Author Archives: SuzyKnew!

About SuzyKnew!

SuzyKnew! is dedicated to improving the sexual and reproductive health and sexual pleasure of women of color.

Just Like You (and Savita Halappanavar), I Thought I’d Never Need An Abortion

Reproductive Health 1 Comment

I’m just like you – or a lot of you. I thought I would never have an abortion.

I’m careful about birth control. Plus, I’m a faithful wife.

Exiting my 30’s, I thought my childbearing days were over.  And, then it happened.  I realized I had missed my period. At first, it took me a while to realize I had missed it because I wasn’t really keeping track. When I realized what had happened, I thought my period was late because I was spending too much time at the gym and dropping weight too quickly. But, eventually, while running errands, I remembered to pick up a pregnancy test kit at the drug store and almost fell off the toilet seat when it read positive.

What was I going to do? Things like this don’t happen to me!

I have a very well-organized and successful professional life.  And, I have a happy personal life. I am not the type of woman someone would point out in the street and whisper to her friend, “Now, there is a woman I bet has had an abortion or two.”  Not that there is a “certain type” of woman.  That’s really a big part of the problem.  Blaming and profiling the woman who chooses to have an abortion. I’m just saying…

I have always had a good self-image. But, getting pregnant unexpectedly made me feel as if I had let myself down.  Knowing that my husband and I could not keep this pregnancy made me question all that I had always believed in. While I never struggled with whether a woman should have the right to have an abortion or not, I simply never thought I would need one.  Now that it was personal… things were different. Where would I go? Who would see me? Who could I share this with besides my husband?  In the middle of assessing my feelings, I found that I was very upset that our culture had made having an abortion something so horrible that women didn’t discuss this with one another.  The fact I couldn’t share what I was going through with anyone effectively reduced my access to good, reliable, up-to-date information turning the situation into a frightening one. I couldn’t remember an episode on Lifetime, Scandal, REVENGE or another TV/cable show that could help me think it through. Because TV shows today don’t discuss abortion.  If they did, the pro-life movement, which doesn’t represent the majority of Americans’ views on abortion, would shut it down. What you see on TV and in the movies is at the last minute women who had unwanted pregnancies suddenly and unbelievably decided it would be in her and everyone’s best interest to have the baby or they lose the baby spontaneously.  No one makes a conscious decision to have an abortion.  But, we all know this isn’t the way life really is.

In the end, I remembered what a friend told me she would do if she ever needed an abortion. I decided to leave my city and travel to NYC to have an abortion at a nice clinic that gave me the emotional support I needed. Also, nice was that I had choices about the procedure: it wasn’t decided for me by the doctor.

But, I challenge you to change our culture and its beliefs about abortion.

The fact that a woman in Ireland – Savita Halappanavar – died because the hospital that was providing her care denied her an abortion to save her life says a lot about how much we are valued as women and how quiet culture and society have kept us.  Savita was brought to the hospital to save her life and the hospital killed her.  But, when the hospital denied her an abortion, did she know her options? Did she know where you could get a safe abortion? Did she have friends and family outside her husband she was comfortable talking about her situation?

How many of you are talking about what happened to Savita?

I challenge you to change our culture and its beliefs about abortion.

 

Waiting For True Love? Starting Sex Late May Lead To More Satisfying Romantic Relationships Later On

Love and Sex 1 Comment
True Love?

If you’re young, do you ever wonder how long you should wait until you pop your cherry? Are you tired of listening to your friends tell you how wonderful sex is?

If you’re older, have you ever wondered what would have happened if you had held out a little longer?  Do you think you started having sex too soon?

A study from The University of Texas at Austin suggests that people who have their first sexual experience later than average may have more satisfying romantic relationships in adulthood. The study out of the UT Austin’s Population Research Center also indicates that these individuals who had a later first sexual experience were also less likely to be married and had fewer romantic partners in adulthood.

This is one of the few studies that looked at how teen-age sexual experiences are related to marital relationships in adulthood. The study followed over 1,000 same-sex sibling pairs from their early teens until adulthood.  What’s considered having a “late” first sexual experience? Having nooky anytime after the age of 19.

Study participants who started having sex later in life and who were married or living with someone were more likely to say that they were happy with the way conflict was handled within their relationship, that their man showed them love and affection and that they enjoyed during day-to-day things with their partners. They also have higher incomes.

The data suggest that early sexual initiation is not a “risk” factor so much as late initiation is a “protective” factor in shaping romantic life later on in life. Click here to read morefrom Your Tango on the study and its findings.

