Author Archives: SuzyKnew!

About SuzyKnew!

SuzyKnew! is dedicated to improving the sexual and reproductive health and sexual pleasure of women of color.

Bannon Didn’t Show Paris Any Love, And He Won’t Show You Any Either

Love and Sex Opinion 1 Comment

Steve Bannon didn’t show the Paris Climate Accord any love. And, he won’t show you any either.  Men like Bannon are motivated by darkness and wreak havoc everywhere they go.

Steve Bannon was the key supporter behind Trump’s recent self-destructive and odd decision to pull out of the Paris Climate Agreement. (What leader says they want their country to be “first” and “respected” by other countries and then pulls out of an agreement their country negotiated to be “first” to become the laughing stock of the world, disrespected and isolated?)

News reports claim Bannon convinced Trump to pull out with a whiteboard  explaining how Trump needed to keep his campaign promises like building “the wall,” pulling out of the Paris agreement, etc. to position himself with his supporters to win re-election in 2020.

But is winning in 2020 what motivates Bannon? Or watching the world burn, as one media outlet described it? This is a man who said “Dick Cheney. Darth Vader. Satan. That’s power.” He stated this right after he declared, “Darkness is good.”  This may be what some conservatives call Christian values, but these are not the type of values you want your man to have.

Bannon is a nihilist bent on destroying the US and the world. If you look at Bannon’s past and his relationships (not to mention his writings), it is clear the man is on a crash and burn mission.

Like Trump, Steve can’t keep a woman. Reportedly, Bannon has had three wives and there have been problems with domestic abuse.  The women in Steve’s life have not fared well.  Police were called over eleven times to Bannon’s Miami home by tenants and an ex-wife asking for help. Many told the press the Coconut Grove home was dysfunctional. Police in California filed domestic charges against Bannon after an ex-wife claimed she had been assaulted. She had gotten pregnant by Steve out of wedlock and Steve told her he would only marry her if the babies she was carrying were normal.  When the amniocentesis test showed the babies would be born without birth defects, Steve rushed over a pre-nuptial agreement for her to sign. Ladies, are these the family values you’re looking for in a partner?

While studies show divorce is harder physically and mentally on men than women, you have to wonder what came first: Bannon’s dark mental state or problems with relationships? Are they intertwined? Bannon’s dark political views and fascination with destruction are mirrored by his failed relationships. Between Steve’s darkness and Donald’s insecurities, you have to fear for the health and safety of the women in their lives and the world.

 

Breaking Down Barriers: A Guide To Barrier Contraceptives – By Holly Grigg – Spall

Contraceptives Reproductive Health 1 Comment

The pros and cons of all barrier methods of contraception

Condoms are the one and only way to avoid STDs, but once you’re past the dating stage of your life and in a fully committed long term relationship, they can become something on an obstacle to your sex life. Many people – women and men – tolerate condoms, but would rather not have to use them. It might be the feel, the look, the logistics of putting them on, the smell, the latex, the expense, or the waste that bothers you, but often we can’t wait to move on from them.

Not using condoms in a long term relationship can convey trust, closeness, intimacy or just make sex better. While condoms don’t have to be downer (there are so many brands out there now, you’re sure to find one that suits you both), it’s understandable that women and men might like to use them less

When you use the Daysy fertility monitor, you can go without condoms for 65% of the month, on average. This leaves just 35% of the month that you do need to use a condom if you have sex. To put it another way – that’s very close to two thirds of the month that you don’t need to use condoms, leaving just one third left when you do need to keep them on hand. Daysy allows you to cut back on your condom use significantly and enjoy many more days of condom-free sex. Just 9-10 days out of the whole month, instead of every single time you have sex.

Daysy calculates and indicates your fertile days and those are the days you’ll need a barrier method if you want to have PIV (penis-in-vagina) sex. With an average cycle you should have a fertile window of approximately 9-10 days. On these fertile days (when you will receive a red light from Daysy), you will need to use a barrier contraceptive if you have sex.

Condoms are just one of the barrier methods you can choose from, although amongst Daysies (Daysy users) they are the most popular.

75% of women using Daysy are currently preventing pregnancy. When you’re fertile you need to use a barrier contraceptive to avoid pregnancy. Daysy indicates your fertility with a red light on the days you are able to get pregnant. The rest of your cycle you will have green lights, which indicate that you are not able to get pregnant.

In this post we’ll compare and contrast the pros and cons of the different barrier contraceptives available. These barrier methods are options for you to use on your fertile or red light days.

Condoms (male)

Pros: Condoms (male or female) are the only way to prevent the transmission of STDs (sexually transmitted diseases). So, they are an absolute necessity in most new relationships. There are many different kinds of condoms these days – vegan, sustainable, super-thin, colored, hexagonal (look it up), made from latex, sheerlon, or polyisoprene, meaning you have a lot of brands to choose from and can try out a few until you find one you both like. Condoms are easy and simple to use, most of us are taught how in high school. Condoms are also the only barrier method for men. If you like the idea of shared responsibility for avoiding pregnancy, then you might like that your partner has to take on the responsibility of choosing, purchasing, and using condoms while you’re responsible for using Daysy. Male condoms are the most effective barrier method and can be used in conjunction with a separate spermicide for increased effectiveness overall.

