Husband hunting is no easy task. It can take years – maybe even decades!
Does God have a plan we should know about?
A dating and relationship expert who has appeared on many TV and radio shows, Coach Yvonne Chase shares with us her thoughts on how far we should go to find a man. She provides a Biblical perspective on dating.
In general, I don’t condone using sex as a weapon in relationships. If that’s your thing, cool. Do you. But personally, I’m not a big fan.
I guess I’ve just never been one of those women who withhold sex as punishment for some petty infraction for which I’m going to forgive him anyway. If a boyfriend commits a “break-up-able” offense like cheating, beating or stealing my money, I end the relationship. I’m not saying it’s always easy, but those relationships always end.
But if a boyfriend does some of the petty things all men do in relationships, I just don’t see the point in withholding sex as punishment. I may cuss him out and I may even stay mad at him for a while. But, deliberately withhold sex? What would be the point? Why should I go without and suffer just because he did something stupid?
Well, Langston* and I had been fighting so much, I broke my own rule! I held out for two weeks because he’d gotten on my very last nerve. In hindsight, we were both equally to blame for our fighting, though. I’d been more hormonal and bitchier than usual, and Langston had been under a lot of pressure at his job which made him cranky.
So we kept bickering over little stuff until two weeks ago we finally just decided to spend some time apart. I suppose I could have spent time with one of my other boyfriends, but I missed Langston. (Y’all know me, though. I may date more than one guy, but I’m always safe and I’m always honest.)
Anyway, I finally decided to end our drought and put us both out of our misery. Two weeks of pent up sexual frustration wasn’t doing either one of us any good. From the few conversations we had, I knew Langston was as horny as I was.
So the other night I called him and invited myself over to his apartment. He still sounded a little angry on the phone, but I didn’t care. We’d gone without for long enough. It was time for some good, old-fashioned “Make-Up Sex”!
He answered my knock wearing only a towel. He’d obviously just gotten out of the shower because he was still damp. I could even see the steam wafting through his apartment from his opened bathroom door down the hall. My timing was perfect!
Langston’s a nice looking guy with a body that just won’t quit. It took all my willpower not to just jump him right there at his front door! He looked so hot standing there with tiny rivulets of water rolling down his buff, honey-colored body. There was no shame in my game as I ogled him from head to toe, either. The man looked good enough to eat, and I intended to enjoy a full meal.
When my eyes travelled back up to his face, I wasn’t surprised to see the grim expression there. It had been a rough two weeks for both of us, and he was obviously still mad at me. Still, he graciously invited me inside and led me directly to his bedroom. Only the bedside lamp was lit, giving the room a warm, intimate glow. We stood in the middle of the room and just stared at each other.
Langston’s body was tense. While his arms hung loosely at his sides, his hands were balled into tight fists. And by now, he had a pretty hefty hard on making a tent out of the front of his towel. Now it was his turn to ogle me and judging from the way that tent expanded, he liked what he saw.
I knew I had to make the first move so I reached out and gently touched his chest. I simply laid my palm on his cool, damp skin. His muscles jumped from the initial contact, and I could sense a change in his breathing. But other than that, he didn’t move.
I stepped closer to him. And when I leaned in to inhale his clean, masculine scent, my body immediately reacted. He smelled so good, and looked so sexy … the intensity with which he stared at me made him even seem a little dangerous!
Langston watched me warily. I didn’t mind. I didn’t want to just jump right into bed, anyway. I actually liked the idea of slowly seducing my way back into his good graces.
“Can I have a kiss, Langston?”
“A kiss?” He sneered. “That’s all you want, Sophia? A kiss?”
“For now,” I nodded.
I watched his lips move as he considered my request. And I knew that what he really wanted was to throw me to the bed on my knees and take me hard from behind. He was just pissed enough to make it hurt a little, too.
