Tag Archives: slider

Is A Lady Viagra Pill Closer To Reality?

Love and Sex Opinion 2 Comments

Viagra was introduced over 15 years ago, and today, there are over 24 FDA-approved options for male sexual dysfunction to help gentlemen with their “performance.” But, we ladies are still waiting for a medical solution to our libido issues – studies in JAMA show around 43% of US women between 18 and 59 have some sexual dysfunction. What’s up with that? Yes – there are non-pill, topical ointments to helps us like Zestra. But, we should have a pow-pow option that a pharmeceutical pill offers just like the men do. And we shouldn’t have to wait until we hit menopause to get it!

Well, we may be closer to getting our needs met. Or at least having more options.  (And, ladies, it’s all about the options, right?) After pressure from women’s advocacy groups and other efforts, on February 11, 2015 the FDA gave Sprout Pharmaceuticals the okay to resubmit a New Drug Application (NDA) for flibanserin, a once-daily treatment for Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder (HSDD) in premenopausal women.

Flibanserin would be first-in-class, first-in-disease treatment of female sexual dysfunction acting on the neurotransmitters in the brain.

But, not all women think flibanserin is a good thing.  Some feminists over at Slate.com  believe that a lot of women’s sexual issues are due to boredom and not wanting to have sex with a particular man. They don’t think it’s a physical problem. Also, the drug was twice rejected by the FDA out of concern that the risks outweighed the benefits and the drug  could interact badly with other medicines a lady was taking.

But, there are studies supporting the drug’s effectiveness such as the June 2014 article in Menopause showing 38% of the women who got the drug saw improvements in their sex lives. And, while 30% did experience side effects like headaches and nausea only 8% found it so bad that they wanted to stop treatment. (You know that’s right…)

With so many options for men and none for women, it seems like flibanserin should be made available for the women and couples who find it helpful. Ladies, let me hear your thoughts!

Keep it sexy!

Keep it healthy!

SuzyKnew!

Get Your Mind Right! SIZZLE WITH SOPHIA

Love and Sex Sizzle With Sophia 4 Comments

Congratulations!  You made it through another Valentine’s Day as a single woman in one piece!  Never mind the fact that you ate way too much half-priced chocolate after February 15th.  After all, it’s almost a crime to pass up such a good bargain, right?

The bottom line is that despite a few extra pounds (or fifteen) and that one zit that just won’t let you be great, you’re still here: relatively happy, whole and none the worse for the wear.  And now that the commercials with obnoxiously happy couples have come and gone, you’re finally able to think about embarking on a love adventure of your own.

Here’s the thing, though.  You’ve been single for so long, you’ve forgotten what it’s like to even be in a relationship.  In fact, you’ve gotten used to the lack of drama and relationship hijinks.  You’ve come to enjoy those quiet evenings alone, watching whatever you want on TV without having to share the remote.

But as cuddly as your cat is, he’s really no substitute for human companionship.  Besides, he’s prone to scratching when he doesn’t get his way.  What you want is a man so that you can share your life with someone who walks on two legs and doesn’t use a litter box.  In other words, you’re finally ready for love.

So what do you do?  What steps can you take so that you’ll be spending next Valentine’s Day with your boo?

Before you do anything, you’ve got to get your mind right!  You may THINK you’re ready for love; your body may tell you you’re ready for love (as may your copious use of batteries); and your heart may even feel ready for love … but until you get your MIND right, you ain’t really ready.

But I can help you.  Simply follow Sophia’s Tips to Get Your Mind Right and you’ll be ready for love in no time!