Cons: As said in the introduction, you or your partner may not like how condoms feel and they may impact your enjoyment of sex. If you have a latex allergy, your options are limited. Female and male condoms are the only barrier method that physically provide a barrier at almost every point of touch, which can make them feel more obtrusive.

Diaphragm

Pros: With the arrival of the new Caya diaphragm, a one-size-fits-all option with design updates to make it easier to insert and remove, the diaphragm is an increasingly popular barrier option. The Caya doesn’t require a fitting with a doctor and is designed to fit “most” women. A Caya can be purchased online direct, or you can get a prescription from your doctor and pick it up from a pharmacy. You cannot feel the diaphragm once it’s fitted against your cervix and you can wear is comfortably for up to two hours prior to when you plan to have sex. Unlike condoms, your partner should not notice you’re wearing a diaphragm. Caya is used with a natural, chemical-free spermicide – CayaGel. The diaphragm might feel like a less obtrusive barrier option that can allow for more spontaneity, not interrupt sex, and not change your enjoyment in any way. The Caya is made from silicone, whereas other older diaphragms are made from latex.

Cons: The Caya diaphragm with spermicide is not as effective as the male condom for preventing pregnancy. It needs to be kept in for 6 hours after use to be effective, but can only be kept in up to 24 hours total due on a slight risk of Toxic Shock Syndrome. Inserting anything inside the vagina can increase chance of irritations and infections. If you opt for an older diaphragm then you will need to be fitted by your doctor as they come in different sizes depending on the woman’s anatomy and lifestage.

Spermicide

Pros: Spermicide is used in conjunction with barriers to increase effectiveness. Spermicides are easy to purchase, inexpensive, simple to use, and add another layer of protection, literally, to your contraceptive plan. They can be used alone, but this is not a very effective method of contraception.

Cons: Most of the spermicides on the market contain chemicals that can cause irritations like a burning sensation or itching. They can make urinary tract infections and yeast infections more likely. There’s only one spermicide on the market that is completely natural and will not have this effect – Contragel (the same gel that comes with the Caya). Contragel can be purchased easily online on Amazon and elsewhere. You need to apply all spermicides immediately before sex for them to be effective.

Female condom

Pros: The female condom, or FC2, was recently redesigned to look and feel better. The female condom prevents the transmission of STDs. It is made from polyurethane and not latex like most male condoms. The female condom can be inserted up to 6 hours before sex, but most people choose to insert just a few minutes before. Some women say that the design of the female condom increases their enjoyment of sex.

Cons: The female condom is harder to find and can be more expensive than the male condom. Insertion might be tricky, and you must be careful to remove slowly to avoid ripping or emptying the contents. As with male condoms, there is a complete barrier between you and your partner on all touching skin surfaces, which may impair enjoyment. Female condoms also have a tendency to make noise when in use, because of the excess material.

Cervical cap

Pros: The cervical cap (or the FemCap) is available in the US, in three sizes, and requires a prescription. A FemCap can stay in for up to 48 hours. It is made of silicone, not latex, and should fit to your cervix by suction, possibly allowing for more comfort than the diaphragm. Your partner will not feel the cap during sex.

Cons: We don’t hear about cervical caps so much anymore and few doctors or healthcare practitioners know about the option or how to perform a cervical cap fitting. Cervical caps are small and can be dislodged during sex more easily than a diaphragm. You need to use additional spermicide with a cervical cap, like Contragel. It can be tricky to insert, remove, and as with anything inserted into the vagina, can increase chance of irritation and infection. Cervical caps require a prescription and it can be difficult to find a doctor who understands the option and is willing to help with a fitting. As with the diaphragm there’s a risk of Toxic Shock Syndrome, so you need to remember to remove it.

Sponge

Pros: The Today sponge is easily and cheaply purchased from your local drugstore. It’s made of plastic foam and contains regular, chemical spermicide. You can insert the sponge prior to sex and keep it in for up to 30 hours. Your partner should not be able to feel the sponge during sex, and neither should you.

Cons: Insertion and removal of the sponge might be tricky, and with all barriers but the condoms, using it can increase your risk of vaginal irritation and infection, including Toxic Shock Syndrome. The spermicide is chemical-based, not natural, and this can cause irritation, increase likelihood of infection, as well as the transmission of STDs, as it can cause tears in the vaginal wall.