But, as thrilling as that sounded, I didn’t want that. I wanted to soften things between us, no matter how horny we were. Yes, we both needed the sex. But I didn’t just want to fuck. I wanted tenderness, too.
“So, can I? Can I have a kiss?”
“Is that why you came to me tonight, for a kiss? You should’ve stayed home if that’s all you wanted.” His voice sounded strained.
Rolling my eyes, I told him “You know damn well I came here for more than a kiss! I just want to start there, that’s all.”
“You want more?” His eyes dropped to my lips.
“Yes. I want more.”
“It’s been more than two weeks since we …” he paused and for the first time since I arrived, he seemed a little unsure of himself. “I haven’t been with anybody else, either.”
“I know.”
“I don’t know if you can tell, but I’m more than a little on edge, here.” Langston’s breathing was erratic now.
“I know you are.”
“I don’t want to be too rough and hurt you …” His voice was a little softer.
“I know. And you won’t.” I reached up and put my arms around his broad shoulders. Langston is pretty tall, so even in my heels I had to stand on my toes. “That’s why I want us to start with a kiss, Baby. Please?”
Sighing, Langston leaned down and softly kissed me. And it was sweet and gentle, just the way I wanted it.
But, as soon as our tongues met, sparks flew!
Moaning, Langston grabbed my waist and pulled me close as he attacked my mouth. It would have been so easy to surrender to his passion, to give over to his demanding kisses and let him set the pace. But if I wanted romance instead of a bang-fest, I’d have to stay in control a little longer.
I slowly ended the kiss. Langston looked at me hungrily and leaned in for more. But I stopped him with a gentle hand on his chest. “Lie down, Langston.”
He only paused for a moment before complying. With a small smile, he watched my reaction as he let the towel slide to the floor before climbing onto his bed. And one look at that gorgeous cock had me licking my lips in anticipation. It was so hard, it looked angry. It seemed bigger than I remembered, and was thick and throbbing.
“You have too many clothes on,” he complained, reclining on his bed. With his arms folded behind his head, his biceps bulged and my knees buckled.
“We’ll get to that in a minute,” I told him, tearing my gaze away from his muscles to meet his hungry eyes. Kicking off my shoes helped cover the fact that I was so aroused I could barely stand anymore. “First, I need to get me a little taste of what I’ve been missing.”
As I crawled onto the bed, he asked “You been missin’ me, Baby?”
“Oh yes.”
“Tell me what you’ve missed most.”
Kneeling at his side, I grabbed his thick, brown erection and said “I’ve missed everything about you, Langston! And yes, obviously I’ve missed the sex. But right now, the only thing I want is that giant dick of yours in my mouth. Okay?”
Not that he would have declined my offer, but I didn’t wait for an answer. I greedily took him into my mouth and then settled into the pleasure of sucking my man. There’s just nothing like giving head to a guy who turns you on and who appreciates the effort.
Langston hissed with pleasure as soon as I started. Then he moaned as I found a pace that worked. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see that his arms were stretched out to either side, with his pillows tightly fisted in both hands. I was glad it wasn’t my hair he was pulling like that. But, I knew this first time would be fast and rough. It needed to be. In order for him to be gentle with me, we needed to take the edge off, first.
I quickened my pace, adding more tongue action and some moans of my own. Langston loved it, and his moans got louder. “Damn, Baby … that’s so good!” I could tell by the tremor in his voice that he was going to pop soon. Normally, I would have slowed things down and turned my attention to his balls and beyond. But he needed to get off, so I kept at it, sucking harder with each stroke.
“Sophia, I’m close!” His voice was almost a growl, now. I ramped up the suction and added even more pressure. That’s when he finally grabbed my head and started thrusting his hips wildly. He was just about there. All I needed to do was bring him on home.
And so I did just that, moaning with him as he shot his load into my mouth. Then I sat back and watched as his body continued to quake and tremble for a few minutes afterwards.
