Author Archives: SuzyKnew!

About SuzyKnew!

SuzyKnew! is dedicated to improving the sexual and reproductive health and sexual pleasure of women of color.

Six Steps for a HOT Valentine’s Day Date

I know I am generalizing when I say this, but women and Hallmark make a bigger deal out of Valentine’s Day than is totally necessary.  I know it’s not politically correct to say this, but we women put way too much pressure on ourselves and our partners to have a perfectly romantic Valentine’s Day. We start dropping hints to him about what gifts we want before he even pays off the Christmas gift he got us.

We never have the kind of Valentine’s Day we dream about; the kind you see in the romantic comedies that Hollywood still churns out year after year.  And if we keep on striving for that perfect moment like we see in the movies, we will continue to be disappointed year after year.

So instead of going for romance, I say we go for HOT!  Instead of trying to recreate that sappy last scene in “Sleepless in Seattle” with Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan (or for our younger readers, any scene between Edward and Bella in the Twilight series), we should strive to make our Valentine’s dates more like the movie “9 and ½ Weeks” (or for our younger readers, any scene between any two cast members of “Jersey Shore”, but not as trashy and without all the drinking).

So, I’ve come up with some tips to get both you AND him excited about Valentine’s Day.  Here they are:

    1. Plan the date early. I know this keeps us in cahoots with Hallmark, but this really will help.  You see, you both need to be on the same page about what your (and his) expectations are for the big day.  This will minimize disappointment and hurt feelings.  For example, this year, Valentine’s Day falls on a Monday.  Will you celebrate that Saturday?  That Sunday?  Or on the actual day?  After all, you don’t want to get all gussied up to go to dinner on Saturday and he plans to spend the evening in sweats watching ESPN.  So talk this through ahead of time.  Agree to a specific date ahead of time, write it on the calendar, put it in his iPhone and stick to it.
    2. Forgo gifts.Even as I typed this one, I could hear some of you screaming “NOOOOOO!”  When you get right down to it, we’re only two months away from Christmas, money is a little tight and flowers die.  Unless you know he’s going to propose with a diamond, neither of you need any more presents.  So, agree to and enforce a “no gift” policy this year.  Instead, you can:
    3. Send “love” (read “lust”) notes to each other! Beginning the week before your date, send at least one note a day to each other.  It has to be hot, though.  No, don’t send any nude pix of yourself via your cell phone. We’re going for hot, not raunchy.  And, for God’s sake, if you have kids, don’t leave them where they can find them!  But if you live together, leave a note on his pillow telling him how sexy he looked earlier that day.  Or, if you use electronic media, send a message that says you can’t wait to see him next week for your date and put a little wink sign with it.  In other words, keep it R rated (well, PG-13, actually).  The idea is to just start building a little anticipation for what’s to come.
    4. Plan to GET NASTY.  Pull out your old bag of tricks and plan to use them all on that day!!  You know that thing you only let him do on special occasions?  Let him do it!  More important, starting the week before the date, TELL him you’re going to let him do it (or you’re going to do it to him or whatever).  Again, you want to build excitement here.  You want him thinking naughty thoughts about you throughout the week at random times.  You want him to be in the idle of a task at work and then suddenly remember what you’ve promised and … react!
    5. Wear something awesome! I know a lot guys say we look our best with nothing on, but there has to be an outfit of yours that gets his blood flowing a little bit more than the others.  If not, wear something that makes YOU feel sexy.  Because the better you feel about how you look, the more fun you’ll have!
    6. Focus only on each other. If you have to pay a sitter, then do it.  If the only way you can be alone is to get a room, then get one.  The whole point of the build-up, the clothes, the notes is so that for one day, one stupid, Hallmark day, you can put the rest of the world aside and focus just on each other.

Have fun!

ASK JANICE: Why Do I Need a Vibrator if I Have a Man?

Answer: Let me begin by saying that there are a lot of misconceptions out there about vibrators and other sex toys … from who uses them to how and why they’re used. So let’s clear the air.