 

Holly Grigg-Spall is a fertility awareness and body literacy advocate and educator, a Daysy enthusiast, and excited to help more women come off the birth control pill and find a natural, effective alternative. holly.grigg-spall@valley-electronics.com

Photo courtesy of Lady Comp and jayativoria.com

Masturbation During Our Life – By Nadine Thornhill

Reproductive Health 2 Comments

Did you know that May is National Masturbation Month? Fapping, wanking, polishing the pearl, greasing the pole…whatever you call it, masturbation can be a fun, healthy part of our sexual experience.

According to International Society for Sexual Medicine, most of us get down with ourselves at some point in our lives. That having been said, it’s also important to remember that there is no “right” or “normal” frequency when it comes to masturbation. Some folks do it often, others once in awhile, and some, well…they’re just not that into it.

Solo-sex can have some great benefits. I’ll share lots of masturbation pros throughout this article, but straight off the top, some positives include:

  • Reducing stress
  • More restful sleep
  • Guaranteed play. When you’re in the mood, you’re not going to turn yourself down.

For those of us who enjoy it, the ways and reasons we choose to masturbate can change throughout over the course of our lives.

Childhood

Young children, and sometimes even babies, may discover that touching their genitals feels good. Generally when kids masturbate, it’s not because of erotic desire. They’ve just discovered a pleasurable physical sensation and want to enjoy it. Masturbating can also help little ones self-soothe if they’re feeling a little anxious, bored or restless. And as with adults, some kids find it helps them relax and fall asleep.

If you catch your child masturbating, yelling or using phrases like “nice girls don’t do that,” and “that’s nasty!” can leave kids with the idea that they or their bodies are shameful and bad.

On the other hand, addressing the behaviour calmly, assuring them that it’s normal to enjoy touching our bodies, can help them maintain positive relationship with their bodies and build trust between you and kiddo.

Young children don’t understand that for teens and adults masturbation is usually a sexual act. They also may not realize that in our culture touching genitals is something to do privately. It’s not unusual for little kids to masturbate openly. If you notice your child doing it again, you can gently correct them and let them know your boundaries/expectations around masturbating.

“This is only something we do in our room.”

“This is only something we do when we’re alone.”

“ This isn’t something we do in our family.”

Adolescence

The stereotype is that teen boys masturbate constantly. But teens of other gender also touch themselves. The mental, emotional, hormonal transitions of adolescence can include some very intense erotic, sexual arousal. Some teens worry that if they touch themselves a lot, they’re going to hurt themselves – which isn’t true. As long as it isn’t interfering with school, extra curricular activities, work or relationships, there’s no such thing as masturbating too much.

For teens, masturbating can be a great way to relieve sexual tension without the risk of unintended pregnancy or sexually transmitted infections. It can also help them learn about their bodies and what feels good for them. Mutual masturbation, which is masturbating with a partner, is a way for teens to experience the intimacy of a sexual relationship with no pregnancy or STI risk.

Adulthood

Masturbation can be an extremely pleasurable sexual activity whether we’re single or in a relationship. While some people use masturbation as a sort of “substitute” for partnered sex, other folks find solo sex fun and satisfying in its own right.

Hormonal transitions, pregnancy, illness, injury and normal aging change our bodies as we grow older. Those changes often affect our sexual function.  What gets us off sexually at 45 years old is often different than what we liked when were 25. Masturbating helps us keep in touch (pun intended) with our changing sexual response.

Long-term partners don’t always have matching sex drives. One of us is horny and one of us just wants to watch Scandal. If we’re the less aroused person but we want to give sex a try, a few minutes of masturbation may help us warm up. But there are also those times when we know it ain’t happenin’. If we’re chill with our partner enjoying some sweet solo sex when we aren’t game it can take a lot of pressure off us and our relationship.

How do you feel about masturbation? Let me know in the comments!

Nadine Thornhill, Ed.D is a sexuality educator from Toronto, Ontario, Canada. When she isn’t teaching people about bodies, relationships, pleasure and consent, she enjoys trash tv, biographies about dope people, and hanging out with her partner and their son.

Show Me What Bad Karma Looks Like

Opinion 1 Comment

Ladies, if you’ve been out protesting lately, you know every so often someone in the crowd pops up and shouts “Show me what democracy looks like!”

And, the crowd roars back, “This is what democracy looks like!”

Well, show me what bad karma looks like:

The passing of ‘Fake News’ Ailes is what bad karma looks like.

Roger E Ailes, the purveyor of fake news at Fox, died an untimely death from hitting his head at his home at the relatively young age of 77 years.

Roger was a man who made a made a pile of money off of fake news stories, offending people (especially black people and women) and his legacy continues to weaken our democracy. Fox News began getting large audiences in the 1990’s when Ailes came on as the news director and ran nonstop stories shaming Monica Lewinsky, a young 24-year old intern at the time, and her relationship with the president. In contrast, but true to its mission of protecting conservatives with loose morals and character flaws, the cable news network downplayed the 2016 story around presidential candidate Trump bragging about this ability to sexually assault women. Instead of offering an intellectually robust conservative view of the news, Ailes peddled sensational journalism that objectified women and demonized blacks, minorities and liberals. From launching Trump’s political career with the lies and racism of the Birtherism movement to promoting the current fake story around the death of democratic party aide, Seth Rich, Ailes and Fox used the cable news network as a platform for misinformation and hate.