 

 

 

ASK AN OBGYN: I Feel Like I’m Going To Destroy The World When My Period Comes!

Ask an OBGYN No Comments

Dear Obgyn,

When I was in my 20’s and early 30’s I was never moody during my menstrual cycle. Now that I’m 36 I feel like I’m going to destroy the world when my period comes.  Can you tell me a little more about how your cycle can change when you get older? What are some good online sites to go to?

*******

Dear SuzyKnew Reader,

Yes my dear, just about everything shifts and changes as we age and our menstrual cycles are no exception. Most women begin to see changes in their cycles beginning in their mid to late thirties.

I like to think of the menstrual cycle as a monthly play- with different characters performing different scenes every week.  Estrogen and Progesterone are the leading ladies, with supporting roles from Prostaglandins, Luteinizing Hormone, and the mood stabilizing chemicals in your brain such as Serotonin and Dopamine.   There’s a lot going on here, and it’s not just happening in our reproductive systems.

The hormones that govern our cycles are part of the body’s Endocrine System and these hormones act on other parts of our bodies.  For example, Prostaglandins act on the uterus to cause cramping, but also are responsible for nausea and upset stomach that many women experience with their periods. Drops in Estrogen levels during a normal menstrual cycle can cause thyroid changes and in some women trigger migraines.  Drops in Estrogen for women in their 50’s and beyond have been associated with increased risk for osteoporosis.

And let’s not forget stress.  Women in their thirties can experience a lot of stress from the increasing responsibilities of work and life.   This causes a rise in the “stress hormone”, Cortisol, which can negatively affect different body systems, including our menstrual cycles.

Your Doctor or Nurse Practitioner may ask you to keep a journal for two menstrual cycles. This will help rule out any underlying medical condition that may be appear with PMS-type symptoms.

Check out the following websites:

1)    for a good breakdown of changes through the decades

2)    for info on perimenopause

Filipina_Gal: My Stand On The RH Bill Controversy

Filipina Gal No Comments

While I was a student nurse, I distinctly remember conducting an interview with a woman in her mid-thirties who was unemployed and was married to a tricycle driver. They had 4 children, all born less than 3 years apart. Their house was in a dilapidated state. When asked about their family planning methods, I was dismayed to hear, although I was partly expecting it, when she said none. She said she tried to take pills before but keeps on forgetting about taking them and that her husband didn’t like wearing condoms. I asked her if she wanted to have more kids, to which she answered no; and if they’ve looked into the option of more permanent means of preventing pregnancies like a tubal ligation or a vasectomy for her husband but all she said was “No, my husband doesn’t like those.” And that was the end of it.

I’ve read a lot of write-ups and watched a lot of debates over the proposed Reproductive Health Bill, but at the end of it all, my vote still goes towards yes.

Some legislators say that the RH bill is not needed, since its components are already present in some existing laws. But even if it were the case, its implementation is clearly not felt by the public. Currently, there is an unrestricted access to contraceptives, but the issue is whether or not the poor families who need them the most, can afford it. Although I cannot give a statistical figure, I’ve talked to a lot of pregnant women in local health centres and in public hospitals, who expressed their desire for family planning, except that they don’t have access to them.

Another issue is that, the proposed budget allocation is apparently too big, and would be better spent for funding other medicines that treat real diseases. What they fail to see, is that maternal and child illnesses are real medical conditions too. Births that are spaced too closely increases the risk of mortality and morbidity for both the mother and child, and this could be solved by simple education and family planning.

I believe in providing long-term solutions to problems, and the way I see it, without the RH bill, more and more women will be having mistimed and unplanned pregnancies. These women will most likely be relying on government funded services like public education and public hospitals. Thus, it will only add burden to our already limited public resources in the long run.

Arguably the biggest hindrance to the passage of this bill, is the Catholic Church. Catholicism has been part and parcel of the Filipino culture for centuries, and challenging its views would be akin to talking to a brick wall. Despite the separation of State and Church, the truth is that the Church still exercises considerable influence over various political matters. The Church says that the RH bill promotes immorality by supporting contraception and abortion. I myself am a Catholic and was given a Christian education growing up, but I am in full support of the RH bill. Yes, the bill promotes contraception, but it does not legalize abortion. It only states that women suffering from post-abortion complications are entitled to medical attention, which is perfectly reasonable. The Church teaches us that we are stewards of our bodies; that we are responsible for taking care of ourselves. The RH bill promotes responsible parenthood, empowers the women and youth, provides heretofore inaccessible services to the poor, and educates people, ergo encouraging informed choice; all of which are steps toward being responsible human beings.