He pulled me into his arms as his breathing slowly stabilized. He softly kissed my forehead, the tip of my nose and then my lips. Then he looked into my eyes. “Thank you,” he said quietly.
I smiled at him and said “You’re welcome, but we’re not done yet!”
Smiling, he agreed. “We’re not even close to being done. But why are you still dressed?”
“I want you to do it.”
“Do what?” Clearly the blood hadn’t quite made it back up to his brain, yet.
“Undress me.”
“Your wish is my command!” Now that’s a much better attitude!
And so, Langston slowly removed my clothes, kissing me where ever and whenever my skin was exposed. When he finally took off my bra, he spent several minutes licking and sucking my tender breasts, careful to give my hard nipples plenty of attention. I closed my eyes and gave over to the pleasure of his lips and tongue on my skin.
Then, he pulled off my panties and moaned when he finally saw his prize. “Damn, I’ve missed you!” He gently kissed the top of my mound. My thighs trembled with anticipation as his kisses slowly ventured lower. When he finally swiped at my aching clitoris with his firm, thick tongue, I gasped.
“What’s the matter? Does it hurt?” He looked so concerned. I shook my head. “You’ve just missed me, haven’t you?” His voice was low and very sexy. All I could do was nod.
Langston kissed and then licked me again, this time a little slower. “You like that?” He asked.
Again, I just nodded.
“Good, ‘cause there’s a lot more where that came from!” This time I didn’t even bother to respond. I just surrendered to his masterful tongue.
Langston proceeded to lick, suck and nibble with the expertise of a cunnilingus connoisseur. Knowing what I liked, he prolonged my pleasure into extensive, tantalizing minutes of pure bliss. He worked me like a pro, bringing me right to the edge, and then pulling me back again. Soon, I was begging for release.
I could tell when he was ready to let me cum because his tongue literally battered my clitoris into submission. I clutched his hair and squeezed my thighs around his head. His hair was still damp from his shower and it tickled. It didn’t matter, though. My destination was at hand and I was desperate to get there.
Finally, a powerful orgasm ripped through my body, making me arch my back and curl my toes. Even to my own ears, I sounded like I was speaking in tongues. But the relief felt so good, so complete I didn’t even care.
I was still panting with my legs shamelessly spread when I heard Langston grab a condom from his night stand. I opened my eyes and watched as he rolled it on and crawled back between my legs. Even though I was still tender, I wanted him inside me so badly I could taste it.
There’s nothing quite like that initial penetration, especially after having gone so long without it. Yeah, I know two weeks isn’t really that long. Lord knows I’ve gone much longer! But that night, it felt like it had been a lifetime.
Having already released some tension, we were able to relax and take our time. Our bodies fell into a natural rhythm and we rode wave after wave of pleasure together. Langston has this thing he does when he’s on top where he angles his body a certain way. It’s hard to explain. But when he started that rapid-fire hip action at just the right angle, he sent me to the moon!
We ended up going at it two more times that night before finally falling into an exhausted sleep. And I have to admit, even though I still don’t condone withholding sex during arguments, there is definitely something to be said for “Make-Up Sex”!
Now it’s your turn! Share your “Make-Up Sex” stories here! Come on, don’t be shy. We don’t judge anyone here at Suzy Knew!
*You know the drill: Langston isn’t his real name. I always change the names and a few details to protect the not-so-innocent!
By Sophia Ned-James
Let’s be honest, ladies. Not every encounter with a coveted “crush” ends well. Sometimes we build these guys up in our minds into the men of our childhood fairytales: a dashing Prince Charming with whom we’ll live happily ever after with just one kiss. Our expectations are often ridiculously high – too high for any mortal man to reach. And that’s why sometimes, it’s best if we just let our “crushes” remain just what they are: figments of our over-active imaginations.
Because often, even when we’re lucky enough to “get” our crushes, we end up disappointed. How could we not be? No one could possibly live up to the impossibly high standards we’ve set in our own minds. And even when it isn’t a matter of expectation vs. reality, sometimes the guy just doesn’t measure up to even the most basic standards.