Ironically, Ailes was forced to resign last year in the wake of an onslaught of accusations of sexual harassment by female staff. The New York magazine called it “The Revenge of Roger’s Angels.” It took only 15 days to bring down Ailes’ 20-year rule. The law suits shed light on the abuse, corruption and culture of misogyny Ailes had created.

Just last week, the Fox News founder died. The Rolling Stones called Ailes one of the worse Americans – ever.

Ailes was a disservice to democracy.

Ladies, what goes around comes around. Karma knocked at Ailes’ door. Karma will knock at your door.

Keep your Karma good (and your life sexy and healthy).

SuzyKnew! 

photo credits: salon.com and New York Times

My Beloved Son, You Must Change Your Ways – By Guest Blogger EjnosillA

HIV/AIDS Religion No Comments

As I sit here reflecting on my life –  as I oftentimes do after reading my Quran – I often ponder about the spiritual fate of my children, I affectionately call the FAB Five. I vividly remember a time when I was in spiritual turmoil about one of my sons because he is gay.

See, in Islam – as well as most of the top religions Judaism, Christianity and Catholicism – homosexuality is considered a serious sin.

I remember all of this like it was yesterday. Just after my spiritual conversion to Islam about 8 months ago. I really became worried about my children’s spiritual well being. I began to worry about their eternal lives and whether they were heaven-bound or headed to the hellfire. “And, what about… what about my baby boy…?! He is definitely doomed,” I began to think. “He’s going to hell… I know he is… if he doesn’t stop being gay and start living a straight life!”

One day, I called him into my room and asked him… “Do you believe in GOD?”

He answered, “Yes, ma’am . I believe in GOD… Momma… what’s this about?”

I asked him, “Do you think you would ever embrace Islam or any other religion?”

He said, “Yes… one day I will be Muslim. But, I can’t right now because of my lifestyle… and you know that I can’t be Muslim unless I change my lifestyle and right now… I don’t have any intentions of changing that!”

After that,  he left my room. He went down the stairs and out the door.  I remembered thinking, “What if something happens to him and he doesn’t have any spiritual protection on him? I know my baby is going to hell!”

As the night progressed on, I got myself all worked up. I couldn’t sleep. The next day, I couldn’t eat. I just wanted my baby to be normal and stop living this alternative lifestyle so he wouldn’t end up in hell! Didn’t he realize that he is on a one-way ticket to hell?! Didn’t he realize that ALLAH views homosexuality as a serious sin…? Oh – what can I do? How can I stop my baby boy from going to hell?!?

One day, I decided I couldn’t take it anymore. Well… really… I let my imagination get the best of me and… I had to get some spiritual protection on my son. So, I stayed up for days – taking nap breaks here and there or eating breaks, watching Islamic videos on YouTube… researching homosexuality on Islamic sites… talking to friends, family members and close co-workers as well as other Muslims about my spiritual concerns about my child and his alternative lifestyle.

Each source with its own point of view… nothing that would ease my anxieties about my son’s impending fate.

As time went on, I began to talk to my son about his choice of lifestyle every chance I got. I talked about how the Bible and the Quran sternly state that homosexuality is a sin – and not a little sin, but a SERIOUS sin and his life is in mortal danger if he doesn’t change his ways. I really needed him to know that if he doesn’t change his ways, his heart, his intentions, we would be forever separated and would never be rejoined in paradise!?!

For days, I continued to feverishly search for some type of spiritual covering for my son. Some type of peace for myself. It became my life’s mission to save my son from forever being consumed by the hellfire.

Then one day I was reviewing YouTube videos I had saved to watch at a later time.  I remember I was truly exhausted emotionally – just mentally and physically exhausted but determined to save my son’s life, his soul.  I received one of the most important phone calls of my life…

“Hello,” I said.

“Hey Baby Girl… Whatcha doing?”

“Nothing… just looking at some YouTube videos,” I said depleted of all energy.

“Oh yeah,” the voice on the other end of the phone said. “What type of YouTube videos?”

I began to explain to the voice on the phone what I was doing and my reason for doing it. I explained that if my son doesn’t stop his homosexual behaviors that he is dooming himself to hell and we will never be rejoined in paradise.

There was a long silence. Then a sigh. And, then the voice began to speak…

It said, “Baby girl… let me talk to you for a minute… I want to ask you a few questions. And, before you answer, I really need you to listen to me and to think.”

“Okay,” I softly said.

The voice continued, “The first thing I want to know is who told you that the boy was going to hell because he is gay? Secondly, who told you were going to heaven? And, lastly, what makes your sins less sinful than my grandson’s sins?”

