  So I was nervous and fidgety as I rode the elevator to his 20th floor office suite.

His secretary waved me on in without announcing me, but as soon as I got close, Royce yanked the door open and pulled me inside.  Before I could say a word, he kicked the door closed, slammed me against the nearest wall and kissed me hard.

My man’s kisses still make me swoon, especially when he’s this worked up.  My own arousal spiked as I surrendered to the heat from his lips.  He moaned as he lifted the hem of my skirt above my waist and started to tug at my pantyhose.  Tearing my mouth away from his, I reached down to help him and stepped out of my heels.  Frustrated, he finally just ripped the hose from my body and tossed them to the floor.  The nylon stung a little, making me even hotter.

Not bothering to remove my panties, he just reached inside and possessively took hold of my pussy.  His fingers felt so good, I lost my balance for a second.  I wanted to reach down and undo his pants, but I couldn’t from my position.  Agitated, I pulled away from his mouth and said, “Please hurry!  Fuck me now!”

Royce growled as he finally pulled out his throbbing dick.  Then, holding me tightly, he lifted one of my legs with one hand, braced himself against the wall with the other, and shoved himself deep inside me.  And even though I was drenched, I still cried out because he was so thick and long, I felt like I was being impaled.

He felt good, but I couldn’t really get any leverage to move on my own.  All I could do is take what he was giving me.

Royce sounded savage as he grunted and pounded his way to satisfaction.  His kisses became bites on my lips, my neck, and my shoulders.  My man needed this fast, hard fuck against the wall, and frankly, so did I.  And I could already tell it wouldn’t last too much longer.

When Royce exploded, he kept me pinned against the wall for several moments while he caught his breath.

“I’m sorry,” He began, still panting.

I shook my head and didn’t let him finish.  “Don’t be.  I needed that.”

“I want to make you cum,” His voice was barely above a whisper.  “Give me a minute.”

I was still so aroused while I waited for Royce to catch his breath, I could barely breathe myself.  He finally pulled his softening dick out and lowered my leg so that I was standing on my own two feet again.  Then he led me over to the couch on the other side of his office, and gently sat me down.

He knelt in front of me and smiled as he slowly unbuttoned and removed my blouse.  I leaned forward so that he could unhook my bra.  I moaned when he finally took one of my nipples into his mouth.  Then he started kissing me again, but kept squeezing one breast with one hand, while the other reached for my clit.  His touch sent an electric current through my body that left me trembling.

“You want me to use my hand or my tongue, Baby?”  Did he even have to ask?

“Your tongue.”  Duh.

He lifted my legs to his shoulders and started with soft little kisses on my inner thighs.  And then, deciding not to prolong my agony, he went right for my pussy.  Royce has this little trick he does when he wants to rush my orgasm orally.  He creates a suction field around my clit that’s airtight.  And just when I get close, he uses the hardened tip of his tongue to flick the tip of my clit in a bold, rhythmic pattern.  It pushes me over the edge every time.

This time was no exception.  In mere seconds, he had me clutching his head and bucking my hips.  His lips and tongue were relentless and before I knew it, a powerful orgasm tore through my body like a cyclone.  I think I screamed.

I don’t know how long I stayed like that: half on, half off the couch, legs wide open, panties shoved to the side of my dripping, swollen pussy, fighting to catch my breath.  But when I finally opened my eyes, Royce was still kneeling before me, pants around his ankles, tie all askew with a smug grin on his face.

“Welcome home,” I smiled.

“And what a welcome it was, too!”

I’ll never be able to look his secretary in the eye again, but it was totally worth it.

Have you ever had Office Sex?  How’d you like it?  Did you get caught?  Leave a comment and let us know!

Photo Source: Instagram. By coseyphoto. Models: @mikeisha_j and @balikemula_22

*Royce isn’t his government name.  Names are always changed to protect the not-so-innocent.

 

5 Lessons Sistas’ Can Learn About Relationships From Melania Trump

Opinion 6 Comments

There’s a new first lady in town. And a new White House couple. And while 94% of us did not vote for her husband (and we are all still missing Michelle), we may be able to learn a thing or two from Ms. Melania when it comes to relationships. After all, snagging a man like the Donald is nothing to sneeze at. Not all of us want someone with so much personality or spotlight – not to mention those loose morals and dictator tendencies -but, it can be useful to review a few basic lessons we see from Melania and Donald’s relationship this Valentine’s Day season.

#1. Faking it until you make it doesn’t always work –  Sometimes opportunity knocks at the door, and we have to fake it a little until we get things working. But, plagiarizing other ladies’ speeches, as Melania did, using Michelle’s speech for hers last year, goes too far. If you have to make a big speech at your man’s event, try to get help without breaking any laws or getting sued. This draws negative attention to you. Your goal is to make your man look like he made a good decision in selecting you as his partner.

#2. Don’t hawk your wares at your man’s job. It reflects poorly on you – and your man! Just because your husband has a big job doesn’t mean you have to stay home barefoot and pregnant. You can have a big job, too. But, avoid using your husband’s work place to showcase your merchandise like Melania, who used the official White House website to tout her QVC jewelry line and modeling pictures from a Sports Illustrated bathing suit issue. Chile – please! Everybody knows that’s tacky. Sure, your man might pressure you to show off a little in front of everyone. But, assure him that it’s better for your relationship and both of your careers if you you keep your business out of his.