ASK AN OBGYN: Can I Get Pregnant If I Douche After Sex?

Ask an OBGYN 1 Comment

Dear SuzyKnew Obgyn, 

Can I get pregnant if I douche right after sex? I mean like only 15 minutes after we finish?

Precious.

*******

Dear Precious,

Yes. You can still get pregnant if you douche after sex.

Douching with over the counter products such as Summer’s Eve, Massengill or Tiny Kit are not a method of birth control.

I am glad you asked about douching, because it is an often-misunderstood practice, and one that has associated risks.

A review of medical literature from 2004-2008[i] shows that douching is associated with problems with pregnancy, bacterial vaginosis (BV), as well as serious diseases such as cervical cancer and pelvic inflammatory disease (PID).  Douching can also put women at increased risk for sexually transmitted diseases, including HIV.  Douching can cover up symptoms of an infection or serious condition, which can make some ladies wait before seeking treatment.

The American Congress of Obstetrician and Gynecologists (ACOG), the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) and the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services Office of Women’s Health (HRSA), all recommended that women do not douche.   For another SuzyKnew piece on the topic see Straight Talk On Feminine Hygiene.

Despite the messages from the medical community, douching is still practiced by an alarming number of women. A survey by U. of Rochester found that nearly one-third of American women aged 15-44 years old douche regularly, and douching is most common in teens, African-American and Hispanic women[ii]

Why do women still douche if we know the harmful effects?  One reason could be advertising campaigns aimed at minority women.   In 2010 and 2011, Summer’s Eve launched a controversial ad campaign chock full of racial and ethnic stereotypes.   One particularly demeaning aspect of the campaign was a print ad in Women’s Day magazine which linked using feminine hygiene products to achievement in the workplace.

As humans, we are highly influenced by cultural health practices and peer pressure.   If our mother and aunties douched, then we likely got the message that we need to douche as well.

My message for you and all SuzyKnew readers:  Your vagina has its own way of naturally keeping clean.  If you experience symptoms like foul odor, itching, pain or irritation with sex or urination, visit your medical provider to rule out an infection or other serious condition.

For more information: www.womenshealth.gov

Keep the questions coming!  Info@suzyknew.com

S. Brockman, RN, MPh.

 

ASK AN OBGYN is not meant to be a substitute for your doctor or health care provider. Contact your provider with any health issues you may have.

 

 

 

[i] Cottrell, B. An Updated Review of Evidence to Discourage Douching.  The American Journal of Maternal/Child Nursing.  March/April 2010. v. 35, n. 2, p. 102-7.

[ii] Science News 1999.  v. 155, n. 1, p. 7.

 

What Do You Mean Infidelity Can Be Harmful To Your Health?

Opinion 2 Comments
Infidelity Can Be Bad For You

Okay. Who hasn’t been tempted to cheat?  Or who hasn’t encouraged a friend to step out on her man when she is feeling bad about the relationship?

I admit I’m guilty of encouraging friends to get some love on the side even though I wouldn’t do this myself. When I see how neglected and lonely my friend feels, I can’t take it and need to do something. Her husband’s lack of attention and love affects her self-confidence, her family life and her ability to excel professionally. Who can climb the corporate ladder when there is no support or love at home?  Heck. It even affects my being able to have a good time with my friend because each time we go out she goes on and on about how lonely and dejected she feels.

It’s obvious what my friend needs is some love and physical attention.  Sure, marriage counseling is all good. But, who has time for that? And, maybe I’m being selfish for suggesting she have a fling so she can feel good about herself again and we can have our old friendship back.

I know it’s wrong. The Bible and other religious books plainly state the adultery is wrong. And, if you’re not religious, you know infidelity can send out bad karma.

But, did you know that infidelity can actually be physically bad for you?  Psych Alive recently published an article revealing all: Between 30 to 60 percent of Americans will be unfaithful at some point during their marriage, and infidelity is on the rise, especially among married people in their 20’s.  But, not everyone having an affair is unhappy. Thirty-five to 55 percent of those in an affair report being happy in their marriage at the time, according to The New Monogamy.  But, it is interesting to note that those who are unfaithful are more likely to engage in risky sex, i.e., not use condoms, increasing the likelihood of becoming HIV positive or catching another sexual disease, according to the International Society for Sexual Medicine, which published the study this year. People who are having secretive affairs practice riskier sex than those in other types of relationships.