See… that voice on the other end of the phone was my father who has been a Muslim for 25 years. As I sat their thinking about the three questions he asked me, listening to this wise man on the other end of the line, he made me realize that while I was so busy worrying about my son’s sins, I should be paying more attention to my own.

While I was sitting there in judgement of my son’s sins for being homosexual and researching ways in which I could save him I should have been feverishly researching ways to ask ALLAH forgiveness for my sins! Not only was I guilty of fornication… which carries the same sinful weight in ALLAH’s eyes as homosexuality… but due to my pursuit… I had neglected my prayers which is viewed as a MAJOR sin in Islam… and I should be more worried about that than worrying about my son’s sexual preference!

My father reminded me that… YES… any sexual act between two individuals who are not married is considered a sin. One sin doesn’t outweigh the other sin. My son’s sin was no greater than my sin. There was no difference between the two. But, missing my prayers with no real excuse or delaying them because of whatever selfish reason is a higher sin than homosexuality.

After we talked for a little bit and we said our Islamic goodbyes, well wishes and hung up, I realized that I had allowed myself to get so consumed with trying to change my son’s sinful ways that I had neglected to take the time to reflect on my own life and change mines… more importantly… say my daily prayers on time!

It made me reflect on my behaviors in my life and I had to ask myself: What minor sins do I partake in on a daily basis… or even worse… what major ones? Who am I too judge him when I have sins and continue to sin? If I died today, would I go to paradise or will I be the one forever doomed to live out eternity consumed by hellfire? Just saying… As usual…

Stay Blessed Queens!

~ejnosillA

RedefiningHERstory: One Blog Post at a Time

“A blog that opens a window into the mind of a Black woman while giving women a voice and an empowering platform”

Website: www.redefiningherstory.blog

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/RedefiningHERstory/

Instagram: @redefiningherstory_ejnosilla

Twitter:@ReDfinNHerstory

U.S. National Women’s Health Week May 14 – 20

Opinion No Comments

Ladies, this is the week to examine your your lifestyle and learn how to maintain good health. It’s National Women’s Health Week May 14 – 20 in the States

The Office on Women’s Health, a part of the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, has several programs and activities advancing women’s health including breast patient cancer education, college campus sexual assault prevention, healthy weight, provider training and more.

Let the Office’s web site be a guide to what you should focus on. Take the lifestyle quiz and learn based on your age what you can focus on to improve your health from your 20’s through your 90’s. Some recommendations such as a yearly well woman exam is recommended at every stage and decade of your life.

The site’s blog has articles covering such topics as maintaining your mental health, miscarriage, medicines and pregnancy, talking to your kids about sexual assault.

Make time to focus on improving your health this week – and celebrate women’s health!

Mother’s Day: It’s Complicated

Opinion No Comments

Mother’s Day is a day when mothers can do no wrong and daughters are expected to be dutiful and respectful. But, most of all, everyone should be happy and grateful. But, we all know: Mother’s Day is complicated.

Here are few select articles to help you process the complicated feelings you might be experiencing, as the holiday winds down.

Have you been trying to get pregnant but now realizing you may never be the mother you always wanted to be? You may end your life childless.  Here is Huffington Post’s What Mother’s Day Feels Like During Infertility.

Is Mom locked up? For something stupid? Black Lives Matter and other activist groups marked this year’s Mother’s Day by bringing home mothers jailed for low-level offences.  Read Vibe’s Black Activists Are Paying It Forward By Bringing Home Jailed Moms For Mother’s Day here.  

Is this your first Mother’s Day after the passing of your mother? I have two close friends who recently lost their mother and hope Celebrating Mother’s Day When You’ve Lost Your Mom speaks to them and you.  It may not be easy even after if it has been over 10 years since your mother’s death. Or maybe you’re still mourning your favorite aunt.

Have you lost a child? Mother’s Day is never the same. Facing Mother’s Day After The Loss Of A Child may speak to you.

Or was your mother abusive, too harsh, or are you an angry daughter? You may find Ebony’s Dear Black Women: Mothers And Daughters Need To Stick Together relevant and helpful.

No matter your situation, SuzyKnew! wishes you the best this Mother’s Day.

Photo Courtesy: Ebony

STDs: Speak Now Or Forever Lose Your Chance – By F.N.

Reproductive Health No Comments

Okay, so I was recently talking to a friend, and something she said left me with a bit of an ethical dilemma. This friend, let’s call her Aisha, told me she had some juicy juicy info to share. It was highly classified. I told her “Girl, I got you. Vault!” so she proceeded to give me the 411. Sometime last year, she visited a close friend of ours at her house. Let’s call her Serena. Aisha spent the evening chatting and hanging out with Serena and her boyfriend. Sometime around midnight Aisha decided it was time to leave. Serena and her boyfriend said, “Hey, it’s late, you shouldn’t be out in town at this time. Spend the night here and leave in the morning.” Aisha said, “This is a one-bedroom apartment, there’s nowhere for me to sleep. Serena and her boyfriend gave Aisha a coy glance and said “Why don’t you sleep in our bed with us?” Aisha’s Spidey-senses started to tingle. “Sleep in your bed?” she asked. “Why?” “It’ll be so crowded with the three of us in there.” Serena said, “I’m sure we’ll manage if we snuggle.” Aisha was like “Aaaah.” The subtext was clear. They were going to have a threesome.