Has that ever happened to you? You’ve been lusting after a guy because he seems perfect for you. But you only know him from a distance or as a friend, so you can’t really get a read on how he’ll be romantically. So you fantasize about him, creating different scenarios where you end up together, dreaming about what your kids will look like. At the very least, you spend way too much time picturing all kinds of steamy, sexy encounters where he ravishes you with his enormous … um, equipment!
And then somehow … maybe by luck or some superior maneuvering on your part … you get your shot with him. And you’re totally devastated to learn that he’s a horrible kisser with slimy hands and a teeny weeny … weeny! Or he’s an immature jerk, or emotionally unavailable … you can pretty much insert any disappointing scenario, here.
Ugh! What a letdown, right? All that wasted time and energy, all those long nights fantasizing about him, and for what? A great big nothing! And you promise yourself that you’ll never get carried away with a crush again.
But here’s why we still pursue our crushes and remain hopeful, daydreaming and doodling his name like some besotted schoolgirl: sometimes, albeit rarely, a crush does turn into Prince Charming. (Okay, maybe not Prince Charming, per se. But you get what I mean.) Sometimes the fantasy becomes the reality!
I was still in college and I’d had a crush on Simon* for about a year. I never acted on my growing feelings for him because honestly, I thought he was out of my league. Over the course of that year, we’d gotten to know each other pretty well. In fact, he often turned to me for advice about his different girlfriends. I was a good friend and always advised him according to what I believed were his best interests. It wasn’t easy, though. Watching him date other women while my feelings for him grew was more than a little painful. But since I didn’t think I had a shot with him, I dealt with it.
I had my own share of dates and flings, so it wasn’t as if I were sitting at home pining for him. But I’d be lying if I said I didn’t compare every guy I encountered to Simon. And every single one of them fell short.
Anyway, after a year of lusting and fantasizing, I finally had my chance with my crush. At the time, we were both between relationships and found ourselves alone in his apartment one Saturday night. After a few drinks, I was thrilled to learn that Simon had been crushing on me for about as long as I’d been crushing on him! I was on top of the world!
Then came that moment of truth: do we risk our great rapport by crossing the line from friendship to relationship? What if we tried and it turned out horribly? Or even if “we” worked for a while, what if we broke up later and ended up hating each other?
In the end, curiosity, lust and a little too much beer won out over caution, and we agreed to share our first kiss. The sparks flew from the moment our lips met! It’s many years later and I can honestly say that was the best first kiss I’ve ever shared with a man. It was perfect … kissing Simon felt like home.
But should we go further, we breathlessly asked each other? Yes, those first kisses were spectacular. But maybe we should quit while we were ahead. At that point both of us could have walked away unscathed and our friendship would remain unchanged.
I don’t know whose idea it was, but we decided to go into his bedroom. “Let’s just lie next to each other on the bed and let whatever happens happen,” we said. Ha! I don’t think we were in his room for more than one full minute before we were both naked and going at it like rabbits!
If our first kiss generated sparks, our first sex-capades were positively nuclear! I mean, we went at it all night long! (Ah, youth! What I wouldn’t give for that kind of stamina now!)
But it wasn’t just the fact that we did any and everything to and for each other. Fuelled by youth, beer and pent up lust, we were like circus acrobats! It was so much more than that, though. In fact, it was honestly one of the most sexually pleasurable experiences I’ve ever had.
I think our strong friendship made it easier for us to tune into each other’s desires and responses. We could reach other’s bodies well. And because of our genuine respect for each other, we eagerly did what we could to please. It was a truly unforgettable night that was the first of many unforgettable nights.
So that’s my story of a crush that had a happy ending. Simon and I aren’t together today, but we are still friends. Our relationship only ended because our lives after college took us in different directions emotionally, professionally and geographically. It’s all good, though. Like I said, we’re still friends.