So, there’s more than just a moral reason not to be unfaithful.  There’s a health reason, too. It’s bad for you.

Next time, I’ll focus on getting my friend to seek counseling.

Did You Miss Female Condom Day?

Contraceptives No Comments
Inserting a female condom

Did you remember to celebrate Global Female Condom Day on September 12?

If you missed it, you can still join in on the fun.

The Female Condom still isn’t most ladies’ first choice in contraception or HIV prevention. But, it’s nice to know that it’s out there, especially since it is touted as the only female-controlled contraceptive that protects you from HIV/AIDS. You don’t have to wait for your man to put on his condom. You can put your own on.  But, now, the product is also promoted for gay male sex. So, the “FC” – as it’s fondly called – isn’t uniquely female any more.

Years back when I was working with female sex workers in Cambodia I attended a highly coveted class on how to use the Female Condom and teach other women to use it as well. There were 4 classes. So, this tells you something about how user-friendly it is (not).

I never could figure out how to get it inside me. But, don’t let my experience discourage you.

These days, the FC comes in other versions. Like a quieter and more affordable version. Maybe you heard that the original FC makes a lot of noise and is cold when you first insert it.  Your worries are over.  The FC2, as it’s called, isn’t as noisy. It’s made out of nitrile. There are also Indian companies making female condoms out of latex, the material used for male condoms, warming up more quickly to your body temperature.

Youtube has tons of videos on the Female Condom.  Most of them focus on how to use the product. Sigh… Here are two that have gotten a lot of views.

Female Condom

British Female Condom Demonstration

 

 

Two SuzyKnew Readers. One Free Trojan Vibrator

Love and Sex No Comments

Who knew that the free vibrator samples I picked up at the recent BlogHer ’12 conference would cause such a stir among readers.  I actually managed to snare two Trojan Tri-phoria vibrators which retail around $40.  By the way, Trojan research puts its annual revenue for its new pleasure devices in the United States at around $1 billion, or 2.5 times that of condoms.  Apparently, ensuring ladies’ pleasure is quite profitable.

So, I decided to give one of these goodies away free to the first reader who contacted me. But, you ladies were too shy to email me. So, I went out to hunt you down.

The first SuzyKnew reader I talked to was very interested in getting her hands on a Trojan pleasure machine. She’s an avid Adam and Eve fan.  But, she had been disappointed with her recent purchase. During her last raid on the store, she was expecting to find the latest and greatest in vibrator technology. But, the local chain had run out of the good stuff, and she settled on a vibrator that seemed second rate to her. I know this because I was with her on this late night spending spree and helped her select her new toy after 3 hours of looking at every single item the store offered.

“It didn’t do what it said would do, ” was what she told me the next day.  She was very disappointed. So, the Trojan vibrations product arrived just in time. But, after inspecting the packaging and reading the claims, she didn’t look as thrilled as she sounded when I first told her about the possibility of actually owning one. The Triphoria comes with 2 attachments that can fit on the head, which I didn’t think added much value. I think Trojan would be better off providing a basic vibrator and maybe one additional attachment and lowering the price to be more competitive.

Then later on in the week, I brought the free sample to a second reader’s house. It was her daughter’s 5th birthday.  Surprised to see that she was getting a “personal massager” – as Trojan calls its vibrators in order to mainstream them and get them on TV advertising – she shrieked with joy. She grabbed the vibrator out of my hand and held it up for all the parents to admire.  Her husband was quite pleased and gave me a wink.  Right then and there I knew that this reader was the woman who most deserved to own a new Trojan.

I haven’t checked in yet to find out if the product has lived up to all its claims.

I am pretty impressed though with how Trojan has seemed to effortlessly slide into the women’s pleasure market – even getting ads on TV –  after years of  focusing solely on making condoms more pleasurable for men. It’s a decent product. Just a little on the expensive side when compared to products of similar quality.

If you have tried the Trojan vibrations product and have any comments you’d like to share, please let us know.

Suzy

 

My Crush Told Me To Put On Some Make-Up And Buy A Push-Up Bra: ASK JANICE

Ask Janice 3 Comments

Dear Janice:

My Crush told me to go put some make up on, buy a push-up bra, and get myself another man!  What should I do?

Crushed.