So they did. By all accounts it was pleasurable for all three parties. As Aisha gave me the nitty-gritty I was amused and intrigued. I was also shocked. Not at the news of the threesome but at the fact that Aisha had had it with such a close friend of ours, when I knew for a fact that that friend did not know that Aisha had HPV. So I asked Aisha, “What is your policy on divulging your STD to people you sleep with?” I expected her to say that she disclosed it all the time and then let people make the decision about whether they wanted to have sex with her or not. Her answer surprised me. She said she divulged it sometimes and at other times she decided it was better to keep the news to herself.

Now, there are many types of HPV and most of them are harmless. But about 30 strains of HPV affect the genitals and cause warts. HPV isn’t uncommon. According to the Cleveland Clinic, about 80% of sexually active people are infected with HPV at some point in their lives. In most cases, it’s a pretty benign strain of the virus – it doesn’t present any symptoms, it clears up on its own and doesn’t leave any lasting effects. For other people however, they have a more serious strain of HPV and it stays and becomes a condition they manage for the rest of their lives. They treat the warts that form in one of the following ways:

  • Cryosurgery — freezing the warts off with liquid nitrogen.
  • Loop electrosurgical excision procedure (LEEP) — using a special wire loop to remove the abnormal cells.
  • Electrocautery — burning the warts off with an electrical current.
  • Laser therapy — using an intense light to destroy the warts and any abnormal cells.
  • Prescription cream — applying medicated cream directly to the warts.

HPV is transmitted through skin-to-skin contact so even though condom use decreases the risk factor, you can still get it from a sexual partner. A lot of medical professionals believe that once your warts have been treated through one of the methods above and they are no longer visible, passing the virus on to someone else is a remote possibility. But almost all the literature I’ve seen concedes that this is not 100% foolproof. The virus can be dormant even if there are no external warts, and as such, in very rare cases, you can get it from skin-to-skin contact with someone who has it, even if it is dormant. Aisha had her warts frozen off with cryosurgery and she doesn’t have any external warts. Her stance – she told me – is to decide on a case-by-case basis whether to divulge her diagnosis or not. Telling people comes with a social cost, she said, and if this is a casual relationship with very little long-term potential then why would you expose yourself in that manner to someone who won’t be around for long? She said with a long-term partner it would come up when they were sharing intimate details about their life journeys. With a one-night stand there would be very little talking in the first place and it wasn’t something worth bringing up. The cryosurgery left her with scars and so if someone noticed the scars and asked her about them she would tell the person they were from genital warts. But if no one noticed and no one asked, then she figured it was no one’s business but her own.

I won’t lie. I kinda judged her. For a minute I thought about going to Serena and telling on her. My stance on STD disclosure has always been an extension of my views on sexual agency. I think everyone is entitled to the highest amount of agency possible when it comes to sex. People need to engage in sexual activity without any hint of subterfuge or coercion. People need to be able to advocate for their pleasure and their health. In order to be a successful advocate for themselves people need to have all the facts of the situation, so they are not making decisions in a vacuum. In withholding details about your health status you are robbing your prospective sexual partner of the choice to make an informed decision about whether they want to sleep with you. Post blank and the period.

However, as I tossed this thing around in my head, I started becoming a little sympathetic to Aisha’s situation. I started thinking about a cousin of mine who caught chlamydia a few years back. He underwent treatment and is totally cured. He’s married now, but I would bet my last dollar that were he single he would not begin every sexual encounter with “Hey, one time in grad school I caught chlamydia from this girl….” He would consider it something that was no longer relevant. People don’t usually disclose their STD history, just their STD status. I realized the problem with Aisha was that because she subscribed to the school of thought that it was incredibly rare to transmit HPV when you have treated your external warts and gone over a year without a relapse, she thought of her HPV more as her STD history than her STD status. She believed access to information like that was something only people who meant something to her should get.

STD’s unfortunately carry such a social stigma, particularly when women have them. This is of course because of the very worst of oppressive sexual norms. Women are shamed for sex. People who contract STD’s are, erroneously, viewed as people who are having a lot of sex. People who contract STD’s are erroneously, viewed as people who make irresponsible decisions about their sexual partners. So a woman with an STD automatically becomes a dirty, irresponsible slut who should be avoided. It’s sad. And ludicrous. Navigating the world of sex with an STD can be a complicated thing. Not to say that it’s the end of the world and people with STD’s should be pitied and condescended to. No. STD’s which cannot be cured can be managed, and a lot of people with them can have fulfilling sexual lives. People with STD’s aren’t damaged. What is damaging is how society treats them.