And that’s why I still believe in crushes. Yeah, a lot of them turn out to be huge disappointments. But every once in a while, you encounter a crush like Simon …
*Nope, Simon isn’t even close to his real name. You know the rules: I always change the name and a few details to protect the not-so-innocent!
Ladies, have you tried using birth control but didn’t like what it did to your body? Or do you have infrequent sex and are loathe to ingest a lot of hormones all the time?
Well, you may not be alone. One-third of sexually active women in the US used withdrawal (meaning the gentleman pulled out before he finished the deed) as their birth control method in the last 30 days. (Contraception, May 2014) And, many of these women had used birth control in the past. What’s more, a recent BBC Radio show reported on British women with Master’s degrees and mortgages who shun contraception. Along the same vein, there are African (and Asian) women who know about birth control and don’t want to get pregnant but avoid using it either because they don’t have sex that often or they’re afraid of the possible side effects. (Guttmacher, June 2014)
So, globally, a lot of women don’t want to get pregnant but don’t use birth control. While some of these women don’t have access to contraceptives for many reasons, many of these women have tried using modern birth control in the past. So, what’s up with that?
Sounds like we need some “disruptive technology” up here in birth control!
Disruptive technology – or innovation – is something that completely changes the game and often doesn’t use the same players – like big business or big government. Back in the day, “The Pill” was the big game changer. The pharma company Searle launched the first contraceptive pill in 1960 and 5 years later almost 7 million American women were on the pill. But, the pill’s side effects have scared women away and made the FDA leery at times. While there have been new contraceptives introduced since 1960, often developed in part with US government funding, all of these methods include hormones. They include the patch and vaginal rings which like the pill allow the lady to control the use herself and long acting methods like implants which some see as revolutionary because you don’t have to go back to the medical provider for years to replace it.
Disruptive innovation based on IT is affecting lots of industries. In large urban cities, thanks to almost everybody and their grandmother owning smartphones, the transportation industry is being disrupted with ride share start ups like Uber, Zipcar, Lift, Sidecar and others, that make it easier to get a ride than traditional taxis and public transportation. Now a multi-billion dollar industry, these new forms of urban mobility are the norm and are now facing push back from London to Madrid to Washington, DC. Some would say African cities – home to innovative mobile solutions – are having an even bigger revolution in transportation. People are finding solutions without help from the government – or big business.
But, where is this homegrown, do-it-yourself-using-a-smartphone approach to contraception? According to Aqurance, 59% of pharma executives believe that the industry’s main competition will come from outside the pharma industry in 20 years. And, 85% of them believe the key to future profit will be focusing on the patient. Will this include future contraception as well? Smartphone apps are making fertility awareness methods more accessible – and effective. Once confined to calenders and beads, tracking your fertility as a birth control method has come a long way thanks to technology and smart phones.
But, new contraceptive technologies and alternatives to modern birth control are needed to address women’s needs. I mean, ladies, we need us an “uber” fertility solution that let’s us manage our fertility and still keep our “lady” feelings, right? Perhaps we need to look for them outside big business and big government.
Thanks for the great question! Take care!
by Sophia Ned-James
Happy June, SuzyKnew!
Let’s get right to it, shall we? I make no secret of the fact that I enjoy good sex and the company of more than just one boyfriend. Not every guy gets the goodies, but I’m not currently involved in a monogamous relationship, either. But you know how I roll: I’m always safe and I’m always honest.
Anyway, lately I’ve been thinking about my last serious relationship. It’s been a minute since it ended, but it was a loving, long-term, monogamous relationship that was wonderful … until it wasn’t. Now that some time has passed, I can look back on it without wanting to slash his tires or scratch out his eyes. And I can finally remember what was so wonderful about being with just one special guy.
When you’re deeply in love, sex is a beautiful thing, isn’t it? Don’t get me wrong. I don’t have to be in love to have really great sex. Heck, I’ve had great sex with guys I didn’t even particularly like!