  1. Love Yourself as You Are: We’re all works in progress.  Most of us have an idea of who our optimal selves are: thinner, wealthier, etc.  And that’s great!  It’s important to have goals and to always strive to be better.  However, it’s also important that we love ourselves as we are RIGHT NOW.  You need to accept and love the body you currently have, not just the one you’re working towards.  So remove your makeup, get off the treadmill, put the books away and take a long, hard look in the mirror.  Don’t just look at the flaws, though.  Don’t focus on what you need to change.  Instead, look at that magnificent woman you’ve become and love HER.  Love every extra pound, every scar, and every blemish.  Know her.  Accept her.  And most importantly, love her.  After all, you can’t expect anyone to love you if you don’t love yourself first.  (NOTE: This step will take some time.  We’re so used to being critical of ourselves, we often forget how great we are TODAY.  So please, take this step seriously.)
  2. Involve Your Higher Power: In other words, pray on it.  Even if you don’t believe in God, Jehovah, Allah, or the blue-eyed, blonde-haired baby Jesus, you probably have some higher authority whch guides your life.  Even if your higher power is more of a concept than a being, like truth or justice or love, you have some guiding principle by which you live.  It’s imperative that you involve your higher authority in your quest for love.  If that means praying, then pray.  It that means spending some time each day in deep meditation, then cross those legs and meditate.  Whatever it is, just do it.  I won’t get all preachy on you.  But when you spend time in prayer or meditation, it becomes easier to center your thoughts and focus your energy.  This rids your mind of the negative energies that would sabotage your peace and happiness.
  3. Be Open to “Something New”: Everyone has a “type” when it comes to men, and so do you.  But going for that same “type” of guy hasn’t worked or you wouldn’t be reading this list.  It’s time to be open to something different from what you usually want.  This could mean being open to a different race or physical type.  Or it could mean being willing to date someone who doesn’t have the same educational background as you.  The point is you need to be willing to think outside of your usual parameters and consider something different.  This not only opens your dating pool, thereby giving you more choices, it broadens your horizons in general.
  4. Be Ready To Do The Work: Face it, ladies.  You aren’t going to meet your new love sitting on your couch binge watching Empire!  Finding a new love is going to take some effort on your part..  This requires a shift in your thinking about meeting someone new.  In the past, having your friends introduce you to a “nice guy” was a practical, reliable way to meet men.  But we live in a fast-paced, digital age where that just doesn’t happen, anymore.  That means you’ve got to take a more active role in your search for love, be it embracing the notion of online dating, seeking the help of a professional match-maker, or making the first move when you see someone you like.  Anything worth having takes effort, so you need to be ready to do the work.

Once you get your mind right, there will be no stopping you!  I’m not saying it’s easy to find love, because it isn’t.  But with the right frame of mind, anything is possible.  Good luck!

Valentine’s Day For One – Guest Blogger Lillian Ogbogoh

Opinion No Comments

February 14th is the day that most single women have been taught the dread and fear! The usual plan is to create a bunker and hide away from it all, after all it’s only 24 hours of couples going totally overboard with their public displays of affections. Well, who said that being single on the 14 of February should be the equivalent of the pirate’s black mark?

Yes – you are single!

Yes – it is meant to be the most romantic day of the year!

These two facts we can’t change in the time we have left. What we can change is the idea you have to miss out because you are fabulous and single.  So how do you spend valentine day for one?  I have 4 awesome tips to shower you with love on the 14th of February.

1) Make yourself your object of affection:

The objective of Valentine’s Day seems to be focused on love and spoiling and pampering your object of affection, so if you are flying solo you get the chance to shower some love and affection on you! It is time to indulge yourself, take yourself off on a spa date followed up with anything you really really want to do. This is the major benefit of being solo you get the deciding vote on what you want to do, you could choose to discover  something new or choose to settle in for indulgent take with a binge watching of your favorite show on Netflix…..

2) Create a Love Board:

This Valentine day instead of hiding away and making sad faces in the mirror, you could use your solo time to prepare yourself for what you want from your next relationship. It’s time to get crafty, make yourself a love goal board, take some time to write down what you want to feel in your next relationship, pin these key phrases to signify how you want your next relationship to show up, how you want to be treated; it’s about making love goals that you want for next relationship. Regardless if you want to remain single for now or you are ready to jump back into the dating game getting clear about what you want makes it easier to recognize it.

3) Invite your girls/guys over:

You may forget that you are not the only single person on Valentine’s Day, call up your single friends and have an impromptu party. Each person should bring a little something throw on some music and have some fun! It’s not an anti-Valentine function but the coming together of friends to have an incredible time.

4)  Spring Clean:

Keeping in line with preparing for a brand new relationship, it is time to extend that to your physical surroundings. It is time to rid yourself of the physical reminders of your last relationships, the stuffed animals, his shirt, and the old cards from your birthday and last valentine… You get the picture you want to start this year on a clean slate, nothing to remind of him and take you back to reminiscing.  Send the stuffed toys to the nearest charities and give his old clothes to a clothes bank.  How you choose to dispose of the stuff is up to you, you could have a burning party  again invite your girls rounds and burn the cards and old letters, but please do it safely as you are not trying to burn your home down…

Whatever you choose to do just don’t hide your fantastic fabulous self at home feeling sorry for yourself, just remind yourself that you are worthy of love and don’t feel like you need to apologize for this.