 

Dear Crushed:

Answer:  Girl, this one is almost too easy: put some make up on, buy a push-up bra, and get yourself another man!

An older, wiser woman once told me this: a man will always tell you everything you need to know about what he wants; you just have to be willing to hear him.  As dishonest as men can be, when it comes to what they want, they will always tell you the truth. We women don’t always want to hear what they have to say, though. So, we ignore their signals, like when they stare at a woman who dresses differently than we do; or when they constantly talk about so-and-so’s wife who is so cool because she likes basketball. We even ignore them when they are as blunt as your Crush.

Why? Who better than a man to tell us what men want? When we don’t listen, we end up alone. So take your Crush’s advice, girl. Listen to him!

Now, while I believe in always being one’s authentic self, I am realistic enough to know that sometimes, nature needs a little help.  A little mascara to make your eyes more noticeable; a little blush to highlight those stunning cheekbones; a little spandex and underwire to give the “girls” that extra lift… these are all things that can be used to ENHANCE your natural beauty.

You must remember that men are visual creatures. Before they can get to know your fabulous personality and fall madly in love with you, they have to be attracted to you. You have to get their attention!

So girl, you better run (don’t walk) to the nearest MAC counter and have someone show you how to apply the best colors and shades to bring out the best features on your face. Then immediately proceed to the nearest Victoria’s Secret (again run, don’t walk) and get yourself measured for the best push-up bra your money can buy.  Next, buy yourself a cute top with a V-neck.  Nothing too plunging, of course… you don’t want to show off all the goodies! But, trust me on this one. V-necks are a girl’s best friend!

Now you’re ready to take your Crush’s last bit of advice to find yourself another man. He’s made it clear that he’s not interested in a relationship with you, so let it go. But before you do, pay your Crush one last visit.  Let him see the new and improved you… show him what he’ll be missing! Bat those enhanced eyelashes, arch your back a little and let him eat his heart out! Enjoy!

Send your personal question to AskJanice@suzyknew.com

Don’t Cut The Blooms Off Your Lady Parts!

Opinion Reproductive Health No Comments
Wavy-haired woman with yellow flower

Wandering around the web, an article on EMandLo‘s site called Vaginas vs. Vulvas –  There’s A Difference People! caught my attention. The piece tells you that what we call a vagina for all our various bits and pieces down there is actually incorrect; it’s a good refresher course on the female anatomy. So, I started clicking on related links, finding articles about how a lot of women find their vagina ugly and question whether they are “normal.”

Yeah. What is normal? How do you know if your vagina is normal? Or beautiful? I’ve never been so sure about this either.

Unlike men, who can easily compare their genitalia, few women have seen other women’s labia to know if everything is growing the right way.

This thought provoked me to explore other articles. A group of them talked about the increasing number of women who alter their vagina – namely by cutting off their inner labia – their “blooms” – to make their vagina look more like what they see on women in porn movies. Hmm… I never thought of women in porn movies as being the standard bearers of vagina beauty.

And, is it just porn movies driving this? What about scientific text books and women’s magazines? Have you ever looked at one of these and said, “Yes, this is exactly what I look like”?  Do any of them emphasize that each woman looks different? No.  Ladies, it’s time to write the editors!

The film documentary The Perfect Vagina examines why young women in the UK chose to have labioplasty, the removal of the labia, one of the fastest growing cosmetic procedures. Mostly, women are driven by the need to look normal. They want to conform to a beauty standard.

The Great Wall of Vagina
The Great Wall of Vagina, Jamie McCartney. The Upcoming, UK.

To combat this trend, Jamie McCartney created The Great Vagina Wall, showcasing plaster molds of 400 women’s vaginas. His goal was to show the world what “normal” women’s vaginas look like.

When I looked at this I thought, “Wow. Not one vagina looks like the other. And a lot these labia are sticking out.”  Each one  is completely unique.  And, all are normal.  The various labia are like flower blooms, giving each woman a distinct look. I would have never known this, if I hadn’t seen this picture. Have you ever seen so many vaginas lined up like that so you could actually see the variety that’s out there?

So, why would you want your labia to look like everyone else’s? Do you want your clothes, your hair, your makeup, all the aspects that make you a unique and beautiful woman to look the same? Or your hat.  Ever see the hats in Kentucky Derby? No woman would ever want to wear the same hat.

Now I have a better appreciation of why vaginas are compared to flowers.  And, while roses may all look similar.  No one rose  is exactly like the other.

Ladies, think twice before cutting off your blooms.

 Suzy