But unlike some women, I never confuse making love with having sex. They’re two different things depending upon the nature of your relationship. And trust me, men DEFINITELY know the difference. That’s why more women end up heartbroken than men when they realize that the guy they were sexing wasn’t serious about the relationship. So ladies, please be smart and never assume that just because you give up the goodies, the man will fall in love with you.
I know that many women don’t have sex unless they’re in love with the guy. Casual sex just doesn’t work for them. And that’s fine. In fact, that’s great because that means they aren’t among the many women who claim to be “making love” (picture me doing air quotes here) with guys who won’t even call them the next day.
It’s obvious that making love is different from regular sex, even good sex. Making love is deeper and more emotionally fulfilling. It transcends the physical because it involves more than just your genitals and libido. When your heart and even your soul are involved, it takes everything to a much deeper level.
My ex and I had an amazing sex life when things were good between us. Our bodies were in synch, and with just a look he could get me from zero to sixty in three seconds flat. Just the touch of his hand or feeling his breath on my neck would get me going, and I knew I had the same effect on him.
And man, could we bring the heat! I remember this one time when we were supposed to go to a friend’s party one Friday evening. My ex had to work late and wasn’t sure when he’d be free, so we agreed to meet at the party.
I arrived first, and was having a great time talking to friends. But I knew, without looking, the exact moment my man arrived. The air in the room changed. It became denser. All of my senses went on high alert and I was wet before I even laid eyes on him.
Our eyes met across the room, where he’d been standing at the door looking for me. And I don’t think I’d ever wanted him more than at that very moment. We didn’t break eye contact as we walked across the room towards each other. As soon as we got close, I knew that within the next few minutes, we’d be in each other’s arms.
Without saying a word, we snuck off to our host’s guest bedroom. My man had my panties off in seconds and it wasn’t until his face was buried deep between my legs that I realized we hadn’t even closed the door all the way. Of course, that just made it hotter.
I have no idea if anyone saw our little mash-up that night, but I remember wondering if everyone we talked to afterwards could smell the “sex” on us. Just the thought that everyone at the party knew what we did was both exciting. Needless to say, we made an early night of it.
That’s just one example of our escapades. We were a very sexually adventurous couple. But it wasn’t just the risks we took or the strange places we did it that made it so special. (Remind me to tell y’all about the time we did it on the very public pier of a well-known waterside park!) It was the fact that we were truly in love that made every time seem like a trip to the moon. Our love deepened our pleasure.
I enjoy a very healthy dating life right now. And my sex life ain’t bad, either. But I’d be lying if I said I didn’t long for another loving relationship. Great casual sex between two consenting, safe and respectful adults can be awesome! But there’s just nothing like making love, is there?
Here’s a topic to explore over Father’s Day brunch today: How has your father influenced your decision to use or not use condoms? Or, do you think your father’s physical or emotional presence – or lack of presence – has impacted your sexual decisions?
SuzyKnew! has discussed the role of mothers in women’s love lives. Today for Father’s Day, we look at research that reveals a father’s engagement or disengagement in his daughter’s life may affect the risks she decides to take sexually.
Of course, those of us who come from certain families can relate to sitting around the dinner table and being told by Daddy to keep our “pocketbook” closed and our panties on. Our fathers can be real clear on some thangs – right? But, such orders don’t speak about the everyday physical presence a father may or may not have, and it doesn’t describe the level of emotional engagement between father and daughter.
There have been many studies that indicate an absent father may result in girls getting pregnant earlier or having a plethora of sexual partners. But, a recently published series of psychological studies by Danielle J. DelPriore and Sarah E. Hill of Texas Christian University show that fathers may have a lot more influence on our romantic and sexual lives than previously believed. In a Huffington Post blog, the results and implications of this study are further explained stating father absence promotes ‘short-term mating strategies’ in daughters which renders one parent families more likely in future generations. In other words, when times are tough, the evolutionary imperative of ‘survival means it makes more sense for women to reproduce sooner than later. Have that baby now! Who knows when the next man will come ’round.