Sophia’s Tips To Avoid Disappointment On V-Day

Opinion 1 Comment

For many women, Valentine’s Day turns into a huge disappointment.  If we’re single, the day often brings up feelings of loneliness and inadequacy.  Commercials, ads and the preponderance of images of smiling, happy couples can be depressing.  Even if we’re in a relationship, the pressures of this contrived holiday can shake us.  We’ll spend far too much time planning for something that will ultimately let us down.  And nine times out of ten, the fault lies within ourselves.  Because let’s face it, ladies.  We think about Valentine’s Day way more than men do.  We can’t help it.  We’ve been socialized that way.  We’re told fairy tales as little girls where there’s always a happily ever after and then are fed a steady diet of corny, rom-com movies that reinforce those themes as tweens, teens and young adults.

By the time we reach the full bloom of womanhood, many of us suffer from an odd neurosis resulting from decades of having our romantic lives fall way short of the unrealistic expectations set by the fairy tales of our childhoods.  In other words, we finally get that our Prince Charming is neither a prince nor very charming, even as we love him wholeheartedly.

I mean, look at your Boo.  Yes, you think he’s all that and a bag of chips, and you should.  He’s your man.  But when you’re brutally honest with yourself, you know he doesn’t measure up to the male protagonists of our favorite chick flicks.  Yeah he’s sweet and good to you, but he doesn’t do the over-the-top kinds of romantic gestures you see in the movies.  He’s not standing outside your bedroom window, holding a boom box, blasting a love ballad.  He’s doesn’t march up to your job, whisk you up into his arms and carry you out while your co-workers applaud.  He isn’t the one who will show up at your door (while you’re entertaining all your girlfriends at your house) and proclaim his love for you in a long, poetic soliloquy.

That’s just not your guy!  And that’s okay because if he did do all of those things he’d probably be a stalker.

My point is that you shouldn’t let these Hollywood images of romance diminish the great thing you got going on with your Boo.  Don’t believe the hype because that shit ain’t real!

Is your man good to you?  Is he honest?  Does he support your dreams and aspirations?  Does he make you laugh?  Are you a good fit?  Do you share the same values?  Do you want the same things out of life?  Does he still make you blush, giggle, even tingle at times?

If you answered yes, then you’ve got yourself a wonderful man!  Be thankful!

But I know you, though.  We’re a lot alike, so I know what you’re thinking.  Those fairy tale images lurking deep within our psyches would have us believe that our lives are wanting, that our own love stories are dull and colorless.  And the industries that profit the most from holidays like Valentine’s Day (I’m talking about you, Hallmark and FTD) only reinforce these notions, further feeding our neurotic thinking.

But I’m here to tell you, that despite the fact your Boo isn’t the Prince Charming of your fairytales, he’s probably still a great guy.  And while he won’t be sweeping you off your feet on some mid-February day with canary diamonds and spontaneous trips to Paris, you can and should celebrate the man he is and the love you have.

So here are my tips for avoiding a Disappointing Valentine’s Day (for the already Boo’d up):