#3. Your past will always catch up with you – so don’t lie about it. We all have a past. Melania does, too. And it’s skanky. If you have a skanky past, come clean with the facts. Don’t lie about it. People will always find out which makes you (and your relationship) look stupid.  And whatever you do, don’t sue or threaten to sue people who expose your publicly available nude modeling pictures. Or disclose interviews with men who know men you slept with for money. Oh! SuzyKnew! just thought of another related point: Don’t pose nude for men’s magazines or associate with escort services if you want to marry a man who aspires to become the president of the United States. Yes, it does matter, and no, you can’t pretend it didn’t happen. And your work visa – or lack there of – is another one to come clean about.

#4. Yes, people will talk if you don’t live with your husband. So try to stick to the nuptial arrangements even if it’s difficult. (And, yes, blink twice if you need help. ) Melania and Donald aren’t sleeping in the same bed most nights. Yeah, Melania says she’s waiting for her son to finish school before she relocates to Washington, DC. But, rumor has it, Melania’s not moving to DC. Really? Who does that? If you’re the pastor’s wife, you need to be living with the pastor. And, if you’re the president’s wife and first lady, you need to be at home in the White House with the Prez. Okay, call it old-fashioned, But, if you’re representing tradition and “family values,” then walk the talk.

#5. Beauty is important. Especially of the soul. There’s no doubt Melania is a beautiful woman.  Love that Jackie O look she’s sportin’ these days. You can’t take beauty away from her – or you. So, strut your stuff when you’re out with your man. Let the world see what he’s enjoying. But, remember what your mother told you: pretty is as pretty does. There’s nothing like a beautiful soul. We all will be looking for this as Melania settles into her role as first lady. Make sure you show the beauty of your soul this Valentine’s Day.

Wishing you lots of chocolate, kisses and hugs!

Photo credit: REX Shutterstock

My Sex Drive Is Affecting My Marriage: ASK JANICE

Ask Janice No Comments

Dear Janice,

HELP!  Lately, I have a much higher sex drive than my husband and it’s starting to affect my marriage.  We’ve been married for five years and were together three years before that.  I’ve always been very sexual, even before we got together.  When we started dating, he was just as into sex as I was, and we did “it” all the time.  For the most part, we still have a great marriage.

But for the last 9 months or so, his interest in sex has all but disappeared.  I didn’t complain at first because I know his job is stressful, and for a while, we were struggling with money.

Then things got better for us financially.  He got a raise.  I got a new job that pays more.  Our bills are under control and we’re no longer struggling.  We’re actually doing better than most of our friends.

But, his sex drive hasn’t gotten any better.  I really don’t think there’s anyone else because I’ve seen no signs of cheating.  Yet night after night, I lie there horny and frustrated while he snores.  I’m very unhappy, and when I try to talk to him about it, he just dismisses my concerns and says he’s still attracted to me, but he’s just tired.

To make matters worse, one of my co-workers at my new job keeps flirting with me.  He’s younger than me and knows I’m married.  I always shoo him away, but lately, I’ve been tempted.  I feel neglected at home, but here’s this cute, younger guy at work giving me all the attention I want.  I don’t want to betray my husband, but something’s got to give.

What should I do?

Sincerely,

Married But Horny

****

Dear Married But Horny,

First of all, leave Young Co-Worker Dude alone!  For one thing, you don’t ever want to “crap where you eat”, as in have an affair with someone at work.  Not only is it just a bad idea for a bunch of obvious reasons (like jeopardizing that new, better paying job of yours), but it can also jeopardize your otherwise healthy marriage.  Listen.  Ain’t no side dick worth losing a good paycheck or a good husband over.

As far as your hubby’s waning sex drive, there could be several things happening.  For example, even though the money problems may be resolved, he still has the same stressful job.  He probably needs to find a healthy way to deal or cope with his stress, like establishing regular exercise regimen.  In fact, exercise isn’t only a great way to relieve stress, but it’s also been known to increase the sex drive … something about increased blood flow and all those endorphins being released, and whatnot.

Also, some medication, if taken over a period of time, can affect the sex drive.  I don’t know how old you and your husband are, but many medicines associated with middle-age-type ailments like high blood pressure can decrease the sex drive, especially in men.  If your husband takes medication regularly, he may need to consult with his physician to see if it’s affecting him sexually.

Which brings me to my next point.  Studies show that the male sex drive naturally starts to decline after age 30.  In other words, your husband may just be showing his age, sexually.  If that’s the case, and a healthier diet and regular exercise don’t help, medical intervention may be required.

But before you go out and get your spouse a prescription for the little blue pills, you need to try talking to him again.  Communication is key to resolving this, no matter what the cause.

Don’t wait until bedtime or when you’re super horny to talk to him, though.  Try having a calm, non-confrontational conversation with him when you’re both awake and fully clothed, but relaxed.  Timing is everything, since this is such sensitive subject matter.

Remember, you love this man and have committed your life to him.  So the last thing you want to do is damage his ego or put even more pressure on him.  Still, your feelings and needs are valid and need to be addressed.

When you sit down and talk to your husband, be sure to remain calm and maintain eye contact.  Then, without confronting or attacking him, tell him that you want more sex in your marriage.  Ask him if he knows why his appetites have waned, allowing him the chance to think things through on his own.  Men are problem solvers, so allow him the space to solve this.

As you know, communication is everything in a marriage.  I know the two of you will get past this, as long as you’re open, honest and treat each other with respect and kindness.  In the meantime, get you a good vibrator and handle your business until you get this resolved.

And again, stay far away from that young co-worker!  He ain’t nothin’ but trouble waiting to happen!

Good Luck!

JANICE

Photo Credit: Essence.com