So I have sympathy for Aisha. But my stance hasn’t changed very much. I still think that with things like HPV and herpes, which are for all intents and purposes permanent, you should share your status every time, regardless of the presence of external symptoms. With things that are yet to be treated or are only currently being treated, and as such, are active infections, it is a moral obligation to divulge their existence. But another moral obligation is for the rest of us to react with sensitivity and kindness when someone shares something so personal. We have the right to weigh the risks and then agree or refuse to have sex with them but we do not have the right to judge or to be unkind. The more understanding people are of STD’s, the more likely people with them will be to tell the truth about them. It will make all of us safer. Whether flying solo, having one-on-one action or broadening the party to include more people, sex will be more honest and more fulfilling.

F.N. is a thirty something Ghanaian free-lance writer who alternates between living in Accra and Washington, DC

Is Hypersexuality A Pop Trend Or The Symptom of Bipolar Disorder? Ms. R. G-B

Love and Sex No Comments

So, let me tell you about this girlfriend I had…

She was someone who was extremely intelligent, creative, clever in many aspects, as well as successful. She had many great attributes. But, she was head strong. She used to speak very profoundly about how she had improved herself and often told me she achieved success on her own terms.

Eventually, I came to learn that this Sista’ has multiple personalities. As I spent more and more time with her, I started to notice different personalities and aspects of her story that were not adding up. You ever had that friend who appears to have it all together, all the money she could ever want and always talking about her own achievements, abilities and place in society? But, at the same time you do not really know her personal life, relationships and/or partners. This friend of mine was very free and open speaking about her sexuality.

She poured out her private life to me and wanted to share her pride in the amount of money she had accumulated by sugaring – a hot topic and concept, popularly described as being a “sugar baby” with a “sugar daddy.” This life style allows a woman to live a luxurious life by maintaining relationships with various married or unmarried men. My friend was a married woman and secretly a ‘sugar baby,’ as she liked to call it. You may call this modern prostitution or not. Regardless of what it is, it is real, easily accessible and available in any city for any man who is willing to pay the price to keep a woman of his choice. It is a discreet and secret society that the average family working hard to put food on the table or put their children through college would find appalling. However, it is the norm and popularized by social media. So, it really does not come off as a shameful thing. Pop trends and hashtags gallantly post #hoeislife, #bigthot, #sugarbabylife, etc…

Reflecting more, I thought, “Maybe I am just naïve and don’t really know a lot about this lifestyle.” As I got to know my old girlfriend more, I realized she suffered from bi-polar disorder. Sugaring was the only way she was able to function. In fact, this profession fit her lifestyle, her need for speed, adrenaline, instant gratification, sex and money, material items with big brand names and labels that gave her a sense of power and self-acceptance assuaging all the torment she experienced as a teen and anger from her own mother who was also bipolar.  My friend got more out of sex than just sex. She was, of course, materially motivated, but sugaring also fit her life style, mental functioning and perspective of herself within society and who she wanted to appear to be. To sum her situation up, her bipolar disorder was in fact contributing to her success in the sex trade. To succeed in the field, you have to be hyper-sexual, possess sexual skills and prowess and enjoy having regular sex with multiple partners casually. But, relationships with different men at different times, in different places and for different purposes can also increase the instability of the mindset and acerbate the symptoms of the disorder.

There were times I did not even know what was happening with my friend. But, I noticed she could easily be up and full of energy then for long periods of time, I would not even hear from her at all. She would sleep for most of the day, and speak about being a lady of leisure – her desired lifestyle of choice. When you saw her smile, innocence and warmth it was hard to imagine she was this other woman.

It became pretty clear that she was suffering from an undiagnosed case of bipolar disorder. Bipolar disorder (previously known as manic depression) is the cause of serious shifts of an individual’s mood in energy, thinking and behavior. A person can go from great euphoric feelings when fulfilling a desired need, addiction or overall want at that particular moment to rock bottom. The term “zero-to-a hundred” is a common term for these individuals. This can look like serious bouts of “lows” for a period of time, where the person can’t get out of the bed, move, be productive or motivated to be consistent; to the next extreme of great “highs” of mania where the person has a very high level of energy, activity, etc., so much so that it can be self destructive.

A person having a bipolar episode could have increased indulgent behavior or loss of self-control. Hyper-sexuality isn’t just a high-sex drive. Hyper-sexuality is a much more complex behavior similar to other addictive behaviors such as alcoholism, drug use, gambling, shopping, and other behaviors which become addictive activities in their routine of daily life. This can result in feelings of guilt and regret, anger, denial and/or even naiveté to ones actions, not admitting that their behavior is unsafe, dangerous and self-destructive. This results into bigger and worse issues for the person who does not have contraception, protection or knowledge of their sexual partners. Over time, sexual activity may become risky or extremely dangerous for the individual who begins to take on too many sexual partners; too much dependency on sex and sexual behaviors, and in many cases can result in them contracting STI’s, HIV, early pregnancy, pregnancy with multiple partners, and so on.