  1. TELL HIM WHAT YOU WANT: Don’t assume your man knows what you want your Valentine’s Day to be.  He doesn’t.  No, really …  he doesn’t.  Instead of expecting him to understand how much this holiday means to you, tell him what you want. Men aren’t mind readers, no matter how well they know you.  And if this stuff means more to you than him, you need to give him his marching orders for that day.  Be clear, concise and specific.  If you want flowers at work, tell him.  If you want a romantic dinner date that night, tell him.   It doesn’t take the romance out of it, trust me.  Consider it training for future years.  And the right guy won’t mind.  In fact, he’ll just be happy to know exactly what you want.  IMPORTANT NOTE:  Don’t wait until the last minute, either!  Start talking about this at least a week in advance, and keep reminding him.
  2. REALISTIC EXPECTATIONS: Even with specific instructions, be careful to manage your own expectations.  Know his limits.  Your man isn’t going to magically transform into something he’s not.  If he’s not usually the romantic gesture type of guy, understand that he’s making an exception for you on this day.  So appreciate his efforts for what they are: gestures of love.  And react accordingly.  If he is a romantic gesture type of guy, then sit back and trust him to handle things.  Still manage your expectations, though.
  3. PLAN ACCORDING TO BOTH YOUR PERSONALITIES: So you’ve finally gotten him on board for some kind of Valentine’s Day celebration, but he leaves the bulk of the planning to you.  Now is not the time to introduce new kink or anything radically different to your relationship.  I’m not saying don’t make it special.  On the contrary.  I’m just telling you to keep the surprises to a minimum.  Stick with what you know he likes and build on that.  Remember who you’re dealing with and make it something you’ll both enjoy.  Also, keep it simple.  Don’t over plan.  You can’t expect to do cocktails at a jazz club, dinner at your favorite restaurant, a show, dancing, AND some head-banging sex.  That’s doing way too much.
  4. FEEL BEAUTIFUL: Lingerie companies also profit heavily from Valentine’s Day.  With women trying to spice things up with a little sexy number and men bringing home silky gifts to their wives and girlfriends, places like Victoria’s Secret will see huge sales increases.  But what’s often lost is the notion that while the lingerie must intrigue and arouse the man, it also has to make the woman feel beautiful.  If you plan to splurge on new lingerie for Valentine’s Day, consult a knowledgeable sales associate about what fits you and your body type best.  Buy something that accentuates your assets, but that also feels comfortable and fits well.  If it doesn’t make you feel beautiful, don’t buy it.  Because if you feel beautiful, you’ll be confident.  And your confidence will be sexier to him that any piece of silk or lace money can buy.
  5. RELAX AND ENJOY: Don’t let your plans ruin your day.  If everything doesn’t go exactly according to plan, don’t sweat it!  Go with the flow.  The important thing is that you and your guy enjoy a day and night where you celebrate your love.  It doesn’t matter if the dinner you cook isn’t perfect.  Who cares if your flowers die too soon or you forget the champagne? So what if he’s a little late.  You’re with the man you love and he’s at least made an effort to make this day special for you.  So sit back, relax and let it flow.

Happy Valentine’s Day, loves!  Enjoy!

My Boyfriend Is Pulling Away – Will I Lose Him? ASK JANICE

Ask Janice 2 Comments

Dear Janice,

Please help!  My boyfriend of three years has started to pull away and I’m afraid I’m about to lose him.  Everything was fine until a few weeks ago, when he started to act differently.  He started calling me less, doesn’t seem to care if we see each other or not, and never has much to say anymore.  Before this happened, we talked off and on throughout the day, he’d rush over after work to see me and we talked all the time!  Now, it’s like he can’t even be bothered with me.  When I ask if I did anything, he always gets an attitude and acts like I’m crazy.  He won’t even acknowledge that anything is different between us. What should I do?

Floundering in South Florida

My Dear Floundering Floridian Friend,

First of all, calm down!  We women like to make everything all about us, don’t we?  I’m only half joking, here.  Seriously, don’t let a few weeks of odd behavior make you crazy, Girl.  Y’all have been together for three years, so these few weeks are just a drop in the bucket!

In all likelihood, your man’s odd behavior probably has nothing to do with you.  He could be under new pressures at work or having some kind of family drama.  It could be anything!  Don’t be too quick to think it’s all about you or your relationship.  He may be trying to work whatever it is out by himself for now, but will likely open up to you about it soon.  So, for now, I advise you to hang in there and be patient.  Don’t nag or bug him.  Give him the space he obviously needs.

That said, there is something to be said for a woman’s intuition, ESPECIALLY when it comes to her man.  Our instincts are rarely wrong.  And since you’ve taken the time to write to me, your instincts are obviously telling you that something’s amiss.  So, while I say be patient for now, don’t let this go on for too long.

Give it another week or two.  If your boyfriend hasn’t opened up about what’s bothering him by then, it’s time to trust your instincts and do some investigating on your own.  No, I don’t mean for you to start going through his pockets or his phone (though I wouldn’t be too mad at you if you did – I just can’t, in good consciousness, advise snooping).  I mean, do some above-board, “concerned girlfriend” type investigating.  Talk to his friends and family to see what they know.  If nothing else, they’ll alert him to your concerns which might prompt him to start talking.

From your letter, it sounds as though you’ve asked him if anything was wrong between the two of you.  But have you tried to talk to him about this in a way that doesn’t put you and your relationship smack dab in the middle of whatever it is that’s bothering him?  In other words, remove yourself from the equation and ask about HIM.

And don’t beat around the bush about it, either.  Sit him down and ask him, point blank, what is going on in his life that has him behaving differently.  Don’t be confrontational, though.  Don’t put him on the defensive.  Try to approach it out of genuine concern and a willingness to help.  Let him know that you love and support him, so that he’ll feel comfortable talking to you.  After three years, I’m sure you know how to finesse it and get him to talk.  You just have to take yourself out of the equation, that’s all.

Between your own investigation and this direct approach, you should be able to get to the bottom of whatever it is that’s got your guy acting strange.  If both approaches yield nothing, than you may actually have a problem.  He could be seeing someone else.  Or the relationship may have just run its course for him.  Either way, after three years, he does owe you an explanation.

But let’s not assume the worst, just yet.  Give it a little more time and then press forward.  Good luck!

SuzyKnew!’s Reflections On 2014

Opinion 2 Comments

So how’s the new year treating you? Are you keeping all those resolutions and turning over that new leaf?

To start 2015 properly, you have look back on 2014 to see what stood out. Here are SuzyKnew!’s reflections:

Most popular post?

How Do I Get A Man To Commit To Me? ASK JANICE

wondering about loveGetting good advice on how to handle men who won’t commit will serve you well into the new year.

Hottest Writer: Sophia Ned-James

Sophia’s SIZZLE WITH SOPHIA attracted a lot of attention in 2014. Some of her sexiest posts include:

legs spread

 

THE GOLDEN TONGUE: My Night With The M-A-S-T-E-R!!

 

 

Most reflective and intense comment?

I once had sex with Christian music playing in the background. It’s all in your head. If you feel guilty or ashamed it’s because you have not accepted that you are living in sin. Accept it mentally then you can get it on physically.  However if you are Christian and trying to refrain from sex until marriage…there’s nothing wrong with that. Who the heck said sex is better with multiple partners in uncommitted, loving relationships? People who don’t have that themselves!!!  I think God has a point here. I wish I would have waited for the guy worth my whole heart…guys these days are idiots!! They don’t deserve the pussy, the dinners, the gifts and all our love. They expect too much and give little in return. Read More

Most Helpful Lady Advice?

ASK AN OBGYN I Still Need An Annual Pelvic Exam? 

Is My Girlfriend’s Vagina Too Small For Sex? ASK AN OBGYN

istockphoto

 Personally this is my first time ever hearing about Vaginismus and found SuzyKnew!’s response to be very informative and comforting. I hope everything works out with you and your girlfriend – TJ

Best advice for men? 

DR DRAI’S Gentlemen Keep Your Drawers On When Sexing Your Lady! 

Dr. Drai2

 

Best comment from a man:

Fantasies are great when they don’t cross the line. On the other hand, many people use it to escape reality. Human relationships are diverse. It’s sad that when most people ask for relationship advise, they leave out the main details of their own action that contributed to the under the rug issue.You did great in your answer. Keep up the good work.  Read article and comment

 

Best SuzyKnew! lover: Lavender Girl

Ms. Lavender Girl gave SuzyKnew! the most love during 2014 with all her intimate Orchid in her eye

and passionate comments.

SuzyKnew!wants to give Ms. Lavender a special shout out and ask her to continue sending love our way in 2015.

 

Who gave us the most affirmation and showed us how to discover our sensual side during 2014? Guest Blogger Lillian Ogbogoh~ And, we will continue to draw on Lillian’s wisdom and guidance in 2015.

Lillian Ogbogoh

Lillian Ogbogoh
Lillian Ogbogoh

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Funniest post? You Ratchet. I Ain’t Got Time For This – I’m Too Grown!

ratchet courtsey of Glogster.com

 

 

 

 

 

Best part of saying good -bye to 2014? Knowing SuzyKnew! will bring more good stuff in 2015.

Keep it sexy!

Keep it healthy!

SuzyKnew!

Is There Now A Cure For HIV? ASK AN OBGYN

Ask an OBGYN HIV/AIDS 2 Comments
AIDS

Dear SuzyKnew!,

I heard that there is now a cure for HIV, is that true? What about a vaccine? Is there one, and if so how do I get it?

***

Dear Reader,

At this point there is no cure for HIV. A “cure” could mean two different things: 1) eliminating HIV from the body- called a “sterilizing cure”, or 2) lowering the amount of virus to an undetectable level without the use of medications; similar to what we understand as “remission” in cancer patients- called a “functional cure”.   The misperception that HIV has a cure is likely rooted in the fact that we have effective treatments for HIV, and that people may feel “cured” if they are taking the right medications. But hold tight, things are happening so fast these days that we will very likely see a genuine cure for HIV in our lifetimes.

Over the past 20 years, much research has been conducted to develop new drugs, and the repurpose existing drugs to combat the HIV virus at different parts of its cellular structure and at different stages of its replication. Treatment with HIV medicines (antiretroviral therapy or ART for short), can’t cure HIV, but it can help people with HIV live longer, healthier lives. HIV medicines can also reduce the risk of HIV transmission.

Research findings on HIV are coming out so fast it’s hard to keep up!   Just last week, a top doc and his team from Oregon identified where HIV hides out in the body and how it shields itself from our immune system.  You may have heard of the “Berlin Patient”.   He is an HIV positive man (American man living in Berlin, Germany) who received a stem cell transplant from a donor with a certain cell mutation that is known to be HIV resistant. After treatment, the amount of HIV virus plummeted in his body and he stopped taking ART. This is the first case of what scientists could call a “sterilizing cure”. It holds much promise, so much that in 2013, President Obama directed the NIH to spend 100 million dollars on this type of research.

You may also have heard about the Mississippi baby who did not receive any prenatal treatment for HIV (this is the standard of care around the world if a mom is known to be HIV positive, and is called prevention of maternal to child transmission of HIV, or PMTCT). When this baby girl was born, and it was discovered that the mom was HIV positive, doctors gave very high doses of ART to the baby. This baby soon was experiencing what doctors saw as a “functional cure” because soon after treatment, there was no virus detected in her body.   Unfortunately, by the time the baby reached age four, she had stopped taking her HIV medications (for an unknown reason) and sadly the HIV virus came back. This was disappointing for the doctors involved not only because this child now has HIV, but also because the “cure” was not realized.

The HIV vaccine: Vaccines work by introducing a small amount of virus into your body, usually by a shot or more recently by inhalation- like the Flu Mist. Our amazing immune system recognize the foreign body and it mounts a response. Our immune system is so smart that when it encounters the virus again, it remembers the offender and employs a powerful defense. This is how all vaccines work, whether it’s for measles, polio, or the annual flu. But this tried and true approach doesn’t work for HIV. HIV is a changeable virus and there are lots of different strains out there. This makes developing a vaccine for HIV very challenging. Scientists need to fully understand the biology of HIV in order to develop a successful vaccine, and this takes time.

There are two types of vaccines being developed and tested for HIV: Therapeutic and Preventative. Therapeutic HIV vaccines are designed to control HIV infection in people who are already HIV positive. Preventive HIV vaccines are designed to protect HIV negative people from becoming infected or getting sick.

When its available, an HIV vaccine will save millions of lives around the world. There is some promising news. A large-scale vaccine study conducted in Thailand (called RV144) showed that a vaccine combination could prevent about 32% of new infections.   There are many opportunities to be part of HIV vaccine research- check out the HIV Vaccine Network for a list of vaccine trials. Scientists need healthy volunteers, both HIV positive and negative, in order to develop a vaccine. This is a wonderful way to contribute to science and save the lives of millions around the world affected by HIV and AIDS.

I hope this answered your questions.   Its complicated stuff, but the good news is that there are many talented scientists around the world working diligently to make HIV and AIDS a disease of the past.

Take care.

My Next Love Will Be A Civil Rights Man

Opinion 1 Comment

In honor of MLK Day – and Valentine’s Day on the horizon – I am reflecting on what a married friend shared with me a few years ago in confidence. She said her next love would have to be a man who participated in the US Civil Rights Movement during the 1960’s. She mused about divorcing her husband – the father of her only child – a man who is artistic, unique and a mathematical genius – and finding a truer, deeper love. The qualities her husband possesses provided her the love she needed in her late 20’s; but years later, my friend, who came to the US as a young girl, finds it’s not the basis of the lasting love she is in need of to take her through her 40’s and beyond. Today, she needs a love that will excite her to her very core and have deep and true meaning, like the love provided by a man who has risked his reputation, livelihood and very life for the justice of his people and others.