Even other “privileges” such as a college degrees do not erase the effect of a father’s absence – or feeling of absence. Reaching for a condom or waiting to find Mr Right doesn’t necessarily make sense to a woman who hasn’t had a lot of male parental care. Feeling loved and cared for by a parental male can help women develop a strong romantic and positive sex life, not to mention a successful marriage.
Regardless of our situation, today we celebrate our fathers and the beauty and benefits they have brought to our lives. Understanding their presence or absence helps us understand a father’s value even more and to consciously carve out the romantic and sexual lives we want for ourselves and out daughters.
Happy Father’s Day!
SuzyKnew!
Ladies, sometimes we aren’t in the mood for sex. When this happens occasionally we aren’t too worried. But, when it happens a lot or when we aren’t into sex as much as our man or our desire wanes after time alarm bells may go off.
Why don’t we feel as sexy as we used to? Like when we first met our man? Passionate love-making may last only 6 to 12 months until it begins to feel routine, especially without some kinda change. While our love and commitment for our husband may grow over time, our passion may cool.
Why is this?
Blame it on dopamine, a neurotransmitter – or brain chemical – in our brain. Less dopamine means less arousal and more dopamine gets our juices flowing. When we fall madly in love the dopamine levels in our brains rise. We can’t stop thinking about the person. The sex is great. But, as time goes by and regular life and routine kick back in, the level of dopamine in our brain returns to normal.
How can we reignite the sexual fire – get the vajayjay roaring again? Novelty. Yes, all those dopey ideas like doing things together, wearing sexy lingerie and using new sex toys increase your dopamine levels and can lead to a more passionate sex life, according to Psychology Today. In his Psychology Today blog All About Sex, Michael Castleway explains the role of dopamine in breaking out of sexual ruts. He sites one experiment involving 28 couples that explored their feelings for each other before and after completing either tedious or new and exhilarating activities together. The couples involved in the exciting activity reported greater relationship satisfaction, and said they felt more passionately in love. The psychologist credits the novelty-induced spike in dopamine for their passionate feelings.
Keep it sexy!
Keep it healthy!
SuzyKnew!
In honor of Dr Maya Angelou, who passed away May 28, 2014:
Still I Rise
You may write me down in history
With your bitter, twisted lies,
You may tread me in the very dirt
But still, like dust, I’ll rise.
Does my sassiness upset you?
Why are you beset with gloom?
‘Cause I walk like I’ve got oil wells
Pumping in my living room.
Just like moons and like suns,
With the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing high,
Still I’ll rise.
Did you want to see me broken?
Bowed head and lowered eyes?
Shoulders falling down like teardrops.
Weakened by my soulful cries.
Does my haughtiness offend you?
Don’t you take it awful hard
‘Cause I laugh like I’ve got gold mines
Diggin’ in my own back yard.
You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I’ll rise.
Does my sexiness upset you?
Does it come as a surprise
That I dance like I’ve got diamonds
At the meeting of my thighs?
Out of the huts of history’s shame
I rise
Up from a past that’s rooted in pain
I rise
I’m a black ocean, leaping and wide,
Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.
Leaving behind nights of terror and fear
I rise
Into a daybreak that’s wondrously clear
I rise
Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,
I am the dream and the hope of the slave.
I rise
I rise
I rise.
I know I joke a lot about my several “boyfriends”. Even though I don’t sleep with all of them, I enjoy an active dating life! However, I’m always safe and always honest. That doesn’t mean I don’t value committed, monogamous relationships, though. On the contrary, I believe that making love in a committed relationship is one of the most beautiful things in the world! I may be single now, but I remember what it was like to be deeply in love.