Bi-polar behavior is sporadic, ever changing, and very unpredictable. It wreaks havoc in a household creating problems and issues for everyone in the family, especially when it is the mother who is the caretaker and sole provider for the family. This relates to how society treats women, the effects of society on women, and women are able to maintain their mental health because this mental health condition affects their household and children. Children are always directly affected by their mother’s mental health, feeling stress, anxiety and confusion. Bi polar disorder and hyper-sexuality can be driving causes behind a young woman’s higher exposure to STI’s, early pregnancy and HIV, depending on the circumstance and social context of course. Let’s unpack this idea a little more to get a better picture of how this plays out in our current culture.

For the sex addict, or person dealing with a manic, bi-polar episode as it relates to sexual activity provides an intense, intoxicating euphoria or “high” while lacking any genuine emotional connection, intimacy, or conception of love. It is a temporary escape, an adrenaline rush, a quick high. Once the “high” wears off, the vicious cycle starts all over again. For the addict, the activity is not fulfilling. It never really was a fulfilling a true need for love, acceptance, building support, love; it was always about the current believed need at that time. It has a significant negative impact on her life and often causes a lot of shame and self-loathing.

Sex becomes like a drug. Sex takes the place of therapy, and currently through a perceived feeling of numbing certain pains and truths. Hypersexuality means having an acutely increased interest in sex and more frequent sexual urges. Other signs of hypersexuality include: unable to achieve sexual satisfaction despite a lot of sexual activity; out of control sex drive; multiple sex partners, including strangers; excessive masturbation; having continuous affairs and putting relationships at risk; inappropriate and risky sexual behavior; sex being used as a “painkiller”; sex doesn’t provide emotional satisfaction; preoccupation with sexual thoughts and an increased use of pornography.

Depression in the U. S. is one of the most prevalent and common mental disorders. The National Alliance on Mental Illness estimates 7% of American adults have experienced one major depressive episode, which translates into 16 million Americans experiencing depression at least once in their lifetimes. And women are 70% more likely than men to experience depression especially among young women aged 18-25. Young women are 60% more likely to experience depression than adults 50 and older. How do these statistics really relate to the realities we experience in real time, you might ask? Just look around for yourself and think about your relationships with other women, and how many of them suffer from depression, then go deeper into the situation and question what events have led to aspects of one admitting to depression or even denying depression, yet acting in ways that reflect symptoms of depression.

Such behaviors as hypersexuality are also exacerbated by drug use. Hyper sexuality is glorified in our music, pop culture, rap and hip-hop. It is not uncommon to hear lyrics that talk about one who is able to have sex in a great way, or at higher rates than another person.  It is not a surprise that women face depression at higher rates in the American experience. There are so many societal economic factors that contribute to this traumatic reality daily for a woman.

If you have bipolar disorder, the condition can exert control over your thoughts, interfere with relationships and if not treated, lead to a crisis.

Ms. R. G-B is a young professional based in the Washington, DC. She is passionate about empowering young disadvantaged women. In her spare time, she is free lance writer.  

Conclusion Of 2016 Video Series On ‘The Morning After Pill’ – Emergency Contraceptives – All Around The World

Contraceptives Reproductive Health No Comments

Last year SuzyKnew! took you all around the world where lovely ladies of color live to see what types and brands of emergency contraceptives we could find.

We visited 10 cities across Africa, Europe, the U.S. and the Caribbean. SuzyKnew! visited Hyattsville, MD, USA, Hilton Head, SC, USA, Lagos, Nigeria, Paris, France, Strasbourg, France, Zurich, Switzerland, Johannesburg, South Africa, Cotonou, Benin, Port-au-Prince, Haiti, and Luanda, Angola.

We mainly found Norlevo and Ella One – especially in Europe. In the States Plan B and Postinor prevailed. In the U.S., there was usually one brand name product available and a generic but one of the products was usually stocked out.  Europe was better stocked and places like Cotonou, Port-au-Prince and Luanda had a wider selection at least at the pharmacies SuzyKnew! visited.

Prices were as low as one or two dollars in places like Lagos, Nigeria to $50 in Zurich, Switzerland. Prices were the highest in the U.S. and Switzerland and lowest in Africa and the Caribbean. Most pharmacies didn’t mind the attention or question.  Pharmacy workers in the U.S. were the most uncomfortable when they saw me with my cell phone video taping.

The good news, ladies, is we do have choices out there, if we’re out there traveling. But, some pharmacies in Africa and the Caribbean were offering products at suspiciously low prices with questionable names and labeling. So, select a product you’re familiar with when possible.

In 2017, SuzyKnew! will start a new video series. We want to interview you on the sexual or reproductive health topic that concerns you the most. Email us at SuzyKnew@suzyknew.com to get an exclusive interview.

Keep it sexy!

Keep it healthy!

SuzyKnew!