What she means is male activists in the Occupy Wall Street movement didn’t take the same risks. Yes, the cause was – and is – noble. But, most likely the man occupying Wall Street was there because he had already lost his job – or his house. So, he had nothing more to risk by occupying Wall Street. And, if he did have a job, in all probability he was not at risk of losing it – or his life – because of his activism. Martin Luther King, Jr and the the civil rights leaders of the 1960s put everything on the line to change society. Because of them, Blacks, other minorities and whites from working class and ethnic backgrounds have more rights and freedom today. For my friend, who confronted racism as a young mixed-heritage immigrant girl, only a man who could take such risks – and show that deeper love for all humanity – could provide real, true love that would touch a woman’s very core… forever.

But, civil rights leaders are now in their late 60’s, 70’s, and 80’s, slowly dying out. Maybe my friend will be moved by a man who participated in the Arab Spring. Egyptian, Tunisian, Libyan, Syrian and other Arab men put their reputation and lives on the line, and now 4 years after the Arab Spring first began, the hope of creating a better and more democratic Arab society is strong in some countries like Tunisia but perhaps fading in others. It takes passion, commitment, and true love of humankind to continue in such a movement. Today, there are the activists of Ferguson. US Black men are being recklessly slaughtered by police without mainstream acknowledgement that something has gone very wrong.  In many ways, it appears to be a surreal resurrection of the Emmett Till story multiplied many times over. There may be new civil rights leaders on the horizon.

But, true love comes in many forms. And, men like Martin Luther King, Jr and others in the civil rights’ movement have committed themselves to loving all of humankind – and not just one woman.

The original version of this article was published in February 2012

Do I Still Need To Get Pap Smears? ASK AN OBGYN

Ask an OBGYN Reproductive Health No Comments

Dear SuzyKnew! A few weeks ago, I heard on the news that the Pap smear may not be used anymore and that there is a better test to detect cervical cancer.  What’s the deal?

***

Sorry, no professional body of doctors has recommended getting rid of the Pap smear.  So you are not off the hook!  But there is a new test that you may get at your next annual exam.

For decades, the Pap smear has been the gold standard.  You know the one- during a pelvic exam; your doctor takes a swab of cells from your cervix.  These cells are sent to a lab for processing and an abnormal result means that you could be at risk for developing cervical cancer.  An abnormal result means you return for more testing and if needed your doctor takes a larger sample of tissue.  But there is a new kid on the block- a test recently approved by the FDA that specifically looks for the presence and type of HPV virus.

 Why this new test? 

With any test or treatment, doctors want to be as specific as possible so that they can target the treatment and rule out other possible causes of illness.   Because we know that there is a clear link between cervical cancer and the human papillomavirus (HPV), and almost all cervical cancer is caused by specific genotypes of HPV, doctors are now thinking, “why not add a cervical screening test that looks specifically at HPV?”   Guidelines from the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists state that women aged 21-65 could have both the HPV and the Pap test when they have a cervical cancer screening every three to five years.  There is no test to determine whether you are HPV positive or negative (unlike an HIV test), but the HPV cervical cancer screening can help detect and therefore reduce the cervical cancers caused by HPV.

HPV is an STI?

Yes. Approximately 30 strains of HPV are spread through sexual contact.  In fact, its one of the most common STIs.   The CDC estimates that 79 million Americans are currently infected with HPV. About 14 million people become newly infected each year. HPV is so common that most sexually active men and women will get at least one type of HPV at some point in their lives. Rates of HPV are higher for women under 25, minorities and those with multiple partners.

 If I have HPV will I get cervical cancer?

No. There are hundreds of strains of HPV, and most HPV strains are harmless, at worst causing warts on the hands.  Most resolve on their own with no treatment.  But a few specific strains of HPV are more dangerous than others, and we also know which strains of HPV (namely 16 and 18) are directly linked to the development of cancer. HPV can cause cervical and other cancers including cancer of the vulva, vagina, penis, or anus. It can also cause cancer in the back of the throat, including the base of the tongue and tonsils (called oropharyngeal cancer).