One of my longest relationships was with Julian**. Sadly, our relationship ended (my fault, not his). But when it was good, it was very, very good! When things were at their best between us, our souls seemed to be cosmically connected. We were so in synch it was like we breathed for each other!
I know it sounds crazy now, especially since we’re no longer together. But back then, we were a perfect fit, as if we were made to be together. And I believe the sex was so good between us because of that deep connection.
Just today, I was thinking about this one night with Julian which I would later refer to as “The Marathon”. Actually, it was the first of many such nights. But I remember this one clearly. It started out as an innocent goodnight kiss that quickly turned into one of the most intense nights of my life.
Here’s what happened:
Julian wrapped himself around me from behind, and I could feel him harden as he pressed into me. Before long, I turned around and pulled him into my mouth, taking in every essence of him. I always loved having Julian in my mouth … I loved his taste, the way his skin felt on my tongue, everything!
As I kissed, licked and sucked him, he began to caress my whole body. As much as I loved sucking him, Julian he loved my ass. Obsessed, he could never quite get enough of it! After rubbing it, spanking it, and inserting as many fingers as I could stand, he grabbed me and politely, but firmly sat me on his face. In this Sixty-Nine position, Julian began to lick me as only he could from one end to the other. I still had him in my mouth, and we stayed this way long enough for me to cum twice. I trembled as I brought his face deeper and deeper into me.
When he rolled me over to mount me from behind, I remember begging him to take it. Then just like that, with his fingers in my wet spot, he took me anally. It hurt so good as I rode that wave where pleasure meets pain! We moved together as I took him deeper and deeper. It was amazing! He fit me like a glove and I loved when he put me on!
This is where things got wild because we didn’t stop after that explosive orgasm. We began an erotic cycle that continued for hours. He’d pull out to watch me suck him again while he stimulated me with his fingers. Then he’d pull me right back onto his face and lick and suck me like a starving man, going from back to front and back, again.
Meanwhile, I licked every inch of him and let him cum down my throat. Then he mounted me again, somehow maneuvering magically between his two favorite places, using his fingers to please the alternate spot simultaneously. I was dizzy with pleasure, never wanting it to end!
At one point, I remember begging Julian to control me, take me and use me for his every pleasure! He happily obliged, but never stopped stimulating me. I don’t remember a part of my body that didn’t feel his tongue, his caress. The man simply pleasured me to tears!
We went on like this for hours. I remember my alarm clock going off at 6 am, realizing that we’d been at it all night! We honestly tried to stop so that I could get ready for work, but we just couldn’t. Covered from head to toe in each other’s juices, we kept at it, doing it again and again. We only stopped for bathroom breaks.
As he pulled me onto his face again, I noticed the time. Now it was 7:30, and I still couldn’t stop. I completely lost control and rubbed against his face and tongue with the speed of a race horse. The faster I moved, the harder he grabbed and the deeper his tongue went. Once again, I cried it was so good.
We finally ended the way we began, with Julian spooning me from behind. This time, as he gently slid into me, we knew this would have to be the last time. We both had to go to work, though he went in later than me. We gently rocked in unison, slowly building towards what was sure to be another big finish. I was so aroused that every single nerve ending seemed to be exposed. Even feeling his warm breath on the back of my neck drove me closer to paradise. With him lodged deep inside me and with his fingers stroking me, I fell first. I quivered as he continued to thrust faster and faster, until finally he came, too.
I was an hour and half late for work that day, but didn’t care. I’d experienced one of those rare nights of magic eroticism that changed me forever. Julian and I did more than make love that night, we truly became one.
Julian’s married to someone else now, and seems quite happy. I’ll bet he remembers that night, though. I know I always will. “The Marathon” was quite unforgettable.
*W.W.A. inspired and contributed heavily to this story. Gotta give credit where credit is due. Thank you, W.W.A.!
**Not his real name. I always change the names and a few details to protect the not-so-innocent!