First of all, vibrators and other sex toys are not just used by lonely, horny women as a substitute for sex. I mean sure, who hasn’t reached into our nightstand when we’re “between relationships”? Especially around the same time we’ve reached for the chocolate and the salt, if you know what I mean!  But this is 2011. And it’s time for us to bring vibrators and other sex toys out of the darkness of our night stand drawers and into the light of our intimate relationships. After all, toys are enjoyed most when shared and if we all play nicely, everyone can have fun!

Now, I’ll admit that there are still (even in 2011) a lot of men out there who are intimidated by the use of sex toys. Maybe they’re a little threatened by the thought that some whirling, writhing, vibrating piece of latex is able to make you shiver and squeal and sing like an angel when applied with just the right amount of pressure. Especially if that whirling, writhing, vibrating piece of latex is considerably larger than his own … toy.

But for every one man who is opposed to introducing sex toys into the game, there are ten more who would eagerly supply you with enough batteries to power the northern hemisphere. That’s because these enlightened gents understand three important facts about the mutual use of sex toys between men and women:

1. Vibrators and sex toys are awesome educational tools. Your man can watch you pleasure yourself and pay attention to where you like it, how fast you like it, and how much pressure to apply. We all know that every woman is different. What pleases you may not please me and vice versa. And men can’t read minds. And some of us are too shy to give explicit instructions to our lovers on how to give us pleasure. So, here’s a way your man can learn how to pleasure you. Let him watch and then try for himself. Perform for him. Let him watch you in all your orgiastic glory!

2. Vibrators and sex toys take a lot of pressure off your man! Maybe he’s had a rough day and finishes before you do. Then, let’s say he just doesn’t have the steam to keep going long enough for you to get there. Why would you want to lay there next to him as he snores the night away in blissful slumber, while you squirm and wiggle in frustration? You don’t have to! He can simply lean over, reach into that night stand drawer, flip that switch and help you reach nirvana so that you both can get a good night’s sleep. And he doesn’t even have to reload.

3. Vibrators and sex toys feel really good! Not all men will cop to liking to have a well-placed vibrator beneath their balls. Or under the tip of their penis. Or right at that spot between their balls and their anus. But trust me, they all like it. A lot! So, both of you can enjoy the pleasures of toys. Hey, you can even buy “his” and “her” vibrators! And if he’s a little size sensitive, stick to the smaller, non-threatening ones. That way he won’t worry about you heading for the drawer as soon as he leaves the house!

So maybe you don’t break out the “good vibrations” every night or even every week. Maybe you’ll only open up the toy box on special occasions like birthdays or President’s Day. But if you’re both open to it, and you each focus on the other’s pleasure, vibrators and sex toys can really enhance your play time. Need a discreet way to purchase a few toys?


In the Philippines: Valentine’s Day Flowers… and erm Condoms?!

Gone are the days when choosing among different types of flowers and their symbolisms are the main concern in gift-giving during Valentine’s Day. Last year, Valentine’s Day flowers became ensnared in politics resulting from a failed Philippine Reproductive Health Bill and a run-away Department of Health (DoH) offering redeemable condom coupons in conjunction with flowers bought from Manila’s wholesale flower market on the day before St Valentine’s. The Catholic Church’s strong hold on the Philippine government’s resulted in blocking the DoH efforts to reign in the country’s booming (over)population by campaigning against government approved programs on sexual education on/and contraception.

DoH gets around it by insisting it’s a ‘safeguard against sexually transmitted diseases’, attaching ‘Be Safe Always, Valentine’ on packets of condoms. Now that is just sweet, and the added contraception (and the prospect of loads of sex) just spices it up.

The good energies of last year’s exciting Valentine’s day has made its way to the new year: a consolidated and revised Reproductive Health Bill was passed January 31, 2011, in the House of Representatives. Though it still requires approval from the Senate, this hotly debated bill has now taken a step in the right direction.

Now all we need is another condom-happy (and maybe more!) Valentine’s day, and get all that safe and healthy love flowing. DoH, you got the goods!

Jazz It Up: What’s New?