SO what can I do to prevent cervical cancer?

There are three ways to prevent HPV and lower your chances of contracting cervical cancer:

  •  Get Vaccinated. HPV vaccine is safe and effective. It’s given in three shots over six months; it is important to get all three doses. It’s only effective in young people.  All boys and girls ages 11 or 12 years should get vaccinated. Catch-up vaccines are recommended for males through age 21 and for females through age 26, if they did not get vaccinated when they were younger.
  •  Get screened for cervical cancer. Routine screening for women aged 21 to 65 years old can prevent cervical cancer. Next time you go for your annual exam, ask your health care provider if they are using both the Pap smear and an HPV-specific test.  You can share the information you have learned from Suzy Knew!
  • Have safe (protected) sex. HPV can be spread through all types of sex, vaginal, anal oral sex.

Take care.

 

Awaken – SIZZLE WITH SOPHIA

Love and Sex Sizzle With Sophia No Comments

By Sophia Ned-James

Now that I’ve written about it a few times, my guy has decided to wake me up using some form of sex on a semi-regular basis.  Not that I’m complaining, mind you.  I love it!  But every once in a while, I’d like to return the favor, you know?

Anyway, here’s what happened this morning …

I slowly pulled myself out of a deep sleep and realized that the intense pleasure I felt wasn’t a dream.  It was Royce* moving gently inside me.  He moved deliberately, careful not to rest his full weight on my body.  Even though his head was turned so that I couldn’t see his face, I could feel him straining to be quiet.

It didn’t work, though.  I heard his soft moans and knew he needed release.

I gently reached up and pulled him closer to me, as I matched his thrusts with my own.   Royce turned his head and looked at me with such raw lust, it shocked me.  Clearly he’d been at this for a while because he was closer to the edge than I thought.

Reaching down, I grabbed his firm ass and pulled him into me harder.  “Take it, baby” I whispered, holding his gaze.  “Take your pussy.  Cum for me!”

And so he took me with abandon, putting both my legs around his shoulders which allowed him to go even deeper.  It felt incredible!  And watching him completely let go as he finally came had my heart racing.  His eyes never left mine as he rode out his orgasm.  Then, he collapsed on top me, in a sweaty, exhausted heap.

I let him catch his breath before I started moving beneath him.  He was still inside me, though no longer hard.  He wasn’t completely limp, but he wasn’t hard enough for me to really get off.  I was too aroused to stay still, though.

Royce knew exactly what to do.  Reaching down, he gently took hold of my throbbing clit.  Then, he began to slowly massage it as I rocked my hips against him harder.

Soon, I could feel his manhood start to swell inside me until he was hard enough to fill me up again.  Removing his hand, he started thrusting into me again, following the pace I set with my hips.

“Can you cum again, baby?”  I asked, getting closer and closer to the edge.

Shaking his head, he answered “Uh-uh.  This is all you this time.”

“But you’re so hard!”

“I know,” he grunted, picking up his pace.  “But this is for you.  It’s your turn.”

He kept talking.  Grinding his hips even harder, he grunted “This is my pussy, isn’t it?  I want to feel my pussy cum!”

As the first wave of orgasm began its slow ascent up my spine, I quickened my pace.  Knowing I was getting close, Royce urged me on.  “That’s it, Baby.  Come on and cum for me.  I love watching you cum!  You’re so sexy!”

My eyes involuntarily began to close as I gave in to his sexy demands.  But, he wasn’t having it.  “Uh-uh.  Keep those eyes open.  I want you to look at me when you cum!”

Seeing him watch me with such intensity was exciting and erotic.  And his voice, so deep and commanding, pushed me right to the edge.  But it was this one move he did that finally sent me flying.  Somehow, by shifting his weight just a little, he started hitting my spot.  He knew it, too because he was relentless, hitting that exact spot over and over until I completely lost control.  When I came, I screamed and shuddered, feeling full, happy and sated.

I have to admit he’s got me spoiled.  Waking up to my annoyingly loud alarm clock just isn’t the same.  Now, if I can just figure out a way to wake up before him so that I can return the favor …

*Royce is my Boo’s online name.  I keep his government name a secret out of respect.  Anyway, I always change the names and a few details to protect the no-so-innocent!