You got it all down pat: “Morning After Pill;” prevents any unwanted visitors from making a permanent, 9-month residency even taken 72 hours after unprotected sex; emergency contraception with brands including Plan B® and Postinor I® and Postinor 2®, depending on what part of the world you live in. Now, here’s a little something to tickle your fancy in the contraception department: there’s a new “long-lasting” morning after pill called Eva® that is up for FDA approval. This emergency contraceptive pill is effective even if you take it 5 days after unprotected sex.

Beware of the wares…Which Products have had a lot of complaints?!

Your best gals may be raving about Yasmin® and its newer and lower hormonal dose sister YAZ® as the most popular forms of oral contraceptives in the United States, but in taking them, you could end up with some serious business with your body.

Next time you’re in the doc’s office or the pharmacy or clinic trying to decide which contraceptive to use, it’s important to keep up to date with information like this. But, know that for most women Yaz is safe.

But, be smart, Lady! Like other oral contraceptives, you shouldn’t take them if you’re a heavy smoker (i.e. 15 packs or more a day) or if you’re over 35 y/o. Not that you would, but just saying…

Ambitious, Overachieving Women Have the Best Sex

Yep, achieving couples have the most satisfying sex.

There is a legend—an accepted legend but a legend nonetheless—that strong-headed, career-focused women are very difficult to please in the head, heart and baby-makers. Some combination of stress, perfectionism and immaculately kempt hair (periodically in a bun so tight that it makes changing facial expressions nigh impossible) make us think that she hasn’t been properly rogered in eons and would probably be a drill sergeant in the sack. As it turns out, common knowledge is mad wrong

by Tom Miller

Ambitious Overachieving Women Have Best Sex

Embarrassed about on-line dating? Don’t be. Join the club. Read the article below to find out why

Online dating: brave new world or future fail how fast should a relationship go? How slow?  Look at this popular site to find some answers.

Red light, green light – long term relationship

ASK AN OBGYN: How Can I Safely Date an HIV+ Man?


Dr. I Roger has been practicing medicine and helping women and their families in Canada and overseas for over 15 years.  Dr. Roger invites you to ask your women’s health questions at

Question: Dear SuzyKnew Obgyn, I’m in love!  But, my new man has HIV/AIDS. How I can get sexy with him but stay safe.  I know about condoms but any suggestions on what to do to make sure we’re really safe?

Response: Congratulations on your new love! I’m happy for you!

Condoms are the most effective method for preventing transmission of HIV infection and other STDs, and you should use one whenever you are sexual.   HIV can be transmitted to you through any fluid coming from the penis of your partner: sperm or seminal fluid (the seminal fluid is the clear secretion coming from the fully erected penis before ejaculation). Therefore, you should roll the condom on to the penis before it comes in contact with your rectum or vagina.  HIV can also be
transmitted while performing oral sex, but the risk is very low.  To be really safe  avoid getting semen in your mouth, or use a condom

Instructions on how to use the condom  comes inside the pack, and if you follow the guidelines the chance of failing is low If something goes wrong with the condom you should contact your physicians  within 72 hours (3 days) and discuss post exposure prophylaxis (PEP). PEP is a treatment that may prevent HIV infection and involves taking anti-HIV drugs for 4 weeks Not all HIV clinics will have PEP, and you should identify  where the service could be provided to you ahead of time. You can also discuss emergency contraception (ECP) with your provider to avoid an unwanted pregnancy.

ASK AN OBGYN is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition.

Find an obgyn

Need an obgyn?  Want one who is reputable but don’t know where to look?  Let SuzyKnew do the work for you. Below are links from not-for-profit obgyn associations to find obgyns in the USA, UK, South Africa and beyond. 

USA – American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG)

UK, Canada, and Australia –  Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (RCOG) in these countries may be good references for finding obgyns. Also, you can try

South Africa and other countries– Marie Stopes International Clinics

Other countries – Marie Stopes International Clinics international list

Also, Our Bodies Ourselves is a good resource for informatio on sexual and reproductive health: